Porn for Girls

Dear Farangi Kush,#34

You mentioned Columbus ‘discovering’ the Americas which got my head spinning. Are you aware of the other theory too? I use theory because I’m still learning.

Are you aware of a Muslim navigator by the name of Khashkhash Ibn Saeed Ibn Aswad of Cordoba, Spain, who set sail from Delba (Palos) in 889 CE or Ibn Farrukh of Granada, who began his journey from Kadesh in February 999 CE? How about the traveller, Shaikh Zayn-eddine Ali ben Fadhel Al-Mazandarani, or the famous cartographer and geographer by the name of Al-Sharif Al Idrisi? There are so many more names that I could give but at the present moment, there is no point.

How about the canary Island of Guanahani (named by the natives) renamed by Columbus in 12.10.1492 as San Salvador. Guanahani in Modern Arabic is Guana (Ikhwana = brothers) and Hani is a name, i.e. Hani Brothers.

Sorry for bursting in with this. It’s just that I got excited by what you said. And finally, this is just a very small piece but I’m sure it will bring a smile to your face…

Columbus, on his 2nd Voyage was shown spears by the Indians of Espanola (Haiti) that were tipped with a yellow metal the Indians called Guanine.

Columbus took this guanine to Spain and had it tested. The Guanine was 18 parts gold, 6 parts silver and 8 parts copper. Crazy as this sounds, this was the same alloy produced in African metal shops of Guinea, part of the North African Islamic Empire.

Guanine is a word of West African derivation meaning ‘gold alloy.’ The Arabic word, ‘ghinaa’ is also related to this and means wealth.

Take care and best wishes.

Umer Murtaza Phoenix.

By the way, Irving Layton`s poetry is very good, though rather more explicit than Neruda. If you are easily offended, don`t go there.

Okay, T, you force me to speak in public...

Taken without the title, it is a very gender-neutral piece. The narrator could be male OR female. Did Mahim or the Chowk staff make up the title?

I don`t think this poem should be raising all the issues of ``freedom of speech`` and ``Girls shouldn`t do that`` that it seems to be. Freedom of speech seems a moot point to me, especially here on Chowk. I remember when the article about Pakistanis discussing sex on the phone came out, people were equally defensive/supportive/critical.

BUT I think all the personal comments in the interacts about the author (the alternative poems, comments on personal habits etc.) are in rather bad taste. If she wrote a poem about stealing, would you automatically call her a thief and assume she had stolen? (Mahim`s assertion that ALL girls w_nk aside.) Finally, what does this subject matter evoke in people that they have to start name-calling and all the other stupidities?

Zahra #33:

Your post finally brought the smile of the day:)

Will add this to the top of the KIND OF WOMEN TO AVOID. E&OE! (Been out of that circuit for such a long time that if I were to write memoirs they would begin with once upon a time----this for the boss’ eyes!:)

1: The fast eye-lash blinking with soft sighs. Lots of blinking interspersed with barely audible sighs. In the beginning totally, utterly un-readable. And misleading! And how!

And for the MEN TO AVOID FOR LESS THAN OBVIOUS REASONS I can add the obvious:

1: Hazrat Mowlana Omar-Clone. Oozing sincerity. Very protective. Not listening nor understanding no means no. When confronted or protested will readily quote certain injunctions of divine origin citing permission granted to the believers for marital rape....ouch!

still smiling,

t

FOR WOMEN:

3-point shot

Air the orchid

Audition the finger puppets

Buff the beaver

Couch hockey for one

Dialing the Rotary Phone

Douse the digits

Erase the problem (cuz you rub `til it comes off)

Fan the fur

Feed the bearded clam

Fingerpainting

Get a Lube job

Get a Date with Slick Mittens

Grab the goatee

Grope the grotto

Hee-Haw with wrinkled Mee-Maw

Hitchhiking South

Jill off

Jocelyn Eldering

Leglock the pillow

Let your fingers do the walking

Nulling the Void

Polishing the Peanut

Play the Clitar

Ride slidesaddle

Rride the unicycle

Soaking the Whisker Biscuit

Squeeze the Peach

Strumming the Banjo

Surfing the Channel

Shuck the oyster

Stinky the pinky

Stir the yogurt

Stuff the taco

Test the plumbing

Thumb the button

Two Finger Taco Tango

Visit Father Fingers

Wax the carrot Checking for Squirrels

FOR MEN:

Answer the Bone-A-Phone

Assault on a Friendly Weapon

Batting Practice

Bash The Candle

Beating the Bishop

Bludgeon the Beefsteak

Boppin` your Bologna

Box the Jesuit

Calling Down For More Mayo

Charm the Cobra

Choke your Chicken

Clean your Rifle

Crank the Shank

Doodle Your Noodle

Drain the Dragon

Drain the Monster

Five Knuckle Olympics

Flogging the Dolphin

Flute Solo

Giving the John Hancock

Holding Your Sausage Hostage

Hone your Bone

Jiggle the Jewelry

Launching the Hand Shuttle

Making the Bald Guy Puke

Mangle the Midget

Manipulate the Mango

Meeting with Palmala Handerson

One Handed Clapping

Paint the Pickle

Pat the Robertson

Roughing up the Suspect

Rounding Up the Tadpoles

Slammin` the Salami

Slappin` Pappy

Spank your Monkey

Squeezing the Burrito

Staff Meeting

Yank your Crank

Have Fun (I dont mean it that way ;))

Latif Chappu

Mahim,

Some get it some don`t. Just the way it is.

You said: Everyone wanks off, even girls.

Agreed, but very few whack off to scrambled blue-green pay per view porn. Pimplefaced snotnosed thirteen-year-old housesitting boys come to mind :). The image of a woman jerking off on Friday night to wavy blue green pornstars accompanied by that unique background music may evoke nostalgia, mirth, sadness & celebration at the same time but.... girl, you gotta (your first person protagonist that is...not you per se) go get yourself some videos or DVDs!

I know some good web sites. Your (your first person protagonist that is...not you per se) credit card will be discretely billed to Executive Entertainment Inc. :)

Latif Chappu.

Masturbation Rules!

RE: # 27

[``4.Everybody wanks off, including girls.``]

No. No way. I don`t believe this!!

Sadna, could this possibly be true??

Mahim ``the wanker`` Maher:

Here is a re-do of your poem; hope you like it:

I lay heaving

on a heavy Friday night.

A Chiquita banana

in my left hand

and a 2 liter Coke bottle

sittin on my right.

Banana turns mushy

with the heat in my tushy,

but my end is no where in sight.

Channel 40 is soft porn

otherwise I would`ve known

about the new devices

that fill the crevices

and turn wanking into an absolute delight.

Re: Temporal and misinterpretation.

``How do you know Mahim does not spend every single hour available after work in a leper’s colony there? Or volunteering at some local hospital at the expense of social life women her age have? Or donates a substantial portion of her salary to Edhi?``

The answer is simple. I dont know. If she does thats fine. If she does not thats fine too. By the same token may i be brazen enough to ask you that because i dont clamour about contributing to Pakistani society, that i dont do zilch for it. I hope you see the error in this line of thinking, T.

What i do object to is the initial advertisement of her philanthropy towards Pakistani people and for contributing to Pakistan. Writing here about issues affecting Pakistan is contributing to Pakistan. Since she wrote here, her mission objectives, and in such an unambiguous terms, I took it that she was going to write about events, solutions and changes she would like to bring being young and energetic. I have always believed that Actions speak louder than words.

``Easy, yaar, don’t be in a hurry to be so judgmental.``

Okay i will grant you that. Her first contribution was in Spanish. She wrote afterwards that she did not get an education to get a job. Very glorious words spoken from the comforts of her high horse. Well Surprise! Surprise! Like mamny others, I did not have such luxury to go for a foreign eduation abroad at my own expense, and to study exotic subjects, which would enlighten me so that i could come back and sit in the ostantaious drawing rooms of Karachi and boast about how i tried to discover my identity and whatnots while over there in sunny Canada. This is the sort of attitude i have seen in various ``rich and upwardly mobile`` friends of mine back in Lahore too. This fellow whose dad owns one of the largest corporations in Pakistan told me how he chose to go for a non vocational subject like History of Philosophy at Cambridge, compared to my Electrical Engineering at Edinburgh. He had the option to go study mating habits of langoors, for all i care, and that too at Cambridge, for he knows he does not have to worry about day to day job woes, as he is the CEO in waiting for that corporation, living in a swank residence in Lahore, and driving a Merc 500SEL. Do i envy him one bit. Hell No. I am what i am today based on something which he has never possibly used. Self reliance! His life was always mapped out for him by others. I mapped out my own life.

``For me this is a tongue in cheek rendition of basic human instincts. My friend Saqi has coined a word for it in Urdu ---’khood-was’ali’.

We can interpret this one of two ways.``

Did not get this one! Sorry!

``This may be a minor poem, indulgent and indulging. The reader is led to share a moment -- that moment of self-awareness and release with the poet.``

The subject matter granted is esoteric on a Pakistani intellectual medium. Yet Farzana Varsey has dealt with similar theme much more elegantly and not left her readers feeling a sense of incompleteness and abruptness.

``On another level (with some minor re-write and am being subjective here) this can be very introspective and thoughtful. What makes men poets get away with carte blanche. And why do we impose a different morality on women poets?

I doubt it! Like i have said standards of Chgwk have indeed taken a nose dive in terms of the literary quality of the artciles posted here these days. This is ordinary, trite, and not even good porn. I know Mahim you cna do better than this.

``What is it that we (desi males) take unusual and sometimes logic defying stance on discrimination?``

Please dont attribute stuff to me which i never wrote. I have nothing against Pakistani female writers writing about sex. Ismat Chughtai did a wonderful treatise on the subject with her numerous short stories, with immortal,lines likne ``Razai mein kuhc phuddak sa raha tha``. This poem, if it can be called that, is too short and lacks in a lot of things, as you almost agreed elsewhere in your critique..

``Us vs. them. India vs. Pakistan. My Islam vs. your Islam. My Allah vs. your Allah. Desis vs. the West. Sindh vs. Punjab. Deobandis vs. Barelvis. Ahle-this vs. Ahle-that. ``

I dont have any religious hangups whatsoever. Rest assured its not on religious ground or the taboo grounds that i felt compelled to write. I would like to think of myself above the misogyny practised in my country, and a believer of an egalitarian set of values for both sexes. My parents take pride in the fact that they were ``equal opportunity Parents``,i.e they gave the same educational assistance to my sisters in terms of a western education as they bestowed on myself, at mucn financial difficulty for themselves. So, please dont misinterpret my words. Had a sister of mine written such ``poetry``, she too would have been chastised, perhaps in harsher terms not ebcaudse i consider these genre to be obscene and full of taboos, but because this poem lacked subtance.

``And finally men vs. women? Is that male chauvinism or is it in our desi genes to always think of them from the lower extremities? ``

I think to a certain extent i agree with you. Its nature and not us, which compels us to do what you are prescribing. Not that all men are the same. At least some of us dont indulge in marital rape etc, just because Allah has given us the carte blance to deal with them as we please,..``take them as farmers till their soils``. No wonder the bearded clan uses Islam to terrorise and contain women.

As an aside they recently hanged two women in the glorious and divine Islamic Republic of Afghanistan, for being prostitutes. So in the absence of education for women and career opportunities what are these desperate supposed to do to feed themselves and their ``often illegitimate`` children. Glory be to such an Allah, who cares to look the other way while he has unleashed such dastards to wreck havoc on women in the name oif HIS ISLAM.

Perhaps the much disparaged Nietzsche was right after all. God is dead!or at least HE does not give a damn about the debacle his ummah(consisting solely of Pakistanis and Afghanistanis) is heading.

Sincerely,

Asim

Mahim:

Irving Layton of the ``Dribbling Farts`` fame?How proudly did he cackle about the coining of this phrase.

Since when has it become an honour to seek approval from Canadians,especially in ``literature``.

Indain & Pakistanis still have better writers even in the english language.This ``awards`` racket is for the birds.Those who live in US & Canada know all about them.Maybe some Paki wannabees might look at you in awe.But then.....what else is new there.

Tell me what else is new.Just because some men are capable of oral farts does not mean that you too try to seek parity in such endeavours.

Today in literature everyone desirous to get noticed is trying to ``overwhelm a skunk in heat and underwear a fish``.

Please note that the Victorians & their lackeys discovered the human body & its various functions only a little over a 100 years ago.Like the other ``discoveries`` by the white man,this too is new info to them.

Rest of the world watches all this with amusement and pity.

There are perhaps over 2 billion chinese all over the world.Ignorance about them does not invalidate their existence.There are others too.

It becomes ``knowledge`` only when reported in the languages of those still enslaved.

Ask somebody to give you the porno-poetry written by Dulhan,Hayaa,or Urooj among so many others,during the last century.

(It is never read or recited publicly----THAT`s the difference)

You might turn so red,that you might be mistaken for a Red Indian--the ``Discovery`` of Columbus!

__________________________________________________Shandana:

A pretty good clinical analysis.What else can you expect when you come so close to anyone.

No you cannot be admitted to the harem.....only women need apply.

__________________________________________________

wassalaam.

Four kinds of women to avoid:

http://underwire.msn.com/underwire/itspersonal/love/106love.asp


Five worst male types:

http://underwire.msn.com/underwire/Itspersonal/love/94love.asp

Mahim # 27

I object to your point # 8. Are you implying that there are two catagories of poetry, Jihadic and indecent. You be careful here at Chowk. Dont get sucked up by the rantings of:

-Quadianis
-Christians
-Hindus
-Pseudo-Liberals and
-Gays

Be yourself. You dont need to prove anything to anyone to show that you are one of the gang-unless this is your original agenda.

PS to #29:

Please read `They may move those immediately...`

Asim Hayat #18:

[...Okay hear me out....]

Yes, I will if you do the same:)

How do you know Mahim does not spend every single hour available after work in a leper’s colony there? Or volunteering at some local hospital at the expense of social life women her age have? Or donates a substantial portion of her salary to Edhi?

Easy, yaar, don’t be in a hurry to be so judgmental.

For me this is a tongue in cheek rendition of basic human instincts. My friend Saqi has coined a word for it in Urdu ---’khood-was’ali’.
We can interpret this one of two ways.

This may be a minor poem, indulgent and indulging. The reader is led to share a moment -- that moment of self-awareness and release with the poet.

On another level (with some minor re-write and am being subjective here) this can be very introspective and thoughtful. What makes men poets get away with carte blanche. And why do we impose a different morality on women poets? What is it that we (desi males) take unusual and sometimes logic defying stance on discrimination?

Us vs. them. India vs. Pakistan. My Islam vs. your Islam. My Allah vs. your Allah. Desis vs. the West. Sindh vs. Punjab. Deobandis vs. Barelvis. Ahle-this vs. Ahle-that.

And finally men vs. women? Is that male chauvinism or is it in our desi genes to always think of them from the lower extremities?

regards,

temporal
PS: What say you now, B?

farangi #10:

[...Fahmeeda Riaz is an insult to female chromosomes,let alone urdu poetry...]


A poet bares his/her soul. They may those immediately around them, or the world at large with their words. Whether the poet is effective or not, good or bad is decided subjectively by the reader. The objective test is Mother Time. The great ones live forever and the rest are thrown in the landfill of history. Based on this the jury is still out on Fehmida.

Your words are demeaning to yourself. Please reconsider.

rgds,

t

Could anyone please explain what channel 40 is? Never heard of it.