Little White Pills
A Bismil June 17, 2001
#1 Posted by hobbyty on June 18, 2001 3:06:37 am
Could have been a more interesting story if the characters of Ali and Rahul were not so superficially drawn. Does Ali or Rahul ever get to grow in those two years? How?
Ali is young! and also innocent? Laws of Desire?
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#3 Posted by Studebaker on June 18, 2001 10:05:00 am
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#4 Posted by fuzair on June 18, 2001 11:42:18 am
Is the moral of this story supposed to be that returning home to Pakistan will save one from the moral corruption of America and the evil Indians who prey upon the innocent Pakistanis? Is there any point to this story other than the fact that Rahul is Indian and Ali is Pakistani? And that Ali is good/naive and Rahul is evil/manipulative?
Don`t we already know that all Indians are inherently evil and cannot be trusted and that the US is the home of all sin?
Don`t we already know that all Indians are inherently evil and cannot be trusted and that the US is the home of all sin?
#6 Posted by scout on June 18, 2001 3:37:03 pm
three words to get a story to be printed in Chowk:
sex, Indian, and Pakistani
sex, Indian, and Pakistani
#7 Posted by anamika on June 18, 2001 10:21:46 pm
I hope this didn`t really happen but I suspect it did. Desi men tend to be momma`s boys and don`t mind having an affair here that only they know can`t last.
#8 Posted by Eklavya on June 18, 2001 10:21:46 pm
re: Fuzair # 4
``Is the moral of this story supposed to be that returning home to Pakistan will save one from the moral corruption of America and the evil Indians who prey upon the innocent Pakistanis?``
Oh my friend, that is exactly the feeling I got too...whether the author was consciously sending that message or not, I dont know!
The implication, if intended, shook me up.
When, O`Lord, when will all this end???? Why are we bent upon killing, destroying everything that can be good and beautiful between our two nations...why old hatreds insist upon torching every new lush green crop that the two may together raise and bring to fruition??
We need young men and women to fight these old ways of thinking, not perpetuate them.
Friends, if this comes across as paranoia, please forgive me....I have good reason to be jittery.
``Is the moral of this story supposed to be that returning home to Pakistan will save one from the moral corruption of America and the evil Indians who prey upon the innocent Pakistanis?``
Oh my friend, that is exactly the feeling I got too...whether the author was consciously sending that message or not, I dont know!
The implication, if intended, shook me up.
When, O`Lord, when will all this end???? Why are we bent upon killing, destroying everything that can be good and beautiful between our two nations...why old hatreds insist upon torching every new lush green crop that the two may together raise and bring to fruition??
We need young men and women to fight these old ways of thinking, not perpetuate them.
Friends, if this comes across as paranoia, please forgive me....I have good reason to be jittery.
#9 Posted by Nausheen on June 18, 2001 11:29:33 pm
I like it...it has a very optimistic ending though, wasn`t quite expecting it.
#10 Posted by writer_77 on June 19, 2001 1:50:29 am
Hi, A Bismil
welcome to Chowk,
You have surely picked a strong theme for
your story.
To positively criticize your story, there are a few
points that can help:
1. In some paragraphs you show anxiety,
shame, pain etc in your protagonist and in
those occasions the reader is with you.
But in other insistances you ``tell`` alot. You
don`t let the protagonist show what it is going
on. You show internal and external action and
the readers will react. Let the readers figure
few things themselves.
2. Your characters felt less human and more
rigid. Let them be flexible. Show dimensions.
Give more background knowledge. That could
include character`s choices, family life, the
character`s take on life. Don`t limit your
characters to the mold of Gay. And show
what is at stake for the protagonist. There is
always something gained and something lost.
What is at stake in this story?
I think your beginning was powerful by
establishing the conflict right away.
Keep writing and be your best judge.
cheers!
writer_77
welcome to Chowk,
You have surely picked a strong theme for
your story.
To positively criticize your story, there are a few
points that can help:
1. In some paragraphs you show anxiety,
shame, pain etc in your protagonist and in
those occasions the reader is with you.
But in other insistances you ``tell`` alot. You
don`t let the protagonist show what it is going
on. You show internal and external action and
the readers will react. Let the readers figure
few things themselves.
2. Your characters felt less human and more
rigid. Let them be flexible. Show dimensions.
Give more background knowledge. That could
include character`s choices, family life, the
character`s take on life. Don`t limit your
characters to the mold of Gay. And show
what is at stake for the protagonist. There is
always something gained and something lost.
What is at stake in this story?
I think your beginning was powerful by
establishing the conflict right away.
Keep writing and be your best judge.
cheers!
writer_77
#11 Posted by anNy on June 19, 2001 10:11:02 am
((He thought of his room back in Karachi, all clean and ready for him, with it`s huge poster of Nazia and Zoheb Hassan still pasted to the door))
how big? cant be bigger than mine
;-)
how big? cant be bigger than mine
;-)
#12 Posted by qalander on June 19, 2001 11:37:45 am
dummm musssst qalander dharrr rragrrra
aNNy
#11
O Preety Kauriyay:``Uthhay ee tay numaish laggee see``
That is exactly where the poster exhibition took place.
dummm mussst qalander dharrr rrragrrra
aNNy
#11
O Preety Kauriyay:``Uthhay ee tay numaish laggee see``
That is exactly where the poster exhibition took place.
dummm mussst qalander dharrr rrragrrra
#14 Posted by SaadPAslam on June 19, 2001 7:01:49 pm
What crap!
This piece should in one of the garbage bags mentioned in it!
This piece should in one of the garbage bags mentioned in it!
#15 Posted by taimurmalik on June 19, 2001 7:01:49 pm
hmmmm..
mind telling what the `A` in A Bismil stand for;)
mind telling what the `A` in A Bismil stand for;)
#16 Posted by apparition on June 19, 2001 7:01:49 pm
How i wish that throwing a diamond out of the window could put an end to ones misery. It is the memories and not gifts that haunt us. But getting rid of stuff is definitely an indication that one is at least trying to let go.
It was not a bad read. In Pakistan where being open about your sexuality is not an option, the miserable marriages of gay men are becoming a serious problem.
Whenever i come across a good looking gay guy i can`t help but sigh ......WHAT A WASTE!!!!!!!
It was not a bad read. In Pakistan where being open about your sexuality is not an option, the miserable marriages of gay men are becoming a serious problem.
Whenever i come across a good looking gay guy i can`t help but sigh ......WHAT A WASTE!!!!!!!
#17 Posted by farangi_kush on June 20, 2001 2:10:11 am
taimurmalik:#16
Are you thinking what I am thinking?
``Akhir e shub deed kay quabil thhee Bismil kee turupp
subh-e duum koi agar balaa e baam aayaa tO kiyaa.``
A L L A M A Iqbal.
wassalaam
Are you thinking what I am thinking?
``Akhir e shub deed kay quabil thhee Bismil kee turupp
subh-e duum koi agar balaa e baam aayaa tO kiyaa.``
A L L A M A Iqbal.
wassalaam
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