Here Are the Muslim Feminist Voices, Mr. Rushdie!

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Anny: The ``modern`` desi female is in a sad state. I hate upper class dressing people. Whats so wrong with blue jeans, a pure Playaz T and a backwards hat?

Anyways this will be our first serious conversation so Im not sure in what context i should be saying this. religion obviously...

(MAYBE our very own NANCY REAGAN can help too-SADNA)...

Now then, for some strange reason, weed has taken on negative connotations. (this is so cuz America needs an excuse to lock up coloured folk to grow their prison industrial complex. America also profited a great deal by selling crack to the hood-Iran Contra).

Oh before I begin, Im no expert, just started this year and Im 21. And I gotta caution you to leave the stronger sh1t alone (heroin, extacy etc). Also, we must consider that weed has a historical relvance to most religions. Yogi`s in India would get their followers high and then ask them to induce the experience on their own. Native Americans used Peyote to induce spiritual experineces, Sufi`s used hashish and everyone knows about Rasta`s... There are no noticable reactions to smokin weed once a month (much safer then Cancer sticks-cigs-and drinking-which is a waste of time)...

Once u get it, roll it up in some zig zags and smoke away. Nothing much happened my first time, other then I started laughing, which is what i always to. Oh yeah, i only do it at home, no need to make a fool outta yourself outside-thats much more fun when your not high. I told my parent when i did it first and they were cool with it (LOL). I must caution that ALL THINGS are cool in moderation. Its excessive use that flukks people up.

To get a real high, I ``HOT BOX.`` This involves going 2 a small bathroom and putting the hot water on, closing the doors etc. The steam induces the high like a mutha...

Now, once you`re high, all you`re faculties of reason are there. You can still think and everything (unlike being drunk). What u notice is that there is no time (which doesnt exist anyways-MAYA). Everything is more focused on the present, u dont worry about past, future, and time goes much more slowly. You can see the correlation between this and Allah-timelessness.

thats it, you just sit there or like me, go on chowk or chill with friends. Like I said, do it at home and youll be cool. It lasts for 4 hours or so (get it BC weed or Arizona weed for u americans). After which u get a craving for food. I had 5 eggs and 2 keema-cheese sandwiches in 4 hours...

And thats it! Its cuz of fear mongering and criminalization that people are not educated to know what drugs really do. As always, the white man is responsible.

DRUMZ - ``I dont really work well with people named aisha``

: ( : (

``apparently they ``dont want to see me ever again`` and ``I make them sick.`` Crank calls are not everyone`s thing I guess...``

Crank calls? they were the best thing before the internet - i`d say!! Say talking of crank calls - this used to give me endless ct`s - i`d call some random # and ask them how is your refrigerator running? And when they answered ``it is running well`` - i would go - ``well then why dont you run along with it`` and crack up. juvenile but then life was pretty uncomplicated!!

aicha

In the new Afghan government one of the 5 vice presidents will a Afghan woman plus the deputy prime minister of new Afghanistan will be another Afghan woman!!

Now r u happy now, Sahar Saba of RAWA? -- or are the Northern Alliance still, curiously -- ``no better`` -- than the pious Talibans?

Scout and SPM

Don`t underestimate Reema. She is the most accomplished belly dancer I have ever seen. Why, her belly keeps dancing long after SHE has stopped.

Ref lowlife-headshrinker #: 424

[Word on the street is that OBL is getting very lonely in the caves. He let his wives escape. But he`s craving for a malayalee boy-toy. Intrested?!]

Why have you started pimping for Osama bin Laden? Nobody is paying you for your psychiatric advice anymore?

Since Malayalees are more common in Bombay than Tamils, you actually might be one. So, why don`t YOU become the boy-toy of OBL? You are more used to having your a$$ reamed here on the Chowk anyway.

Doc, do you know what is the first symptom of AIDS?

Answer: A pounding sensation in the a$$

That aside was a joke, for those who are humor-impaired, or self-righteous, or bootlickers.

drumzy sweetie..theres nothing wrong with banana republic bags..they look might pretty with matching chapleez...smartass

keeping in view your great skills, i have a request to make (seriously)..u talk about being high which is something thats been making me very very curious these past few months...bout a few weeks back i was going to give it a try but then i figured keh considering the fact that the last time i had an experiece with uh..narcotics was in grade 7 when the benson and hedges i marroed off my dad made me cough so my brain threatened to pop outta my throat, pure stuff straight from abdullah shah ghaziz mazaar was not such a great idea...id have started stripping or singing the national anthem had i smoked all that funny smelling stuff..so tell me...how does it feeel to be high? iv asked quite a few people that but most come up with real shitty `its orgasmic` (and im supposed to know what THATS like) u `feel lighheaded` bakwaas..well so, i feel lightheaded every time i know i look real nice too....u know what im saying? ofcourse u do...id appreciate an indepth detail of one of your journeys into the other side...and as an incentive, ill even send you a nose ring just like mine with the concerned people (where the hell are they? havent heard in almost a week)

anNy

Dear Anny,

As the Burger King folks say...`you got it.` Howz your leg?

Problems with OmarPhoenix...damn thing stopped coming up. UmerMPhoenix suffered the same fate. Umer Murtaza (Okay so I`m out in full now) will probably go for another few weeks, then go down the dump. I have the following nicks reserved just in case this one kicks the bucket as well.

Umer/Umar/Omar/Omer/Homer/Umert/Omert/Oh Bert/ Umertaza/Omurtaza/ Murtazar zar Gabor :-)

`Speak` to you soon Take care matey.

UM

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Scout: Sorry, I did mean the OTHER type. Though the license thing was quite nice and stuff like that. Um, Put some swear words in before ``short`` and ``drivers.`` Then you`d have a winner. But youd have to say it very fast and over emphasize the word ``SO.`` Have you tried saying that in Punjabi? Arabic? It would definately be funnier in arabic.

Aicha: I wouldnt touch that with a 50 foot minerat. I dont really work well with people named aisha, apparently they ``dont want to see me ever again`` and ``I make them sick.`` Crank calls are not everyone`s thing I guess...

PS: Agreed, though I think someone`s still convinced him he`s thirsty. See if you aint thirsty and/or dont believe you`re thirsty, you wouldnt be drinking any water. And you`re talking about white people there with the electronics and stuff. I agree, they are definately a wierd bunch.

Studebaker: This is NOT funny... Stop avoiding me, Ill be nice I promise. :) No Im lying, but still, stop avoiding me.

Zafar: Please no personal descriptions from here on in. Im still picturing you as a companion of Muhammed`s... Perhaps even a close disciple. You may be the reason for Muhammeds pesky date-fetish. Ill elaborate on this, the conspiracy of conspiracies, later...

Now then, I plead ignorance. I had never heard of reticulation prior to your post, just looked it up. You sir are a God. This ranks up there with hamid`s ``beat me with a stick and call me brenda!`` Please ignore all my marsupial comments, though you are encouraged to consider ``Possuf`` for future discourse...

Pink leather? I was thinking along the lines of transparent dupattas cleverly placed so as only the eyes are not visible (ironically, this was to be the new fad after the ``all black burqa.`` Its unfortunate demise is contained in yet another one of my conspiracy theories). And I apologise for your dislike of the ``anal assassin`` remark. I too plead my age as a mitigating factor here.

Now for the hashisheen. The most brilliant muslims (next to averoes and malcolm X) credit hashish for their success (coincidence?). See when Muslims were using hashish, everything was kosher (the jewish connection...) Then came Kalvinstien, seduced the men away from their natural high`s and attracted them to posters of white jewish women named Pinkyfeld. This is the very reason why the ottomons collapsed and ties neatly into the assassination (Notice the wordplay) of Muhammed, umar, Ali and others. Lastly, pay close attention to the word ``assassin.`` The anal connection should be obvious...

PS: How bout we co-author a book under the alias DRUMZar Al Talib? Whattya say? A facinating look into the life of Muhammed`s blunt smoking disciple. Free with Arabian style zig zags and Afghani Heroin!

(((Yes Ill do anything to get outta studying for exams...)))

Drumz,

Bro, I am with you on the fine art of lesbianism. One good thing is good, two good things are much better.

Lesbians of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but men, and may be not even that.

Scout,

Those moma jokes are my favorites. Unfortunately, many real momas don`t appreciate the wit and wisdom behind these jokes as much as they should. Their loss.

DRUMZ #447

``See u can lead a horse to water and u can make his azz drink too (u just gotta convince him he`s thirsty...)``

rrrrright!! Excuse me but what are your views on men&their-weird-fascination-with-electronics or say purchasing-plane-tickets.

See u can lead a horse to water and u can make his azz drink too (u dont need to convince

him he`s thirsty...) agreed?? : )

aicha

Farzana:

``being aware of the delicate workings of the vacuum left, I had with nary an inkling of the consequences referred to most innocently to the co-kheema pillager and the destination to which I was informed you would not mind dispatching him… the remark was veiled…``

I finally got this. My brother, (whom I call a jew because he`s so damn stingy) should go back to his mother land.

What`s wrong with you poets? Everything has to be soooooo complicated. Why don`t you just send a homing pigeon, morse code.... Hell, binary would make more sense.

``Drumz, being aware of 0000111010101010101 co kheema pilager 010100111 the 0010101 was 10101010010.``

How have you managed to evade my Cyber God (Hamidm)? He`s like Ganesh, Santa Claus, and Allah combined!

Scuse me, I was just watching ``jammin in New York.`` George Carlin of course...

He did a bit about airline stewerts (I must confess, I dont know how to spell it, we usually take trains...) ``Please check around your immediate seating area for any valuables you may have brought.`` Carlin was like, ``Its a fukkin seat! Check under your seat! And what is a valuable you may have brought? You either brought it or u didn`t.``

As always I apologise for the profanities...

scout

”hey now, no bad words about reema. she may have more cellulite than the average South Asian actress, but doesn`t she have a pretty face?”

…NO COMMENT…:)

“and those dances, mamma mia! ;)”

….alright, i’ll give her that…the lady sure can shake that…um…cellulite….

Reply DRUMZ # 447 plus some other posts not addressed to me

Drumz

“Zafar: See that was just not right. Did I say anything about you when u called whatshisface a ``soggy bottomed bat nosed Wallaby with a reticulated bowel.`` That was clearly against the rules. You`ve never heard of an ``eye for an eye?``

It’s the Kingdom of the Blind here…but OK. You’re right…I plead my age as a mitigating factor, I’m bitter about my lost youth, hair and teeth…

“He just called you a kangroo. Thats not even a word, man. You`re reply should have contained an intentional misspelling of any one member of the marsupial kingdom. Thats it! But to go on and on about their bottoms, their noses and bowels.”

RETICULATED bowels, Drumz. The reticulation is key.

And anyway, what other marsupial mis-spells so well? The Koola? The Platepuss? The Whambat? No, I’m sorry – once he’d used kangroo I was out of juicy options. Balance in invective had to give way to style considerations. I don’t think you are properly appreciative of all the constraints I’m dealing with here, and I’m not talking about handcuffs either. Truly, I had expected a little more sympathy.

“This takes me to my second point. Mr Shah is actively recruiting for some sort of ``male brotherhood`` thing he`s got planned. Yes you guessed it! Male brotherhood is a covert name for men having sex with other men! Tell me Im lying?”

I wouldn’t dare…It involves lace chuddees, doesn’t it? Or something criminally vulgar in pink (?) leather. In any case, now that you’ve outed the Commander of the Faithful (I’m leaving out the name as per usual MO) watch this space for j. (No, not Mary, holy.)

“3. Possibly an anal assassin.”

Heavens! I was all set to be flattered and was mentally modifying my standard it’s-not-you-it’s-me response, but now I think I’ll just be washing my hair…er…my scalp, whatever. (I will admit that I’d expected the Angel of Death to be a little more dignified.)

Must stop now before I pass out from sheer terror.

Zafar

PS I am second to none in my appreciation of conspiracy theories, so could you please expand on the hashisheen subplot? Who, why, where, etc? Was Pinky involved? (I hear that she’s jewish, btw.) What about Mullah Sandwich? (He’s jewish too.) Do you think that those Calvin Klein advertisements were the trigger? Please also highlight the primary responsibility of the whiteman in this matter as in all other ills of this mortal coil.