My Life As A Chick Magnet

funny! but in a nice way.

latest agent pinkyfeld installation on speaker`s corner, hopefully

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Ref Ashok #: 149

[Bismillah Khan is from a village near Monghyr (new namw MUNGER) in Bihar.]

But he has been living in Benares for a long time now.

[Nothing surprising .If you think of fools like you Laloo Yadav all the time you wouldnt know Rajender Prasad indias first president whose examiner wrote that examinee is better than examiner ,is also from Bihar village !!]

Studebaker, we all know that you are from Bihar. Now, did you get your MBBS from Magadh University which was actually de-recognized for a while by the Indian Medical Council?

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GOD thts too much meeeeeeeee

:p

Ref Ashok #: 143

[Another person to listen to is ubiquitous Bismillah Khan on Shenai.... He is still alive at 90+ lives in his village in Bihar near Patna.}

I believe he lives in Benares. Living in Bihar? Why would you wish that on anybody?

ouch... if only you were younger.

i hate whoever changed Butt to Bhat... Butt is SO much more fun to say. Bhat is like a butt on Butts.

nahi?

Trojan Colt

Your frying pan,

frying shortening

& the technique MAY BE the BEST in the world - agreed

but our FISH is much better than yours !! so there !

aicha

Sameer #138:

Thanks for the good wishes. Actually things aren`t THAT bad... hehe... but still, a kind word is always welcome.

Drumz#127:

Thanks for the headzup. I know being abusive solves a lot of problems, don`t get me started off in chastest bambiayya, please! -- but guys like Shsh - who make such duh-licious statements like ``You Kashmiri Pandits Hindicized ``Butt`` to ``Bhat`` --- ahem---- the entertainment alone is worth listening to them quietly. If I start my torrent, how will I enjoy my trips to Chowk anymore :))

anNy - taht is OK - our fried fish is much better : )

aicha

saminashah - i used to think a cleaning lady was the answer to all of life`s ickiest problems - not!!! there has to be more to life tahn just dishwashers&ovens&mops - there simply has to be!!

A belated Idd to all !

aicha

i once ate fried fish on these leaves in naaran..our banana leaves are better than yours

:-P

Anoop: I hope ``My Life as a Chick Magnet`` turns soon to ``My Chick as a Life Magnet`` for you. You need to give out signs for a different kind of affection instead of just being nice, making eye contact and letting the next lady know that she is special - more than just a co-worker or a friend. In this field being turned down is nothing to be depressed about. Try as often as possible because all you need is one ``yes`` even if the probability is less than 10 percent. Good luck!!!!

Any recipe for deer chops, deer stakes or deer stew from anyone? I happen to have plenty of single deer meat in my freezer.

Re: #129

Stuka, Scout,

``I spent a month in Kerala eating of banana leaves. They`ve been doing it for a thousand years.``

I used to wonder where the heck they get all these leaves from. Also, the leaves on a typical banana tree are mostly torn up by the wind by the time it matures. How come you see all those big leaf plates, all in one piece ???

Later I came to know, there is a variety of banana tree that is grown ONLY for its copious and sturdy leaves.

regards,

Drumz

Zakir Hussein is a renown tabla master who is as charming as he is brilliant. Consider yourself fortunate to see him perform live. From India and often tours with other South Asian musicians.

Are you feeling sick? If its bad, better call a relative and go see a doctor post haste. Loong is helpful to a certain point. Sorry, don`t know the English word for it...drink adhruck ki chai...is there a doctor in the house? (A real one?)

regards

re: saminashah

``Rsax, did you read that article in the NYTimes that talked about how many New Yorkers use their ovens for storage space? Its all takeout, lucky-ducks``

nope, didn`t see that article...but excellent idea!...takeout is the way to go...when i was based in the firm`s southeast asia office for a year, it was even better...some local desi joints had a delivery service...each workday, they`d deliver me a banquet of desi food for like $5...too bad there`s none of that in the US...

Ref 12-head #: 132

Butt out, buddy.

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Great writing.. Totally enjoyable.. end to end!!!

As for the subject.. totally relate to it...

The world`s a crazy place but we should not give up who we are... and come to terms with the fact that guys like the one in the article are destined to be single all their lives.. Lets come to terms with it and move on with life... :) Let me give you a litmus test for seeing if you are like this guy in the article... :

You are this guy if all the nice married girls would love you to marry their sister or best friends but never considered you for a relationship when they were single.. and carrying the situation further, the same sister or best friend when married (to someone else) or going out (with someone else) would love to have you marry her sister or best friend.. and thus moves the never-ending circle and where does it leave you..?? Single and lonely...

Raza

#128 saminashah

Re: the parliament attack and pakistan, let`s not jump to conclusions..

It makes sense that ovens don`t see much use. Most anything can be microwaved. And there are these little toaster ovens which are easy to clean and consume less energy. The regular, gargantuan ovens are a waste unless you either are a professional chef or have a lot of mouths to feed.

BTW, i love to cook & do the dishes.

Scout:

``it`s MY idea, don`t anyone steal it!``

I spent a month in Kerala eating of banana leaves. They`ve been doing it for a thousand years.

Rsax, Scout, Soysauce, Aicha

But....would these products be paper or plastic? (swoon) I can`t afford nightmares with reproachful trees peering at me from underneath the cutlery...although it would save on breakage (I can be a klutz)..I rather like Scout`s idea of leaves and twigs...``Lets take it back to Eden, Baby!`` I could exclaim to my husband, although that might not be a big sell; he`s got that little complex that I suspect most men (except for Tahmed) have. You know, there was a party going on in Eden, until Eve showed up, cleaned up hte place, organized breakfast, lunch and dinner and introduced healthy fruit into their diets...and then of course, God kicked them out...

Goes a long way in fueling the bachelor complex` the stifling cult of domesticity...(like we 100%enjoy sorting and matching their socks)...Soysauce, did you know that may people in New York don`t even use their ovens? Rsax, did you read that article in the NYTimes that talked about how many New Yorkers use their ovens for storage space? Its all takeout, lucky-ducks

Just heard the news about the terrorist attacks on the Indian Parliament...trail leads to Pakistan. This is awful.

Anoop: Just for some headz up. If someone says something ignorant, chances are they are stupid.

A stupid debator is not conducive to good dialogue.

To get him off ya back, either.

1. Ignore him.

2. Curse him out. Youll be surprised how effective a simple ``Fukk u, mufukka`` is - Mainly because no one in history has ever found a comeback to it. Short, sweet and to the point.

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Reply Deepika # 108

“Lajwanti you have been reported to Chowk Staff for abusive post “

Hai, aaj suraj kahan se nakala?

Jaane do behain.

Aaapki

One&only true LAJWANTI

(aksept no $ub$tityoot)

PS FYI:



Advertise Here









Hameed Gul `kaghzi sher`

Writing in Khabrain journalist Hamid Mir rebutted the accusation made by ex-ISI chief General (Retd) Hameed Gul that the photographs of the interview he had done with Osama bin Laden were `made` with the help of a computer. Hamid Mir called the general Kaghzi Sher (paper tiger) and levelled the following charges against him: that when he was chief of the ISI, he lost the battle of Jalalabad, had the ISI munitions camp Ojhri blown up and allowed General Zia to be killed in Bahawalpur. He also accused him of creating the IJI, which, as a serving officer, he was not permitted to do; and that he tried to prove to president Ghulam Ishaq Khan that Pakistan`s nuclear scientist Dr Qadeer Khan was an Indian agent. Hamid Mir disclosed that he had written several columns on Hamid Gul and was about to write more when Hameed Gul got Maulana Samiul Haq to intercede and got the series stopped. He said that Hameed Gul`s daughter had sent him legal notices after his paper printed complaints of Rawalpindi`s transporters against her. If he was opposed to government policy how was it that his daughter had extracted such a large loan from it? He asked why Hameed Gul was not in jail while the other agitators against the government like Maulana Fazlur Rehman, Maulana Samiul Haq, Maulana Azam Tariq and Qazi Hussain Ahmad were in confinement?

Admit your shame!

Famous columnist Nazeer Naji in Jang expressed his anger at those intellectuals and writers in Pakistan who had built the Taliban as an invincible force which will defeat the United States. After the quick retreat of the Taliban these people were not even ashamed of the misguidance they provided to the Taliban and their supporters in Pakistan. In his view, these people should apologise to the nation for their total lack of wisdom.

Pakistanis in Kunduz

According to Nawa-e-Waqt there were 144 Pakistanis besieged in Kunduz. They were all from Malakand, which is the `Taliban` territory of Sufi Muhammad of TNSM now in jail for three years in Pakistan for illegally taking his warriors into Afghanistan. They were kept in a shed in Kunduz while 200 of them had already been killed by the rival militia of the Hazaras.

Taliban are not defeated!

National military genius General Hameed Gul told Khabrain that it was folly to think the Taliban had been defeated. The real war had started now and that the Taliban would win against America. He said Dostam of the Northern Alliance was an animal.

Mulla Umar`s `mistakes`

Columnist Tanvir Qaiser Shahid wrote in daily Pakistan that it was too late now for Mulla Umar to admit that `some mistakes were made` because his mistakes had imposed needless suffering on the masses in Pakistan and Afghanistan. He said when Mulla Umar broke the centuries-old statues of the Buddha, some fools in Pakistan called him Mahmood Ghaznavi of the 21st century, which went to the head of the Mulla. He rejected the request of Muslim scholars of the world to spare the statues, but he listened to no one. His `some mistakes` were now being paid for through the suffering of ordinary human beings.

Governor is `namehram`

According to daily Pakistan, Governor Punjab Khalid Maqbool was presented bouquets of flowers by two girl students when he visited a college in Vehari. The governor stuck a flower in his lapel. The next day teacher Nusrat accused the girls of getting in touch with a namehram (stranger) man, abused them and gave them a thrashing. After that the college went on strike against Nusrat the fundamentalist lady teacher..

Fond of war widows

Reported in daily Pakistan, a 70 year old lady approached the lady civil judge of Lahore and asked her to annul her marriage to Pervez because he was in the habit of taking a new wife during every war. He brought in a new wife in 1965 saying she was the widow of a war shaheed, then brought in another during the 1971 war, and finally wedded the widow of a shaheed in the Kashmir jehad.

Death for blasphemy

According to daily Pakistan, Mehboob Booba of Sargodha was sentenced to death by the anti-terrorist court after it was discovered that he had pasted posters on a local mosque insulting to the sacred names of prophets Muhammad (PBUH) and Abraham.

The real Pakhtun population

According to Nawa-e-Waqt, ANP leader Haji Adeel said in Peshawar that through some conspiracy the population of the Pakhtun in Afghanistan was being lowered. He said more than 70 percent of the Afghan population was Pakhtun, but it was first downgraded by the media to 68 percent, the latest figure broadcast being only 40 percent.

A scourge of the judges

Reported in daily Pakistan, an interesting exchange took place between the stormy petrel of the Lahore High Court bar M.D. Tahir and Mr Justice Bhandari. Tahir who indulges in frivolous litigation had asked that Justices Ramday and Falak Sher be promoted to the Supreme Court. Justice Bhandari said in court: `Justice Ramday aap say panah mangtay hein` (Justice Ramday is sick and tired of you or seeks your mercy); to which the scourge of the Lahore High Court said: Unkay munh say tau phool jharatay hein (Flowers cascade from his mouth when he speaks to me).

Lashkar Tayba linked to Al-Qaeda

Quoted in Khabrain, ex-premier Benazir Bhutto said that terrorist Ramzi Yusuf tried to kill her twice on the advice of Osama bin Laden who had actually bribed Nawaz Sharif to get rid of her government. She also disclosed that Lashkar-e-Tayba, the jehadi outfit operating out of Lahore, was linked to Osama bin Laden`s Al-Qaeda.

Hoti loves `butterflies`

Quoted in Khabrain, a lady called Zeba was declared the fourth wife of the `colourful` PML ex-minister Azam Hoti, brother of the wife of Wali Khan of ANP. Zeba said that Azam Hoti loved butterflies (women). She said that Azam Hoti looted billions from motorway when he was minister communications under Nawaz Sharif but the Musharraf government had struck a deal with him and let him go. She said that politicians had no deen aman (faith) and were faithful neither to their women nor to the state.

Deceived by Chomsky

Great columnist Ataur Rehman stated in daily Pakistan that the so-called intellectuals of Pakistan were deceived by the Americans into applauding Noam Chomsky in Lahore on 24 November. The American technique was first to create an anti-American atmosphere and then slip in the real message. Chomsky said nothing new but put forward a solution for Kashmir which was against the interest of the Kashmiris. Chomsky was a part of the American campaign to impose its agenda in the region.

Riaz Basra arrested?

According to daily Pakistan terrorist leader of Lashkar-e-Jhangvi, at large since 1990 and responsible for hundreds of local and foreign victims, was arrested in Sargodha and quietly taken by helicopter to Rawalpindi. Basra had gone to visit his father in Sargodha when the intelligence agencies became alerted and arrested him. The government had not yet announced his arrest.

Daud insulted his kinsmen

Columnist Tanvir Qaiser writing in daily Pakistan revealed that after Sardar Daud overthrew his kinsmen King Zahir Shah of Afghanistan in 1973 his soldiers insulted the royal family on their way to the airport while leaving Kabul. The queen was dragged out to a point where she was searched most brutally.

Al-Jazira is fraud

Famous columnist Nazeer Naji writing in Jang said that when the foreigner Taliban including Pakistanis were killed most brutally in Mazar-e-Sharif by the Northern Alliance soldiers of Dostam, the American and British TV channels kept quiet over it. The much praised `independent` Arab TV channel Al-Jazeera also kept silent which revealed its true pro-American identity.

America gave fake dollars

According to Insaf, anti-Taliban commander Gul Agha was ambushed and killed along with his six companions outside Kandahar. Their bodies were sent to Spin Boldak. One of the killed had four thousand dollars in his pocket, apparently given by the Americans in return for their willingness to fight the Taliban. The report said that when the Taliban took the dollars to a money changer in Kandahar he refused to take them saying they were counterfeit.

Shariat not yet enforced

Genius cleric Dr Israr Ahmad said in Insaf that Pakistan had blundered by not enforcing shariat. (Shariat was enforced through the establishment of Federal Shariat Court with legislative powers by General Zia). He said after Afghanistan America will turn on Kashmir jehad although Islamabad thought it had secured America`s support for the Kashmir cause.

Rangeela is Afghan!

According to daily Din Pakistan`s famous Punjabi comic actor Rangeela was born in Nangrahar in Afghanistan but his parents had moved to Peshawar where he became enamoured of the films of Dilip Kumar who resembled him. He moved to Lahore and was in demand for his funny facial expressions. He was also a body builder and was chosen Mr Lahore despite his very short stature.

Stuka

``semipreciousme:

``SMP-by your admission (that may be false ,yopu in your post to your confidante Stuka &other drooling Hindians revealed u were 6 in 93 .``

Um what the hell is 12 head talking about? I don`t you ever told me your age.``

....sigh....funny, i don`t remember telling you either....

anNy

#88

ALRIGHT!!! Way to go, dear!...

If Pakistani men (esp 12 headed ones) have even 1% of the sense & intelligence their womenfolk have--we would`nt have had India-Pakistan wars...

er but there will be a heck of a lot of indo-pak catfights!:)..at least nobody dies in such fights..

scout - good idea and forget cooking - can eat the leaves : )

what`s so hard about putting dishes into a dishwasher and turning the machine on?

i think we should go back to the olden times and start eating on leaves with twigs for spoons.....no mess, no cleanups, no dishes, no non-biodegradeble disposables...

come to think of it, i think i`ll make it a common practice in my future household to eat on leaves.

it`s MY idea, don`t anyone steal it!

#112 saminashah

The secret is take-out food, eating out & frozen pizza. Oregon Chai straight in paper cups. You could even advertise to rent your kitchen. (Anything must be possible in NYC) Try those and your husband might not mind the cooking & the dish washing. Good luck..

semipreciousme:

``SMP-by your admission (that may be false ,yopu in your post to your confidante Stuka &other drooling Hindians revealed u were 6 in 93 .``

Um what the hell is 12 head talking about? I don`t you ever told me your age.

Stuka

(apparently one of many drooling Hindians)

Ref Shah #: 111

[Kashmir is Muslim majority state ,just as you determine Kolkata,Mumbai Chennai ,we will impose our spelling of BUTT.]

By all means, call yourself BUTT. An arse by any name smells as foul.

Tahmed,

Ssshhh! That`s OUR secret! Why to leak valueable info to the brotherhood? Now the lazy ones will become lazier because they think they know better...but you (cough) are correct. There`s nothing sexier than a husband making dinner...my regards to Mrs. Tahmed and her way of explaining things....

Drumz

Huh? What phone call? Must be one of your giggling admirers, Muno...or the phone company wanting to know where MR. and Mrs. Drumz are, due to increased phone activity...:)

You may well indeed need to change your name to Drumzina to get the slightest galli from 12 Head. His words say ``come and get some``, but he turns tail and runs when you show up....kind of like Usama....speaking of which the video came out and it looks solid as of now. What a sick man.

regards

re: saminashah

``No word from the guys? Are the dishes rocket science? Hello? Anyone there?``

...simple solution...use disposable stuff...and order food...live the good life of single people, even if you`re married...

saminashah #98 ``And whats up with our sweet brown brothers when it comes to helping with the dishes?``

No stereotyping please. Many brown brothers do the dishes, put out the garbage, also cook food, press clothes, mow lawn, fetch the paper, do diapers, AND do income-earning work. You just need to pscyhe `em so they lose their made-in-Pakistan hangups (``Man! you look so macho washing those plates``, ``God! Check out them bulging biceps wrapped around the garbage can``, ) and train `em (``This here thingy is called a mop, this thingy is called a bucket, put mop thingy in bucket thingy...), provide positive reinforcement (``You can change diapers in 30 seconds flat! What a man!``) and viola: from the unhappy looking brown guy discussing world politics when what is really biting him is the mess in his family room will emerge the smiling, confident ``Liberated Man``, busy setting the table, busy clearing the table.

re: semipreciousme

…thank you for the advice, aunty deepika….but you worry about your syntax, commas, spelling and juggling all those nicks…and i’ll worry about the….er….hits….``

don`t ya know? 12-head is the guardian angel for all women on chowk

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Kiran,

Thank you...I hope I don`t empty out the room as I have been seeming to do in the last month...

No word from the guys? Are the dishes rocket science? Hello? Anyone there?

Lajwanti

Poor Laju....

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Ref Deepika #: 105

[Reply #: 11

Nagnatheshwar

Some smarta$$ kid ,trying to pretend Sharukh Khan with MBA to show & chiputzah to compare himself to ``putting Clint Eastwood `` to shame.Some cockiness of a rickety bow leg,oily hair,terrylene trousers & bombay dyeing Tshirt wearing punk....

-------

Cute!he he he he

rotfl..wsete..ha..ha..ha..ha]

One advantage of having 12 nicks is that one can form a large self-admiration society by oneself.

By the way, do you need a mirror at all or do each one of your 12 nicks admire each other?

Now that the Headshrinker has taken to calling me Hindian to curry favor with you, why don`t you go to him for treatment of your multiple=personality disorder?

Yes, I know I said that I wouldn`t refer my worst enemy to him but you seem to need therapy so badly.

Jeezus, Can I breathe?

My mail is kakyze@hotmail.com Please write and Ill tell yall why I dont like whitegurlz (since when was it a crime to have a preference anywayz?)

-If ya noticed, the less melanin one has, the more wrinkley they get. Im sure theres also a correlation with being annoying as hell... Though SOME of em are nice...

And I wash my own dishes. And Fukk desi ``brothers.`` Punk azz mufukkaz, I almost got into a fight at the mosque over my nosering, LOL!!! Speakin of which, the gurls there were SOOO damn fyne (another reason...)

Im attracting all sorts of drama these days. Study all night for an exam and some mufukka pulls the fire alarm and cancels everything, LOL.

Rsaxena: Unfortunately it aint that easy. Ill haveta change my name to Drumzinashah to get noticed by that fool. Believe me Ive tried, he isnt looking for a fight, OBVIOUSLY. Here that studebaker and your penis envy suffering wife Fatimah???

Samina: Since u know the secret, were u the one who called a month ago? Someone said their name and said they were from chowk. I was like Gimmie a break, they`re CALLING now?

Oh yeah, remember when I said the plot was THICK? The mouse is a friend of u know who... The situation is as complicated as Arab-Israeli peace.

Peace!

DraMATIC NEWS FROM DELHI

Reuters: Indian Parliamentary Affairs Minister says all ministers and lawmakers are safe.

At Least One Dead in Indian Parliament Gunbattle

Reuters

NEW DELHI (Dec. 13) - A gunbattle erupted in the Indian parliament complex on Thursday, continuing for at least half an hour, Reuters reporters at the scene said.

A parliamentary official said at least one person was killed and possibly more after shooting erupted around 11.45 a.m. (1:15AM EST) inside the compound of the parliament.

A spokesman for Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee`s office said Vajpayee was still inside the stately parliament building when the firing began shortly after both houses were adjourned for the day.

Star television news reported five armed intruders inside the parliament. Four had been killed.

02:11 12-13-01

Lajwanti you have been reported to Chowk Staff for abusive post

SMP-by your admission (that may be false ,yopu in your post to your confidante Stuka &other drooling Hindians revealed u were 6 in 93 .Who gives that kind of signal on invisible post.

re: n-headed hydra

“NO MISS AMERICA RETURNED AT AGE 6 ITS CALLED FREUDEAN SLIP ANAND =ANOOP”

….no mr/ms.hydra, it’s called a mistake….you know, the kind your posts are filled with?….and miss america returned at age six???…sigh….i’m not even going to bother…

“SO YOU ADMIT SOMTHING YOUR DOG CANT PROVIDE !”

….are you kidding??….with ‘wisdom’ like yours, who needs dogs?

“I KNEW THAT KNOWING THE INCAPABILITY OF PEOPLE OF YOUR REGION A DOG WILL BE CAPABLE OF DOING MORE THAN AIR HEAD LIKE YOU”

….so not only do you claim to ‘know’ when i returned from america, you even ‘know’ the ‘incapability’ of the people of my region….i am speechless….

“IF YOU START REVEALING MORE ON NET ,I ASSURE YOU YOU WILL GET MORE HIT FROM HINDIAN LOOKING FOR FREE PLUTONIC RELATION.”

…thank you for the advice, aunty deepika….but you worry about your syntax, commas, spelling and juggling all those nicks…and i’ll worry about the….er….hits….

Deepika #97 I am so impressed by your poetic talent I am almost tempted to go to bed a-singin` and a shakin` to the tune of ``livin` la vida hindi, livin` la vida hindi``.

And when the smarter-half asks (as she no doubt will) if I am feeling alright, I shall simply shake some more and sing:

``She`ll make you take your kurta off and go

dancing in the dirt

She`ll make you live her Hindu life so much

until it hurts

Like a lakdhi through your brain.``

You`ll get me in trouble, my friend.

Welcome to CHOWK Anoop.
Now this is one tale that many can relate to.

Ras

samina #98:

``why do desi men always try to make you into Ummi Jaan or Umrao Jaan?``

LOL! Very well-said. :)

And the dishes wali baat; so true, I love when one of them says: ``mujhey nahi dhonay aatey bartan.``

Bartan na hogaye rocket science hogayee. La hol willa. :(

Regards,

Kiran

Reply Deepika # 97

``One day in Mumbai ,i saw Ricky Martin perform to full capacty house .I was very impressed with his muscal talent .So i wrote in his honour ,Indian version of Mixed beat of Ricky with Bhangra .See if you like it``

No spalling mistakes in stupid song, Deepika do not lie you did not write

samina #98:

``why do desi men always try to make you into Ummi Jaan or Umrao Jaan?``

LOL! Very well-said. :)

And the dishes wali baat; so true, I love when one of them says: ``mujhey nahi dhonay aatey bartan.``

Bartan na hogaye rocket science hogayee. La hol willa. :(

Regards,

Kiran

omar, my friend..u too have dissapointed me...nobody understands...im telling you- that man, is beautiful

Dear Anny,

``i dont think any man on earth is as delicious looking as chunky panda.``

And here I was thinking that you were a woman of taste...ah well. I`ve lost all respect for you ha ha.

The man is a panda! period! (In punjabi that is).

Now Govinda, hmmm, he is something of a ladies man...

Umer Murtaza

Will ya all stop knocking whitegurls before, (Ladies, cue) we all start knocking desi men? Bhat bhaiyaa (sorry, couldn`t resist) sweated over such a charming and honest article, and look what happens...gratuitious honky bashing...notniceatall...why do desi men always try to make you into Ummi Jaan or Umrao Jaan? Huh?

And whats up with our sweet brown brothers when it comes to helping with the dishes? Some neurological malfunction seems to make the sentence, ``Sweetie, I`ll do the dishes, you go sit and get some rest?`` impossible. Hmmmm?

Stuka#93

TAhmed #94

One day in Mumbai ,i saw Ricky Martin perform to full capacty house .I was very impressed with his muscal talent .So i wrote in his honour ,Indian version of Mixed beat of Ricky with Bhangra .See if you like it

Livin La Vida Hindu

re: DRUMZ

``Operative word = ``seems.`` I DARE this mufukka to try something with me.``

...hah..go for it man...i`ll give you backup (not that you`ll need it)...

Mr. Bhat

It was very well written-welcome to chowk. To tell you the truth the ``bhaiya syndrome`` is no less painful than the ``wolfman syndrome``....where you are actually trying to tend the flock of sheep and sheep thinks that you are after, you know what...everything.

Stuka:

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

God knows what

They did up there

But they came back with a daughter.

(From schooldays).

TAhmed:

Here`s one...

Mary had a little sheep

With the sheep she went to sleep

The sheep turned out to be a ram

Mary had a little lamb.

Rsaxena: ``O.K., who awakened 12-head from its cave? the fcuker seems to be going haywire on everyone here...``

Operative word = ``seems.`` I DARE this mufukka to try something with me.

bijli #79 12 I was QUOTING someone else, you moron. I love all girls of all ages on this planet, regardless of race, religion or national origin.

O.K., who awakened 12-head from its cave? the fcuker seems to be going haywire on everyone here...

re: semipreciousme

``....looks like you`ve either been meeting some kooky (ahem) desi girls, or knowing the desi male psyche, sending mixed signals...``

aren`t all desi girls in the US kooky? :)

Shah(or is it bijleejee?)

``Neologist is the person who has lot of neologism in his vocabulary like you.(ask Anny she likes everything hindian``

neologism is the making up of a new word by combining two or more commonly used words...it is a symptom that occurs due to serious attention problems that most schizophrenics face...and whats wrong with liking indian things? i dont think any man on earth is as delicious looking as chunky panda

Ref Shah #: 84

[No if you knew urdu ,its BUTT in urdu ,you guys hindized it into Bhat.Its Kashmiri Pundits invention.]

If you have any sense of timeline, you would know that Kashmiri Pundits and their names existed much before Urdu and Urdu-speaking buttofuccos like you came into India. So, it is Bhat that became Butt in Urdu, not the other way around.

Rumi #71,

I`m SO hurt.... boo hoo! To think I was only writing this piece in the hope that some nice desi girl would feel sorry for me and agree to a relationship... my first (blush! blush!)

Thanks for showing me my place,

AB

PS: Have you heard of something called a sense of humour? It might help you get a life.....

PPS: (to innocent bystanders) I know an author isn`t supposed to take feedback personally, but do I have a choice here? Sheesh...

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Drumz #69: I may not agree on some things with you, but gotta admit you are a good sport. (On the limericks, I mean).

Prem #68 Here is one I remember from schooldays which is of the kind you mention (those offended by off-color stuff to please stop reading right now):

There was a man from Madras,

Whose balls were made of brass,

In stormy weather,

The balls clashed together,

And sparks came out of his a---e.

Deepika/Shah/Bijli/blah/blah/blah

SPM

”anand?”

….it was a mistake…wait let me say that slowly…..m i s t a k e….wait….knowing your intellectual capacity…let me repeat it….m i s t a k e…comprende?

”some secret bin laden message transmitting against Bush?”

…damn, and here i was hoping no one would notice…and since you did notice it, i’m sure you can decode it too…

”Why come to the board when you `ve best friend to hold your hand .”

….why elementary, my dear hydra….to read your ‘gems of wisdom’….

”By u r own info you are underage for most here anyway.”

…what info?…and underage for what?….interacting with you?…. …puhleaze….my dog could do that…with one paw tied behind her back….

RSaxena:

.``..good that you can handle it, but why do most single desi girls have a problem with this concept?...i`ve met many with whom i wanted to be just friends, but it never flew...they will either not hangout with you b.c. you`re not boyfriend material, or if they do hangout with you, you`re automatically the boyfriend...``

....looks like you`ve either been meeting some kooky (ahem) desi girls, or knowing the desi male psyche, sending mixed signals...

Shah #58

You wrote...

Anoop Butt,

Now arn`t Girls dumb,bimbo,flaky ,neologist,air head ,like Lemlings following each other to death,dowry & domestic abuse .Yet they pass nice guy like Anoop .

Q.E.D.

Proven

First of all, get the spelling right.... it`s B-H-A-T. Second, what on earth is a neologist? Third, it`s Le-m-m-ings, not Lemlings. Fourth, my piece has nothing to do with death, dowry and domestic abuse. There`s enough misery in the world without me adding to it. Fifth, why am I even wasting my time responding to you?

Reply Drumz # 47

“... Okay say you were a mouse.”

I LIKE your metaphors! Will leave you in anNy’s capable hands re: advice on how to proceed except I feel compelled to address:

“ My bro told me to Say that Im gay, LOL!!”

Youngman (note: one word), this could get you a lot more than you went to the store for, and I don’t mean kitty litter here either. Just keep in mind that you’re responsible for your own actions, not necessarily the world’s happiness.

“What about blueyedevil? one word too? This would make my tirades a lot easier.”

Absolutely, though acronyms (eg BED) can also be used with effect. Runningdogcapitalist comes less trippingly off the tongue than RDC, for eg. Not sure what to do with splittist.

“The studies going okay, thanks for asking, hows the screenplay coming along?”

Pending completion of your exams. Now stop nibbling on cheese and...

this author is a peter pan .... ...

It seems to me he never had any kind of relationship with a girl ... only a day dreamer would have time and motivation to sit down and write crap like this....

- rumi

Re DRUMZ # 57

you obviously don`t know many white girls ........ try to meet a few apart from the ones at your local strip joint.

Tahmed: If you wanna torture me with the poems, at least write em in English, my gawd...

PS: Your reply on the other board was somewhat off. I already told Hamid that he`s trying to blur the difference between the sanctions and a larger plight (a transparent debating strategy). What has the infant mortality rate in Pakistan got to do with the price of ganja in Toronto?

These are separate issues all together. We were only addressing the sanctions. And the reason I told whatshisface not to respond to me is quite simple. Im only here to learn from others, otherwise I wouldnt be wasting my time. There is a universal law (IMO) which states that everything we accuse others of doing, is something we do-to a degree. This is why we are advised not to judge. Like I told prem, I expect to be mocked by yall or by circumstance. The former was not happening on that thread by a long shot (not my fault that some people cant see when their being CLOBBERED).

So circumstance then. Either sh1t will happen, or I gotta reread the sh1t I wrote to find where I was being a hypocrite. Perhpas im dense like a mufukka, but I couldnt find it on that thread. Thus I wait for sh1t to happen...

This should explain why im disilusioned with the world these days. Not one response on that thread couldnt be shot down in seconds. Between religious zealots and pro American sellouts theres no more then 10 decent people on Chowk.

AnNy: Ill take that into consideration, but I dont think you got the severity of the situation. The other mouse is also insane. U never know what could happen.

tahmed321,

I had no idea you had a taste for limericks...we should exchange some choice ones...unfortunately most I know are not fit for Chowk ka bacchaa audience :)

Niceee and very trueeeee!!!

I have noticed though, girls tend to be more wary

of changing a relationship from a friendship one to a more intimate one then guys are, and seem to be put of by NSM`s(nice safe men)more often then becoming interested.

Also I do object to people who use the word platonic in male and female relationships, male and female relationships..are very rarely if at all anything close to platonic(Harry met Sally anyone?:P). There is always a necessary under current, which makes it so much more interesting then same gender one;).

Drumz #55 ``Canadian weed is among the best in the world``

There was a Paki in Ontario

Who said ``Whor sub Bekaareeyo``

Maro Jam Kay

Sootay Charas dhay

And you will play Drumz in a different Scenario.

Drumz #48 ``I still dont like whitegurls`` Oh no!!!! I hear the sound of a million hearts breaking...And I am moved to write a poem:

There was a young chap on Chowk

Of whitegurlz he had no Showk

When asked why not

He said I forgot

But hey! I dont Walk the Talk.

Also: Any opinions on blackgurls? And browngurlz? And green fried eggs?

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re: Apparition

``There is something so sweet about platonic relationships that I wouldn’t give them up for the world.``

...good that you can handle it, but why do most single desi girls have a problem with this concept?...i`ve met many with whom i wanted to be just friends, but it never flew...they will either not hangout with you b.c. you`re not boyfriend material, or if they do hangout with you, you`re automatically the boyfriend...

re: Stuka

{{Drumz: My man, sure you can hang with RSax, me and Ylh when we go around NYC getting rejected by all and sundry. Only thing is we are equal opportunity rejectionists. We give all women the opportunity to turn us down regardless of race and creed. Agar aapko manzoor hai to theek hai. Most welcome.}}

...getting rejected is accurate, but definitely not by ``all and sundry``...if i am going to get shot down, let it be by some model-like blonde hotties...much easier on the ego...hehe...and definitely stay away from desi girls at bars...they are usually kookoo...

drumz, i have thought long and hard about the mouse`s predictment...me thinks, its very ratlike of the mouse to ignore the other mouse..its not nice...mouse needs to either tell other mouse he was engaged to his stupid uncles daughter upon birth, cant get into a relationship coz he loves his ma too much or something equally frightening..even a `u make me sick therefore i dont want to see u ever again` would be sufficient if somewhat cruel..but he shund ignore the other mouse ..ignoring is just not nice

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Stuka: You`re obviously speakin outta your azz. A whitegurl wouldnt turn down a cucumber let alone a Paki.

Just let me do all the talking (im sensing some of you have estroowng paakey Akkzants).

Here`s a taste...

``And you thought the ganges was big...``

``What are your thoughts on partition?``

``Flukk me if Im wrong, but is your name jawarharlal?``

On any given day that will get u more whitegurls then a stale hot dog left on a park bench.

PS: I will get extremely violent if any of you mention Jinnah.

``semiprecious #29: Name`s A-NOOP (WTF is Anand, hehe). Thanks for the nice things though....``

...OOPS...i`m so sorry...i was reading another article before yours by a guy with this name and well...anyway, apologies again...

Rsaxena: ``..i don`t mean to invite your wrath, so please have mercy in your response...but what exactly is wrong with dating white gurls?...``

Ill explain all the intricacies of that some day when we meet up at a toronto bar. Canadian weed is among the best in the world, and dont even get me started on the girls...

re: Apparition

``and sometimes you do get what you want and then you realize that you bit off more than you could chew .....``

or sometimes you get what you want but then you realize that that`s not what you really wanted after all .. been there too .. what a mad world it is ..

Anoop #38,

maybe in another life cute stuff :)

RSaxena:

.``..i don`t mean to invite your wrath, so please have mercy in your response...but what exactly is wrong with dating white gurls?...``

Damn, I`ve never seen you be so diffident. Bhai don`t you know that ``whitegurlz`` are responsible for genocide the world over ;)

Drumz: My man, sure you can hang with RSax, me and Ylh when we go around NYC getting rejected by all and sundry. Only thing is we are equal opportunity rejectionists. We give all women the opportunity to turn us down regardless of race and creed. Agar aapko manzoor hai to theek hai. Most welcome.

Reply anNy # 37

“if youll excuse the impertinence...before like all your teeth and hair fell out, did u have a wisdom tooth? mines coming out, i think, and the pain is just killing me..any tried and tested remedies u can prescribe?

Get all four taken out – you’ll be happier in the long run, and the remaining teeth in your mouth will be less crowded and easier to floss.

(I learned the hard way, which involved busting a wisdom tooth on take away from a cheap Chinese restaurant at the witching hour, but I don’t need to go into that, do I?)

Zafar

``Okay say you were a mouse. Youve chilled with another mouse for a few times and all of a sudden the other mouse has a crush on you and u dont feel the other way about the other mouse (I hope im being cryptic with the rodent references). Since your too much of a biatch to tell the other mouse no, you gotta resort to ignoring the other mouse. My bro told me to Say that Im gay``...

LOL! Why does all of it sound so familiar to me?

There is something so sweet about platonic relationships that I wouldn’t give them up for the world. I absolutely dote on my best friend .........who BTW is utterly sick of my sob stories...........but I can always bet on him making me smile regardless of the magnitude of my dilemma .........though I can be just as sure of the merciless teasing that follows ..........but there are tons of times when I pull him out of sticky situations too coz despite being straight he gets as much fan following in men as I do :)

This was hilarious and one of the most entertaining pieces that I have read on chowk in a long time. But just one quick question.......didn’t any of those girls ever help you out with anything.......wasn’t a single one around when you wanted to pour your heart out????? I kinda doubt that. And how boring life would have been without all these women........right????????????????

Anoop:

Very well written. Thoroughly enjoyed it. BTW you were on the right track at the end.......no need to change your strategy :)

later

-sac

Re RSaxena # 41

and sometimes you do get what you want and then you realize that you bit off more than you could chew .....

Anoop:

That was one hilarious article! Reminded me of my own youth many moons ago in Delhi...

...8th grade. My best friend. Diehard romantic. Knows every Bollywood movie, cast, music director, producer, director (you name it) by name. Every life event is instantly linked to a scene in some movie. Madly in love with a girl in a different class who does not know it yet. (None of us could never figure out what he saw in her -- I guess, love is blind.)

Our Romeo decides to step up to the plate and give her a bouquet on her birthday. Appropriate spies in her class are found. Their mission - go through the students information at the back of the class attendance register, and find out her date of birth. Pat comes the response within a week -- Jan 13 -- some months away.

Relieved that there is still plenty of time, our Romeo strategizes on what words to say -- Happy Birthday? too boring. A poem perhaps? Too filmi, say his advisors. The months pass.

On the appointed day, our Romeo waits near the school drive-way for her car to show up. She alights, and Romeo promptly steps up to her. Just as he was about to speak the words that he had agonizingly spent the better part of the past few months composing, better sense took over, and he thought it fitting to confirm with her if indeed her birthday was that day before impaling himself on his own sword in front of her.

So, he asked very matter of factly, ``Is today your birthday?`` ``No``, came the reply, ``it is Jun 13``.

There ended our brave hero`s story. His `spies` had misread `Jun` for `Jan`, and for the next 4 years, we never failed to remind him of a love story that could have been...

Umer: Mine was also in jest, though I still dont like whitegurls.

Username/Anny: Its crazy, i need to talk to someone like crazy... Okay say you were a mouse. Youve chilled with another mouse for a few times and all of a sudden the other mouse has a crush on you and u dont feel the other way about the other mouse (I hope im being cryptic with the rodent references). Since your too much of a biatch to tell the other mouse no, you gotta resort to ignoring the other mouse. My bro told me to Say that Im gay, LOL!! I thought about repelling the other mouse but almost everything I do is repelling. Sh1t is fukked up.

Zafar: Whitegurls is one word? Im shocked! This is like the time when i found out my mom wasnt a virgin. Speechless...

What about blueyedevil? one word too? This would make my tirades a lot easier. And not u nor sadna are anything close to being pedantic. That would apply to me only-seriously.

The studies going okay, thanks for asking, hows the screenplay coming along?

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Anoop Bhat - THis was v funny!!

College would have indeed been bleeeeckh if it hadnt been for such friendships : ) Afterall can you discuss the reproductive system of frogs with the local stud while downing a pilate of chaaat?? Nope!!

I see you broke out into hives (#40) at the mention of ``oil my hair`` - in taht case let me warn you to stay away from gel too. Couple of moons ago - other 1/2(dripping with gel naturally) and I jumped into a cab to take us from ptA to ptB -when the cabbie (sweet,huge desi) goodnaturedly goes - ``beta-aapne bhi sarsoon ka teil lagaya hai, mai bhi istemaal karta hoon - baal ko mazboot banata hai``. Needless to say the rest of the night involved a lot of patting of the head and peering into reflecting surfaces going ``what does he know - this is gell i tell you - do i look like one of those guys who would use oil?? do i? ..... `` : )

aicha

re: Drumz

``You know the intellectual level of chowk has hit an alltime low when people talk about dating white gurls. You must be either blind or insane.``

...i don`t mean to invite your wrath, so please have mercy in your response...but what exactly is wrong with dating white gurls?...

re: akash

haha...sorry to disappoint man, but that`s the truth...you know what they say about wanting what you can`t get, but getting what you don`t want...

ylh #5:

I enjoy writing about myself. It`s the only way I know. How does that make me narcissistic? Mera feeling hai ki aapne pehle two paras padhke apna mind make up kiya. Belive me I am anything but n`stic.

Nagnatheshwar #11:

I am offended NOT by your criticism of my article but the fact that you think I could wear Terylene trousers and oil my hair! I deny doing either (bhaisaheb as it is dates are fight, why you doing this badnaami?)

However your point about Sulekha is well-taken. I migrated here in the hope that Chowkies with their sensible point-of-views and well-expressed feedback, could only do me good as a writer. I think I`ve been proved right.

Poonawalla #15:

Please relax. I am as much a `Brahmin racist Sangh Parivar love(r)` as you are a fervent and passionate advocate of individuals` right to privacy. Where do you get off posting stuff I`ve written on other websites in totally different contexts and drawing judgemental conclusions about me no less!

Deepika #30:

Ditto. Except the judgement part.

Dear Drumz

``You know the intellectual level of chowk has hit an alltime low when people talk about dating white gurls. You must be either blind or insane.``

It goes even lower when one doesn`t realise that it was done in jest:)

UM

Hi,

If I haven`t replied so long, it`s because I had no idea Chowk was so prompt in posting submitted articles (thanks, guys!)

Can`t reply to so many people individually, so a big THANKS to all posts, esp. those who liked the piece (shall we call it SEMI-autobiographical :))).... oh alright... maybe an individual word or two...

anNy#4: Loved your ``hog`` piece too.... dunno what your views on Indian food are, but just got back from a cousin`s shaadi where I hogged 4 types of pickles, hot jalebis and sitaphal bassondi.... Mr. Paunch just got bigger... Thanks and God bless.

Scout#7: Wanna meet? hehehehe

Umer Murtaza #17: I agree jee, wholeheartedly esp. those Caifornia girls, but kya kare, kambakhat naukri does not allow me to hop pardes too often :((

tahmed321 #9: Mere bhai (milaoing galle). How you read me like a book!

semiprecious #29: Name`s A-NOOP (WTF is Anand, hehe). Thanks for the nice things though....

Anti- posts tackled in other reply...

Cheers,

Noops

DRUMZ & username:

``you guys wouldnt believe what the fukk happened yesterday``

errr, wtf happened yesterday?``

ya man tell us..u cant just say adhee baat and then leave it at that

zafarsaab:

if youll excuse the impertinence...before like all your teeth and hair fell out, did u have a wisdom tooth? mines coming out, i think, and the pain is just killing me..any tried and tested remedies u can prescribe?

Reply Drumz # 32

“You know the intellectual level of chowk has hit an alltime low when people talk about dating white gurls. You must be either blind or insane.”

Drumz, you know that I cannot disagree with your posts’ content (except about hamidm, btw – how COULD you? What next? Dissing Elvis? Complaining about your mother’s cooking? Very bad, very bad…) but feel compelled to correct some small spelling mistakes. (Yes, Sadna and I are competing for “Most Pedantic” prize, howmi doing?)

Now, if you think about it, you KNOW whitegurls is ONE WORD. Like:

The Blakkwoman (ditto)

The Whitewoman (definitely one word)

The Blakkman (one word)

The Whiteman (one word) aka Satan (just revising, I know that you know)

The Youngman

Etc.

Zafar

PS How’s that studying going?

Saxena

``nice...given my spotty track record with this stuff, i`m in no position to offer advice, but maybe you should get out of the behenji circles and hang with the bad kids``

My,my ! Of all people Saxena, you have a spotty track record ! And I thought with all your wit and sen