Jinnah’s Ustaadi

I`m still trying to decipher Benjamin`s quote here (deciphering him was never one of my strong points), so I`ll hold off on this one.

And I`m also wondering whether ustaadi is just a typo on Rehan`s part, or whether he`s referring to something in a larger sense. What is really interesting about this piece is that boredom is not a static thing here..that actually important realizations are made in terms of how to relate to the space we inhabit, or the space that is closely linked to the space we inhabit. I like this piece even though in some parts I get the sense that it is written with a boredom akin to the one he experienced in the piece. I could be wrong though...

Rehan,
Karachi is a lot more then this reflection on Bombay. It is HOME, and for me plays second fiddle to none.

Ras

Rehan:

Your work seems to be getting better and better. Had a tough time following your psychedelic adventures in your earlier submissions. This one seems more of a reflective and truer piece of work. Congratulations.

later

-sac

=== Interact Filtered ===
view this users filtered interacts

Rehan,

Good piece. Try Behram Contractor if you love Bombay...a sampler...``The first parsis I met were statues.``

Veeresh:

Man, sometimes I wonder if you are accursed by humour or merely debilitated by it ... it was hilarious your A-Z Bombay. Also, it`s true you need to be an outsider to truly admire all that is Bombay.

Can I have an insider`s A-Z of Delhi?...That would be as good. Or even better.

In the meantime...hamidm should give us something on Karachi...or whoever capable of mastering cities by alphabets.

Harish

veeresh,

tum delliwaley khali-peeli bombay ka naam hameesha kharab kartey hain. saala tumko aur koi dhandha nahi hai kya? khabibi dekho yeh delliwalon bombay mein aa kar phokatka kit-kit karte hain. han han bombay ko gaali do..par sab ke maa-baap bombay mein hi aate rahte hain..yaar tum bhayye log tumhare gaon me wapas kyon nahi jaate hai? khopdi mein bahut tel ghus gaya hai kya? tum logon ne hamaarey bombay ko begaad deya hai..

calcutta kyon nahi jaate hain? kyonki agar calcutta jaa kar calcutta ko gaali dengey, to woh bangali log tumhare gaand pe laath marengey!

bahut chutyagiri hai tum logon ka..:)

Reply Subroto #10:

## Alas....this is what happens when we Mumbaikars allow some Bong to hijack our language in a valiant attempt to impress some chowk-chick..... sacrilege.... kee Subroto-da, kee korcheesh....what have we done to deserve this?

``And for the rest a brief introduction to the unique Bombay Hindi - ``Bhindi`` as she is otherwise known.``

## Yeh Bhindi-vindi kya hai? I have never heard that word ever being used to describe Bambaiyya Hindi. If you mean ``bhendi`` that`s a term of annoyance (as in ``Saala bhendi``), lekin bhindi is nothing (not even ``bhindi`` (lady`s finger)which is actually....bhendi again!).

``ChappanTikkli / Punter / Tapori / Shana - Roadside loafer. Tapori is among the most commonly used words in Bhindi.``

## Yaaar, yaheen toh maar khaa gaye aap. Watched too many Hindi movies with Gulshan Grover mouthing these inane terms that are half-Bombay, half-UP? Anywez....tapori could be the most commonly used word, but SHANA is certainly not the same as Tapori... shana (from Marathi shahana= intelligent) means oversmart, smart-alec, thinking-too-much-of-yourself. Chhapantikli is as far as I know, an acne-faced individual but because it`s used so little no one really knows :)))

``Keeda / SulemaniKeeda - an absolute pest.``

## Also Rehmani Keeda... the other type, don`t forget :))))

``Ghungroo Salmaan - This term is very new but catching on fast. Ghungroo refers to a Curly haired guy. Salmaan (Khan) comes in the picture since ``Ghunroo Salmaan`` fellow is obviously mistaking himself to be a hindi film hero. Its used as a put-down.``

## aaa-hem, well.... if you ask me these newfangled additions really don`t deserve to be added to the rich cultural mix that is Bambaiyya...but all right, if u insist....

``Mama / Maushi - Mama and Maushi translate to the maternal uncle and aunt. These words are thoroughly misused to get some work done. Normally used while speaking marathi. Every other marathi speaking street vendor would be Mama or Maushi. Alos the policeman is called Mama.``

## Not really....Kaka is more easy on the ears.... mama has some connotations of being a simpleton... ``Abey, Mama jaisa baat mar kar``.... and policeman is definitely ``Pandu`` (from ``Pandu Havaldar`` of Dada Kondke infame). Enough of this disinformation!!!!

BTW, Subroto... the rest of the terms are really all right... so don`t get all senti on me for the Bong take-off....end mein ``aamhi bondhu`` what say :))))

Subroto, I have seen Fanta in the US, especially the grape version, since the `70s . . . you just had to look for it. As for the Red Sea, the true reason is that there is a marine growth in the sea, or rather at the bottom of the Red Sea which releases itself to the surface during certain extra hot weather conditions . . . this seaweed (which is also highly nutritious I am told . . .) lets go a very strong red pigment which actually discolours the waters . . . this particular dye was much treasured by Rulers of Zanzibar till the `50s (when Zanzibar was extremely rich) and the Omanis and Yemenis used to go about collecting it (since Oman was then a colony to Zanzibar) and trading in it . . . more trivia is that the Arabs from Jeddah were petrified of this colour in the water because they thought it meant death (which actually happened because the sharks would also go nuts around this time for some reason) and thus Luxor was saved.

Till Aswan.

The Red Sea is the hottest waters I have sailed in my life. Intake temperatures were often higher than what we pumped out. There were no lighthouses along the coast till as late as the mid-`70s and piracy was an accepted form of livelihood once you crossed Socotra till you reached Suez/Al Tawfiq.

Re Scout # 6

``i did read the complete article. just didn`t have anything to say about it. ``

I know, I know - was only kidding, was not meant to be critical at all ;-)

And for the rest a brief introduction to the unique Bombay Hindi - ``Bhindi`` as she is otherwise known. Many of you may have read this before but those who havn`t heres what you need to know :

1. Jhakaas - Superb. Excellent.



2. Chikna - stands for any good looking fellow. Chikna actually means smooth. Chinki is the female version of the same word.

3. ChappanTikkli / Punter / Tapori / Shana - Roadside loafer. Tapori is among the most commonly used words in Bhindi.

4. Dhapnya / Battery / double battery - Refers to a person wearing prescription glasses. Pron. ``bya-tree``.



5. Keeda / SulemaniKeeda - an absolute pest.



6. Mandvali / Mandavli - Compromise.



7. Gangaram - for a barber. Gangaram is a guys name. I guess some Gangaram must have played an immortal role in some play or movie for his name to stick on.

8. Hajaam - Hajaam in its true sense would mean a barber. It refers to anyone with a moronic intellect.

9. Bevada / Gutter / Taankee / Batli / JohnnyWalker - A Drunk. JohnnyWalker comes from either the actor by the name or the whiskey brand.



10. Rappak ( ``pp`` is stressed on ) - means Slap. ( eg. Kaan kay neechay rappak lagaoonga. )

11. Tapri - A road side shop.



12. Chotay - stands for any kid working in a Tapri. If the shop has more than one kid ... all would have to be Chotays.



13. Charsi / Fookda / Soootya - A smoker. Charas is exactly marijuana. Charasi would mean any guy who smokes though.



15. Mava / (120 - 300) EkSauBees-TeenSau - This is a type of paan that you get here. 120 and 300 are the flavors of tabacco. Mava is everything that paan has without the betel-leaf. Terms also refer to the person who consumes it.

16. Manikchand - Manikchand is a famous brand of chewing tabacco. This term also stands for a person who consumes it.



18. Dhoop Chaav - Means Sun and Shade. Refers to the shops owned by the road side barbers who just have a rag for the Shade and is obviously hole-ridden to let the Dhoop come in.



19. Cutting - A little_more_ than_half cup of Tea is a cutting. Cutting concept would have been started by people who used to split the cup of tea between 2 people .. and finally the tea vendor started selling half cup of tea and called it ``cutting``. A little_more_than_half is given to increase the patrons.

20. Chinese Gaadi - No ! this is not a Chinese make of an automobile !! Its the ``Tapri`` selling chinese food on the side of the road. U find one after every 10meters. The best part is that all these Chinese Gaadis are red in color, have names like ``Red Sun`` / ``Red Dragon`` / ``Fong`s`` / or anything that sounds vaguely chinese. The cook is normally a nepali gurkha working as a night watchman in some nearby apartment complex.



21. Ghungroo Salmaan - This term is very new but catching on fast. Ghungroo refers to a Curly haired guy. Salmaan (Khan) comes in the picture since ``Ghunroo Salmaan`` fellow is obviously mistaking himself to be a hindi film hero. Its used as a put-down.



22. AndhaDhuni / Aadva-Patta - These are a cricketing terms. AadvaPatta comes from Pune, means ``Cross batted shot``. AndhaDhuni means ``Blind shot``. But nowadays these refer to any guy who doesnt Bat well.



23. Mama / Maushi - Mama and Maushi translate to the maternal uncle and aunt. These words are thoroughly misused to get some work done. Normally used while speaking marathi. Every other marathi speaking street vendor would be Mama or Maushi. Alos the policeman is called Mama.



24. Bambaiyya - Anything that relates to anything that even vaugely relates to Bombay. Bambaiyaa is something that every resident of Bombay would love to be called

veeresh #8:

``Most people think that pao-vada is the ultimate snack.``

Vada-pao, not pao-vada.

In Bombay/Mumbai . . .

a) Most everything of importance is now named after Chatrapati Shivaji or his family. However, people still call them by their old names.

b) Most taxis are defunct rattly Fiat 1100s, with drivers from Eastern UP who are trained to find out if you are a newcomer.

c) Most tarts are from Nepal, and dream of getting married in the big city. Quite often they do.

d) Most people are not carrying guns, this I am told is the biggest difference.

e) Most everything is eventually controlled by some Parsi connected entity, operating quietly behind flavour of the day facades.

f) Most everything lacks sophistication.

g) Most trains run full all the time in both directions.

h) Most beggars change their religion according to day of the week and prospective customer.

i) Most movies about Bombay have very little in common with the city.

j) Most Bombay people do not talk like Bombay people in movies.

k) Most girls in Bombay do not have blue eyes, blonde hair though they do have brown knees. (Thank you Romair)

l) Most people could not care a doodly (unacceptable word was here) about who got ``freedom`` for us and have consigned the great leaders of our freedom to statues in off-peak locations. (Thank you Yasser)

m) Most people worship cricket and the stock market, combining both you get gambling which is fine too.

n) Most people write Letters to the Editor and make fun of politicians.

o) Most people could not care less if the gays paraded up and down Cooperage in their underwear.

p) Most people think that pao-vada is the ultimate snack.

q) Most people have a built-in alarm clock that wakes them up when their station comes.

r) Most people will always have exact change; it is the mark of the tourist not to have exact change.

s) Most people will aim for the front seat in the share-taxi.

t) Most people will still applaud Rekha but not watch her films.

u) Most people will move atleast 10 metres away if you are canoodling with your partner on the rocks at Bandra.

v) Most people will share a joint / chillum with anybody passing by and wanting a drag at the old adda outside the police station opposite VT. (Bhatia Baug/Udyan whatever)

w) Most people will not trouble you if you are helpless drunk passed out on or under a seat at any railway platform.

x) Most people will be involved in a theatre group that involves ``social good``.

y) Most people will help women if they are being troubled, mugged, eve-teased, hassled.

z) Most people will use a dabba-wallah, thus apartment house affairs start after the dabba wallah has left and before the children return from school.

Yeah, Bombay is fun . . . you just need to be a non-Bombayite to enjoy it better . . .

RE: Subroto #5

``why is the red sea red?``

The answer to that is :

``I have studied in Karachi Grammar School

It is in an old locality

But only rich and priveleged can read there

So therefor assume that I am priveleged

There is gola ganda wala near KGS

He has red Gola ganda, which i like

He says it is red because the red sea is red.

``

simple, isnt it?

Subroto #5,

``In our own little ways we derive meaning from the world around us, so maybe next time you`ll read the complete article.``

i did read the complete article. just didn`t have anything to say about it.

RE Scout # 4

```.... failing in cooling myself off with a Fanta in a café, watching a bad film at The Regal.`

I found a two liter bottle of Fanta at the supermarket the other day. First time I`ve seen Fanta in NY.

That`s all I have to say about this article.``

Now thats not bad at all, for you have found something you could associate with the article, and mind you it doesn`t have to stop there. I don`t know if you remember the old joke which asked ``why is the red sea red?``

The answer to that is :

``Queen Elizabeth was a ruler.

She ruled the seven seas.

In the sea there are sharks.

The shark have finns.

The Finns fought the Russians.

The Russians are red,

thats why the red sea is red!``

In our own little ways we derive meaning from the world around us, so maybe next time you`ll read the complete article. As for me it was the mention of the Irani cafes.......

``A preposterous idea grew in me even as I was engaging in ordinary, even boring, activity, walking in the heat, failing in cooling myself off with a Fanta in a café, watching a bad film at The Regal.``

I found a two liter bottle of Fanta at the supermarket the other day. First time I`ve seen Fanta in NY.

That`s all I have to say about this article.

keep writing Rehan, practice makes perfect (hopefully)

H-e-e-e-e-e-e-r-e comes YLH!!!

Jinnah Zindabad!! (Just stealing YLH`s thunder.)