The Red Dress

Reply hamidm:

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

There`s still hope for Mr. Zafar here.... 2002 contest is open. Shoo-in for finalist at least.

May make a new category for him: subcontinental angst.

:))

me not ashok. Me give sympathy ..me your fried ..ok?

soundmeister #14 ``This is what happens to us desis after watching Summer of 42 for the first time!`` you must add Monsoon Wedding to Summer of 42 to get this article.

........it was a dark and stormy night ...

.........i couldn`t get past the first paragraph ... but here is the original, in case you wondered ...

``It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents -- except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.``

....Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)

This guy hydra, who has now assumed a new nick ``Ashok`` appears to have a very disastrous sexual life. Why else would he meddle so much with ladies affairs by his multifarious nicks of Bijli, Shah, AeishA, Chunkey Pandey etcetera etcetera.

APOLOGY

…apologoise for breaking into this thread…thought chowk would put up an article to discuss the current plight of the palestinians…if you are interested in that please use reply #461 as a springboard to launch a discussion over this issue in the speakers corner…

Dear Zafar,

Liked it ... having spent a good part of my preteen years chugging along on the Assam Mail or Teensukhia Mail to Dibrugadh (on to Dinjaun) or Jalpaiguri (on to Gantok/Rumtek/Kalimpong or Darjeeling) I could even identify with the endless rain, the Teesta bridges and the Bhramaputra in full spate !! Can`t recall which part of Assam is supposed to be the rainist spot on the planet ...

Are you planning to write a sequal where Khushi finds out about Laila ... ?

Re: Ashok, #13

It`s not me who has a problem. You do.

Jeezeus!

This is what happens to us desis after watching Summer of 42 for the first time!

Wanted to write more but am too overcome with laughter, making typing difficult.....

HEEHEEHEEHEEHAWHAWHAW

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I agree with some of the replies here. A story which could have used a lot fewer words. A fine attempt nevertheless.

Asta

www.kurukshetra.org

tahmed321 #7,

:))

Re: anNy, #5

``this was way too long and a bit tiring to read``

No kidding! anNy, hats off to you for managing to go through the entire story! Sounds like you are out of reading material. By the way, you owe me a book. And twenty years is just too long a time.

PS: at times you are just too funny!!! I love that trait in people, especially when they are as natural as you. Keep it up, girl!

Re: tahmed321, #7

``maybe I`ll come back and read it again.``

You can`t be serious!!! You are right about the weather reporting, though. After I read the first paragraph, I got so much in the mood that I watched the weather channel till the muffled night quietly started to creep through under my doors (which finally enveloped the entire house shutting all the light bulbs,) the confused moon in the purple sky played ankh macholi with the dark clouds, and the rain drops the size of chokandar broke all of my windowpanes.

Re: temporal, #9

The best writer uses the least words.

Zafar:

(and also for some chowkies who write long posts)


…could this have been delivered in less than 7428 words?


…for instance this:


[…Stretching her limbs in a yawn, she rolled out of the bed. Collecting her flowing jet-black hair in a fist, she rounded them in the shape of a bun. She straightened her sari in places where it had got loosened and crumpled…] 42 words


versus this


…stretching, she got off the bed, pulled her hair in a bun and adjusted her sari…16 words


or this


…as she rose up she stretched and adjusted her hair and sari…12 words


…when it comes to creative writing i believe in ‘less is more’…granted, i stretch this dictum sometimes…but i ask you…is it possible to say what you want to say without substantially diminishing or lessening the effect of what you want to deliver?


rgds,

t

Zafar: Plenty of weather reporting, provides an interesting character to the story. The central figure is a 43 year woman, and that is good since enough of these recently graduated teenagers I say!!!

I basically skimmed through the story, like the monsoon rains sliding off the back of an Indian film heroine PS You can see how I have been influenced by the story`s weather channel references :-)

In fact, I love this original style so much, I will drag this post on a bit more: I have a dreamlike feel for the story rather than an understanding of the plot. After all, I did slide through like rain off the back of ... (I already said that). I hope the story was meant to read like that, kind of like the short story equivalent of an impressionistic painting. Like dark monsoon clouds and green dripping leaves in romantically distant Patna...like rain falling at night on the shingles of the house I once lived in on the mountains near Murree...followed by silence and low pitched howling sound of the wind going through the pine tree jungle...and then the moon would shine through the clouds, framing them with a bright silver lining...

Thank you sir...enjoyed skimming through your story...maybe I`ll come back and read it again.

….mamoon, being one of the chief protagonists, should’ve been better developed…he doesn’t really click….he goes from being in love with henna, to having an affair with laila to falling in love with khushi as if changing clothes…