The Lonely Road

Dear Farzana:

This is my first time on Chowk, and yours is the first article that I just finished reading. The powerful starting gives a clear indication of your boundless potential. Unlike some of the other readers who liked your essay but found it haunting and depressing, I found it pleasantly refreshing. I would be more happy when we reach a level of acceptability when readers don`t feel the urge to compliment the author for being bold in bringing up what most (if not all) of us face in our lives. Having said that, I am happy to see many readers respond with unexpected maturity.

I agree with you that loneliness is very different from being alone, but if you were asked, how would you describe the opposite of loneliness? Personally, I would describe it as ``being fully understood``, which is more or less an unrealistic expectation, even from a spouse or close friend. And if that is the case, then I don`t see any reason for anybody to attach a negative association to loneliness, since loneliness is an integral part of our lives, that should be accepted, cherished, and appreciated.

Good luck with your future endeavors,

Farhan

roohi

hi :) gayeb nahin, kuch parhaee karnae kee koshish kar rahee hoon..also chowk aajkal kuch irritating sa ho raha hae (yours ana`s and samina`s discussions most definitely excluded)...twilight in delhi is very old, i maroed it off my lovely taya`s bookshelf many years ago and have just now gotten down to reading it..its nice but gets just a lil annoying in places..howre u doing? the bachooz are well?

bijliji

long time no talk :)..why you getting all bae-haya on me behna? my

Jul-15-02 1:46:37 EST Reply #: 42

anNy

samina

these are some pakistani writers/poets i like: zaibunissa hamidullah...she won some huge european literature award for her `bull and the she devil` many years ago i believe when english writng was practically non existent in pakistan...maki kureishi, this woman is brilliant samina...adrian a. husain, kaleem omar, talat abbasi, salman tarik qureshi, tahira naqvi (has translated manto and ismat chughtai) moniza alvi, (look up her `i would like to be Dot in a painting by Miro..its bohat pretty) sara suleri (very popular but i dont like the way she writes)aamer hussein..ahmed ali is very very good....im reading his twlight in delhi aaj kal which is a/c to the book, the first major muslim novel in english to have been written in the sub continent, was broadcast on all india radio and has been translated in urdu, french, spanish and portugese



have fun :0)

Another sad news..

by Nagnatheshwar

I am sorry to be posting some morose news lately.. but here is another.. help if you can.. I dont know why I was feeling afraid to post this, but I had to..

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Greater Washington Telugu Cultural Society

http://www.gwtcs.org

It`s rather unfortunate that one of our friend Ramesh Pantham (26), Had an untimely death in US. He was the only son in the family with an unmarried sister and old parents to be taken care of. We are in the process of sending his corpse to India. As you would be aware that this would require a lot of resources both in terms of finance and logistics.

Ramesh Pantham a BE ECE graduate from OUCE (94-98) came to USA on H1b visa 8 months Ago (October 2001). He went into a deep depression for bad financial situation and other reasons like not getting a Job. He committed suicide on Wed July 10th in his apartment in Virginia (Herndon). Ramesh do not have health and life insurance and he is from a lower middle class family.

We are requesting you to come forward and help the bereaved family in what ever way you can. Please also send this message to like minded people who would be interested in sharing the burden on this family.

GWTCS and other Indian associations has come forward to help in ‘Ramesh Pantham – Funeral Fund’

Please make the check payable to GWTCS and make a note at the bottom of the check `Ramesh Pantham - Funeral Fund`.

Mailing Address:

Greater Washington Telugu Cultural Society

6425 Stream Valley Way

Gaithersburg, MD 20882

Ramesh Family India Address:

Pantham Rajesham

Husnamabad

Karimnagar (Dt)

Andhra Pradesh, AP.

Ph # 08721-56398

Thank you So much for kind and generous help

anNy #42

``im reading his twlight in delhi``

anNy if this is the book I think it is (it`s quite old right ?) - then it was on my parents bookshelf as far back as I can remember - it`s good !! Also thanks for your reading list on the other thread ... vaisai, aap kahaN gayab haiN aaj kal?

samina

these are some pakistani writers/poets i like: zaibunissa hamidullah...she won some huge european literature award for her `bull and the she devil` many years ago i believe when english writng was practically non existent in pakistan...maki kureishi, this woman is brilliant samina...adrian a. husain, kaleem omar, talat abbasi, salman tarik qureshi, tahira naqvi (has translated manto and ismat chughtai) moniza alvi, (look up her `i would like to be Dot in a painting by Miro..its bohat pretty) sara suleri (very popular but i dont like the way she writes)aamer hussein..ahmed ali is very very good....im reading his twlight in delhi aaj kal which is a/c to the book, the first major muslim novel in english to have been written in the sub continent, was broadcast on all india radio and has been translated in urdu, french, spanish and portugese

have fun :0)

anNy,

Thanks, sweet sister! Its from Anne Carson`s book Men in the Off Hours, which I am loving TOO much right now. My aunty gave me a whole list of Pakistani writers to look up...mind if I ask you as well?

Samina # 23

that was lovely..thanks

temporal bhai …

When did numbers become a part of all this? Granted, you wanted to share your wit … but “why prop this gun on my shoulder when firing”? And what is wrong with dragging god into this? After all … he himself volunteered personal information in the book. If such references amount to silly machinations to you … I plead not guilty.

Heck … put a Pakistani Muslim and an Indian Hindu on a deserted island … and the first thing they’d discuss is Kashmir … unless the two countries happen to be playing a series of cricket matches. On the other hand we the huddled masses believe in freedom of conscience, taking the fifth as often as possible … and always having a choice between coke and pepsi. You may find all this trivial … but we …the soon-to-be-naturalized-green-card-holders … the failed army of the technology revolution … are willing to go to war over this … and bomb Afghanistan all over again if we have to.

Meaning … there are all kinds of people, with all kinds of inclinations. Why bother with some yoyo named sattar? … let him have his kicks. You get yours one way … he gets his another way.

As for mai-baap drinking on the fifteenth … may be they wanted to be the last ones to take a pi$$ across the border … I also cannot explain why a sword underlines the declaration of faith on the saudi banner … or if mecca really had a better sewage system than Jerusalem. In any case … friday being the pay day explains a hell lot … including the khutba on why all of it should not be spent in one place … in pursuit of the forbidden …

Bhai … chowk is not a dictatorship … and luckily you are no rangroot in khakis. So instead of memorizing the number tables … and saluting dear ferzi … please stick with writing narrations of a dead man from the post-mortum table. God knows … whoever advised you to be a chowkidar (no pun intended) … sold out on you … and should immediately be deported …

Said Farzana: ``This is something difficult to write about. ``

Then DON`T write naa baba....why you depressing yourself and everyone else also? In any case, hardly any coherence in the piece to begin with. Stick to Sena-bashing...at least hate carries you through on those.

Yawn.

Farzana - I didn`t know you were a rediff columnist !!! Is that you ??

http://www.rediff.com/style/farz.htm

Farzana:

Recently read Zia Gurchani`s: In the Ruins of Loneliness. This is an amazing book. One of the few that I`ll treasure and read again and again.

I recommend it to everyone.

Good luck.

FV,

My favorite poet Anne Carson:

“Sumptious Destitution”

-Your opinion gives me a serious feeling: I would like to be what you deem me.

(Emily Dickinson letter 519 to Thomas Higginson)

is a phrase

-You see my position is benighted.

(Emily Dickinson letter 268 to Thomas Higginson)

scholars use

-She was much too enigmatic a being for me to solve in an hour’s interview.

(Thomas Higginson letter 342a to Emily Dickinson)

of female

-God made me (Sir) Master-I didn’t be-myself.

(Emily Dickinson letter 233 to Thomas Higginson)

silence.

-Rushing among my small heart-and pushing aside the blood-

(Emily Dickinson letter 248 to Thomas Higginson)

Save what you can, Emily

-And when I try to organize-my little Force explodes-and leaves me bare and charred.

(Emily Dickinson letter 271 to Thomas Higginson)

Save every bit of thread.

-Have you a little chest to put the Alive in?

(Emily Dickinson letter 233 to Thomas Higginson)

One of them may be

-By C@ock, said Ophelia.

(Emily Dickinson letter 233 to Thomas Higginson)

the way out of here.

Farzana!

Confusion to nahin tha...Most of that was just my imagining how the venom-spitters would reply to that. :)

Was afraid to peek in here. I am touched. Loneliness is not a weakness and not merely a state of mind. I am aware that it has made some regulars uncomfortable – either because of the resonances or because they did not expect this from me. The rest of what I write are responses to happenings/people. This is about me….as close to the bone as my flesh is. Nice to know that most of you have been mature enough to understand that this is only a part of me and not the whole. Thanks for not lecturing me about what to do with my life…and I do believe in ideals.

temporal:

Yes… “dasht-e-tanhaiyee….”

ana:

Feels good that you could relate to it… but why the confusion about the last sentence, “Are dead people lonely as well?” ? This was rhetorical…the depths of despair…

“Marne ke baad bhi meri aankhein khulee rahee

Aadat padee thi inhein intezaar ki…”

Kiran:

You remind me of my English friend, my soul sis. We were in her kitchen in London on a Christmas Eve and she told me, “When you look back on the days of Not being alone, you will remember them as the loneliest ever.” How true she was/is.

dost-mittarji:

Thanks for the hug…no, not quite shades of ‘Pyaasa’…I have to repeat myself, but can’t get over the dead Meena Kumari’s bejewelled hand peeping out from the grave in ‘Sahib…’…which is why my last sentence should make sense…

Alas, nothing is ever a passing phase for me…I am for keeps, my khazaana (of ghum and khushi) is for keeps. “Kabhi khud pe, kabhi haalaat pe rona aaya…”

Unfortunately for me, catharsis does not always work as it should…having ‘cleaned my system’, the vacuum gets filled again by the same hollow voices and broken veins…but I am not a ‘moper’… as you know already.

hasansaab:

Shukria… that ghazal from ‘Umrao Jaan’ where she sings, “Bulaa raha hai kaun mujhko chilmanon ke uss taraf….” … bohat baar gaye hai uss paar (gutsy?) aur shama ki lau itni tez thi ke kuchh nazar hi naheen aaya…

Jay:

Thank you very much… the “unflinching love for the being that sustains you”…sometimes what sustains us destroys us or is destroyed by us.

Godot:

I wish I could have been philosophical, rather than “haunting”…but I am dealing with ghosts – of the past, present and the future (and to hell with semantics). What happens after death? I suppose we begin to live…

Shirin:

Hum tau eik baar padhne se bhi dar rahe the…

“Ajeeb saaleha mujhpar guzar gayaa yaaron

Main apne saaye se kal raat dar gayaa yaaron.

Har eik naqsh tamanna ka ho rahaa dhundhlaa

Har eik zakhm mere dil ka bhar gayaa yaaron.”

Ras, Karakoram, Behram, afarsiyab, Aamir Ansari, Ashok, urstruly, profundae, anNy, samina (just the right choice of poem, as always), roohi, semipreciousme, fawad, scout, Lucy (aur bhi ghum hai zamaane mein …mardon ke siwaa!)… Do feel a bit exposed, but there is still much more in the deeper recesses…you know that Chinese curse “May you live in interesting times”? Often I feel I would not have it any other way… have made my peace with the pieces that are me.

#: 29

Lucy

Farzana honey,

Lucy our naendrathal great great grand mother ,what makes you think she is hairy ,horny like you .Remembr the pic.in Natl.Geography few years ago about Lucy ,All our ancestors came from her

P.S. were you found on Shankers Fishing Expedition or some bar ??