The Sad Reality of Arranged Marriages in South Asia

good article ,but write a new version of the same idea , probably time and age must have changed your ideas.

Asdaq is that U,? Marriage is a gamble whether arranged or otherwise. arranged ones last longer

marriage whether arrange or for liking require a trillion of sarcrifics to hold it.
why arn`t people speak the truth.

Ref Sangilikkaruppan #159

[#148 the resident bigot
Would you wager, say, $10000 (to go to my favorite charity should you be whupped upside your head)? Then i`ll answer your ``questions``.]

Ha, ha, ha. You expect me to take the words of you, your wife, your family, etc., to prove that you didn`t take any dowry? You know, this is the trouble: you OBCs always underestimate the intelligence of a brahmin.

I, on the other hand, am prepared to give you the name and phone number of the company where my nephew`s Muslim classmate works. Since it is a 1200+ person software firm in Chennai, I could not possibly bribe every one of their telephone operators to hand over the phone to my accomplice when you go looking for that guy.

What a loser!

rsridhar #160 michael jackson would be proud of the fair skinned South Indian Brahmis. And they didnt even need a nose-job or skin lighteners, like michael jackson...

re:#151 by bbabu
You must be kidding. Then, you probably have not seen the whole of South Indian community. Some South Indian brahmins are so fair that they can pass off as Europeans (eg my mom). However, there are no general rules. Looks like you have not been around.
Sridhar

#148 the resident bigot
Would you wager, say, $10000 (to go to my favorite charity should you be whupped upside your head)? Then i`ll answer your ``questions``.

DRUMZy...
p.s to #157.

I didn`t respond to something you said in your last post, `cause it was addressed to Saxena, but it has to do with `love`, and `family`.
Being in the throes of love is a wonderful thing...`specially if it`s your first love...there`s an urgency, that first flush as it`s referred to. Love can be blind to everyone and everything else that`s around (which begs the question..is it really love?). I know there have been times when I`ve been ready to cut off certain ties for what I thought was love. Of course I haven`t met anyone lately who I would do that for. At this late stage, perhaps I won`t. But anyway...
I read your posts and I so much want to be the interfering aunty and give you advice, but I figure you`re old enough and hopefully wise enough to know...and then this being a public arena...but then you made certain comments in this arena, so bear with me for just a few moments.
Like I said...being in love is a wunnerful thing. The funny thing `bout being in love is that it can either last a lifetime..or it can last a day, a week, a few hours! Sometimes one is fortunate to find THE ONE the very first time. Others fall and get their hearts broken time and time again. You know this. God knows I do!
As for your family...I sincerely hope there are attachments. And I`m certain they exist. It`s hard to keep your eyes open sometimes, and look beyond you and the girl as the center, but our families are our centers to a certain extent, no? Especially our immediate families. Perhaps this was not what you were referring to, when you said they could get the eff out of the way. I hope not. :-)
Just try to keep both eyes open...and keep lines of communication open with your families. And take your time...if this girl is really THE ONE, and if you both cross whatever hurdles come your way and reach the finish line together...then the both of you are committed to each other for the long haul, hai na? I`ve meant you no disrespect in saying any of this... And if you tell me to eff off...welllll, let`s just say you will not be the first! Peace!
P.P.S. I think you have my email address if you should want to write to me.

DRUMZy...I tried looking for our previous conversation myself, and couldn`t track it down...I did find that in the change from the old format to the new, quite a few posts that are attributed to moi, are NOT mine.
Something is actually happening EXACTLY the way I said it would (along with you of course)? This is one for the record books. :-)

Tahmed32
It is not my aim to either glorify the lighter skinned people or denigrate darker skinned people. My attempt has been set wrong assumptions and for stereotypes to rest.

I agree with you on the character attributes one hundred percent .

I only seek to emphasize my point because my interactions with South Asians has led me to believe that connotations are attached to being a South Indian or being of a darker skin .

RLeonard #152 You had written an informative post concerning the history of south indian (particularly dravidian) people that was addressed to me in an article. I had meant to respond, and seeing your post here, am using this opportunity to thank you for it. You had mentioned in that article how south indians come in all shades, as do north indians and pakistanis too. I basically agree with you, and the fact that on average people are somewhat lighter and taller in the north than in the south is hardly something earthshaking in the overall scheme of things.
Coming to this post, it seems to me you are equating a fair skin with good looks or attractiveness, given your use of the terms interchangably. Why do you take this for granted? Shouldnt intelligence, character, values, good personal hygiene, athletic physique, sense of humor, overwhelm color of skin as the basis for attractiveness???

There are always much greater chances for a mixed race/religion marriage to be successful in a neutral environment.

In countries like India and Pakistan, one has to reckon with outside forces and social pressures from the family and the community.

BBabu

On an average yes, many South Indians are darker than many North Indians from Punjab, Western UP, Maharashtra etc. and on the same average they are not darker than many from Gujarat , Bihar, Bengal and Orissa.

By South Indian if you mean people who live in the South and speak Southern languages , there are plenty who are very fair. N.Ram of the HIndu Group , Dr J Jayalaitha the CM of TN, Arvind Swamy the actor . Mammooty the Kerala actor was better looking than many of the Bollywood heroes around that time, so was Prem Nazir.

So are some Bongla people such as may be SS Ray the last Congress CM , actor Victor Bannerjee , Nirad Babu etc.

Drumz

Regarding your question if I may add - I think the most important variables in a South Asian setting seem to the social status and the religiosity of the families concerned in a vast majority of cases.

Where professionals have married I know one case where the lady has not converted to Islam and they seem to live happy lives and have good relations with both sides of the family.

In one case a Hindu lady doctor was converted to Islam by the groom`s parents and she was stopped from continuing on her job, she has been taunted and her parents have been insulted on account of her infidel faith. She has stuck on because she believes that she has burnt all her bridges, even though she is disappointed with her husband who seemed to be an open-minded person during their courtship.

In another case a Hindu man from a poorer background married the rich daughter of a Muslim merchant and while the girl`s parents tried their level best to intimidate him, the girl has steadfastly stood by her husband and they live happy lives.

Regarding the faith of parents - the parents have remained indifferent to the new faith that their daughters have married into, which they felt was necessary for the future of their daughters .

Faruk # 19

There are very few ``fair`` South Indians. When South Indians mean fair they mean brown skinned. Musharraf is about as far as South Indian become. You would be challenged to find someone with the appearance of Imran Khan. A lot of Tamillians are outright dark.

Sax: Most of my friends (ALL of them actually) agree. If they dont then they aint friends. As for family, no attatchments, whoever disagrees can get the efff (im not allowed to swear anymore) out the way.

Noor: I should cut and paste what we talked about cuz it happened EXACTLY like we were saying it would.