The Sad Reality of Arranged Marriages in South Asia

re: nooralain

{Sax...I agree that forced conversions don`t work. But how `bout if when one party is genuinely interested in the religion of the other, and wants to convert?}

...by forced i don`t mean by coercion, but the situation where someone feels obligated to convert...as in a rule...i don`t buy the story that person A dates person B and all of a sudden has an epiphany that B`s religion is their salvation in life...too bad most people learn that lesson the hard way...

re: DRUMZ

{How bout when both parties KNOW enuff about religion to know that there is no difference between Hinduism and Islam? }


...the concept might be too sophisticated to sell to most people...unless you`re willing to ditch the outside world (including family and friends) completely...

Sax...I agree that forced conversions don`t work. But how `bout if when one party is genuinely interested in the religion of the other, and wants to convert? But yes..perhaps the best way for such relationships to work would be as you say.

DRUMZy...That talk was so long ago, but I do have some recollection of what we discussed.
As for having more than one soulmate, perhaps I have a cloudy definition of what a soulmate is...I consider people with whose souls I`ve connected to be a soulmate. I have a coupla soulmates here on Chowk. I haven`t found THAT elusive soulmate yet..the one with whom I can totally connect..the one whom I would spend my entire life with and for whom I would do anything...that one would be THE one. Dunno if that makes sense.
As for having her brahmin parents read the Quran in no time....good luck!

Saxena: How bout when both parties KNOW enuff about religion to know that there is no difference between Hinduism and Islam?

Noor: Remember that talk we had on devdas and marriage? Not even all the religions combined have even a footnote on love. Trust me, I will have her brahmin parents reading the Quran in no time. I was gonna ask her to convert to Islam but couldnt say it with a straight face. Id rather convert to Hinduism. And how can u have more then one soulmate????

re: nooralain

{if he was to marry her, she had to convert to Islam}

...this is always the deal-breaker...can`t shove religion down people`s throats, which is effectively what ``conversions`` are, even if sugarcoated to suggest otherwise...it doesn`t work in the long-term, even if in the near-term ``love`` temporarily blinds to the point of delusion...the successful inter-religious marriages i`ve seen are those where both parties retain their religious identities...or where both parties don`t care for religious beliefs...and both parties have it in them to not let family create hell....just my 2 cents...

DRUMZy....
One of my friends, a Muslim guy...went through quite a bit of hell to marry the girl he loved...a Hindu. Both families were against the marriage. He was told by both his parents, and the maulvi that if he was to marry her, she had to convert to Islam. She loved him enough to do that, I guess. They`ve had a bit of a rocky marriage, and I`ve lost touch with them so I don`t know how they`re doing now. `Tis a tricky thing...inter-faith relationships---and while love is everything, it isn`t always enough in this case.
If this is not THE soulmate (it is possible to have more than one), then perhaps you are doing the right thing by tryinna get her to stay with her family. And if she is, and you decide to persevere, well...just be prepared for the obstacle course that lies ahead. :-)

sameeroo....
[nooroo: Did I tell you what JB stands for in my name J B Sameer? It is for Jet Black........:-)) ]
LOL....good, at least that`s ONE good thing in your favor! (being Punjabi necessarily isn`t!!!!!). I needed that sense of humor of yours today...thank you!

Probably someone has covered this already, but...
You came very close to identifying a sinister aspect of arranged marriages when you said that they impeded social mobility. Without arranged marriages there will be no caste system. Man & woman fall for each other, don`t care about caste, subcaste, etc., get hitched, make babies who are virtually casteless.

Some GOOD Beginings of `Arranged Marriages` -- in Pakistan.

Naming -- of an ARD-MMA government is about to begin –

Shaming -- of a Beardless Moustached Dictator -- with a bearded moustache less Mullah -- is about to begin.

Chaining -- of an out of control soldier THIEF -- who stole a government at gunpoint -- by an elected Parliament is about to begin.

Claiming of the proverbial Pound of Flesh from the Chief -- (a MUST) by the bleeding couples -- BB and NS -- is to begin…

And perhaps… and only perhaps

Taming -- of the Fundamentalist Shrew -- into docile political donkeys ..... .............is about to begin?

Jay # 115

So you are saying that Vajpayee, Advani, and Modi are Europeons. It makes sense because most of the Indian girls, that I see on your TV, have blue eyes and blonde hair like Europeons; but with dark brown knee caps. Are they product of deranged maraiges or are they really europeons. And how did you manage to avoid two nation theory in this post ? Where is our resident proctologist Dr. Ali1;

Ali1 - Could you please examine Mr. Jay`s brain.

Ref Mullah321 #113

[pakfin #99 you write ``What is marriage but a legalised form of sex. ``
Do you object to sex being legal within marriage?]

Well, you still can`t marry your daughter`s pet goat just to make sex with it legal.

Just to inform Junoon fans of their concert: They are playing at the Village Underground Nov 5 - 6. For more info and their interview (audio, etc) go to this link: http://www.theconnection.org/shows/2002/11/20021104_b_main.asp
Enjoy the show !

maf

Noor/Stuka/Saxena: Lets break down the science. Many many MANY moons ago I was with this black girl. At the time, i never thought twice about what her parents would think cuz they`d be cool with it. We decided to be friends, shes engaged now. Fast forward to this month, I meet my soulmate (Yes she wore a jean with hoodie) who (just because Jesus has a sick sense of humour) ended up being a Brahmin!! Her parents hate Muslims, some in my fam hate Hindus, perfect. So im tryinna convince her to stop and stay with her fam, and she is of course not buying it. Aint that some sh1t..........

chowk kay editors ko khabar naee hai,
achi writing kya cheez hai,
ghor say parhyae aur phir samjahyay,
fazoolyut kya cheez hai.

pakfin #118 Thank you. For a second you had me worried that they were going to declare sex illegal. Period. Even within marriage. Even with consent.

#113 tahmed32 on November 4, 2002
pakfin #99 you write ``What is marriage but a legalised form of sex. ``
Do you object to sex being legal within marriage?

At the end of the day it is all about consent. Nikah is consent. No matter what you call it, so long as there is consent it should be fine.

nooroo: Did I tell you what JB stands for in my name J B Sameer? It is for Jet Black........:-))
rsaxena: Why do you interact with retarded freak? I wouldn`t pay this individual even a quarter for giving me blow job.