Larka, Larki Aur Smartee

Re Urstruly: Chiksa is like haldi, but green in colour. Choba is grated coconut and missi`s appearance is that of a black ash and is used as a herb. Awadh and Aggarbarian are naturally scented herbs and form a great combo with Givenchy`s Amriage!
Yes, some Hyderabadi dishes are khatti and sorry i dont know the reason why this is so. It has probably evolved over time due to some climatic conditions in Hyderabad Deccan?! What is cooked imli a natural defence against? ...

Whatever happened to Irani Chai (ok, I said Irani, but nobody makes Irani chai better than Hyderabadis) and haleem?...your article sure did bring back memories...thanx...oh and by the way, if you ever get to visit Hyderabad (naqli hai to kya hua, Sindh wali se aur mashhoor hai), I can recommend one or two biryani places that`ll give all Hyderabadi-Karachi Biryanis a run for their money

regards

Kabuli

Shehlah,

Your story reminded me of a Hyderabadi friend I have here in Karachi. Like the characters/family in your story, his family is also very close and every time I was asked over for dinner, they would also be there, all say 60 or so of them, and a couple of hundred children too. It was truly heartwarming to see how much pleasure they took in each others company, really more like friends than family, if you know what I mean.

And the food, oh wow. Kairi ka sharbat, baghaar-e-baigan, apricot ka murabba. Salman told me that they never ate out. If they wanted say pizza or something, they would bring it home once and then someone, dadi or ammi or nana, would taste it and make it again, exactly the same, next time. Remarkable, isn`t it?

Ignoring the common tendency some people have to think of their culture as a bit of a letdown, I think Hyderabadis really do enjoy their traditions, not merely to keep the community going but also, quite simply, to enjoy themselves. Wish we could all do that. . .

Regards,

Aamir

Re freesoul: Rasms only lend ``formalization`` to shadi. It is natural for people to want to ``do`` something at a momentous occasion and be a ``participant``. Yes the money put behind the effort should be questioned but not the effort itself. Weddings, births etc. will always be ``celebrated`` not only because they herald new beginnings, but also because people seeks avenues to ``celebrate`` life.

Dear MIT: ``Thank you``.
The sentences should read ``... if it were published..``; a comma before ``but``; ``...due to the publishing process``, no full stop after ``slow pace``; ``...over time`` and not ``over the time``.
:)

Great piece of writing and you should be applauded for chronicling these traditions in time. Plus your prose is immaculate as always. Also great to see that you have accomplished what you set out to do. It has taken time but certainly worth the effort.
Just some suggestions. First it would have made for a shorter read in each instance, if it was published as two part article. It is a bit lengthy but given your aim of a comprehensive chronicle it was expected. Also as someone mentioned there were minor proof-reading issues but it could be due to publishing process.
Overall its a great read and one can only pray that you continue to write such great articles. Keep it up.

P.S.:
In defense of writer: First, it was an attempt to capture all these wedding rituals and not necessarily an attempt at glorifying them. Second, many of these rituals can be considered wasteful in terms of time but certainly weren`t lavish. Three, these rituals are just reminiscent of a time when the life meandered at a slow pace Four, many of these so-termed `rasms` are activities that are nonetheless carried out for they are a necessary part say for example `Paon Maiz``, the clothes sizes, ring finger measurements are exchanged and these rasms were just formalising these activities. I would agree that over the time these have transformed into a vulgar show of wealth but initially these served functional purposes. The formalisation was meant to elevate the importance in which the bride was held by the groom`s family.

Holy Mackeral!! But Tell me, what was it like after all this, I mean you talked of the whole process but I am just wondering how you felt after it all got over - as in, the whole process! Im serious, that sounds like a majorly big wedding...Live Well.

Syd

shehla: ``Btw, am not married! (but the rasms are for real)``

I am confused. So you actually didn`t get married, but put yourself in the story as the main character? Or you haven`t gotten married yet? Or you were married, but are no longer married? Just curious.

Jeez.....that made me visualize the building of a car on an assembly line where 10s of robots work on it as it passes in front of them.....even cars are made in a simpler way than this.

This article is a good attempt to preserve and chronicle the dying (?) traditions. I am a big fan of Hyderabadi (Daccan) food, since the time a neighborette (Daccani) of mine, used to send hyderabadi dishes every other day while I used to live in Karachi. Please explain why each and every hyderabadi dish is made so sour (khatti) (or was it just my neighborette. I especially liked bhigarray baigan and double ka meetha. Please explain what are chiksa, chobba, and missi.

Zafar:

Gotcha!!! I am still waiting for a confirmation of my Bangkok-Delhi confirmation. I am trying for any day from the 30th of Nov to the thrid of December!!! Will fly back on the 14th. Looking forward to speaking to you.

This glamorization of a pathetic, rigid and irrational culture is deplorable. There shoul be a big marked difference b/w culture and jahalat. When i speak against sufism, i usually forget that there r more heinous social isms that r not only going on, but getting the approval and WOWs of supposedly educated ppl.

Shehlah-

Oh my Gosh! This was better than a piece of cake during my Roza! I love that you focused on all of the rituals, so liveley and important to keeping your rich and astonishing culture alive! It`s so important in the world today to remember our roots and traditions.

Your details were so vivid, we felt as if we were a part of this wedding.

Wonderful writing technique and amazing humor all added to the mazing attempt at letting us be apart of your BIG FAT HYDERABADI WEDDING!

Bravo!

Any attempt to keep the wedding traditions, rasms and rituals alive is appreciable, but lets not forget the massive financial burden it puts on the families (probably more true for larkiwallays in our culture) before, during and after the wedding. The familiar trappings of a traditional wedding have caused untold heartaches and wastage, especially for poor nations such as ours. Other than that, I agree that these small and insignificant rituals bring much joy to a people for whom entertainment is an endangered species.

Very sweet.

...shehlah....sounds exhuasting but i loved it...this`s exactly the kind of wedding i want...big and vulgar:)...

Hello all and thank you for your generous praise!

Re cheese: Oh you MUST embrace a big fat lavish vulgar wedding. Keep our/your culture alive ... pls!

Re t: Would love to read a critique from you!

Re Romair: All these rasms are from Hyderabad Deccan (India). And the idiom is ``Is hammam mein sab nangay hain``. This pakki karachiite finds it very entertaining to read ``yahan garam hammam hai`` signs outside not-so-swank babers` shops and hence the conjured up images.... *eeks....*

Re: Banjara: Thanks for that info on Paoon Maiz, had no idea as to its roots.

Btw, am not married! (but the rasms are for real) :)

STUKA!!!!!

I am in Delhi (ok, in Palam Vihar, Haryana....) till Dec 21, except for about ten days at the beginning of Dec when I`m in Bombay/Pune. Gimme call on 636 9395. Use the Haryana area code (look it up in book :-)). Talk soon!