Teasing or Torture?

bina:

thanks for this write up…the eve teasing is no simple chaiRchaaR...it is a symbol of a deeper malaise in our society…the sub-surface cultural and religious contradictions are coming to the fore…and in the absence of real education and abundance of intolerance this will continue to grow…sorry, know no short-cut of inculcating decent behaviour…

lve,

t

Bina-
loved the article...loved the topic...and you know what? I`ve never even heard the phrase ``eve-teasing`` before...here it`s just harassment. And when I visited last time I was 16 years old and the attention I received was so horrific that I walked in a burka during my 4 weeks in Karachi.

sara

Great Insights. I have expereinced eve teasing in its worse form and ive tried dressing absolutely ``nunnishly`` if I could use or rather coin the term. Its just pointless to think our average male will think twice before having a leering fit or nudging any woman in the butt very non chalantly as if its a very normal thing to do. The absloultely terrifying thing is the fact that it doesn`t just stop there. Its just tragic, sad and absolutely hopeless to ever wish for less overly sexualy inclined men with too many frustarations let alone those which could be classified as remotely gentelmenly. Some things just don`t change or won`t...great article Beena but too bad the person who is supposed to read it is hanging out of the open door of a public bus just to get a glimpse of a perfectly head to toe covered female who happens to have what God made every other woman have ....Tits!

As usual, Bina, you`ve written a great article. Never heart the term ``Eve-teasing``. It sounds extremely derogatory; one could say PLAYFUL even, when it is actually harassment.
Its sad to say, but this happens all the time in Pakistan.
Anyhow, great article!

``Decent behaviour`` - well, yes, the problem is that society in Pakistan has lost it`s consensus as to what ``decent`` is. A deeper malaise? cultrual contradiction? Our society is in transition, it may not seem so, but it is. It`s paraochial worldview clashes every second with cultures alien to it, this clash itself reoders priorities, turning the cosmos of the parochial pakistani on it`s head; therefore confusion and the lack of consensus as to what constitutes ``decent behaviour``. Must we ``muddle`` through it - what other choice have we?

Bina...
Speaking as someone who has been sexually harrassed in Pakistan, I really appreciate you having written this article.
The deeper malaise in our society has actually existed for eons...and what t. refers to as the sub-surface cultural and religious contradictions have been coming to the fore for a long time, if they haven`t arrived by now. And this doesn`t just happen to college girls and working women...it happens to little girls, and those reaching the age of adolescence, both outside and within the chardewari--I know only too well. It is a source of great shame, and you`re absolutely right--both men and women are equal losers when it comes to sexual harassment in our country.
Thank you!
love, noor

[... After fantasizing and daydreaming about Madhuri, Angelina, Karishma, Jennifer, who else are they going to take it out on but poor Sana, Khalida, Naila, and countless others walking down the streets, riding in buses, shopping in the malls? ...]

So are you blaming the media for this? One gets the impression that somewhere deep down inside you`re giving a silent nod to MMA`s decision to ban cable TV.

P.S. This is a serious inquiry, not sarcasm.

Harrassment spreads to all levels in Pakistan. Girls have lost top positions because tehy refused to marry teachers, and class fellows of mine, used to be stalked all the way home by guys trying to get their attention (you see NO..means yes in Pakistan)

On the flip side, some girls know how to use their gender to ensure they pass and to ensure their domination in class organisations in University. I am speaking from personal experince as a guy lol..

Isnt this is the case of most of the socities in the region

[After fantasizing and daydreaming about Madhuri, Angelina, Karishma, Jennifer, }

what about the society of Maduri? is Madhuri not harrased......any indian bro/sis want to highlight the situation in India where Madhuri, Karishma seen most?

Jennifer. Angelina...what about their society......r things better there?

Banning cable TV or foreign channel is the soloution? agian just an inquiry as this is a big issue. Do we have to make more strict laws on eve teasing.....what about their implementation.? is proper literacy and education going to help it........?

btw very nice written piece. very true.

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Nawaid:

From what I have read and sometimes heard, its a big problem in India too. The extent varies by place. Delhi is worst and Bombay and Calcutta are much better in terms of femal assertiveness. Rural areas that I have been to are much better, largely because everyone knows everyone and no such acts can be hidden from parents and other relatives.

In upper middle class and upper class areas, overt hararssment is less prevalent compared to other parts, as the females are more assertive and confident. However in buses and other crowded places, cupping a feel by frustrated teenagers and older men is not common. And some of them dont spare guys too.

Bina !! a good job at bringing out a shadowy problem to light. people often dont like to talk about it but this phenomenon is even more frequent than load shedding.

However, i would like to ask, if you can highlight how this problem can be remedied. I am sure it has nothing to do with education as people from all starta can be found involved in this stuff. I see it stemming from moral decadance of an entire nation! Now how do u remedy that?? i dont think there is a way. ofcourse the onslaugth of cable, internet is also responsible in part to speed up the process.

Mullah`s solution even though simplistic .. may work.. provided that the environment is made conducive for young couples to find sufficient means of sustenance.

I would like to look at it in a more abstract manner. I think all our social problems like jahez, shadi, illiteracy, impoverishment and many more including the one u discussed arise from economic problems. lets hyphothesize here.. if a young boy or girl after recieving a decent education can find a good job.. i think they would be inclined towards getting married to someone of their or their family`s choice. Moreover, better economics is the key to empower the young generation with independence.. this leads to breaking away from the stranglehold of taboos, upheld by their parents.

We have all read and heard a lot about ``aurat ka istehsal`` in our society. That too arise from economic dependence of a female on her father, brother or husband. I think, given a cheaper education system and good economic infrastructure.. more and more girls could see wht they can achieve by putting in some effort. hell!! i would do anything to get a job of 25000 Rs/month.

Keep writing.. i really like your articles, both here and in dawn

M

Ashok: What makes you say that this doesn`t happen in any other Muslim country? As for non-Muslim countries, India certainly has its fair share of problems in this regard, but lets talk about America for a second. Like every country in the world it has its cases of sexual harassment, generally though the types of harrassment will vary, copping feels in public is far less common.


I`ve never been to Pakistan, but let me share a couple of experiences I had when visiting India. It was impossible to go anywhere without being stared or leered at, it was like I was the first woman they`d seen, on the couple of occasions I was rode a bus in the Jallundur district of Punjab, I was physically manhandled in an obviously sexual manner, on a bus so crowded it was difficult to tell who the culprit was, if there was only one. On my 3 day journey from Punjab to Maharastra, it was awful, I lost count of the times, someone let their hand slip.


In comparison, in all the hundreds of buses I have been on in England and Canada, only once did someone cross the line, and he too happened to be from some Eastern country.


Media has its share of blame maybe, but in a country like the USA where sexual images and innunendo are far far more common, hell, sex is used to sell everything from candy to tooth floss, it seems that most men are able to control their sexual urges even when confronted by Eve in a mall, marketplace or on the bus, even though she is wearing a lot less than the burqua.

I think in a lawless poor society, all sort of crimes flourish. Isolating just one crime is wrong.

Take incest, for example. The fact that incest is under-reported in pakistan, does not mean that it does not happen. If different and weird euphemism is used for it, it also tells a lot about ``crimes of shame`` that we do not want to acknowledge or face. Compared to incest, eve-teasing or sexual harassment is not that big thing.

there r many reasons y sexual harassment is on the rise. Madhuri and Krishna on cable TV is just one reason. The other reason is that women`s participation in national life is increasing. Their mobility has increased a lot, and hence more exposure. Do we want to create a tribal society in cities?

Take any advanced country, and u will see that sexual harassment is a price that women have to pay for their independence. It is much like massive layoffs and no job secuorties in a complete free market economics. u know the risks and u r willing to take it for better good.

Why sexual harassment is more in pakistan? it is a lawless society in transition, it is poor, there r no socially accepted channels/institutions (prostitution, strip clubs, dance clubs, dating, etc.) that can take place of a stable institution like marriage. Go to any fast food restaurant in pakistan, and u will see it is being used as social club for dating.

Having said this, what can be done? There is no one answer to root out sexual harassment in particular. Everything depends on evolution of society according to its economics. We gotta get rid of religous bull$hits and traditional institutions. We have to make sure that policing is not used just for anti-riot purpose in pakistan, but for the greater good of maintaining law and order with the civilian perspective. Any other way?

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# 16 {As a psycho sexual desensitization experiment boys should touch girls in a chapeorened situation to get used to it}

or both boys and girls should be brought up believing that they belong to the same planet. Too subtle for someone who believes in keeping his women covered under black shuttlecocks robes? This hydra is a real weed.