Living Abroad

Nice. Sounds like me, well ofcourse my circumtances were not as bad as this, but I have been through some of the worst times in America as well. And btw I am a great fan of chicago too. :)

hey zermin,

its always hard to share your personal feelings, so welcome to chowk. i hope you find pakistan just as you remembered it.

there are many reasons to dislike america, just as there are many reasons to dislike pakistan. i think assuming no one has time for you there though, is a generalization. when i was in college, i made many american friends who were just as warm and supportive as my friends in pakistan. we talked about about a lot more than boyfriends and dogs, even now, eight years later, we are in regular touch and know each others innermost fears, desires, phobias etc...provide whatever emotional support we can to each other. people are the same wherever you go. i guess its just a question of luck when it comes to picking friends.

This is scary.... seriously! For someone who has plans..

mommmyyyyyyyyyyyy *bhaaainnnnnnn*

Zermin,

How sad, daughter of a pampered feudal with all the attention, maids every where, has found the real world outside. Loove, how sad, no love in the US, at last returning to the nest, to be hand fed by the maids.

One has to have individuality, vision and abouve all some elemnt of human spirit. Having raised in society under the cloud of honor killing, to be nth wife of the most dominant feudal, you went to the wrong country. You should have gone to saudi arabia, to the harem of sheik al abduls bin pehlavevi.

I just changed my mind to go abroad.

the two things that pakistan needs most are brains and resources (financial- future value in your case). your move back to and presence in pakistan is a great asset.

however, the american `friends` are really being more sincere and base themselves on reality. i guess they put a `value` on the relationship in terms of a subconscious cost-benefit analysis... i don`t know what i`m talking about...

Zermin, I understand where you are coming from but allow me to say that this simply states your inability to settle here more than anything else. Anyone moving to another country goes through similar sort of experiences and mostly do overcome any such fears.

People here might be less expressive of their feeling of community/kinship/friendship/whatever but its still not that bad. I can see many happy Pakistani families here as well.

Well, just some info for people who dont it yet. If you want better things in life then you have the price for them. America, in case someone never told you is not ``Heaven``.. You might have assumed that but then again that is entirely up to you what you assume..

But the fact is that Pakistan is not Heave either for some of us who are not he ``aulads`` of the ``Elite``..So I guess.. the maid ayashi wali life in Pakistan is what you missing as do most young people when they come to US. but then again no pains, no gain..

Lastly, enjoy Pakistan, till you can..

oh please.....


PLEASE grow up....i mean, did you honestly think you were going to another pakistan....????

its another country.....with another CULTURE.

jay,

........ you are getting scary! ...... get a grip on yourself ......... so much hatred? ... it can`t be good for you ... you might end up wearing khaki shorts and white banyan, with big-toe-in-strap chappals, and standing in the sun saluting an upside down swastika flag ..........

Ms. Azhar,
I am sorry that your thrill at coming to the US soon changed to a desire to go back to the comfortable surroundings back in Pakistan. I too came as a foreign student (a generation before you did), and had the opposite experience: While you were thrilled at the prospect of coming to the US, I was scared stiff at coming to a country where I did not kow a single soul. I was determined to get my degrees and go back to Pakistan in two years. I have spent the rest of my life here, and am very glad I did. I suspect though that if I had lived my life differently, and gone back to Pakistan, I would have been just as happy over there.
You were young and homesick at the time, and that is perfectly understandable. I can also understand your choice of muslim girls as roommates - however, my recommendation to any student coming to the US is to use the opportunity to meet people from totally different cultures rather than sticking with the familiar and to treat that as a ``non-credit`` learning experience.
Anyway, I hope you were able to get some enjoyment during your stay in the US and were able to see some of the great museums and sights in Chicago. There will be times when you may regret things in Pakistan too, and the thing to remember is - happiness comes from inside, and you might as well enjoy and appreciate wherever you happen to be, in Pakistan or in the US or any other part of the world for that matter.

Beautifully done, and its quite true. The feeling of being homesick and all that stuff on one side, but most of friendship here is quite different from what we have been used to in pakistan. I guess personal privacy is given a higher priority and therefore most people end up feeling secluded.

Staying here with family or no family, but still there isnt any place like pakistan. I was told this a numerous times, and when I was comming here I was quite prepared for it all. But still it took quite a lot of time to finally adjust to this enviornment and truely I HATE IT.

Zermin thanks for putting it up. (I guess the feeling is mutual) ;)

...boohoo...stop whining and learn to adapt...there are so many ways to make good friends in college...join a sport team, join a club that interests you, open your mind to being friends with people who are not pakistani/desi...not everyone is cold and shallow...

...you came all the way to america, and were looking for pakistan the whole time...living with 3 girls who you expected to be just like you...why not just stay in pakistan, then?...

Thanks for sharing this part of your life with us. I can sympathetize that life in another country may not have the same and immediate sense of embedded support systems that might exist in Pakistan. When we are passing through culture shock (which you account sounds like a text book case of), those systems may not be enough for our comfort. There is also the inevitably of assimilation that seems to really frighten those of us raised with rigid definitions of identity. Change can be traumatic, but the inability to understand, endure and accept change can hinder our growth as human beings. Your niece was adapting in perfectly normal manner, given the imposed stratifications a rigid identity from which many South Asians still adhere to.

I was also thinking about the the reality of working. Most of my fam and friend work pretty hard to earn a decent paycheck, meet their prof. goals, go to school, raise famillies, keep active in prof., personal and community endeavors. There is never enough time to do the things you`d like to...am I upset about it? Sometimes....but other times, goals have to be met and we all make it a point to meet up. I would also hazard that the lives of working class immigrants are appreciably difficult in that they are working even harder to become established.

Its not easy.

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It is true that living outside the land of the pure is hard for people who are used to the luxuries and comforts which are seldom available abroad. (I am one of them). Though it is interesting to note that the experience in itself brings about a huge change in people and their lifestyle. I have obsevred ,myself, some moderate people turning completely towards religon to seek peace of mind and sometimes very shy and not-so-liberal people taking a 180 degree turn and adapting completely to the new culture. But I guess it is hard to draw to right balance between the two and yet not losing the sight of the goal!!!!!!!