Towards a Ramzaan Sunset

nasah: I am sorry the way I described `not backward`. Somehow I had different meaning of backward in my mind. The lowest vote percent for MMA was in southern Punjab with I suppose not a single MMA candidate winning and historically more close to PPP than other parties and producing some of the finest liberal and secular minds of Pakistan.
Happy Juma tul Wida and Happy Laila tul Qad`r.
Let us see what he has granted to Musharraf for next year. More cheese for I-am-the-cheese and more silvery tidbits of aab-e-raisham for Tidbit.

````Southern Punjab is not backward. They just have different accents and more gaddi nasheens, tribal chiefs and big landowners. They are less urban then north because of the effect of Lahore````(sameerjb)

sameer miaN
thanks, I know now -- they r definitely NOT backward:-)

happy thanksgiving

RE: #29 by Tidbit wrote:
``Ras: Rooh Afza??? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw....lemme tell u what real sharbat is? have u ever had aab-e-resham?``

I have had a number of sharbats in my life.
Wish I could find aab-e-resham somewhere in Sacramento, California.
Sounds delicious!

Ras

nasah: Southern Punjab is not backward. They just have different accents and more gaddi nasheens, tribal chiefs and big landowners. They are less urban then north because of the effect of Lahore, extensive canal system for irrigation and GT Road.
Tidbit: There are two types of bragging Pakistani men in Diaspora like to do. One is being very successful in dating or sleeping with women to tease their friends back home. The other is to brag about drinking to tease conservatives, Islamists etc and get attention. It is not drinking per se but option to drink whenever desired without worrying about religion. Actually most people do not drink everyday or even every week. There are no lines on the liquor stores and on average there is one liquor store for 30,000 people. It is all about freedom than actually getting drunk every night. I have not had a drink for more than a week but this thanksgiving weekend, perhaps few drinks. Bas aap khush si, hamari kher si, aap doli meiN fit naheeN si ya fit si?

fisherwoman:

thank you for the detailed response.

nasah:
dixie bias is just that. a bias. you may want to look up the growth rates on the south and compare them to the rest of america. them southerners are no longer mere `cott`n pickin` baby-dolls`.

Rozaiba

Very fine.

sameerjb

is south punjab backward like Dixie here?

rozaiba: LOL...i repeat...wat makes u think that`ll actually happen??


sameerJB: i think u need to stay off vodka for a while...:)

sameerJB:

well, `aghlee`, i think should be `aghlee`. but with `thay` you are right- it is pronounced better with `tae`. though i tend to use `th` for the soft `t` sound. thota rather than toota (parrot). regardless, i consider myself a lahori, but half my family is Jullandri migrant who settled in southern punjaab.

Saminasha:
peace :)

freethinker, nasah:
cheers!

````The Nigerians believed in Do’s, although they indulged in some Don’ts also.````(freethinker)

and some pretty bloody Dont`s indeed -- recently.

nevertheless -- what a refreshing idea -- to break roza with an ice chilled bottle of Muree beer on a hot summer day (shukre alhamdulillah) --

Rozaiba,
Wasnt trying to annoy you....I read your nick and took for a female writer...mea culpa.

rozaiba: It was not the meaning of bari that I was noticing. They were the spellings of ``aghlee`` instead of `agli` and ``thay`` instead of `tae`. The pronunciations from your spelling would make it more lehndi or southern Panjabi than Lahori or majhi. No big deal.

This reminds me of an incident in the late 1970’s. I was a Professor at the Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, Nigeria. One evening, I with my wife, went to the University Staff Club. We sat on a table and a little while later, a Nigerian came and sat with us. When the waiter came for orders, my wife asked for a coca-cola and I ordered a beer. It so happened that my membership had expired and I had not renewed it yet. My wife was however still a member. The waiter asked me if I was a paid member and I said I thought I was but could not provide any proof of it. So my wife tried to order the drink for me but according to the rules, she couldn’t order for her husband. So we were in a little bit of quandary. The Nigerian Mallam (a title of respect) intervened and asked my wife to allow him to order for me, which he did. Apparently he had membership of some club with recirocal arrangement with the University Staff Club.He ordered a beer for himself also. This was the month of Ramadan and we were not fasting. We enjoyed our drinks and then the Mallam informed us that he was traveling from a distant out of State place and was heading towards Katsina, another town about 200 miles farther north-west. He had stopped in Zaria to break his fast. He broke his fast with a beer; however it was not very unusual in Nigeria.

The Nigerians believed in Do’s, although they indulged in some Don’ts also. They used to say about us, the Pakistanis, that we believed only in Don’ts without practicing the Do’s.

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T:
`rozaiba` was a historical character (a MAN) whose name was changed to something else and everyone knows him as that. who is he? i won`t tell.

yeah, maybe i should have just asked her `can i have a date` to see if she got the hint.

sameerJB:
and that`s what i meant- `bari` as in window. `please stop at the next WINDOW`. as in you pay at one window and then collect the items at `aghelee` window. don`t tell me lahoris dont use `bari` for window.

Rozaiba:

I suspect all this gender storm in styrofoam cup is because of the your nick…when I saw your nick I thought you were a girl too…must be the last a… as in zahida, khalida….

…enough!…back to this…enjoyed the narration…particularly this:


I wonder if she’ll go out with me. She hands me my meal bag.

and then next para, next line
With a million dollar smile, I inquire if I can get another date for iftari.

rgds,

t

Tidbit: Actually I have seen that sharbat with a thick layer of silvery stuff settling at the top of the bottle in desi stores here. Next time, I am gonna buy it if its name is aab-e-resham and made in Thatha. I will call it Tidbit, if it makes a good drink with Vodka and twist of lime.
[what makes u think i`ll fit in a doli?? ]
Actually nothing except that you, and Q-ain, are not Jamaatan and not anti-abortion activists in USA. I am sure that neither of you is big like me. hehe...I will not be held responsible for roza makroohing of others on judgement day but you definitely will

rozaiba:
[yaar, aghlee bari thay ja kay rukeen’. ]
You don`t sound Lahori. In Panjabi , bari means window.

cheese:

if you buy me the upsize Quarter-Pounder Meal and a large strawberry shake, i`ll make sure and catch you if you fall from the doli (can i also have an apple pie, please?).

tidbits:

in case you don`t fit in a doli now, maybe you can be squeezed into one after ramzaan.

faisalsuno:
don`t wonder, ask one out yourself. be a man! but whatever you do, don`t ask when you`re sitting in a rickshaw going through the drive-thru.

one good thing about mcd (at least in kar) is that middleclass women from places like tariq rd and nazimabad work with men without wearing the dupatta. wonder if they go on lot of dates with their coworkers?

sameerJB: wat makes u think ill fit in a doli??

Saminasha:
This is annoying. What intentional confusion about gender?! Maybe I should change my nick to ‘rozaiba-the-man’.
I didn’t realize shaking hands or taping shoulder was unusual. Now that you mention it, at times when I have to point out directions, I often tap shoulders. Haha. And I always shake hands with folks I intend to bargain with- it rarely helps. You women can practice charm and so have an advantage. Men have to start off with a conciliatory gesture (i.e handshake) to get the other guy to realize that you`re really a nice person with a good heart and don`t deserve to be ripped off on the fare.

Nasah:
I think there should be more Bakra Eids.

Cheese:
You should try it too. Take a rishka thru the drive-thru.

Tidbit:
I prefer sandal ka sharbat (with those silver things and a tinge of lime). Your lame attempt at Punjabi is duly noted.

SameerJB:
I have no data, but some of those restaurants do BOOMING business. One needs a week-in-advance bookings for some places. Once me and my friends had to lie about a reservation that we never made and accused the management of Salt `n Pepper Village of misplacing our reservation or not taking it down properly and thus making us inconvenient. Prior to entering Village we`d been turned back from four restaurants who were already overbooked. So yes, we lied during ramzaan for the purposes of getting a table. the manager, though visibly suspicious, did not want to openly question our integrity during the holy month and found for us a table needed.

A couple of times I happened to be in Saudi Arabia during Ramzaan. If you want to see LOW productivity, witness it there.

I’ve heard some argue that fasting was made obligatory to cope with the food shortages of that region during those times. Perhaps this is a baseless attempt to take away the more noble notions we may hold.

Regardless, lacking spirituality or not, feeling poor or not, an out-of-context historical event or not, Ramzaan’s ability to unite people on the basis of a basic human need (selfish need) is admirable.

rozaiba: It was more an insult to commercialism of otherwise nothing magical. It was also like changing the background of our popular images with McDonals Drive-Thru in the background. For example, 12 identical individuals ordering just one BigMac, one large fries and one large coke is the image of 12-head hydra of chowk using 12 different usernames. One can also imagine all the poets lined up for ordering using their own poetry, like Ghalib ordering, ``rehne do abhi BigMac-o-fires mere aage`` or Rehanansari ordering:
BaRa
Mac
Dermiana
Fries
A large coke without rum
chale thundi hawa, tham them

Anyway talking about fasting, the commercial benefit except for dates vendors is not there. It is not like eid, christmas or basant. What else is new. You can either starve yourself for a month or starve yourself for a month and beat your chest for another 10 days. These are only two options for ummah. Many detailed scientifically conducted studies with large samples suggest as much as 10 percent loss of productivity by average worker during these holy days. What is holy about 10 percent productivity loss for a month (equal to whole nation not working for three days) with full pay and no offsetting business gains.

saminashah

middlesex is yours and hamidm`s area of interest and expertise. Thanks for asking though.

Ras: Rooh Afza??? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw....lemme tell u what real sharbat is? have u ever had aab-e-resham?? red rang ka sharbat with those silver thingees in it...my dad gets it from thatta every other week...actually two kinds....motia and aab-e-resham....one tall, thanda glass in the summer (with a lil bit of lemon juice) and you`re a goner...maar ditta si....:)))

Ras: Rooh Afza??? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw....lemme tell u what real sharbat is? have u ever had aab-e-resham?? red rang ka sharbat with those silver thingees in it...my dad gets it from thatta every other week...actually two kinds....motia and aab-e-resham....one tall, thanda glass in the summer (with a lil bit of lemon juice) and you`re a goner...maar ditta si (lame attempt at punjabi)
....:)))

rozy dozy!
getting rishka incident down WAS a good idea...gloating all the way to the bank ;)...agree a 100% with maskharaealamurstruly, A wunn kwaalitee you are...you have a way of getting down for others everyday scenes in our part of the world, its streets, circuses and mickeymouse computer course classes with wit, color and passion...subdued and strong passion..you are a pleasure to read
more please

samersaab
what is this rubbbish! no doli sholi please, what if i fall off? and we all know i would..broken shoulder at such a crucial time!? aap kae moon mae dhaai ton mitti!

rozy dozy!
getting rishka incident down WAS a good idea...gloating all the way to the bank ;)...agree a 100% with maskharaealamurstruly, A wunn kwaalitee you are...you have a way of getting down for others everyday scenes in our part of the world, its streets, circuses and mickeymouse computer course classes with wit, color and passion...subdued and strong passion..you are a pleasure to read
more please

samersaab
what is this rubbbish! no doli sholi please, what if i fall off? and we all know i would..broken shoulder at such a crucial time!? aap kae moon mae dhaai ton mitti!

“”it is silly having to give up a whole month out of twelve to a god who doesn`t seem to be doing a very good job of running this world””(hamidm)

it’s indeed SILLY –

out of the short 12 months of a year – we spend a whole month practicing MASOCHISM – and the RESULT of this one month of self-punishment (for no apparent reason) is -- the next 11 months we end up practicing worldwide SADISM.

like -- starting a month after -- with a mindless massacre of Gods beloved animals -- goats, sheep, cows and camels -- all over the world –

or like meaningless murder of 100 people in Nigeria for just wanting to see the God’s loveliest creations of human females –

No wonder God is so annoyed and unhappy with -- us Muslims:-)

sameerJB:

The pictures you paint are fascinating. None more so than that of Farangi_Kush and his large order. I wonder if the image of the Big arches in the afterworld is an insult or an appreciation of it (the after world I mean).

Nasah and Ras:

There’s nothing special about Quarter Pounders in Pakistan. Meat is meat. And true to national character, we’ll take anything that has meat.

Hamidm2, hari, Americanexpress:

Regardless of what the initial purposes were for fasting, it’s become a ritual. And rituals usually become meaningless. And of course they will become commercialized. Though religion can be blamed for many ills, one could also serve opportunistic capitalists some of the criticism for wanting to perpetuate meaningless rituals.

Despite the various forms of criticism, Ramzaan’s contradictions are what keep it interesting.

Faisalsuno:
It’s hard to tell if the great bowling legend has been tampering with his head.

Rozaiba,

This was an absorbing read. A little intentional confusion with gender? Also the image of a rickshaw at a McDonald`s drivethru is one I`ll be remembering for a while...another purposeful confusing plot line: the narrator putting her/his hand`s on the driver`s shoulder, shaking his hand....this rarely happens anywhere...care to respond?

Urstruly,

Yes, yes, it is very funny when you make comments about writing. I almost suspect you are trying to drive us crazy with your workshop inanities....

on another subject: are you keeping up with the Pakistani detainees in Middlesex County, NJ?

Great writing Rozaiba,

But really? McDonalds food for iftari?

What has this world come to?

Bun Kebab and Rooh Afza anyone?

Ras

........actually fasting is simply another silly ritual that affirms your membership in the herd ........ as much as we lie to our kids, it has nothing to do with selflessness, generosity, piety, godliness or clean underwear............. you can`t even loose weight if, like most people, you gorge yourself on iftaris ......... for cultural muslims it is a pain in the keester because it lasts a whole month .... eid and basant are a lot of fun because you can really party for a day ..... but who ever heard of partying for a whole month ...... unless, ofcourse, you are turned on by praying twenty taraweehs with a crowd of sleepy men suffering from flautulence and bad breath ..............

.............like everything else, we muslims had to out-do everyone else when it comes to religious lunacy (other than gandhi ji who made a spectacle out of himself by running around naked and sleeping with young relatives )..........it started with the crazy idea of praying five times a day which, in my opinion, is rather execessive - god needs attention and affection, but this borders on narcissm .............then we came to the fasting thing ..... jews fast one day a year and most good christians will give up something they absolutely love for lent - like tonic in their gin or strawberry topping on their cheese cake......but we muslims had to out do these munafiqs- we were going to starve ourself for the whole month from sunrise to sunset !....... and what about members of the herd who live in finland and norway ............. what a silly idea!............ i am sure politically corect people are offended by this ......... even george w has bought into this silliness and threw an iftaar party at the white house - panderer!......... i think it is time we reduced fasting to the last three or four days of ramzan - starting on the night of power .........i can go for that - a kind of run-up to eid ......... makes a lot of sense to me ......... it is silly having to give up a whole month out of twelve to a god who doesn`t seem to be doing a very good job of running this world......... three days should be enough ............and why can`t we reduce namaz to a once a week affair instead of this five a day nonsense ? ............. just wondering ..........

If you are fasting from sunrise to sunset, then splurging on food/feast after sunset, then where is the essence of fasting? All you have done is
shift day time food binge to night time food binge or replace day with night.

The essence of fasting, even for internal phy purification ought to be
a full day and a full night--give it 24 hours fast.

Right?

rozaiba: I was passing by the local McDonalds and visualized the scene of a line of rickshaws lined up at the drive-thru and drivers trying to overtake other rickshaws all the way to order stand. But then, as usual, I let my thoughts fly wild and imagined Patna, Kolcata and Dacca with leg-powered rickshaws lined up in the Drive-Thru.....Guru Dutt and Meena Kumari ordering BigMac, fries, large coke and qawam laced paan followed by Sharmila Tagore and Rajesh Khanna ordering large coke and large pepsi because.....large coke jo pyasa rakhe tau large pepsi pyas bujhaye.
Somewhere in Karachi, SaminaW playing dholki at Drive-thru while ordering, `le jaiNge, le jaiNge, dilwale BigMac, medium fries and coke le jayeNge` followed by an English pass-Urdu ??? ordering cheese burger with extra cheese, large orders of fries with cheese and a cheesy milk shake.
I hope one day two brides, SaminaW and Q-ain sitting in man-carrying dolis at McDonalds Drive-Thru ordering, `doli chaRdheyaN maryaN Heer cheekaN, mainu BigMac, large fries le de babla le de vay.......`
Stay tuned for Musharraf, Jamali, Chaudhry Shujaat, BB and NS lining up to order BigMac, fires and soda, McDonalds Drive-Thru by River Hugli with Meena Kumari and Bharat Bhushan ordering from the boat and of course scene from McDonalds Drive-Thru by the Ganges at Banaras......and Farangi_Kush ordering 73 BigMacs, 73 large fries and 73 large cokes at McDonalds Drive-Thru in heaven, one for himself and 72 for your know who....
Do you think, if Deepa Mehta would be interested in this comic script?
Tidbit #15: I am glad to make you laugh and saw the space between two front teeth. Oh well, I can hold a nice Cuban cigar in the space between my two front removable teeth. Adaab arz hae!

besides the iftari, the best thing about ramzan is that you get off work at 3:00 pm for one whole month.

mcd`s in pak is at least edible. couple of years ago, pizza hut in clifton had an all you can eat deal for rs. 250. they had to close their doors one hour before iftari because of the turnout.

on an other matter, did the great khan get a hair transplant after his cricket career was over?

rozedar roziaba -- great piece -- but but Iftaar with Big Mac? -- is there something special about P Mac -- that we in US don`t know... Rozaa and then Mac -- we Muslims ARE Masochists:-)

Chuk:

Ramzaan has become a month long party – and no one promotes it as a festive time as much as the restaurants of Lahore. You describe the iftari at home scene really well. It’s hard not to keep a roza if for NO other reason then that one will get to miss that whole collective mood of anticipation and waiting to finally submerge oneself with food. Anyway, though home cooking is unbeatable, if you’re ever stuck far away from home, go to Copper Kettle and have an iftari for Rs. 200 (this is last year’s promotion price). Great selection of food. me and my friends are convinced CK is losing money with that deal.


FJ:
You are right. There should be a transitional statement between the wagon ride and class. Conductors trying to grab unwilling passengers are fun to watch.


Ras:

The Great Khan is 50 but still RISING. `Chalay chalo keh voh manzil abhi nahin aaee!`


Urstruly:
Thanks for the compliment. I could use an A+ or two in some of these MBA courses. I could seriously use them.

SameerJB:
Were you drunk when you wrote that post?

No not Nosheen or Saima. I am gu gu ga ga over another churrail.


That play on Ol Man Bala’s poem was funny. Soaz-o-saaz…:)


Semipreciousme:
Ain’t that true? The first bite convinces.

Hamidm2:

Yes, it is possible to take rickshaw’s through McDonalds. In fact, I’ve done it a number of times now. And what’s more, I’ve come to know that girls living in hostels at medical colleges do it all the time.

As for those jamatiyay, well I didn’t want to beat them up for the sawab after I calculated that I will earn more sawaab if I remain alive after a week and have the chance to do some good.

It’s true. Some sub-saharan African tribal folks intentionally try to widen the gap between the upper two front teeth. The wider the gap, the stronger the sexual prowess.

The guys from arifwala wanted to go back to arifwala and open up another one of the run of the mill ‘institutions’ claiming to teach IT but which are really excellent money generating ventures. I tell you man, the jamatiyay are very proeminent in this IT field. There is no philosophical type hinderance to accepting the structural formats of technology I guess.... and there is seemingly no hinderance that people face (jamatiyay or not) to opening up money machines (IT instittues) that teach nothing.

Not only are there ramzaan specials for food, but these IT places also have `ramzaan specials`. Last year, Fatimah Jinnah Inst. of Tech (right across from FJ medical college) was offering the DBA track for 6000 rupees. However, if you enrolled during Ramzaan, you get the Ramzaan special with which you learn the entire track for only 1000 rs!!! promotion lasts only till end of ramzaan. the unique location of being right across from girls medical college is an added incentive.

Shah:
I tell you man, McD once a week can be amazing.

Tehsin abbasi, nooralain, Ashok:
Come on, there was plenty in the story to suggest I am a man. But as for the name Tehsin, I know males and females with that name. what are you?

sameerJB:

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tehsin...did you somehow miss the point that the narrator of this story is a man? or did i?!

``I wonder if she’ll go out with me``

Are you serious - looking for some lesbo action. We definitely are coming out of the closet, arent we. Very interesting!

...... good ..... enjoyed it very much ....... can you really take a rikshaw through mcdonald`s ? .......... do you know that your roza sawab could have been doubled by beating the crap out of the jamatiyas from arifwala? ......... and is it true about girls with a gap between their front teeth? ......... and what happened to nosheen ?........ did you go back to see saima?........ did the guys from arifwala end up as shaheeds in kashmir?............ is a quarter-pounder halal for iftari?

............ hope you will answer all these questions in the next episode.......thanks for the rickshaw ride

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...nice...can def. relate to the last line...:)

rozaiba: You like Nosheen, don`t you? Do you know what is. ``roza kharab karna``? Here you are sitting next to Nosheen, roza makroohing! Another similar word is moza; paoN ka moza is socks, kamar ka moza is underwear and ser ka moza is topi. Roza and moza can go together in Urdu poetry:
Ya rab dil-e-muslim ko woh zinda tamanna de
jo roza kharab ker de, aur moza aftaar ker de
And what was that junoon album:
soz-O-saaz-O-dard-O-gham-O-sehri-O-aftaari-e-roza
playboy-O-penthouse-O-teen pinhaN androon-e-moza
Good job, rozaiba. The poetry is a joke.

This is an A+ material. Excellent life like imagery. I think you are master of imagery, in fact; I was sold after reading the first two of your articles.

Speaking of approaching sunsets,

a warm 50th ``Happy Birthday`` greeting to Pakistan`s Cricket great

and TI politician Imran Khan Niazi.

Imran has hit his latest half century. Details at:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/2509085.stm

Ras

Its only 9:45 AM and you already got me hungry. I hope you enjoy your iftari since mine happens everyday on the freeways in a traffic nightmare. All I can think are the aftaris that we use to have in Lahore. My mom`s running around in the kitchen and nokerani following her. We would sit in a corner and see what is being made and what should be the prime target after the ceremonial khajoor. The anticipation would rise as the time passes by and the smell of pakora`s, samosa`s and all kind of chaats. I get cut off by another maniac and my thoughts return to present life. I must take the next exit if I`m going to break my fast on time. Once more its a quick stop at McDonald. Boring and tasteless food which reminds me of the ``joota`` that the ``mochi`` down the street had on the sidewalk. Wondering which might taste better.

Good, clear writing. There is a little disjoint between the the wagon wride and the start of the classes. Liked the exchange between the conductors, and the rickshaw entering the world of the Golden Arches.