Tying The Knot - Village Style

Umer...
Actually I was wondering about whether you were joking, hence my teasing question, since the first conclusion I came to upon seeing Harpo`s email address was that it had to do with his birthday!
[Yeah, it’ll be cool to see Harpreet get published. Saying that, he’d prolly have to write a novel first. Short stories seldom get accepted by agents, let alone authors. It’s all related to economics. Once you have a couple of solid titles under your name, then you can head into short-story writing.]
that`s what I was told too, in a writing class, when an agent came and spoke to us. But then again there are those who have published short story collections first, like the gorgeous Jhumpa Lahiri. It seems that Harpo`s niche right now is short stories. And maybe he can connect stories later on, or turn just one into a novel...or write a whole different novel, but I sense that this is what he`s comfortable with for now. I myself have put aside attempting a novel, and am writing short stories. I`m really waiting and hoping for Harpo`s stories to get published though. :-)

People,

Regarding Harpreet being a Pisces...it was a joke...you see, it was like - December the 14th gettit and I was like...okay, let`s forget it. Sorry, that was my other type of humour. Since no one got it, I think I`ll stick to my brash swear-word filled variety….

Yeah, it’ll be cool to see Harpreet get published. Saying that, he’d prolly have to write a novel first. Short stories seldom get accepted by agents, let alone authors. It’s all related to economics. Once you have a couple of solid titles under your name, then you can head into short-story writing.

As for the BOW, there’s an internet link which I can’t find right now so you don’t have to burn 12 or 13 quid down at WHSmiths.

Umer M

Umer

I am Saggitarius.

Half Man, Half Beast, with a licence to screw in the streets.

(I wish that was my quote but I heard it from some black dude from America on a TV programme once)

:)

-h-

Aamir#57

Go on...write a poem about me...LoL!

;)

-h-

re: #51

A Pisces, eh? No wonder he`s such a cool guy (and an extraordinary writer as well). Pisces rule. It`s a fact.

Aamir

#55 by satyavadi on January 14, 2003 11:22am PT

I think that you got confused.... Im saying exactly what you are saying.. that it is easy to do surveys and pass it off as actual situation in a socitey

read the surveys....

Krishna seems to be a sensible old man.. he gracefully withdrew the suggestion citing that it seems that there is widespread oppostion to the Idea.

#53 by stuka on January 14, 2003 10:37am PT

It is true about punjabis... I lived in Delhi for a few years.... though I was a young not too observant.. I did feel that Delhiites were pretty hard drinkers..
Often after diwali, holi and such festivals our neighbours mothers would discretely call us younger boys to go out and find their older sons who have not returned home. Often we would find them passed out in friends palces, inside small sweet shops where they would drink with the owners who they had befriended and some times on foot paths, gutters and busstops....

It is this hard reality of drinking that most people dont seem to accept..

ali87 #48:

[he even defended his statement a day later only to withdraw it after two weeks under pressure. ]

I didn`t know the chief minister had to retract from his position.

[[Doing surveys is pretty easy. If you go to Cafe Coffee Day (the Bangalore equivalent of Star bucks)around b/w 11am-3pm in Prestige building in Bangalore and took a look at all the girls smoking and ask gently about thier sexual experiences you will have a good enough cross section reperesenting various colleges of bangalore. Such a survey will lead you to conclude that majority of the young college women smoke and have very linent sexual attitudes and quite a few would be willing to exchange sex for a dinner in a five star hotel or a night in the exclusive hotspots of bangalore.

You would have a very good cross section of colleges covered and even a relatively varied economic variation in the survey candidates. ]]

While there sure are some college girls willing to have sex for pocket money or a few drinks, by no means are they are majority or even close to 20% of the total population of college going girls in the metros.
I have graduated from college not too long ago and know what goes on.
You are falling in the same generalizatoin/exaggeration trap you accuse Sameer, Stuka etc off, albeit on a different topic (they on alcohol and middle class families and you on sex and college girls in metro India).

Satyavadi

Ali87:

Well, whereas I disagreed with the initial description that Veeresh gave, I can tell you that the discrete serving of alcohol is very common amongst Punjabis middle class families. Even in my extended family, people who are way more conservative than us, the ``program`` was a reality, in a sense out of social pressure. They did not want to offend people by not having an option. They did not want to serve it openly either.

That`s why, though my earlier description was light-hearted, the serving of alcohol in a discrete manner is very much a reality. Again, I am limiting my comments to Punjabis, both Hindu and Sikh. We don`t have Punjabi Muslims in India so it is hard to say about them.

Umer...
And how do you know that Harpo is a Pisces????!!! Anyway...Valentine`s day is right around the corner, why don`t you buy him BOW 2003?! :-). Something tells me he might already have it though!

Sammi...
you should be Harpo`s agent :-)

#45 by Saminasha on January 12, 2003 7:18pm PT
Sameer,

You men are sooooo baaaaaad....how come I never found out about this? Although, I think my khandan older generation is very conservative...was this common in India/Pakistan about 50 years ago?

Dont worry it is not as common as these guys make it out to be. This is also a male ritual... Exaggaration....
You wont find it in any middle class muslim community in India and for that matter in most communites in india

Samina,

Harpreet is a Pisces. Buy him a Book of Writers 2003 :)

Umer M.

Chowkies, Harp,

Was lucky enough to get a copy of Harp`s ``program`` story. Harp, share the talent and submit it to Chowk.

Also, any publishers out there or people who have publishing contacts, Harpreet is a prodigious talent to watch. Sign him up for a book deal, he`s one of the better diasporic writers I`v ever read.

Drinks dont have to be served in a clandestine fashion. There are many dholkis and mehndis where drinks are openly served by waiters with trays or via an open bar.

#35 by satyavadi on January 11, 2003 7:05am PT

Now vijay mallya (Indias Liquor King)has become spritual and spoke extensively (in a full page article in Times of India Bangalore) on his spritual quest under the ``Art of Living`` guru Ravi Shankar!! And this guru has become the latest craze among the elite of India looking for an easy way to reconcile religon and modern life.

Krishna chief minister of karnataka announced less than a year back that there is nothing wrong if beer is sold in grocery stores. he even defended his statement a day later only to withdraw it after two weeks under pressure.

Doing surveys is pretty easy. If you go to Cafe Coffee Day (the Bangalore equivalent of Star bucks)around b/w 11am-3pm in Prestige building in Bangalore and took a look at all the girls smoking and ask gently about thier sexual experiences you will have a good enough cross section reperesenting various colleges of bangalore. Such a survey will lead you to conclude that majority of the young college women smoke and have very linent sexual attitudes and quite a few would be willing to exchange sex for a dinner in a five star hotel or a night in the exclusive hotspots of bangalore.

You would have a very good cross section of colleges covered and even a relatively varied economic variation in the survey candidates.

Media work looks pretty easy. I find it very intresting. I know a afghan refugee family whom we Interact with who have been in the US through a UN sponsred relocation from Pakistan. The have been here for about 8 months. It consists of a late 40 ish widowed mother and has a 11 year old boy and a 14 year old boy and a 6 year girl. Now the family told me that they father died of cancer. They were in pakistan for 3-4 years and the elder boy attended school for a year there and the younger one for a few months.ie while they financialy/logistically could.
I have been interacting with them for a couple of month . They also used to do odd jobs to earn some money by doing some tailoring and wroking in a tailors shop etc.
The elder kid is also a good sports man as were his half brothers who are still pakistan. He even represented Quetta in Under 14.

This saturday there was an article in the newspaper here reporting a program (not that program!!) orgnised by the schools or some govt department in which 650 US students heard the experiences of refugee kids from muslim countries about their post sept 11 experinece in america.
Now this reporter gave a nice slant to the event by mentioning that this particualr family that they lost their father to the Taliban. It said that the father was taken by taliban for a few days and subsequently when returned he fell ill and died in a few days!!
I suppose that this could be the case or just a nice story by smart people to gain sympthay of people who do not like Taliban or they just gave me a simple explanation to avoid akward questions or situations.
The reporter gave a further twist to the story. Saying that what the younger child liked best about USA is the schools where teachers dont hit students and that the elder brother had the been to school in pakistan for a year and he was scared of the stick used by the teachers there!!

Implied here is that pakistan is a place where childern are abused in schools!! and the particuar children were in absoulte terror of this practice in pakistan.

The reporter does not make the statement himself. But it is left to the readers to come to the conculsion.
Now these kids are the the furtherest from being scared or scarred. They are confident presonalites. They have rapidly adjusted to life here with the elder kid scoring A`s in school and the younger one even though is english grasp is a bit weaker gets B+`s. They are very clear in their goals ie to get scholarships for college as their midterm goal. They are street smart and survivors of the kind the americans cant imagine. This family gets a small hand out of $750 of which 600 goes towards their housing and with $150 they are able to make ends meet. This certainly does not costitue a scarred personality. And if the claim is that they made a such a drastic recovery in 8 months it is the most stupendous claim.

I like this media business. Hey if it is so easy to play around with facts and the american public is so gullible I think I would make a successful journalist.

#36 by sameerJB on January 11, 2003 8:00am PT

No I did not exaggerate because I live outside India/ Pakistan and hang around people like myself who do not make much out of religion

That probably explains it.

Some how I cant seem to agree with your view about drinking in pakistan. Sure there must be people who have access to drink.
Being an Islamic repbulic doesnot mean that the citizens turn chaste overnight. Which is why the laws are there. ie there is an expectation that there will be people who will not be in accordance with the laws.

I suspect for all that you say pakistan does not have any major drinking culture.
Remeber that Alcohol has been available all the time in history of Islam. Some times less the ban less strictly enforced and some times more stirctly enforced.

Most of the Mughal elite did enjoy their drink. So did the Nizams of Hyderabad Deccan. But that does not mean that drinking was rampant in those socites.

Noorie

Its no taboo with Sikhs!

:)

-h-

Sameer,

You men are sooooo baaaaaad....how come I never found out about this? Although, I think my khandan older generation is very conservative...was this common in India/Pakistan about 50 years ago?

Okay, so here`s my silly question for the day...vhy is program such a secret? If it was illegal, then I`d understand...but is it such a bastion of desi male culture that women cannot participate as well? I know, I know...kuch tau bande ke liye choRho, but I just thought I`d ask anyway. `Cause if Harpreet should ever invite me to his wedding, meiN huNNe kehndi aan...meiN vhi program vich hissa leyangi. ;) ;)

Saminshah: Haha, at least there is best part of desi male culture you are not familiar with. Program is a code word for alcoholic beverages served clandestinely in parties.

For all male gathering, program is most visible but in the presence of ladies and children, program is the most well-known secret. It is a bar in the trunk of a car or on the back seat of SUV parked conveniently within the gathering premise.

Desi male gather around the car, drink and come back to the gathering to discuss if god exists or not or the weaknesses of western civilization.

Whats a program?

Harpreeteya...of course i always want to read your stuffs...and anything having to do with `program` especially.

:-)

Dullabhatti: Sorry ji, bas jara hisab kitab ich gaRbaR ho gai. I think we have too much in common. I also prefer bottled water over one can of beer or one glassie. MuNh da ziaka kharab karaN aali gal lagdi. There is absolute minimum for me to succumb to sinning - three Heinekens or three drinks.

Any theory about Panjabi men`s love for drinking? For rest of south Asians, it is: `aidher lawaaN, odher manji teh dhawaaN` but for Panjabis: aidhar lawaaN, odhar pee kae pawaRa pawaaN`. By the way, in p-Panjab, lawaaN means something else, also very important but private affair.

Harpreet: Why don`t you submit it here too. Should I say belated happy birthday after seeing your e-mail address?

Nazar Khan: Just curious if it was a Tiwana or a Noon wedding or else.

Sameer #36:

``Allow 5000 Sikh yatris and along comes 1000 litres of whiskey in the harmoniums and tablas - as my friend Dullabhatti once suggested.``

Sameer that is almost blasphemous to quote me wrong in this context. That is 1 litre for 5 of my brotha...ehnay naal te muchhaN vi nai gilliyaN hundiaN. My 6 year old cousin in Chicago brought me 3 cans of beer from the fridge when I teased him that his father is not offering me any drinks....even 6 yr old knew offering 1 can at a time is not enough mehman-nawazi in his home.

Offering or getting offered 200ml of Daru is out right insult....hiding and smuggling that little could be considered disgrace to the whole nation.:-)

LoL @ Sameer No. 29 Kidhaaa...


:)

LoL @ Dulla Bhatti re: program after Lawwan & thirsty men trying to speed up lunch...so true...But these days in England straight after the Gurudwara its to the hall and the program starts right away, with lunch served at about 4pm!!

Dulla, Sameer, HamidM, Noorie, Stuka, I have just finished writing a short story about a program here in England, I reckon its really funny, I will not be submitting it to Chowk but if any of you wants to read it drop me a line on

december14th@yahoo.co.uk


:)

-h-

Ali87: No I did not exaggerate because I live outside India/ Pakistan and hang around people like myself who do not make much out of religion. Some do limited practices due to family and habit to quiety go along. Drinking is the least practiced inhibition by men because in this society it does not make a big difference between not drinking and drinking responsibly and socially. What is a dinner at a French or Italian restaurant without wine....what is a steak house without whisky and a pizza parlor without beer? There is plenty of sales tax and liquor licence tax for the government, thousands of jobs related to this industry and good feeling/ enjoyment for the public. Except for DWI, nothing criminal has been linked to drinking except bootlegging during prohibition era. The cost to healthcare industry is perhaps not very high too due to quick wasting of life following cyrrhosis. People do not hang around long after toasting liver with alcohol or even after various hepitius.

Despite all the hoopla about Islamic republic, Alcohol has always been available to prople who drink. During my life in Pakistan, basically we needed a Christian friend with the licence to buy. Now a days, pilots and hostesses bring in alcohol regularly to Pakistan and our brother Sikhs are best suppliers in Panjab. Allow 5000 Sikh yatris and along comes 1000 litres of whiskey in the harmoniums and tablas - as my friend Dullabhatti once suggested. I am all for allowing as many yatris as possible at every guru`s janam din and death anniversaries - twice or thrice every month.

ali87 #33:

[Perhaps this is the kind of pressure that is being built up by media mostly at the behest of powerful Liquor lobbies to expect people in india to conform to the western lifestyle to help their business. ]

Remember Vijay Mallya is based in Bangalore. Didn`t the Karnataka govt a year or two ago announce allowing sale of liquor at corner grocery stores?

If you read Outlook regularly, that leftist liberal magazine regularly prints articles that subtely and sometimes not so subltely promote teenage/college age promiscuity and a general westernism. How many times have I read ``surveys`` in Outlook claiming ``40% of college goers in Bombay have had sexual relations``. This was about the time I was in college or just after it. Makes you wonder which colleges did they survey. Would they be only some South Bombay colleges? Even if it were them, there are no college level institutions in India that donot have a huge presence of middle-middle and lower-middle class students.
So where are the numbers being pulled from and for what purpose?

Pakistanis, whether urban or rural, go overboard at weddings
I for one am glad that they don`t serve alcohol at these events there because the guests might just get out of hand and start firing more weapons up in the air (or at each other) then they usually do.

Nice reading about the rich folks and their tough lives in Pakistan....

Ras

#29 by sameerJB on January 10, 2003 2:32pm PT

Stuka: Program for Panjabi males is not restricted to weddings. I have seen programs kithe at birthdays, Eid parties, music shows and even at Quran khawani gatherings. I am ready to go to hajj as long as there is a van parked nearby loaded with the `program kithe hai`

Strange.. But may be you exaggerate. Im yet to see any muslim family in India ever arrange this. Even an admission of drinking alcohol is not done In Indian muslim middle class families.

However the media takes gleeful note of the acctivites some of the muslim elite. More than a paragarph was devoted on the various brand of alcohol that flowed freely at the wedding of Feroz Khan`s daughter and Hirtik Roshan.
Nida Fazili the Bollowood lyricist is often seen quaffing a gulp from his metal container at mushairas.
MJ Akbar`, the well known journalist when he released his latest book in Delhi ``The shade of swords`` (About Jihad ) along with wine and cheese as the press dutifuly observed.
There was a full page article similar to the MSN article in Times of India Bangalore editon a year back on a small time muslim architech from Hyderabad who had a practice in Bangalore while his Hindu wife ran the Hyderabad office. The article made more than a passing reference to the beer mug in his hand while he prepared delightful Hyderabadi biryani.

On the other extreme was an article in the Banglore TOI addressed at the socitey La di la ladies on how to prevent your party from being a disaster It listed 12 most likely to happen disasters and how to prevent them. Topping the list was liquor running out before the party ended. The advice was not to have too much variety but to limit to a small variety but sufficient quantity. Among the other disaster listed were men misbehaving with women after getting drunk. Men getting into fistcuffs after having one to many. Women getting frisky after getting sloshed and induging in impromptu strip teases thus embarassing others. People puking after getting totally sloshed.
only three points were non alcohol releated. I tried to detect any note of sarcasam in it but it seemed a straight forward article!! It did not occour to the kind woman that not serving drinks would solve most of the problems.

Perhaps this is the kind of pressure that is being built up by media mostly at the behest of powerful Liquor lobbies to expect people in india to conform to the western lifestyle to help their business.

The slavish elite is a perfect vehicle for their business interests. It is hard to belive but I read three articles in the print media in one month by the so called well traveled epicures who compains about the ``Over cooking and over everthing in Indian cooking`` while pontificating about the natural freshness of the european and japanese cooking and the sheer minimalism of these cusines. The authors suggesting how unnecessary the masalas, overcooking, etc and how superior the freshness and simplicity of the other cusines was.

Usually we find these articles in the magazine sections of newspapers which seem to be mostly written by cub reporters and perhaps sponsered in some way by the various business lobbies or at least to keep them in good humor.

The passengers of the Chennai Singapore singapore airlines flight aparently know the answer to >>program kithey hai <<< for them it is as soon as the flight is in air. The passengers are fun to watch provided you are a bit away from them. Approx half the flight usually consists of Smugglers/ Carriers who carry electronic goods back to Chennai from singapore. They usually have only a almost empty duffel bag with a couple of heavy magazines and a change of clothes in it.
The booze flows freely in the flight including the free Champagne. When the Airhosstes come with the drinks torlley and ask ``what will you have?`` they get stupefying looks as an answer. Apparrently the the thinking goes `` are you kidding!! lets start with the champagne and continue later on with whatever comes up.`` So an 11.30 flight starts with people gulping in vodka on champagne followed with beer, rum, whisky whatever is on the offer. It is fun to watch!! Dinner is usually delayed by the constant calling for the drinks!!
Those poor souls catching connecting flights and not having had dinner usually end up having it late around 1.00 or so in the night!! The flight reaches at 6.0 am singapore time. It helps to look back into the empty plane. Usually it is a complete mess balnkets, pillows, magazines, strewen around on the floor. It is amazing that the crew still keeps smiling after bearing this for years.

...... program kithey hai !!!!

............. now you are making me nostalgic .......... at my wedding we had a program - and what a program it was .......... out in the parking lot at pindi club, straight out of the trunk .........premixed gin and tonic , rum and coke, vodka and orange juice, and of course, black label and ice out of a coca cola ice box ............. what a party! ........ those were the days ............

Sameer you are right in observing that everything before the Program is getting shorter and shorter. In many sikh weddings, reception or lunch follows the ``laawaN`` - wedding ceremony...in many such cases there is usually a push to finish the laawaN as quickly as possible so that everyone can get on with the Program. You can often hear phrases like ``chheti karo bai taime bahut ho giya``, ``koi Bhai ji nu kaho bahut ho gai hun bass kare....asiN hore vi koi program karna ain`` from the back of the wedding hall.

nazar.....LOL. and don`t forget the line about her makeup as well...unless that`s part of `what about my hair?`
LOL @ all the posts discussing program kithey!
Te huNN mera program kithey?!?
ana

p.s. sameeroo...i`ll make sure to let the proper authorities know so you can itmenan se perform karo your hajj!!! ;-)

Stuka: Program for Panjabi males is not restricted to weddings. I have seen programs kithe at birthdays, Eid parties, music shows and even at Quran khawani gatherings. I am ready to go to hajj as long as there is a van parked nearby loaded with the `program kithe hai`.
In Sikh gatherings, program is almost always at the reception; only `kiddaaaaaN` precedes program. That is why Sikhs have been shortening welcome, how do you do, kya haal hae, kee haal hae to a quick `kiddaN`. No wasting of time between arriving and reaching for program. After having an eye-opener, one to ease up and one to clean palette, Panjabis start talking nostalgically about Panjab and pind and you know what it means.......non-stop program time until bhangRa time.

Ali 87:

Your post is absolutely on the mark regarding the vast majority of middle class India. The ``Townies`` of Bombay and the people of South Delhi may be different but they are exceptions, not the norm. Veeresh himself is from Golf Links (as his bio says) which is the same as being from Clifton.

Just as the crowd of Clifton and Gulshan e Iqbal is not the same, Golf Links and Janak Puri are worlds apart.

LOL

>>>....program kithey hai? <<
I have heard it too..

Veeresh.

Im aware that people do drink and even have a couple of muslim friends who quaff a peg once in a while for ``Socitey me rehana hai to...``

Regarding Drinkng and Sex
I dont know what makes you to think that avoiding one may lead to being prudish.

I have Aquaintance who orders sambar and avial most of the time while dining in a five star hotel but asks me from time to time very innocently ``You dont drink do you?`` ``Hmmm... `` ``why?`` upon getting an answer he goes ``ohh.. I see`` the charade repeats again a few months later. I supposse he wants to indicate to me what im missing by not drinking. Perhaps he had a very sorry life till he had his first drink at the age of 33.

Im sure lots of people enjoy drinking. I have no hassle with it. But it is silly to assume that one cant enjoy life if one did not. Your reply also seems to indicate it.

Drinking is not accepted in most Indian communites (not that people dont drink) as a social acctivity.

To suggest otherwise is to disregard the reality. posts 25, 24, 22, give the same impression.

Media also tires to perpetuate this myth. Recently MSN India had a aritcle on their site. The article was about the pub culture and IT professionals in Banglore. It was a breezy article with no apparent purpose. It suggested that the famed Bangalore pub culture and the ``Trendy IT professionals`` are make making a historical change in socitey. It depectied ``Glamorous`` life of IT professionals Hard a work and usually slogging up to 7-8 in the night and then grabbing a drink at the Pubs to make up for the stress and hard work of the day.

This is utter rubbish. There are about 10-12 pubs in Bangalore(though dozens of more drinking places but not trendy enough for most people to be seen in it or admit being there.) Half of these pubs are extremly small which can seat about 20 people in cramped area of about 300-500 square feet.
Most people who come there are rich children of business men and quite a few are from the plantation famiies of Mangalore and kerala. The bigger pubs are usually haunts of the 40 ish crowds mainly business people and some executives from MNC`s

But the article suggested that most of the IT community needs to relax an unwind after a stressful day and land up at the pubs as the only redeming feature of their day.

Perhaps this is to boost the revenue of the Booze business. Over the last two years quite a few of the pubs have closed down because of overcapacity in the market.

This Monty / Bunty phenomenon with Maruti Van, plastic/steel glasses and RC Whisky got an extension lately where some fine young cute lady usually called Pinky or Lovely or maybe even Rosie will then pounce on Monty / Bunty and friends and make them dance.

After some time, you can then see Pinky Rosie Lovely also swigging some strange Coca Cola/Whisky mix.

Just out of curioisty, do you have nicknames like Monty / Bunty in Pakistan?

Stuka #19:

[Kee gal kardey ho janaab? You are talking only of very modern families, which are very upper crust and beyjaat. In a normal middle class Punjabi family, the alcohol is served at the reception, but not at the wedding itself.]

LOL. I actually meant the reception. One of our relative`s daughter who is a doc got married to a Punjabi doc guy from Chandigarh, and the wedding was in Ahmedabad. While my relative didn`t give in on non-veg food (the food was of two types: Veg and Jain :)), he did defy Prohibition and samaaj-walon-ki-baatein to provide a drinks booth behind the reception stage, for the grooms Punjabi relatives to get tulli on the sly. Ofcourse everyone from our side found out, but it was rationalized on the basis that kya karein woh log punjabi jo hai, and atleast non veg to nahi hai shadi mein.

Satyavadi

Stuka: LOL

>>>....program kithey hai? <<

oh man you got good ears...can`t tell you how many times I have heard that line....That scene is very common in urban weddings in India and almost all wedding in North America and UK. and the Montys and Buntys behave so cordially and work so hard as if they are running Red Cross that day.

LoL @ Stuka# 22

Is there drinking at Punjabi weddings??

Is the pope Catholic??

-h-

Satyavadi:

``Punjabi Hindu weddings almost always have alcohol served. Punjabis are among the few ``

Kee gal kardey ho janaab? You are talking only of very modern families, which are very upper crust and beyjaat. In a normal middle class Punjabi family, the alcohol is served at the reception, but not at the wedding itself. There is however a Maruti van or some such parked discretely close to the wedding premises. For special guests, in need of libation, there is usually some whiskey-shiskey.

The scenario goes somewhat like this:

Host: Helloji Malhotrea Saab...kee haal chaal hain..

Malhotraji (guest): Helloji..mubarakan mubarakan..program kithey hai?

Host: Oye Monty

Monty (lanky teenage nephew/cousin..): Haanji:

Host: Malhotraji nu lai key jayeen, program dey liyey..

Monty: Acchaji

Monty then escorts a salivating Malhotraji to the Maruti Van where he is served Royal Challenge whiskey in steel or plastic glass.

Hello

This is as real as it can get. Almost like my marriage. I had to cut out few lines. If it was the New Yorker, I could have allowed two lines on the Bride`s fears. `What about my hair? What if I fart?`.

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Dullabhatti . . . good stuff, thanks. Most middle class weddings urban or rural that I go to, I see most of the young and middle aged men in ill fitting dark shiny suits standing around outside in some dark corner around a Maruti Omni van with rear hatch down drinking whisky out of plastic glasses and making a great show of mardangi . . . the elders go tut-tut but often don`t refuse when somebody will come past do pairi paona and thrust an overflowing vessel at them . . . a few hundred rupee notes and even the veg caterer will get hold of fish fry or chicken tandoori or boti kababs . . . then they all troop back together and look overtly innocent and drop food on their ties.

Ali87, your objections are noted, but what do you know, not only do people get drunk, they also have great s/e/x (as a consequence of marriage), sorry to dis-appoint you.

Nazar Khan Sahib,

I could only laugh, such a great article i have been to many wedding like this in Pakistan. When i read the article i pictured exactly what was going on and found myself nodding in agreeance with each line i was reading. It certainly put a smil on my face, remembering the chaos and hangama. Very well written, and it bought back some very sweet memories. Thank you.

DhullaBhatti

Choudhary sahib, vadee Baraat ley key gaya see? Chenab tey Bias vich mey hor fark katava. Many Muslim Punjabi weddings of this scale have alcohol too. Lo ji hor fark kat gaya.

Also as far as i can remember, what you said about the upset relatives is 100% true. Something always has to happen, but thats just the way it is.

Ana_again

The dodh pillai or milk drinking ceremony is a big thing in Muslim Punjabi weddings too, it has its root in fertility theory.

Nasah

yes rural people are a lot more liberal and freer, and i think better off for it.

#14 by satyavadi on January 9, 2003 3:34pm PT
may be.. But I have been to a couple of punajbi weddings. only in one did i find younger men drinking on the sly away from the publics attention.
but this was not in punjab so it might be the exception.

#11 by dullabhatti on January 9, 2003 11:37am PT

Incidently this practice of singers (not nachne walis) had come to be seen in Indian muslim weddings too over the last few years. It usually meets with some resistance. some relatives simply dont attend weddings where singers(singing filmi songs on a small stage with live music) are known to be present.
I think now it is being viewed as a Crass Idea of late and these have reduced to a large extent.
This is in a urban Scenario im talking about in southern India.

ali87:

Punjabi Hindu weddings almost always have alcohol served. Punjabis are among the few Hindu communities in which drinking has traditionally not been a taboo.

No wedding reception is complete without firni and zardah!!! :-)
I have a question...it wasn`t stated here, but when the baraat arrives, and the dulha raja sits in anticipation (or whatever) on the sofa, is he offered a glass of milk by a female relative of the dulhan? Does this happen in Muslim weddings? I`ve only been to one and I don`t remember. The Christian weddings...whether they be in the pind, as my parents` wedding was...or in a shehar like Sialkot, a female relative of the bride offered a glass of milk to the groom upon his arrival. I never really understood the significance of that until much later when it was suggested it may have to do with fertility.
Good article!

Veeresh, every Punjabi wedding begins with manaying/reconciling with a russeya hoyea chacha/mama/tayea/bhra etc and ends with another ruseeya hoyea chacha/mama/tayea/bhra. That is part of the relationship dynamics in Punjab..no matter how khabbi-khaan, rich and powerful you are it is considered shameful to take off the barat of your son without your chacha/bhra etc present in it. So chacha and bhra know it is their golden chance to get the other side do lakeeraN with nakk and manaa them. During the wedding something happens like not enough pakoRay/tandoori/daru, no chhaap for chachi, someone said something about someone etc etc and wedding ends with another russeya hoyea person. Such nakhras were usually done on boy`s weddings while even russay hoye relatives showed msome humility and usually show up on daughter`s wedding with one or two invitations. At least thats how I have seen during my younger years. Now that urban culture is taking off in rural areas also, no one gives a damn as long as mian biwi raazi.

The show of nachnay walis on wedding is getting out of hand. Some of them are ultra ugli and have a pateela worth of meat hanging from the chins, legs, arms, and a full daig on the waist.

Punjabi comedian named Ghuggi(for some Gugghi) has a hillarious skit on this. He says if the number singers and dancers kept growing like that they will have to go door to door to advertise and sell their skills like chhabRi wale. While bargaining on the wages of a nachan wali:
Customer: nachan wali de kinnay paise laoge ji?
Ghuggi: pooray 500 laggan ge.
Customer: nai eh te ziyada ne thorhay ghatt karo.
Ghuggi: nai ji dasseya na pooray 500 laggange ikk paisa ghatt nai ho sakda.
Customer: nai kujh te riayat karo na
Ghuggi: vekho bhai sahib, paise te laggan ge pooray par je kaho te kapRay ikk do hor ghaTaa dewaNge.

#9 by veeresh on January 9, 2003 9:54am PT

How typical of these so called modern hindus. Even in hindu weddings drinks are not served and rarely do people drink on their own. There are exceptions though.

Do people get drunk?? what a question...

Nazar Sahib,
Well done. I particularly liked the detailed description that you portrayed here. I`ve never been to a village wedding but heard a lot, about the grandeur scale of their ceremony. I liked the fact that everyone invited.
One thing I wanted to know is, where were the Photographers and Videographers? :)


Thank you.....

Don`t the female relatives of the boy, or some irritable ``Uncle``, get upset and create a scene? Do people get drunk?

Hey, this was good . . . thanks Nazar.

Charmingly written and absorbing. Nice leaps of narrative and perspectives!

Hmm... nice enough an effort.
How many village weddings have you attended in real to come up with thie piece? Or is it information gleaned from stories and afsanas on a typical village marrige that has been the premise of this one? ;)

khan saab `bera` fit topic `see tey likhya vee bera hee sona see`. but u forgot the nachnay waliyan along with the daru. they seem to be an important part of any `zamendaaran da viah` these days.

Nazar,
Thanks for a very well written article. I enjoyed reading it. You could be a professional writer. Regards.

````Laila is envious of her maids who can conveniently meet their boyfriends. The sprawling fields of tall crops provide ample cover for any fooling around. Rural folk are refreshingly liberal. They suffer from no inhibitions and do not have frenzied religious streaks like urban middle-classes.````(Nazar Khan)

good to know that the Pakistani rurals – ‘dehaatee log’ -- are as MODERN as the Indian rural folks! --

it`s only the middle class shahrees that are so stuck-up -- about their actual backwardness of gender segregation -- calling it modesty

Peace,
Cool...

Very good topic and very well written article. I hope the couple turns out to be a loving couple, enjoying life for few years before having babies.
I think, despite all the lavish and extended celebrations of weddings in countryside, city weddings end up breaking the backs of bride`s family.

Please write more about village lifestyle!

bass ikk Maulvi te nikaah wala hissa katt ke Bhai te laawaN paa daiyeye te DullayBhatti nu apna viaah yaad aa giya. Also add some paragraphs on serving daru, ranging from Desi ghar di kaDDi to few bottles of imported wine. Now that we have done that add few loud bhabhaks, chaangraN..few flying paraats, kaRchhiyaN and meat walay pateelay. yeah..that sounds like a wedding on the banks of Bias...bass Bias te Chanaab wich ainna ee farak ay.