Agent Pinkyfeld

As Pinky was putting her equipment back into the purse she heard an unmistakable voice......
``Damm you Mendacity, this is the fourth night in a row you`ve made me come to this blasted restaurant. My stomach is cramping from all this nouvelle-shouvelle khana pana``
It was the unmistakeable tone of Nurse Practioner. Pinkyfield silently sat still on the seat. What was that *%^ doing here.
``Yes I got the message alright you dumb sthick, why else would I be here? No Mendacity I will not repeat it, its too embarrassing``
Then silence, maybe Nurse Practioner was getting ticked off thought Pinky.
``All right I`ll repeat it,” said NP in a sulky tone.
``Jeena yahan
Marna yahan
Iske siva jana kahan``
The sounds of the toilet flushing drowned out whatever NP had to say. The door opened and Pinkyfield heard the unmistakable sound of hands being washed and the door being slammed. After a suitable period of wait she came out. She was sure now that the key lay with Geena but why? Engrossed in her thoughts she almost collided with Jacque who was pacing in the passage holding Bakhtin`s ``Problems of Dostoevsky`s Creative Art`` in his hand.
``What`s that?`` said Pinkyfield her thoughts sidetracked.
``Oh just some light reading for the night. Oh all right it comes in pretty useful when I need to flatten my garlic pastry crust. Forget about that, what took you so long?``
``Jacque does Geena eat here?``
Jacque looked flustered.
``Why do you want to know that Pinky Putter?``
Something must be wrong Jacque never called her ``Putter`` unless he was agitated.
``Jacque you must tell me, she seems to be the target of a terrorist group, but I can`t figure out why.``
Jacque looked behind him furtively and then quickly opening a side door guided Pinky to his study.
``She is having an affair with Jorge Bushfires, they often come here for a rendezvous.``
``WHAT?``
Pinkyfield was shocked, but suddenly things made sense - Jorge Bushfires elected on a moral platform - the leader of the moral right - caught canoodling with a chick. This could bring the house down.

NOTE : Samina posting here pls feel free to change, edit.

subroto ... are you great with this or what.

good work, all of you.
can`t stop laughing and enjoying this.

``Col. Imatiaz is ex-Armored Corps, a naval diver and a trained commando who jumps from a flying aeroplane without a parachute for
kicks and as a form of bone-strengthening exercises.``

LOL. :D

Re: Pinkyfield and the achaar

Yes, it was mango achaar, Ahmed`s to be precise (nothing less will do). And perchance it has escaped you that Pinky was actually a flowerchild, raised by a single hippie mother discovering herself, where else, but in India. After she was runover by the welcome wagon, her parents, Pinky`s grandparents, who live a sedate retiree existence in Model Town, Lahore, had to cross over by train to recover her from the stoned brood her mother had the impertinence to leave her with.

Cheers!

``Col. Imatiaz is ex-Armored Corps, a naval diver and a trained commando who jumps from a flying aeroplane without a parachute for
kicks and as a form of bone-strengthening exercises.``

LOL. :D

Re: Pinkyfield and the achaar

Yes, it was mango achaar, Ahmed`s to be precise (nothing less will do). And perchance it has escaped you that Pinky was actually a flowerchild, raised by a single hippie mother discovering herself, where else, but in India. After she was runover by the welcome wagon, her parents, Pinky`s grandparents, who live a sedate retiree existence in Model Town, Lahore, had to cross over by train to recover her from the stoned brood her mother had the impertinence to leave her with.

Cheers!

Tahmed,
re: Col. Imtiaz

Uh...okay :)...(Sadna`s farmaish noted and responded to...)

Pinkyfeld writers,

Please email me so that I can set up a group email and we can start working on this properly. My proposal is that we make our plot decisions as a collective and I`ll serve as editor to just edit. Far be it from me to quash any creativity being engendered by the possibilities here. Subroto, I`m saving your pieces, and hoping you`ll be a more present and opining voice in our plot mapping out. Ansari Sahib, I did get your installation and will respond within the next two days (just finished a paper) and to the writer I contacted-joineth now...Also, Scout and FV, are you in, or what? Lets get some proposals here, jaldi! :)

Ansari #33 I stand corrected, and let it go on record that Pinkyfield was (per Biographer Ansari) raised on ovaltine and achaar in Lahore. Perhaps the learned professor will also shed light on exactly what kind of achar (mango achaar is what I speculate), and on the circumstances whereby Pinkyfield is thought to have hung out at the Taj Mahal when she was growing up.

saminashah #30 Where do I jump in, you ask. I think I see qutie a few threads to this ``Pinkyfield and the Dancing Mullah Affair`` (this is just to suggest a title to this). I can try to take a shot at what I call the One-Eyed Mullah thread, and have him meet up with dashing ex-armyman Colonel Imtiaz whom we last left barrelling down some hilly tracts in order to catch up with the Evil One Eyed Mullah and to give him his comeuppance. So here goes:
Col. Imatiaz is ex-Armored Corps, a naval diver and a trained commando who jumps from a flying aeroplane without a parachute for kicks and as a form of bone-strengthening exercises. He can break a bear`s neck with his bare hands. And yet is tender enough to make a woman go wild with desire by merely acknowledging their presence. The various spy agencies of the world are all his clients. Pinkyfield is the only person on earth who knows how to manipulate this shady character so he does some good in this world despite his ruthless, cynical, character.
(How`s this for fleshing out a character a bit before going further??)

Chowksters
Glad this was finally published by chowk.

Just 2 comments. As far as I can guess, first you write a bestselling novel, THEN it is made into a major motion picture for which you write the screenplay. This reads a bit like the screenplay, and I keep thinking of that woman in Alias instead of paying attention to the storyline:).

Secondly, as a member of ordinary reading public, may I request a `hero`? (maybe I missed him or you misplaced him somewhere)

Subroto,

“If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for all of Paris is a moveable feast.”

LOL, in earnest. :D

Jacque Singh was getting worried as he impatiently paced up and down the lobby. Pinky was taking too long he thought as he glanced up at the giant mural of food done by M.F.Hussain which adorned the lobby. Darn it was half a millimeter out of alignment as he quickly went to fix it, Jacque was a perfectionist.
Born as Jaswinder Pal Singh in Bhatinda, he was a strapping figure over six and a half feet tall with a enormous belly and a fondness for JJ Vallaya kurtas. He had run away from home at the age of fifteen after an argument with his father`s third wife and ended up in Delhi. Tired, lonely and hungry he was picked up by Sethji who gave hime a job at his small restaurant ``Tau Da Dhaba``. Always eager to please Jaswinder`s hard working ethos marked him out from his fellow workers. It was here one day that the cook passed out and the restaurant was full of Hippies clamouring to be served. Jumping into the kitchen he proceeded to make Tinde ka Bharta using his instinct to guide him. The food was a hit and soon the little restaurant became de rigueur with all the hippies who were flocking to India in those days. One popular item was the Bhang ka Achhar which was provided only to the regular customers on special request.
One of those regular customers was a Frenchwomen by the name of Louise, who was totally besotted by the handsome young sikh. As for Jassie it was an amazing experience, the simple Jassie gaiving way to Jacque and when Louise went home to Paris she took Jacque home with her.
Ah Paris, years later Jacque would tell his trainees “If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for all of Paris is a moveable feast.”
And a moveable feast it was as Paris`s affair with Jacque`s began here. As a critic wasonce moved to comment about the Tandoori Pheasant that Jacque served ``It (pheasant) is the king of earthly poultry, as the primacy of aquatic birds belongs to the swan. What more exquisite flesh can you eat prepared by the king of chefs - Jacque``.
But those Cold War days demanded more from the immigrants those days and without wanting to Jacque found himself being swept into the tales of intrigues and spy games which dominated Europe then. It was here where he first met Pinky during the daring defection of Dimitri the Russian spymaster. A plot in which his establishment played no small a part, as the spymaster was lured by fusion recipies which Jacque was getting known for all over Europe. From Borcht to Fricassée de Poulet de Bresse au Vinaigre d`Estragon you say.
(To be contd)
(need to sleep and am I the only nutcase who seems to be contributing?)

tahmed sahab,

``per authority ansari, she was raised on ovaltine and chutney in Lahore.``

achaar not chutney; such misappropriations of needless facts are inexcusable; kindly please to be taking care.

Subroto; wicked!

by the way, why is it that all Australians sound like they`re trying to talk underwater?

Pankaj, Pankaj how do I educate u about our proud Roachy past. It all started with the simple slogan of ``Mera Roachistan Mahan``. There is even a basic philosophy of Roachism as once expounded on Chowk. As for the history of Roachistan, it has always been there you just have to ask.
Har Roach ka nara hai
Roachistan humara hai

Roachily yours
Subroach

Subroto

Good work. By the power vested in me by the Great Satan, I nominate you for the post of Vice President unless someone decides to contest. Of course the appointment should be sanctioned by the acting Prez of Roachistan, the Great Roach aka Zafar Al Talib himself. I always believed that Roachistan should have a national anthem or Quami nara of its own :-). Being the Vice Prez it is your responsibility to write one or select one.

Tahmed, Subroto,

Agreed. Subroto, youre productivity is delightful, but we need some time to organise who`s doing what. Subroto-you brought up a some lively ideas in the fusion restaurant-can you focus on the chef Singh for a bit while we all regroup? This restaurant sounds like a lot of fun-maybe you can do a chapter on it...also, please email it to me at saminasha@aol.com so that we DUNT LOOSE ELEMENT OF SURPRIS HERE? :)

Tahmed,
Where would you like to jump in?

saminasha/sobroto: In an attempt to clarify where we are in the story, I ahve summarized the episodes in the article plus subroto`s additions as follows:
Installations 1-3: Agent Pinkyfield [dossier: per authority ansari, she was raised on ovaltine and chutney in Lahore. per authority saminsha she had family pictures before the Taj Mahal. Now NYC based]. Is told to pack her shalwars and saris and head for the Motherland, to help settle an international imbroglio.
Installations 4-7: Agent P(inkyfield) catches up with Mullah Mendacity at the Leather Bar (address provided via snail mail in white envelope to Agent P).
Installation 8: (from Subroto): The one-eyed dweller of the caves (aka Mullah Bin Motorcyclin`) receives mail from the Sheikh (aka Mullah Bin Hidin) via carrier pigeon.
Installation 9: (from Subroto #26): Imtiaz is sent to Roachistan by Agent Pinkyfield (presumably to snag Mullah Bin Hidin).
Installation 10: (from Subroto #27): Agent ZaT sends cryptic message about chappal maro to Agent Pinkyfield.

Time Out: I think the plot has reached a stage of maximum complexity and more complexity would lead to complete confusion. Too many characters already (three mullahs, two ISI-type agents, and assorted nurses, moms, agents whom I have left out in the summary above). Suggest that next Installation (i.e. #11, and by anyone on chowk) start where Installation #10 ends. And no new characters for a while, until we put some flesh on the dozen or so already identified.

Ras,

re: ``Humorous content aided by puposely bad writing. ``

We aim to please!

or is it ``tease``?

:)

Chappal bhi maro joota bhi maro,
Duniya main jeena hain to line bhi maro``
The lines flickered across the lcd screen on Pinkyfield`s powder compact. Instinct told her this was an ominous message but what could it mean?
``Looks like I`ll have to do it``, she thought, ``Only ZaT can help me with this one``.
Agent ZaT or StyleBhai as he was affectionately know by his colleagues. No one remembered as to how he got this name but according to the department`s lore it was probably that needling ISI agent xSar who was responsible. Pinky reached inside a purse and took out a lipstick. Quickly opening it she started to turn and twist the lower half till the frequency code for communicating with ZaT was complete. Pressing down on the strawberry coloured tip activated the communication device. Inside the lipstick was a computing device with an ultra fast modem, which was now connecting to the agency mainframe. Using the communication sequence inputted by Pinky it was now connecting with one of the satellites used to track the agents. Using an advanced Ultralogixs GPSS system it would home into the agent`s communication device. Staring at her powder compact Pinky was relieved to see ZaT had been located, unfortunately a video link could not be initiated but a voice chat could be done.
``ZaT``
``Pinky, how`s it going mate``, the Gurgavan/Oz accent was instantly recognisable.
``Too much stress StyleBhai, got a message from O for you to decode``, Pinky came to the point straight away.
``No worries, can you upload it?``
``Right away`` said Pinky as she selected the option to forward the message.
The few minutes of silence made Pinky uncomfortable.
``Darn, I wish the video link was working. Stylebhai?``
``In a minute bachhi...umm..ok..actually its quite simple, I would have thought you could have figured this yourself``
``Not in your league StyleBhai, what is it?``
``Ok. Read the first line again `Chappal bhi maro joota bhi maro`. Two things stand out immediately - `maro` and `chappal/joota`. Violence and shoes - now you tell me don`t you see the connection?``
``The shoe bomber!!``, Pinky gasped.
``Exactly kiddo. Now the second is a little cryptic but in the context not so. So lets see `Duniya main jeena hain to line bhi maro` - the `maro` reference is clear, but who in the world? And that’s it `Duniya main Jeena hai` - the obvious reference to Jeena who is nothing but Gina...``
``Not Gina?`` Pinky shouted
``Well `line bhi maro` makes it clear doesn’t it``
``Thanks StyleBhai, good on ya mate``
``Pinky I am flattered, you been learning my lingo``
``Well go to go`` said Pinky ``thanks again``
As Pinky was putting her equipment back into the purse she heard an unmistakeble voice......

Somewhere in the inhospitable Roach Mountains, Roachistan 0330 hrs yesterday
One by one the trucks struggled up the steep roads in the pre-dawn lights of Kuacaroacha. None of the drivers in the six trucks convoy could afford to relax. To allow your foot to slip from a brake or press an accelerator beyond a certain point would invite death; as the locals knew the deep ravines next to the narrow roads as Maut Ka Ghat.
It was darkness and no headlights were turned on, for this was a mission of great secrecy sanctioned by no less a personage than the Great Roach himself. In the lead truck, the young bearded navigator put his hand on his beard just under his left ear, gripping it firmly with his right hand and then with a single action peeled it open. He rolled it and placed it in the well behind the high backed seat, shoving it down between odd items of canvas and cloth. He had no more use for it now.
``Damn``, thought Imtiaz, ``Trust Pinky to send me off to Roachistan. Had it not been for Pankaj`s suggestion, I would still be at Manhattan. I wonder what she is up to now?

Humorous content aided by puposely bad writing.

Ras

“Mullah Mendacity was standing, posing as a transvestite entertainer working the 87th birthday party crowd in the corner.”

Urstoolybai!!!!

You are p romise mey ou woulD STOPPIUNG!!!! I amtust you , and now? Hain????

“Mendacity began a lap dancing routine with the geriatric birthday group. The music slithered sinuously across the room.”

Hai taubah! Aur yeh bhee! Having you no honourable? And drunking an dall.

“Artem”

WHOOOOOOOOOO?

“Artem, the young man from Uzbekistan. A face like the kiss of China and Europe. Blue, slanted eyes, cheekbones like the Himalayas.``

Fist Deepka, and now you! Uiam very disappointy, Ustooly, I amvury vury disappointy. Thusi s not whatyou talling me.

No Salaam for you. Be shame! Nastyness!

Saminabehain, Iam thank you for tell turth, butI amv sadness now.

Will someone write something about Roachistan? Looks like all roachistanis are in a deep coma. Zafar, you listening ?

Saminashah: Agent Pnkyfield received a package of TNT from `gandi nehr and jinn, Inc.` by overnight Airbornne Express from no-man`s-land, sent by ylh. Agent Pinkyfield quickly passed it on to chowk and they throw it right away on the helpless chowkies. Peace finally returned to chowk when the last surviving chowkies breathed his last and, therefore, Agent Pinkyfield has been nominated for the Nobel Peace prize for 2003.

Ok I managed to read the first paragraph......is it possible for some good smaritan to summarise the rest of it in 4 lines or just write a simple sentence `` ur not missing anyhing`` - even better.

Thank you

Samina,

Thanks for the offer but I`ll have to skip it. The fear of failure/not comnig to the mark coupled with a busy schedule (even though I`m on Chowk every second nowadays) will hinder my efforts.

Umer M.

This is great fun.

Scout, we must find your stuff, it may be buried in your replies? If you know the dates around which you wrote, it might be easier to wade through the replies.

Subroto, great impromptu writing, wonder how you will decode that message!!

Hmm, wonder if I can scrape through the few dollars I have and put together a film production team....

Jostling her way through the crowds Agent Pinkyfield heard her powder compact ringing.
``Darn``, she thought, ``only O uses the pwder compact to communicate``.
Yes `O` the boss person of the agency, a person so secretive that even the code messages were coded. Not even Q & M knew who O was, whether a man or woman or.....
``Got to read the message``, thought Pinky, ``but where?``
Suddenly she realise she was outside the Daring Dawaat, the expensive Indian restaurant so popular with the chic set, the only place which served daring fusion cusine in town.
``mmm Crocodile Jalfrazi`` thought Pinky as she decided to go inside. The place was packed with diners waiting to go inside, it was rumoured the even Clintin was made to wait his turn whenever he went there (which was quite often I must say). It was a larger crowd than usual which was not surprising that Tom and Penelope were double dating with Nicole and Toby and everyone wanted to be seen.
``Hakeem`` shouted Pinky as she waved to the large Afro American bouncer at the door.
``Miss Pinky`` said Hakeem, his eyes twinkling. ``What a pleasure. Let me get you inside``.
``But what about the people waiting?``
``They can stay outside, Jaques Singh will never forgive me if he knows I let you wait outside``.
Then delicately steering her shoulder with his giant hand Hakeem guided Pinky inside, leaving a lot of people gaping in surprise.
``I will inform Jaques that you are here today`` said Hakeem.
``Sure, just need to go to the ladies room first``, said Pinky as she made her way towards the delicately carved marble enterance to the ladies room. Once inside she quickly went inside the nearest loo and opened her purse. The powder compact was still buzzing, opening it she read the message displaying across its flat lcd screen
``Chappal bhi maro joota bhi maro,
Duniya main jeena hain to line bhi maro``

`` Damn O and these coded messages. Looks like I`ll have to get in touch with ZaT....``

Very Droll, I must say.

re: emailed installations

Hmmm...

Email them to me at Saminasha@aol.com. And if I get any emails from badmaashes, be assured that they will pay...

Tahmed,
If you`d like to keep it funny, aap ka murzi...we need some action over in Pakistan, btw...

Ansari,
Oof...go back and read the story...Imtiaz is the sensitive hunk of the story...geez louise (rolling eyes) thats all you need to know-make up the rest...I mean you ARE a writer, hain na? :)

Umer,
Glad you liked. We need some work on South Asianess in the UK...interested?

Samina Shah,

Sure! Just let me know where I come in.
Btw, who`s Imtiaz? :)

Cheers,

Aamir

Ansari,

Feel like writing Imtiaz`s installation?

saminash #3 Glad to learn I can still hop on board the Agent Pinkyfield Express, and am so flattered I think I may even take you up on it. Where do I send in my literary masterpiece again? And I assume there are no rules to each episode except it should be represent a serious attempt at being funny. btw, where is Zafar al Talib?? Has he flown the Chowk Coop??
I think the Mullah Mendacity character shows promise. And Agent Pinkyfield is clearly destined to become the Mata Hari of Chowk. Except, as the final act in her career, we dont want to have her taken out with a blindfold to the prison courtyard to face, under grey skies, a firing squad. As was done to the real life Mata Hari. I hope you will make sure of that.

Blimey!!!

Well well well, it did come about after all! A big congrats to Ansari, Shah and Talib. A good read.

Umer M.

Scout love,

The installations that got pasted together were the first effort-there was a lot of confusion in figuring out where all the various pieces that interactors like you and a few other had posted-I dont even know where to look for them...so, my apologies. However, as we have all become well acquainted with your legendary sense of humor, it would be great if you could write another installation... will you?
Big kiss!

Chowkstaff,

Zindabad! You just made my day! :))

Aamir

Samina Shah,

My pleasure! Wo achay din they. . .

heyyyyyyyyyyyy where did the part i wrote go :(

i see how this is

heyyyyyyyyyyyy where did the part i wrote go :(

i see how this is

Subroto and Farzana,

Welcome aboard!

Subroto-Please continue your plot line and I`ll start saving them on disc.

Farzana-Write your installation in :) Looking forward to reading it...

This is wayyyyy too much phun...cannot say I liked dis-dat-shat...it flows quite seamlessly despite the different `characters` (yesh!) that created this. Just keep at it, and anytime you need an erotic verse, just holler. I will come...

And Mullah Mendacity shall follow :)

Lhuv,
Farzana

Meanwhile in a small cave in Afgoonistan a pink carrier pigeon was coming in to land. Ever since the Yanqui had cut off the communication links the organisation had increasing reliant on these fabulous birds. Not only did they serve as a telecom service; their nutrient rich dropping were providing a great source of income. Selling as guano after being smuggled to South America, from where they were exported to the rest of the world. Strangely the largest exporter was a company owned by Jorge Bushfires, the leader of the Yanquis and increasingly the moral voice of the western world. A dumb voice maybe but nevertheless a dumb moral voice.
But we digress from our tale, a crowd of excited members of the organisation had gathered around watching the pink pigeon land. Food rationing since the bombing had dictated that a number of pigeons did not make the return journey if the leader did not deem fit to reply. Yes these were hard days for Al Quidpro the organisation which was once was the terror of the western world. Al Quidpro, whose famed leader Bed Linen once provided cigars to Myknickers Lee Winsky when she played with his pal Clintin , now the ex-president of Yanquis. Times had changed indeed, the once CIA favourite was now the most wanted Trannie in the world (now wanted in that sense of the word of course).
“Make way, make way” a voice called out, “the one eyed one is here”.
A hush fell over the troops as an impressively tall person with a Moshe Dayan eyepiece strode towards the pigeon. Hands trembling he unfastened the message. Quickly opening the paper he glanced through it. His face fell “a letter from the Sheikh” he said. Gloom descended over the troops, the message would have to be replied to, as visions of tandoori pigeons faded from their eyes. What did the message say……

Right, now that I have collected my wits:
Agent Pinkyfeld was an idea that some Chowkies kicked around for awhile. I scraped together some of the scenes that formed a cohesive narrative within the time frame you are reading. Two highly hilarious scenes were lost in the cyber shuffle; one was written by a Chowk writer who shall remain nameless until they choose to id themselves, the other was Zafar Sahib who was the real wit and life of Pinkyfeld. Zafar and I begged an several Chowkies to work on this with us, but apparently you all have lives or somethings and we got a couple of more pieces together, which I lost as well. (I never said I was overly responsible) After 9/11 I didn`t have the heart to continue Pinkyfeld; my little brain apparently could not predict the plans that some men have for us, and scrapped it. Plus spy stories are so so so passe that they might still be in fashion. So who knows what will happen in the future. Thats from my end, and if this parody offends anyone in any REAL way, my er, sincere apologies.
Thanks Chowk Staff for posting this and reminding me how much fun and creativity exists on Chowk. Also, thanks to Ansari (Aamir Sahib, you do not stoop and yet your collar is torn :)) and Tahmed Sahib (you still have a job waiting here for you) and the unnamed Chowk writer whose installment I will post, once I find it.
Now get over it.

ana,
Thanks, doll! Don`t forget to duck! :)

oh my goddess.

hmmm....what fun have Samina, Zafar and Aamir been embroiled in?!!!? this is hilarious. had to laugh at the name Nurse Practitioner Yes.
And the Hindu Jewish spy wins over Mullah Mendacity...hooray! Watch out for the barrage of idiocies from those who will take this faaar toooo seriously.
is there more????!!!!
ana