Tips by a Desi Playerette

pretty useless! what is the point of all this?

these seem to be tips for any average `jill`. it would be cool to incorporate a `desi` angle to them.

ps) girls should not torture guys so.

abt time u spent time with some MATURE desi guys. But this little charm theory aint gonna work, so i suggest u come up with something more mature than this. Best of luck!

How did this article got published in the first place? Beats me!

hey Sarah!

Welcome to chowk.

Any average 13 year old Joe Bloggs would be aware of this play slow centuries old method!!

And please don`t say that girls already don`t know more than all this :) and infact despite all this knowledge, girl gossip and warnings they sometimes just can`t keep their feet on the ground!!!

And what about you writing some pointers to help out the many simple souls on chowk from the land of the pure trying to hit the right chords with you ABCD girls! now that would be interesting ;)

cheers.

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Sarah

Very good write up.

Moral of the story seems to be that if the guy remain one step behind in the emotional built up, puts the girl completely at ease with a matter-of-fact `indifference` and thus getting the sensitive female radar swiched off, he has a chance.

This takes times but the guy has to delibrately graduate through these stages of relationship:

(a) The comfort zone:- just being comfortable. Hi-Hello.
(b) Familiarity:- small incremetal dozes of familiarity. just knowing.
(c) Moving on to friendliness:- Cup of coffee - day time only.
(c) Converting it into affection:- an odd birthday card. Lunch. Movie.
(d) Intimacy:- Let her do the talking and open up with her hopes, frustrations, family, likes & dislikes. Cry on your shoulder.
(d) Finally, the passion:- self-explanatory.

wow..is chowk that hard up for articles? Sorry, don`t mean to be mean but really...what is this?

Hey, not fair! This is World Cup season and I thought this was going to be about cricket.

Jus updating my page when i saw this. Lemme weigh in for a sec...

Why are guys so offended by things like this? Its usually girls that get played the most and the hardest. BTW, this piece isnt about playing, its about ACTING. Playing means having at least 2 at once. The two must not know eachother so that islamic sh1t doesnt count.

Some girls try so hard to be subtle that they often stink of despiration. Trust me theres only a select few who can pull this stuff off. But even these ones are just like most girls. See the thing about most girls is that they try to be like most girls. And most guys try to be like most guys.

Theres like 3-4 basic types of ABCD guys and girls. ``normal/GQ, shop at the gap,`` ``Hip Hopper``, ``Rocker`` ``study freak`` etc. Its all assimilation, thats the game. They are attracted to whoever is hot at the minute to most ppl in their group.

The BEST playas first soul search. They find out the things they offer that no one else has. They emphasize these qualities and these qualities stand out like a mufukka cuz EVERYONE else in the game is busy assimilating with everyone else in the game.

My best advice is that youll be at your top if ur doing the opposite of what most guys/girls are doing. This will make u different, unique and interesting.

Peace. Oh and most Desi girls are just awful at playing...

Surf on to http://blowmeuptom.com/ (Tom Leykis Radio Show) for role reversal ....

Sarah,

Welcome to Chowk!

As an old and decrepit ABCD, I am glad to hear that it is possible for your generation to make normal contact with each other, rather than two people avoiding looking at each other at your aunty and uncle`s function where you are lucky if there is a cousin or girl your age around and there are tons of shrieking children running around the house and any conversation with each other would have terrible consequences :) ....so this is progress...and its new for me as I am sure for some other Chowkies...

Are ABCD guys generally players? Why? How do you think they perceive ABCD girls?

Hope to read more from you in the future!

Surprisingly, everyone seems to be critical of the choice of the `Topic`.

`Relatonships` is a a complex and a very human subject. Cuts across all other boundaries of identity.

It may not mean much to the South Asians where the male has the label of being after `only one thing` and the female has the instinctive urge `to extract the maximum out of it`.

Sara: ``In my experiences it’s better to give your number...``
Interesting to see how it plays out from the female side. When I was your age (a long, long, time ago, back when the archaeopteryx flew and whales walked, i.e. in the 1970`s), I always had a heck of a time figuring out how far to go.
Having lived with one of your kind (i.e. with a female person) for two decades since, I still havent figured this out. But then, as the French (even though they have turned out to be frogs on Iraq, but that is another story meant for another board) say: vive l`difference. That is what keeps life worth living, imho.

another desi seventeen magazine type of article
.....

(sigh)

what happened to the good creative writing seen on chowk before :(

This is a good article. Takes us down the memory lane. Good suggestions for teens. Good beginning. Please keep it up.

Thanks God almost on the basis of these suggestions I am married to my sweetheart of school days and we are still in romance (better than love I guess) that gets tested every now and then when we are traveling ;)

# 14 by tahmed:

LOL.

Good Article Sarah!
But only concern is with the last part.
``If a month or two passes and nothing has changed on your behalf, then obviously he’s not worth it and call it off. ``

Probably, if the guy sticks around that long with that kind of an attitude from you, he really likes you. But if you have doubts about him, then I don`t think it is right not to tell him about it earlier and just end the thing before it even gets started. Why hang him by a loose thread?Unless you find it amusing. Just be aware, that guys do have a way of working with the ways that you described above. Ahh! But I should be careful, not let let the secret out. But anyways. A good start! Keep writing!

Sarah-

Its about time someone spoke up for all of us. Boys take note!! Well written and nicely done.. Amazing!

Cant wait to hear more from you in the upcoming future!

ummm..wut was that nonsense all about?

Thats a Bit Thick dont You Think So?

Q. Why did I read this unoriginal work?
A. To contribute an honest opinion.

Addendum to the Opinion
*********************

I remember that simple and clear Verbal Communications may just be the panaecea to all the troubles. Ambiguity calls for even more CONFUSION. And thus AB-Confused-Ds must not attempt to divert from the prespecified course. Else you end up like what you just read --- an unoriginal piece :-)





Happy Dating,


Mansoor

Q. Why did I read this unoriginal work?
A. To contribute an honest opinion.

Opinion
******

Honest is the best policy. If any one of you is looking for a long lasting relationship then you and only you can make it work in friendly waters.

Deceipt and deception are losers. Truth is the King!



Happy Dating,


Mansoor

sarah-
props to you for attempting such a topic but this is catered to a much younger audience than you`ll usually find at chowk. When you hit the mid-20s, you just don`t have the patience or low self-esteem to play games anymore. :) Good luck with your future endevours and don`t take all this critique to heart ucha?

sara

A desi version of ``the rules``..there`s a version for guys too.

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what happened to the old fashioned love, sincerity, and truthfulness. Now we are more interested on ``tips`` on how to cheat and avoid being cheated rather than how to be honest. The cardinal rule is, and it always will be, that in order to find an honest love you have to be honest. But when emphasis is on how to score and on getting ``experience`` by scoring even more, then there is no place for rules. So why bother. I just need a straightforward answer, how many ``experiences`` are enough to learn honesty or settle down for for one honest relationship. What determines the last experience.

In my personal experience, I think in dating game woman loses generally and desi women no matter, abcd, or xyz loses for sure and in particular.

Sara..I do agree with you. Trust me I`m in my mid 20`s and really dont` have the patience at all for games. But unfortunately guys in their mid 20`s still haven`t grown up. Hence, the games are more of a protective mechanism for a girl more than anything else. I guess it comes with the territory...and i guess piece of advice to any girl in her 20`s..go for the guys in their late 20`s..they seem to have grown up!!

Sarah

ok first off, yes this tends to be a more racey topic but it is an original piece...why does Mr. Faridi tend to think it`s not. Second of all it`s just an article so why all the criticism? Isn`t this what creative writing is all about?? So who`s to be the judge in saying whether it`s a good piece or not? I felt like writing it and I did. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and it`s not meant to be derogatory to men at all or to ABCD girls. Thanks for the positive comments guys...geesh..tough crowd..tough crowd!!

Did you take notes from ``The Rules: How to get Mr. Right`` by the two Jewish women from NYC ? If not know that women like you (your predecessors and women who actually wrote the book on ``The Rules``) are both divorced.

Ofcourse it makes sense that you are talking about the Rules because you ran into some amateur , trailer park trash from the ghetto. Did he like wearing Chinese knockoff imitation designers ? Did he look slimy and greasy and as though infested with every known disease on the face of this earth ? Did he wear baggy clothing and look at every woman walking by trying to put ``the mac`` on her. We see those low lives in Manhattan every day (a little too often) and guess what kind of girls go with them ? the kind who feel bad about being women and about sex and about boys , the kind who are latent lesbians in denial (like Ms. Bina Shah for e.g.) So they go for men who ``put`` the move on and play all these head games and lie and cheat and make each others` lives miserable.

I understand you are some middle class pakistani living in the burroughs trying to have a semblance of an American life and be ``hip`` and happy and have all the other things you see around you. I hope you get those things but this is not the right way. If you go this way you will end up being married to some macho grunt who will torment you for tormenting him.

But perhaps thats what you want: most women seeking such men do not feel good enough about heterosexuality and want to play games, pretend to be passive etc. instead of pro actively dictating their destiny. This is the correct way towards celibacy not towards fulfilling sex. Follow this route and you will become distrustful, cynical , bitter and say things like ``all men lie`` and ``all men are cheats`` and ``why do I always run into the wrong kind of men``. But perhaps thats what you want. Perhaps you just want a girl but since your society does not allow it you feel bad about being lesbian and want to punish yourself for your desires ? Do you want to kiss that cute girlfriend of yours ? Go ahead - just ensure that your parents are watching. When they look shocked or try to convert you back move out, put your foot down and express your rights.

In this country you can be honest ! no need to hide behind veils and lie and make up stories. Its simply a waste of time.

And guess what kind of guy will play such games with you ? The kind who has issues of his own.

Urstruly Sahib expects old fashioned love, sincerity and truthfulness?...

Mr. Urs, what would you do if your true love (and I mean kismet, Taj Mahal kind o` mohabat and gulaminess) was a Hindu female?

Answer the question, please.

Just feeling a bit of sympathy for that poor soul who must be already bragging. Taking long walks in starry nights and listening to old Mohd Rafi songs.

And all the while oblivious of being dropped like a hot potato, unsung, unwarned and unrequited.

Dude,

Your post is so grievious on sooooo many levels...is everything okay?

ok ok but what does it really aim to do? Like I dont understand what the writer has tried to tell me or us?

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sarah-
you know, I do feel that people are taking this article a little too seriously but everyone`s here to critique/applaud each other`s writing efforts. I whole-heartedly agree with you about men not reaching maturity until they`re well on their way to the big 3-0 but trust me, there are still some cuties out there young enough and mature enough; you just have to find them. Okay and big no-no...NEVER start an article with ``being an abcd girl...`` (especially on chowk)...from personal experience, I can say that people tend to get their claws out and qualify you as a bimbette the minute they know you were raised here...call it stereo-typing, jealousy, ignorance, etc.... but that`s just my humble opinion. :)

sara

To clarify my criticism ......

We have come to expect a certains standard of writing on CHOWK. A novice or one of the many divorcess (w/ fake PhDs) reserve the right to express their art and/or opinion. CHOWK is not the place for ``Summer Romance Part 1, 2, 3, 4 .......``

This is a gathering of intellectual contributors and devoted readership that enjoy exploring ideas and taking the thougths to the next level, hence enriching our lives.

I have never been so shocked at anything published on CHOWK. I think, and I speak for many readers, it is time we draw the line b/w `SIXTEEN` and CHOWK material.

Thank you.

The subtlities (am i spelling correctly here) of a relationship and the rules of introducing two beings to each other are ofcourse dependent on many factors. And in most cases these factors rather depend more on the social and cultural contexts of a region.

A guy calling you in time or not on time well these things are mostly discussed in North American very often. Not even by people from the east like Pakistan (living in the west) but by the west alike.

And if we are talking about the west there are many books available in the market which one can read through to gain insight into. One of such books written by a woman for women (and when i saw it a guy was reading through it very voraciously) is ``Why men love bitches``. No matter how the title goes but sounds like a reasonable book.

Anyways these are some problems which perhaps every one goes through in their lives. But at a different level in different parts of the world and in different times of their lives.

So lets not try to make it a game here in the East as it is in the west. :)

Anyways.. it was fun reading the article.

Rizwan
rizwandar

Faridi-

You have the right to read whatever you want. Some people write about politics, others about religion while some write about love. All of these topics affect the readers of CHOWK. You are entitled to your own opinion and if you have an issue with what is chosen to be posted her or not, perhaps you need to contact the chowk team, or better yet create your own website.

In the meantime, respect your fellow chowkies. This isn`t a time to fight about petty little things, its a time to get EVERYONE to write, about whatever they want, speak their mind, lighten their souls.

Writing has always eased tensions and in time of need, writing has swayed hearts, be it about Summer Romances, or about self-discovery, writing is writing.

Saminasha #28 you write ``Mr. Urs, what would you do if your true love (and I mean kismet, Taj Mahal kind o` mohabat and gulaminess) was a Hindu female? ``
LOL. Reminds me of the kids in Peter Pan who told Captain Hook who was always snarling at everyone and doing generally doing mean and nasty things: ``You badly need a mommy``.
Not that I am saying Urstruly is nasty ALL the time... :-)

faridi #36 I dont think this article violates any of the chowk guidelines, and I think it reflects a higher level of maturity than much of the material that one finds on chowk. After all, much of chowk is littered by namecalling among grown up men.
For example, the name pakistan has been routinely twisted - pukistan, terroristan, and so forth - by a large number of Indian interactors as a way to insult the pakistani posters on chowk. Urstruly (who was giving some learned sermons to the writer) once in a while loses his marbles and starts posts by challenging ``O hinduo`` to a insult-exchange on chowk. Read some of Jay`s and Arjun`s posts if you want to see what kind of pathetic hate-filled individuals litter chowk.
If you must complain, complain about such behavior that clearly violates chowk guidelines. I found this to be a well written and honest article, and in a different class than the chowk code violaters.

title should be Tips by desi slut.

Faridi-
....what crawled up your butt today? I admit that this article left a lot to be desired but when you start making silly statements like ``...This is a gathering of intellectual contributors and devoted readership that enjoy exploring ideas...`` on what basis do you assume that YOU get to decide what is deemed as intellectual contribution and what isn`t? If it isn`t up to notch with your pseudo-intelligence, you`re free to read something else. But this pompous attitude reeks of educational snobbery.

sara

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#32 by abubakar on March 18, 2003 10:07am PT

:) Well it tells us how adapted the author is to american values. Ie she has arrived!!

Only if she had added references to at least 5 brands in each paragraph it would have the beginnings of a all american best seller.

FJ,

And your posts should be prefaced with ``Butthole who needs to be knocked upside the head``. Loser.

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FJ #9 The words you use (``desi slut``). define your `` `` I think. And you and your filthy language are living proof of that.

FJ #9 I think chowk staff accidentally (!) deleted the word ``mother`` that I had placed between those two quotes.
Clearly, chowk staff (and you) think it is OK to post such insults towards other posters, but not OK to reach any logical conclusions concerning the type of household the insulter (this means you) grew up in.

#44 by Tipu on March 18, 2003 8:33pm PT

Cycle of life and death continues.

I came back last week.

Saminshah # 28

Hum mohabbat maiN bhi touheed kay qayal haiN Faraz
Aik hi shakhss ko mehboob banayay hooay rakhna

sarah,
you said ,men grow at late 20`s.i doubt it.as DR neale donald walch says``men become wise at the age 50-60.he advise them to get married in this age.produce wise kids.

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