Mrs. Ashfaque Munir’s Resentment

re: 29`s poem

Oof...gag me with a chamcha...Urstruly Sahib is at heart sentimental.....

temporal #27 Brother t, I am getting worried. First NazarHayat was complaining about the monotony of marriage, and now you express disbelief that affection (let alone sexual attraction between the married couple) can in fact increase with the passage of time.
Tsk! Tsk!!
I think we need to start ``marriage rehab`` classes for middle-aged pakistani couples. Maybe both man and wife need to take better care of themselves (4 days a week sweating it out in they gym, making sure those buns of resemble steel more than mush for example, is de rigeur!). Maybe the men need to stop taking their wives for granted and treat them like they would treat a first date once in a while, for example. Maybe the women need to stop taking their men for granted. Maybe the couple needs to start thinking of of ways to make their sexual lives more varied and interesting. I think if anyone needs Dr. Ruth Westheimer, it is the middle aged pakistani couples. At least going by your poem.

urstruly #28:

you are worse than mullah george...he gave hussian 48 hours!...all right...i renounce my (birth) right to (write) bad poetry in favour of even worse prose...there, happy?


and again urstruly #29:

zehra 0 zehra ka kya kehna!...hum tou srif koshish kartay haiN...gar joost`ujoo jari rahi...tou aakhir aik din kamyaabi humaray qad`m choomay gi...ya hum kamyaabi kay...

ijazat,

t

I dont want to be called `` a perpetual whiner`` by the Chowk poet community but could someone please tell me what the hell is this? This aint no poetry - it is neither a poetry in English nor in Urdu. It is a travesty. It is an insult to both languages. It is an aggression with weapons of mass destruction not only on poetry but also on prose. This is like a rerun of a bad movie for the upteenth time. I am running out of patience. It is time that chowk poets disarm unconditionally from these WMDs or face consequences. You are in material breach of all clauses of poetry. Read my lips. Either disarm or I am coming to liberate the oppressed and voicelss people of Chowk from the tyranny of Chowk poets.

This is what I call poetry. Please try to learn a thing or two from this this exquisite gem.

TOUCH

by Fatima Zehra Rizvi

Laughing,

I twisted away from you.

Slipping,

While my hand was still in yours.

Tripping,

even as you held me up.


What is it about us, that makes us, us?


Sighing over mingled breath,

over the touch of your calloused

thumb in my palm.

Your skin on mine,

hot to touch as

my sweat cools you down.


What is it about you, that makes me, me?


The slight catch in your throat

My fingers following a pattern

The haze in your eyes

melting mine.

Our hands intertwined,

mind body and soul


What is it about me, that makes you, you?


Laughing…

Samm 21: the story is being debated…perhaps too risqué for here?

sac 22: which one?…this is based on a composite…waisay…just between us…would like to know too what they think of this;)

bat 23: very perceptive…caught in a whirlwind…partly of their own making…indecisive or not gutsy enough… ‘society’, children, economic pressures, self esteem and other factors make them rudderless, drifting…

rozaiba #24: ‘...patta nahi it just depresses me how people give up trying…’ that is the key…giving up…not trying…

‘for the above piece, the entire blame goes to mr. ashfaque munir. he needs to take the initiative and stir up some chemistry with mrs. maybe if mrs. munir threw away the tv.’ …wait!…it is not so easy to apportion that blame entirely on one or the other…

tahmed32: #25:

you say a majority of the couples in your experience ‘improve communication and affection with the passage of time.’

whilei value your input…my experience is diametrically opposite… a majority of desi couples while away in a lusterless loveless rudderless glowless mode…for reasons captured by bat…they are together not because they want to be together…and the other reasons are never the right reasons…

…thanks everyone for taking the time to read and write…

rgds and lve

…t

No recliners in tv room!

``I just feel its very unfortunate that middleaged Pakistani couples(and i say Pakistani because Ive seen only Pakistani couples) give up on love,communication and affection. I dont think ``all talking is done in the first three years``...but then again marriage is more of an obligation than a quest for companionship and love...patta nahi it just depresses me how people give up trying.``


i second that. first three years? what`s worse is when there is nothing to talk about from the very beginning. a friend of mine used to vehemently claim that arranged marriages were an institutionalized form of prostitution. that idea didn`t last long as he has now settled for an arranged marriage. it reminds me of this piece i saw on saturday night live or something called: `lowered expectations`. funny, but in context of reality, depressing. the most ridiculous thing is the engagement process- touted as `a get to know each other` phase, the possibility that the couple may not click is never accepted. what`s the point of engagements if the two cannot break it off?


for the above piece, the entire blame goes to mr. ashfaque munir. he needs to take the initiative and stir up some chemistry with mrs. maybe if mrs. munir threw away the tv.

bat #23 Beg to differ. While some couples give up on communication and affection, I think there are an equal number - in fact the majority - who improve communication and affection with the passage of time.

I just feel its very unfortunate that middleaged Pakistani couples(and i say Pakistani because Ive seen only Pakistani couples) give up on love,communication and affection. I dont think ``all talking is done in the first three years``...but then again marriage is more of an obligation than a quest for companionship and love...patta nahi it just depresses me how people give up trying.
Alot of these couples stay together for the sake of their children, not realizing how much that very fact affects their children..i guess its the alternative too.I mean if they get out of their relationship they face the wrath of the ``society`` , lack of money, security, custody of kids etc etc. It kind of like a catch22..To me Mr.andMrs Munir sound like one of these couples thus the reflection.

What does Mrs. Ashfaque Munir think of this poem?

later
-sac

Temp Bhai,

Actually, I meant writing a story about a 22 year old man (cough!)

I wish this piece was written only in Ungrezi, since I cannot really stand this `maadar-pidar-azaad` style of in urdu poetry!

aaj kul ke shaeri kee koi `kul` seedhi nahi
shehr bhar main oont bechara ajab badnaam hay!

aik misra feel-e-bay-zanjeer kee zinda misaal
doosra ushtar kee dum!!!!!!

(feel=elephant,dum=tail, ushtar=camel)

Well, I am convinced.
the english version has its simple charm, but lacks the depth and potency of urdu…
I agree Sir, definitely. Thanks. :)

Universities have to wait for midterm marks to decide.
Aaaaa...pray please?

Drumzy, sammi, taufeeq

first love

that sensation
the first eye contact
starting from the pits
spreading though every pore
sensitizing every fiber
walk on air
smile on every face
weather irrelevant
no hurdle un-scaleable
(yeah that am-god feeling)

the sparks that fly at touch
oh!

pehli mohabbat ki kya baat hay
pehli mohabbat ki kya shaan hay

then the upheavals
the volcanoes erupted
earth split open
waves of water and lava
submerging hopes, drowning dreams
and all morows

and a few moments, hours later
that smile
that smile-to-die-for
and all the doom gloom
is swiped away in one breezy stroke
the sun is shining
the sun is smiling
for she is smiling

pehli mohabbat ki kya baat hay
pehli mohabbat ki kya shaan hay

thank you samina shah for your words
alacri(t)ous, resonating, quivering
will overlook the hint
(mistaking the message for the messenger)
do i wonder, do i dare
is there a recourse
is my head or heart on the block
no, no, can’t be me
we are ( M and I) well on the way
to merge into one-ness
of mores, manners, bent,
of all consuming intensity
of hurts, scars and moments
with the longing of the tides for the shores
birds for spring branches
of lovers entwined eternally
by masters in marble
before fading with a smile
into today’s morrow or tomorrow’s past.

nazar:

“This sounded like my routine.”…khuda na karay!

JM and i go back to the war of independence circa 1857:) …yes i know that flat-footed paceman from my school cricket team that produced several test cricketers of note…JM is a sane family person who has his head screwed firmly to this shoulders…and is lucky to have a wonderfully organized and graceful companion in S…back in the days when i used to visit or pass through karachi fairly regularly would call him up and S would ask me in rapid fire how long would be in town, or if leaving when am returning…all the while looking at the kitchen calendar and upon learning the dates would fire off two or three dates ...usually local weekends that i was expected to leave open till she gets back…then she would call up all our school mates in town or expected on town and get us all together on an agreed day…thanks to her organisational skills we have spent some of the most pleasurable evenings in karachi…but do not recall if he ever mentioned you…perhaps your writing passion was hidden from him?….please drop in a line at ttemporal@lycos.com…we should meet when you visit TO next…

rgds,

t

Syddo why do i do it sometimes?...when am totally bored…or need some challenge…or…nah, forget it…chanced into ‘trans-literation’ accidentally…as rozaiba mentioned each version has its flavour…sometimes the challenge is nearly met…sometimes it cannot be met…

exchanged inaudible good-nights

is not and can not be the same as

aur shub khair say guzarnay ki
thaki thaki khaahishoiuN ka
dabay dabay andaaz maiN izhar kiya

or this from the cobweb series:

Farewell

will be ever grateful
for the timely downpour
that blended
with mine

Alwidah

sada ehsaan-mund rahaiNgay
bur-waq’t abr-e-rehmat kay
laaj rakh li jisnay
ash’k-e-jigar souzi ki

the english version has its simple charm, but lacks the depth and potency of urdu…laaj rakhna and ash’k-e-jigar souzi simply are unavailable or too convoluted if translated…

lve,

t

ps: heard from the universities?

thank you aamir, FJ, rozaiba, Ras, Ferz, taimur

tahmed you concern for smoking is noted…obviously smoking is bad but it was not the major culprit in their relationship (will reply to the second concern later…am thinking of ways to do it so that it will satisfy you and sammi and not get me into trouble with the munirs and homeland security;))

rgds,

t

Temp: I second Saminasha #10`s suggestion. Tell us about Mr. Munir`s dashing brother who still gets excited 20 years after marriage when his wife enters the room. Tell us about Mr. Munir`s dashing brother`s wife who sneaks the neighbor into the bedroom when Mr. Munir is out of town...

Samina: That would be a disaster. How many kidz do u know that count time in scores and use words like ``carrotussle`` which no one has any business using.

Dear Temoral,

what can I say!

Keep it up :)

Regards.

Temp Bhai,

Isnt it time you wrote about a character with a more youthful demeanor?

A fictive account, anyway.

:)

temporal

``But her resentment
tattooed on her facial skin
was unlike an escaped prisoner
to be frozen in its glare``

Liked these lines the best.

Ras

Temporal always creates his works in such a way that it appears that he has actually experienced the actions of his characters. What powerful storytelling.

;)

temp:
Very nice. ``understanding meaning nor intent``...so true, but then you accept that meaning and intent can be different in varied contexts.

Bas, ab tau sirf ``thaki thaki khaahishoun ka`` thakaan mehsoos hota hai :)

love,
F

temporal

This sounded like my routine.

All wives want their husband to talk to them. But I guess all meaningful conversation has been done in the first 3 years.

sounds like the story of old wives & bored husbands. my wife gives very high marks to my friends who are talktative.

(today FE Jamil came when I was at Chowk. He knows you very well)

t:

yeah, mr. munir needs to pay more attention to his mrs. housewife. too many such desi couples.

i like your way of putting up both versions of the poem- english and urdu. each has it`s own flavor.

Temporal,

I was wondering. Is there any specific reason why you sometimes have a piece in both urdu and english. I think-I think, you shouldn`t do that. It`s sort of unfair with the text, if you know what I mean.

But yes, I`ll admit it`s also interesting.

Good one. But why does Mr. Munir still smoke?? (I thought everybody had quit smoking by now).
And they go to sleep back to back? I think Mrs. Munir should outsource Mr. Munir`s services to the neighbor, the mailman, possibly (if all else fails) to the illegal alien mowing the lawn. That`s what Mr. Munir deserves for going to sleep back to back with a lady in bed!!! A disgrace to all Pakistani males!!!

Temporal, one of your best. Read it as ``Mrs Ashfaque Munir`s Restaurant`` initially ...

hey, i remember this one. . . :o)
enjoyed reading this, t.