Agha* Ki Khidmat MaiN

nice work, and nice phrase ``a thousand and one nos are negated by a smiling nod and noiseless ‘(I)…might’". Either that, or you are going to get some of us into trouble...

rehan write...ttemporal@lycos.com

temporal:

Thanks for being open minded! Of course more than one sentiment threads through a ghazal but the ghazal`s strength is its ability to vibrate the strings of heart. It lights path to an individual soul. Political issues, though not un-important, produce - at the very least - a discordance which changes glisten of soul to a blaze of discussions.
Thanks again for providing a redrafted version.

t:
yay huy na baat! was just thinking about that baithak of yours and how we need to talk many nites, am coming to toronto soon... need your phone number..

lots of work went into this ghazal, makes me smile at the idea of you sweating at it in that cool baithak of yours...

rehan:

yaar ik smiley he add kar daitay;)... kahaaN ho aajkal?...drop in a mail...in that baithak you were the first one to introduce me to agha shahid ali...

...t

thanks rozaiba, aamir, paigham and ras

Ferzi:

find you comments always helpful…each couplet depicted a separate feeling…and perhaps I thought in that they added to a frozen moment in time…some gelled more than others…my weakness:)

dost-mittar:

yeh Mountie wala No nahin hay…is nahiN maiN iqrar zyadah hay

samm:

that has to be there in a ghazal, no?

rgds, lve,

t

Inquirer:

it is a pleasure…i like your selection…the first two can be taken out…

before their sly disinformation
‘ven your kitchen knife is of boundless might

…#7…this was written before the Iraq invasion…all the still unproven accusations of WMD…

and this # 8 … for me this was a nice blend and play on images…

aspire for neither a cup* nor a bowl*
fakir’s kashkaul* provides endless light

these two perhaps should avoid the guillitone?...but i also see the thematic beauty and flow of your suggestion...oh well, the choices we face!

rgds,

t

______________________

this would be your chopped, re-arranged version:

roof, decanter, doodh patti, a good read, and
conversation takes to a painless height

cuddling in the halo of fireplace
glowing warmth in the smokeless light

a thousand and one nos are negated
by a smiling nod and noiseless ‘(I)…might’

in the calm consequence of consumed love
slacking, spent, supine, shiftless sight

minarets and bazaars call temporal
but your smile ‘verwhelms a clueless knight.

cool!

What mystery! I can`t help but get the feeling there is some michievious teasing here...

Aur Agha Shahid Ali kay Kashmir ki yaad mein?

Temporal: Excellent idea, a ghazal in English! True, ghazals are often not coherent but the most powerful ARE. Thus I propose the following organization: No. 6, Nos. 3 to 5, No. 9.
Others don`t fit in. The first is kadri dhoop of ziist. Better not think of it yet!!! Nos 2, 7 and 8 are obscure.
Hope you do not mind this analysis.

``a thousand and one nos are negated
by a smiling nod and noiseless ‘(I)…might’``
Indeed, but tell it to the RCMP who insist that `No means No`. :-)

temp:
True to form...you have retained the `neeyat` of the ghazal...but felt some of the rhyming could have been different...and need to have more light shed. So, may I?

Why is `lackluster` transposed with `glowing warmth`? If it is `blissless`, then how is the love `consumed` and `calm`?
Verse 6: ``conversation TAKES to a painless height``...`taken`??
Why is the knight clueless? Why is he a knight at all?

Verses 3-5 are tops and the might of the kitchen knife imagery also potent. I want to know more...

Love,
F

...forced...boring

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``minarets and bazaars call temporal
but your smile ‘verwhelms a clueless knight.``

vah vah! subhanallah!

great conclusion!

:)