Goodbye, Traveller, Hunger

oh another poem - sigh!!! From now on I am gonna keep a jar and throw a penny in it every time you write bad poetry. I am sure I will be able to buy a house pretty soon.

temporal:
I like them for the depth conveyed in the simplest of words. But here is my take...perhaps you could have changed the order. Hunger, Traveller, Goodbye. And then see the progression...hunger (isn`t tishnagi thirst?) is a b!tch....then words spoken starting with a drink or two and finally morphing into the downpour (INTO - the parenthesis is unnecessary -- significance, and blending. Of course, they are stand-alone poems too.

urstruly:
If you want a bijlee-internet walla ghar you will have to wait till your grandchildren start suffering from amnesia...however, if you want a make-shift charpoy, pass me the jar....I shall send you four logs of wood and some rassi...some elemental woman in the world with a vaddaa jigar and everything else will make sure you do not need a mattress ;)

FarzanaVersey #2 Urstruly will also need some company on the charpoy...

t: really liked musaafir. the rhyme is delightful. :)

Musafir is pretty good...

If there is a link between the three, I did not get it. Liked Alwidah a lot. The flow and balance is really impressive.

re: T

I loved the ``Traveler`` part of the poem.

Ullfat ki nai manzil...

Ciao

i think a link or connection could be made. . .but then again there really needn`t be one. like farzana`s comment about the progression. : )

the rhyme to musafir reminds me of the limericking that takes place spontaneously in a conversation. i like that.

t-

Lovely work. I like Musafir too.

FV

I think I am a little too harsh on t here. The moshaira culture died before it was born in the colleges that I attended. No bait baazi, no wah wah, no miaN subhanullah; I don`t know anything of these things. I am a product of falana kutta hai hai, beinsaafi na manzoor, falana murdabad & falana zindabad culture. I am deprived. I don`t know how to appreciate beauty even though I lknow when I see it. I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.

...must b always be preceded by a?… what is order? and who longs for it? is it worth aspiring for?

...there are people around us who are dead long before their first cry in the delivery room…and to complement them there are certifiably dead people (like the mirza) who are more alive today than ever…jo tu na hota…

...these are seven Kodak moments of life in no particular order…the Traveller is really an attempt to highlight two different nuances in one poem:

Traveller

A drink or two
words spoken
morph
into significance

Traveller

A drink or two
words spoken
morph
in significance

guess i failed to convey it…

Urstruly good luck…with all the pennies in the jar you can buy a brass door knob in some fire-sale…hence good luck with the rest of your house…Ferzi… a revealing post more for what was not said…aamir, sam, dost, ferozk, ana, anuradha thanks

…oh!…and another gamble seems to have failed…was expecting more comments on HungerTishnagi…if for nothing than for its political-incorrectness…you guys are very kind indeed!

rgds, lve

t

nice :)

for those who may not have read it earlier on the I-log will share two more:

with abandon none

have a life
one life
to live or waste
is all mine
to live or waste
to while or love
one life

all mine

all counsel aside
will live
like always have

cicatrix

truth can be
incredible
(this is not a lie)

bruise and blemish,
scar, spot, frown

---

lines etched on the skin
betray past un-truths

should truth be damned
verity hurled out
hearsay to reign?
pass me the poison!

this one is dedicated to a friend who feels i communicate but do not connect...that i should concretize!...this friend is more sober when inebriated...and they say i appear inebriated when sober...sometimes i feel we can never win!...pass me the poison, please;)

tahmed32 (#3):
[FarzanaVersey #2 Urstruly will also need some company on the charpoy...

Umeed hai aapney temporalsaab ke kalaam par bhi ghaur farmaaya hoga!

Urstruly (#9):
If you know what love is you Cannot be a smart man. Welcome to the world of fools! And you do not have to be schooled in any mushaira culture to be able to connect with emotions. However, sometimes our efforts fall flat even if we think we have connected. For example, the poet has a shikwa against my reading of the ehsaas. I guess I too am deprived of an adequate understanding. But the quest continues...perhaps, in my case it is, ``Khalee hai abhi jaam main kuchh soch rahaa hoon...``

temporal:
[Ferzi… a revealing post more for what was not said…]

``kucchh kehne pe toofan utha deti hai duniya...apni tau yeh aadat hai ke hum kuchh nahin kehte``.

[and another gamble seems to have failed…was expecting more comments on HungerTishnagi…if for nothing than for its political-incorrectness…you guys are very kind indeed!]

Speaking for myself and my mean streak, it wasn`t kindness...just acceptance that anything can be a b!tch at any given time. Besides, there is always hope... ``tishnagani ke yeh din guzar jaayenge...mere saaqi ko nazrein uthaane tau do, jitney khaalee hai sab jaam bhar jaayenge.``

FV

Oh yeah, now please explain to me why in the poem tishnagi means hunger and not thirst. Only that cost me 5 pennies and I am 5 pennies closer to my home. I will settle for a mattress though; oh heck a gadda would be just fine.