Haseena and Jannat (on earth)

that indeed is a sad picture but it is all to common in pakistan.
i just hope that someday women in our country become educated enuff to stand up for their rights without first going through all the torture ... b4 its too late.

Sad story, told well. I am shocked by the tolerance for violence in each of my annual pilgrimages to Pakistan.
Friends and family in Pakistan usually see my denouncement for this acceptance of violence as a sure sign of westernophilia.They tell me that the west`s ``problems``( Pakistanis seem keenly aware of those thanks to hours of mtv/hbo viewing) are certainly worse because kids are not hit often enough by their parents. How will the child ever respect the ``elders`` if they have not been hit by them? I am asked sincerely by people who have been educated way more than 16 ``jamaatain``.They tell me about battered women in America.
Presence of violence, and humankind`s desire to rule through violence is universal (exhibit A:the current Iraq invasion), however it`s acceptance at an individual level is what troubles me the most.
When a child is abused in a parking lot, the images are flashed all across America, and whether the system responds effectively or not, most people agree that its wrong. While women get battered all over America, when they repeatedly move in with the same abusive man who beat them up before, its not because its considered OK at a societal level. And if after reconciliation attempt#6, she decides to seek out a bettered women`s shelter, the police officer does not tell her to go home.
In the 1600`s west, there was metallic mask like device that women could forced to wear by law, as punishment for nagging their husband, that was the time when women in Islamic world could inherit from their parents, could divorce, had the right to child support...., so where did we take the U-turn?

ana, re #36
I tend to agree with you on that there seems to be a pervasive `victim complex` around especially in the West these days. On the other hand, I can agree with those who say that (in Pakistani society), the abused child becomes the abusing parent, and is a little less than completely culpable for his/her wrongs. Double standards? Contradiction? Not really... I think what makes all the difference is `awareness`. It is silly, IMHO, to try and explain one`s own errant behaviour as being a result of one`s past, since the moment you KNOW that you were wronged, you have the responsibility to ensure that you don`t do the same. Yes, it might be difficult, and yes, we are, to an extent, products of circumstance, but only to an extent.
It`s a little different when dealing with cases where, for whatever reasons, the abuse is perpetuated as a natural, socially acceptable, even desireable mode of behaviour. It`s shocking how much the human psyche can rationalize and justify, especially when power is involved. Wasn`t it one of the perportedly good guys who exhorted, ``Spare the rod and spoil the child[/spouse]``?
rgds,
PM

Shandana,
Thanks for sharing this. Is there an organization that helps women fight for mehr-related rights and child-custody post-talaq? There is this case I feel one can help out with...
Write me if you can. Thanks.
Pat.

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i`ve heard about the abused child becoming the abusive parent...actually i`ve experienced it first-hand. i think that one can get beyond the `abused child` syndrome, and not be abusive parents. i think that a man or woman who uses `i was abused which is why i`ve abused you` as a justification or explanation is using that as a crutch. whether they be the poorest people on earth, or the richest, if one is not strong enough to get past the abuse and see that there are better ways to communicate than flinging someone across the room, or screaming all sorts of nonsense, then yes, the cycle of abuse will continue.
I don`t know what pakfin means when he says `these abused women...` but i`m not agreeing with that statement completely.

Re: #36 by Tipu:

Webster Dictionary is Kafir and Capitalist. You should use an Islamic Dictionary.

Remember that the abused child becomes the abusive parent. These abused women will abuse their own children who in turn will grow up to be child/wife beaters. So the irony of life goes on

The menfolk involved in the beatings need to be hung by their essentials.


Ras

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Dear Tipu, there`s a lot of difference between being a prostitute and being a pawn of a chess. I couldn`t understand your point at all.

And Kashmir and Palestine are urgent for people that live in Kashmir and Palestine. For us Pakistan is urgent. If you want universal mankind brotherhood, kindly go help the starving in Somalia, they`re more urgent than Kashmir and Palestine.

lol and sorry to hear some nymphomaniac lured you in some breezy chatroom :D Tell me who she is, and I`ll scold her I promise.

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There was a play on GEO tonight about a girl who thought that she was marrying a young man...and at the wedding day she found out that she was to marry a 66 yrs old man...the father and the mother were mortified with prospect of a barat leaving their house,,,neither though of their child the woman who was to marry the old man...

Thank God for the cousim who volunteered to marry the girl thereby ending his rather unfortunate tale..

Ana

Men can`t (or won`t) change the situation of women, only women can ........... isn`t it time we start taking some responsibility for our condition ?????

apparition: yes, do go ahead and blame it on the women....it is our fault that some of us do not turn a blind eye and are castigated, it is our fault that women do raise all their children to the best of their ability and have little to no effect on the outcome of their children sometimes...yes. continue blaming a lot of it on the women. i think you`ve definitely got a handle on the problem...

#18 by Urstruly on June 16, 2003 10:30am PT

The irony is that those who beat up their wives can`t read this article, and those who can read this article get beat up by their wives.

I tend to agree with Urstruly`s observations.