Of Early Marriages

{can one ever really be ready for marraige? }

...for some people, marriage provides an identity and purpose in life...

good article. i don`t know what life would`ve been like if i had been married at such a young age as your friend...i don`t know how different i would`ve been, but i do know i would`ve regretted not experiencing having a career,making my own money, going to college, to university, having fun with girlfriends, having my heart broken and then repaired...ALL ON MY OWN. The lessons I learnt from these experiences have made me the person I am today, and I wouldn`t want to change that for anything or anyone. I think it`s essential for every man and woman to experience youth because it goes away too soon. Madiha, you`re right; a lot of well-to-do so called progressive families marry their daughters off early when they should be providing them with education and with the skills to deal with life on their own. But i also think this is a mindset our girls are drilled with; they think their only destiny is marriage. I`m not anti-marriage, I think it can be a beautiful bond if the time and person is right, but I don`t believe it is the be all and the end all of life. It shudn`t be rushed into and it certainly should not be a woman`s only identity. Unfortunately, a lot of Pakistani women only go to college to pass time because they`re waiting to get married...I`m not putting anyone down; a lot of girls are not even given the choice to decide who they want to marry, let alone when. But I do blame the parents and I blame the society on the whole. And most of all, I blame the women who let this mindset exist and who perpetuate it, particularly the aunties and nanis and khalas etc etc who think a girl is only ``marriagable`` if 18, and God help her if she actually gets an education and that, too, outside of Pakistan...shudder..what a first class liability she would be! She will have opinions of her own..gasp..she will talk back..she will want to work and ..gulp..worst of all, she will not discuss with the inlaws when she wants to have babies...anyway, good article, i think it touches on a v important topic of our days.

can one ever really be ready for marraige? i think not. thats just the nature of the beast. also, there are a lot of women/girls who do continue with their education after marriage. of course, they`re the lucky ones who manage to find relatively enlightened men.

i think the strongest bit of this article was the beginning, when the writer explored her feelings about her friend as a mother. one hopes she will benefit from her own insights and use them to explore her own thought process further rather than go off into generalizations. thoough generalizations can be a whole lot of fun, thats one thing marriage doesn`t change.

shandana

Good article, Madiha. Yes, it`s often disappointing to a see promising young women trundled away into marriage before her education is complete. I think a lot of this has to do with seeing girls as a liability in our society. It`s jahaalat all over again.

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Each case is different. Above 18 should be OK.

Few examples necessitating an earky marriage:

Father/mother very sick - about to conk off.
A good rishta.
Girl has fallen in love.
Girl is falling in bad company.
Girl is becomin a nuisance at home - having those fits of puberty confusion.
And as Tehmed32 pointed out, not interested in any more studies.

[But for all those parents who airily inform their daughters that they can always continue with the studies after they get married, an eye-opener: For girls, marriage brings solid responsibility. This often not just includes being a companion to her husband in thick and thin and caring for their home, but also of the entire family she`s marrying into. Not negating in anyway the wonders of married life; it`s very presumptuous and almost cruel to expect a girl to juggle yet another task before all these.]
somebody tell my parents this. :p

[Everyone must get a chance to live a life of their own, for some time. Such a life where they can explore their own identity. For the rest of the life has to be spent in some sort of shackle or the other. ]
i agree whole heartedly. cant imagine anyone wanting to give up all forms of freedoms/enjoyments to be `shackled` to a nagging wife and worrying about getting home on time and money matters etc. etc. (this is from a guy`s perspective).

temporal:
for females...such as the type tainted mentioned...early marriages are synonymous wid parenthood. u dig?

I guess that like everything else, people need to strike a balance in the case of the right age to get married. Just as too youn is not a good age, get married at too late an age may have its own issues.

wow talk about a fusty piece .. times have changed .. i guess it reflects your priorities as an induvidual .. the blame on parents or the couples is totally uncalled for ..then again circumstances have a day of their own .. and you sure didnt help her .

Everyone must get a chance to live a life of their own, for some time. Such a life where they can explore their own identity. For the rest of the life has to be spent in some sort of shackle or the other.

dear unknown writer:

early marriage is one thing...early parenthood another!

...t

I totally agree. But then there are also those families where girls are trained for marriage at early ages, and the only thing thats drilled into their heads is marriage. Education`s given secondary importance, doing Inter is considered more than enough (Too much knowledge corrupts the mind you see). Some of these girls have no will to study further, coz their whole lifestyle is developed around the idea of marriage. To people who believe otherwise it seems wrong and a modern form of torture, but to girls who have only seen their sisters and cousins getting engaged and married at early ages, it seems the only way of life.