She Loves Me? She Loves Me NOT!

Love makes a person an object of your desire … in other words you are not hopelessly in love with another person but your own desire for that person …

Have you ever wondered why do we fall in love with a person? Its always amazing, and quite usual as well, to find that a person is in love with another and doesn`t really have a tangible reason for that. People say no body is perfect, unless you are in love with him or her, and stuff like love at first sight etc etc. That other person may have done nothing at all to deserve the kinda place we give him or her in our minds (or the heart from a poetic point of view:) )Its like one is bound to make himself think about someone, be completely possessed with his or her thoughts, even when one doesn`t really want to.

A stranger once gave me a theory on that, which although is not really very scientific as such :) but it sure did have an impact on me. He said, The most magnificent, most beautiful, most adorable and the most lovable ZAAT (person/being/entity) is that of God Almighty. God is in fact so great that a man cannot grasp or absorb or witness or comprehend HIS unlimited and overpowering presence with his naked eye.

There are very small moments when there come the minutest of reflection (say a zilionth zilionth zilionth ...) of his personafied NOOR on things and persons of this world, but these moments are so short that one can not comprehend them, not even the person on which it is showered or reflected (the concept is difficult to narrate, its something more to feel I guess, TAJJALI ka word use hota hay is kay liyay). On that very moment, if person A sees another person B on whom that NOOR is pouring, person A will fall in ISHQ (or love) with person B. :) . Now both don`t know what has happened, but it has, and person A feels a love he or she thinks is for person B, which in fact is meant for God Almighty, the ultimate source of love.

The ultimate gift that we`ve been promised for being good and believing in a God that we`ve not seen as such in this world is going to heaven and the utmost privilege of having to see Allah Almighty in person. That one moment of having to see HIM would be the ultimate moment of true happiness. :)

Now God Almighty has a greater plan, and person A and B may or may not be meant for each other. Person A doesn`t know it, and is truly deeply hurt when he or she doesn`t get person B (Now imagine a person C seeing all that in person A, lol). (Now imagine person A again seeing all that in person D, or imagine person C for convenience) :). Ain`t it funny how it can go (and does at times!), and in the end, its all about THE WILL OF GOD BE DONE.

Hazrat Ali said, ``MEIN NAY KHUDA KO APNEY IRAADON KAY TOOTNEY SAY PEHCHANA HAY``.

seriously, you have gone deep, bravo! As far as describing it is concerned, i guess no one would ever be able to do that. Everyone`s experiences are so different that one gets confused if one is really in love or not.

hey ****** !

The writeup is a vivid reflection on the oft talked about concept of love. It could end in abstraction only as the feeling of loving and being loved is too subtle to have a concrete conclusion but the appereciation is due to the writer for his candid experience and putting that in blank n white with matching intensity.

I do agree that there is no litmus test for love but there are acid tests that determine the consistency and strenght of promises that two make in love.Love is true and lovers are genuine who can accept the inevitable change,digest the consequent revelations about each other and most impostantly, can grow with it.

Ironically enough,usually things are easier to say than to do but in case of LOVE.......to love and be loved is easier and pleasurable than to brood about it........discuss about it.

All I can say is that all what we expect in the name of good things in life is a genuine interest of somebody special in us and that interest is named love as it is the creative and sustaining force of this universe. So I do sincerely feel ``It is better to love and loose than never to love``

hi momin
that was a very nice article. funny and though-provoking. the question is: how many bad relationships are needed for one to even come close to defining love? personally, i believe `love` isnt a single emotion in itself...isn`t it basically a compound of compromise, respect and a little bit of romance?

coolfire:
awww ... and I love you too :)

LOVE. Huge word. Huge question mark. And What is love? Everyone would like to know that. But not everyone can know. Only some of us will know what real love is, and there are going to be only those of us , who will expereance it.
LOVE. Huge emotion, making you weak and strong, sadfull and gorgegously happy, hopeless and faithfull at the same time. The biggest, the most complicated and the most beautifull feeling u can emagine. Connected with lots and lots of different expierences and needs. But there`s only one thing about love wich is for sure: It`s worth to be alive - for love.
As William Sheakspear said : ``Love is a child - let me see as it grows, let me see future sizes of it``.
And so, can u stop yourself from falling in love? Well it depends! It depends coz there are two types of soul condidiot called ``love``. First one is ``to be in love(with someone)``, and the secound one is ``to love(someone)``. And there is only one real love - when you really love someone - in everyone`s life! It happens only once and it stays in your heart forever. So how can u know are u in love or do u love someone? If you`re in love - you can have doubts, when you LOVE someone... u have no doubts for that - you just know that tis is IT. And your sure about it. Offcours every falling in love needs time to became a real love. So everything you need now, dearest Momin, is time. If your falling in love will become truth love, be sure, U`ll just know! :) :*

A few after-thoughts:

morpheus:
I admit the portion about hope, like a few others, did not come off as well as I wanted ... but that is what was meant of it ... maybe I just did not connect well ...

mehralwy:
``Accepting`` the fact that its all over: isn`t that the most difficult, almost impossible, part ? Do you think hope can actually die while we are still breathing?
P.S. I believe I had refuted the `falling in love to fall out of it` idea myself.

ahmedmadani:
I`m sorry my friend ... I can not make myself fall in love with another guy just because you think its hip ... what can I say ... maybe I`m stale as well ...

ironman:
I don`t think `ishq` at least translates to desire ...

Zinnia_ali:
Maybe I am confused ... maybe I am not ... maybe its just the dread of ``accepting`` its all over ... maybe I had accepted it even before I felt I might be in love ... anywayz ... personally, I feel that if you`ve never been confused, then, perhaps, you`ve never been in love yourself ?

shaded:
Maybe you put it better than me ... lol ...

Azure:
I agree with almost everything you have said ... almost ...

Beautifully composed.
Most of it seemingly deals with emotions or perceptions of the author but these proved to be a good evocative read.

And in the end, the author briefly and intentionally diverging from the topic to touch upon an instrinsically connected issue with all of our love-lorn but hopeful hearts.

Zinnia ji, you`re right. But still, since love is such an intense emotion and it lasts longer than other petty emotions like anger, fear and momentary joy, it confuses the mind and makes the person believe that he or she might be suffereing from some other ailment other than love. Love, obviously, has it`s ups and downs, and usually people take the downs a little too seriously, this turning against themselves and suppressing their feelings. That is what creates a negative meaning of love in the society (if there IS any love in the society like you said!). And that is what forces people to believe that love is basically an offshoot of lust, which is somewhat biologically true.

It`s just a bonding force. We can`t live without it. Love for God, for mother, for siblings, for and old blind woman walking down the streets... so many variations like I said before. So to say that it just comes out of lust is not sane, like many people do nowadays. And shabash to our media for promoting a very narrow concept of this emotion.

Yeah, society is too busy being self-centered, selfish. Infact, you can tell from people`s faces and their expressions now what they are like from the inside... what they expect from others and want in return. They seem to have lost a sense of understanding and feelings others.

This is such a drag ... they didn`t even notify me its been published !

Momin-e-Mubtala

hello momin,
it was a tender piece of writing, struck a secret chord in all us romantics who`ve idealized and idolized Love to a fault. you dream of something so intensely and for so long, it forms an entity in itself... but a very elusive and illusionary entity, like the ignis fatuus. you can chase it, but never embrace it. so, you just wait a little while for the scales to fall from under your eyes and the moment arrives when you realize that the only Love that exists, or can exist, is that of the compromised ideal; a hybrid of the fantasy and the reality.
i believe Hope is necessary for survival, and i wish that you never have to accomodate your dream of Love in any way. good luck.

qs

Hi Azure,
If we cannot tell we are in love, can it be called love at all? We can say that the inner desire to love and be loved in return is so strong in us that whenever we have some strong emotions, we think we are in love, which happens most of the time, that`s why i said that love has to pass the test of time. Your feelings fades away quickly if it`s infatuation or lust, the minute you see someone better than that person.
Its not about what some people consider and what not, maybe those who consider lust as love, maybe that is their priority. We can say that some people are simply incapable of true love. They spend their whole life trying to find someone perfect to carry a social tag of being so lucky, maybe to satisfy themselves they stick to any feeling which makes them stick to that person, as love.
Talking about society, i don`t think our society believes in love at all!

I slightly disagree with you Zinnia_ali. In my opinion, you can never tell whethere you`re in love or not. What I have observed is that everyone seems to have a different point of view about love, everyone has a unique perspective and feels differently. A few lines cannot define love that easily because love has it`s subcategories and variations. Some people consider mere infatuation as love and tell others proudly that they are in love, some even consider ordinary feelings of lust for each other as love and tell everyone about their relationship, thus disseminating various meanings of this particular emotion in their society. So it can`t have just one meaning.

Fully agree with your last statement.

I don`t think love can be defined! When you are in love, you just know that you are. When you are confused about your feelings, it means there is something which does not let u accept it, mostly in case when you settle for someone who is not as good as you idealised them to be. Besides one should give time, afterall love has to pass the test of time, it might be just infatuation.
Love is just staying together, it has its ups and downs, its not that when you are in love you go blind. Its just accepting their faults and still can`t help loving!

Is Love simply desire (clothed in glamour)? In that case, why call it love?

In hindi we say `chahat` or `moh` (moham in south) ...which translates more or less to `desire`.

Then there`s `prem`, `preet` and `pranay` (add `am` for south)...which don`t exactly traslate to desire. I guess `pyaar` and `ishk` also fall in this category.

this old stale story. what happens girl feels love for girl or boy to boy. We need that type stuff as we ot know. Other is too old stuff

Nice articile tough~Nice ideas~Well done dude~

You`re so right about how much the word ``hope`` actually exists in our lives. Hope is what many of us survive on, but I must say it may not be true that to fall out of love, one needs to fall in love again. If falling out of love is what we need to do, there`s a very simple solution... ``Accepting`` it is the key and the day we accept the fact that it`s over..we might not use the word ``hope`` too many times.

Momin:

you raised some questions that at some point or another - all of us think about. or so i believe. love is a strange bird. i liked the way you talked about the self-perception of love through various stages. as a child i too remember those amitabh movies and the ideas of `love` they planted in our heads.

what is love? we should ask the people who were in love and got married. i imagine the ones who are still happy have learnt to be patient and to compromise, and the ones who aren`t -- wanted `love` to carry them through. if so, is `love` really important for two people?

i think not, at this stage in my life, i believe `love` is all about `I, me and myself`.

a note about the article: you should have linked the feelings of love to hope, otherwise talking about hope is a digression.

as far as hope is concerned, my friend India is no different, it is only on hope that the world goes on.

I think you are just confused!
neways,
i like the way u write.

Too good!

``I wonder if you have ever had to wait. I wonder if you have ever gone through a time in your life when all you want to do is to lie down on the bed and stare at the fan rotating above your head; when you constantly feel nagged by the feeling of something soft and feathery stuck in your throat, and then very slowly and almost perceptibly, it slides down your throat into your stomach; when you wake up at nights to weird dreams; you look at things but you’re not watching; you hear words but you’re not listening; when you feel obsessed with thoughts of somebody; when you can’t bear the company of even your loved ones yet you do not want to be left alone, scared of the thoughts that would come crowding into your head; when you wish that you would lose your senses and your mind would go blank so that you would not be able to think; but when, of all the things in the world, you actually just want to lie back and think! Think, think, think_ over and over and over again, because that might be the only thing you can do. A single day seems like a lifetime; a whole week, eternity. This whole week is so terribly agonizing, that at the end of it, you are only too happy to take the blow and drop dead.``

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Everybody talks about love, yet nobody has a clear grasp of what it is.