I Recall

Sattar, Mhamid, Nooralain

Cheers.

#43
`never realizing his poem was really the worst`

ahhh, after reading your jingle, i`m not so sure that`s altogether true. oh, but fik`r not, it might just work with a quartet of red-faced drunken men at a pub. the music to it is being composed as i write this.

zeeshan,
is the end quote from ghost in the shell part of your piece, or is it what inspired you to write this? this reads more like a monologue to me than a poem. i can`t remember from our previous conversation when i first saw this whether you had told me this was a prose poem or not...perhaps it was the other piece. *confused*

there are parts that i thought i got when i first read this, but after a few rereads, i`m thinking perhaps you might need to rework them? i won`t impose myself and tell you how, but you know there are always ways to improve on a piece structurally. i like the subject that you write of. . .and i like how you write about it. certain phrases stay with me. as for the cliche`s...well no one is immune from using them. there`s nothing wrong with writing for one`s self, but the important thing is that you be true to yourself. when you share what you write for yourself with others, you no longer are just writing for yourself.

and at the risk of sounding auntyish, which i know i tend to do. . . there is definitely much to be said for rising above criticism. it is easier to resort to namecalling and insults than it is to be reasonable, or just walk away. i hope that if you do continue here at chowk, that you will be able to just walk away because in the end it`s not really worth it. we are not a monolithic force here at chowk, zee, and you already know that by getting to know some of us. people are different, some people are difficult, and we don`t all share the same views. i`m not suggesting you think we do, but disagreements do not always have to end up in cruel insults that you dish out, or that you take. it really does take away from the work you put up here when that happens, and that shouldn`t happen, with anyone.
and the library is closing in five very short minutes, as my favorite announcer says, so i`ve got to run. thank you for taking the time to read this. and keep writing!
love,
n~

Zeeshan,

that`s alright man ... the first half of the writing that I managed to struggle through ... I could not comprehend ...

... but don`t take any criticism too seriously ... it`s just that ... criticism ... no big deal.
So roll with the punches ... and keep pushing through the sludge and gunk ...

very nice. can we trash it now. Please?

there was once a boy called potty mouth
who wanted to write a poem
he tried not to rhyme
he tried to be clever
but he ended up being booooorrrinnnggg

so when everyone commented on his work
he became defensive and cursed
never realizing his poem was really the worst
who will save potty mouth from further humiliation?
look at the his sick creation!
is this a poem, i ask
is this a piece of prose?
hanging his head in shame
there potty mouth goes!


P.S: chowk staff, you might want to publish this on the front page :D

err..errr.....too much imagination needed...I dont have any..sorry!

Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw.

Dear Zeeshan:

I switched to Urdu because evidently English is not your forte. (If you force a monkey to eat a thesaurus, its shit will look like what you wrote above.) You might be Shakespeare inside the offices of a third-rate tabloid like MAG. Please don`t let that get to your head. You`re still a blithering idiot.

MNI

airy-fairy,

``rules and regulations``? Like comprehensibility? Hey, I`m all for breaking the rules...but be woman/man enough to understand the risks...

It would be nice to read the article discussed more in terms of its content than its anatomy as a candidate for some essay competition.

Abay where is the content?

apna kaha khud aap samjheiN ya pari samjhay

Airy:
Which content are you talking about? Sach sach bataao what has he bribed you with.

apna kaha khud aap samjheiN ya khuda samjhay

or maybe..pari samjhay

#33

``English muthafucka do you speak it?`` - Pulp Fiction

#34

Stuttering?

Ha well, never mind.

You ain`t seen nothing yet. Speaking of read-between-the-lines, you should read One Last Love Song when it comes up. It`s not perfect because any writer can see a mass of problems in his or her own work even after the ``final cut``, but I`m pleased with the information and opinions I left in the subtext.

Cheers.

Zee: No matter what people say, this was a good read, a nice workout for the brain, a tingling sensation for all those neurons that are not otherwise stimulated easily. Though I was somewhat surprised by the responses. Maybe I expected more of a mature feedback from the chowk interactors. By this article, one would think, people ought to know the difference between critiquing and criticizing. But that makes it all the more interesting. However, what I don`t get is how one can not understand the article, whatever happened to reading between the lines and getting to the core of the material without getting lost in the maze of words. I guess, sometimes we are just too occupied with rules and regulations, that we forget about the primary purpose of writing, which is to express one`s self. I was also reminded of the whole messenger-message deal, only, in this case, we are not trying to kill the messenger, we are frowning at him because apparently he stutters! No offense meant, Zee. Just keep writing for yourself and keep sharing. For it`s what you write for yourself that turns out to be the best sometimes.

P.S. It would be nice to read the article discussed more in terms of its content than its anatomy as a candidate for some essay competition. But I guess people have already exhausted themselves doing the earlier, so I won`t get my hopes high, or should I say I’ll try not `to get high on my own supply`!

It wrote itself.
I enjoyed writing it and most of you are just ejaculating over all those months of hate.
Thank you for reading even if you were biased.

Abay is this an article or the diary from ``Harry Potter: The Chamber of Secrets``?

Then you say you enjoyed writing it. Abay stick to one story. Did you write it or it wrote itself?

MNI
PS: Do YOU ejaculate often on the computer?

Tsk tsk so u can dish it out but can`t take it....obviously ur masculine ejaculations have more merit than comedic female ejaculations

#30: If it was written to please you and only you, do us a favor and read it in your OWN bathroom - by yourself. And, oh yes, make sure the door is shut tight. People who write for themselves are not itching to get their work published. That too on a website.

BTW, your ``it wrote itself`` excuse ranks right up there with ``my dog ate it!``

TaimurMalik

Feel free, I don`t really have any problems with the preceeding posts.

I enjoyed writing it and it was written to please me. I don`t have a problem with everyone else disliking it at all, just that you can tell how much merit the almost comedic female ejaculations here have.

Zeeshan:

I would refrain from giving any comments on this piece given your reaction on Muhammad Qayyum`s board. Anyways, good luck for any future writings.

peace.

Godot,

Examples, please.

Zeeshan,

So, anyone pointing out the serious problems in this piece are ``hateful`` and ``biased``? I tend to disagree. Yes, there probably is an element of karma here, but the uniform tenor of opinion cannot be dismissed as just ``bias``.

... that`s alright Urstruly,

... your post on the wrong board made just as much sense as it does anyway
... so never mind ... but keep contributing in any case ...

I admitt I did not read the article after the first line.
Ofcourse I read all the comments, they seem more interesting and readible.
From what I gather, this may have been an attention , a reaction , an explosion seeking stunt.

or it could be...
oooay mujhay kis nai lulkara...maiN bhi likH kai dunya waloN ko bata dooN gaa !

#21

Quite All right Urstruly.

ZM

I apologize for posting the last post at your board. It was an accident, it was meant for the other board.

If we look at the whole situation, in the middle east, logically, the following picture emerges:

1. Americans have explicitly declared their intention that they intend to change the map of the Middle East. This changing of map means changing of current regimes as well. In other words the shelf life of all such regimes that were installed by British and French colonialism in the early last century, is over. So the new colonialism will install new regimes (a process that is currently underway in Iraq & Afghanistan) - which will demonstarte the semblance of what it proclaims as its ideals i.e. ``democracy`` and ``freedom``. In other words, the people of these countries aka fukkking idiots have become too smart for their own good - so they need another dose of opium - i.e. another kind of opium.

2. Now if I am a member of Saudi, jordanian, Syrian, Emirates, morrocon, libyan, or egyptian ruling class i.e. elite of the society i.e. the class that was created by British colonialism, I would percieve Americas declared intentions as a grim threat to my privileges and well being. These are the previleges that I and my family have enjoyed for decades in return of my favors for British colonialism. Logically, wouldn`t it make sense if I would try all that is in my powers to never let Americans get stable in Iraq?

British imperialism would have handled this situation differently. They would have used these states against each other first. In this regard American policy to use Pakistan against Afghnistan was correct. They are trying to do the same in Iraq by inviting armies of ``friendly Mulsim allies states`` but it is a little too late for that. What went wrong in Iraq, in my personal opinion, is that the Americans have started beleiving their own propaganda a little too much. As long as Fox, CNN, ABC, Hindus and people like Rizwan Mahmud are acting as the first line of attack for Americans, I think the above mentioned ruling elite need not worry a bit.

# 19
Subroto

That was worth publishing.

Subroto:

there were 247 cliches. Odd that since the piece itself was only 200 words long.

:-)

It wrote itself.

I enjoyed writing it and most of you are just ejaculating over all those months of hate.

Thank you for reading even if you were biased.

G`night.

Well it could have been.
And then what it was - the smell of crap drifting down the gutters of the mind.

A life lived and yet not defined, fluttering along the bylanes of memory. Maybe it was the half opened closet that let in the lies. Ah the lies - just like when you are waiting, just waiting for something to happen. This is a process of eliminating options - time will tell.

The only problem being that waiting is the hardest part. For even when you are dead the life goes on. Death is just a part of life - the last part.

Those butterflies that flutter in the tummy just carry on fluttering. Fluttering like the dances with wolves - for even the wolves dance when they must - Tu cheeze badi hai mast mast.

Ah the bitter heart - just like a dash of Angostura bitter in the drink of life. And its a new life every day.

When all the shimmering is done only the glitter remains. Like a note to self that remains unread. For zero is sometimes better than nothing.

Of course in the end avoid cliches like the plague.

Endnote So how was that? Damn I should have submitted this. Bina did you take a count of the cliches?

Zeeshan -

Some writers have produced works here at Chowk that were a lot worse than yours, but the same interactors that are ripping you apart hailed those works as “experiment” and “genre”!!! Hypocrisy is alive and kicking at Chowk!!!

If you talk the talk you gotta walk the walk...or you’re in deep trouble...as on this one. Good luck.

These are my candidates for cliches...

Every utopia to its watery grave

But this nostalgia of youth is fleeting and dies quickly.

Right now, only the rosy memories of youth chug away like old trains, garish and ugly in their present, only lovely in their antiquity.

Pink, the capital colour of feminity.

The magic of nostalgia is that it creates fissures in memory, as if it were a force
and your heart’s a colder and more bitter place to foster your naïve self again.

Reality after all is just confrontation.

There is no regret.
No dissatisfaction with the present.
No ultimate nullifying disillusionment.
I’m only inhaling
and getting high
on my own
supply.

Chowk must be real desperate for articles if they publish such juvenile crap. Or may be, some chowk editor has taken his or her revenge on the resident critic cum author par excellence.
Here`s my submission to chowk. Chowk Staff, please consider this favorably as I would like to see my name up on some internet site.
masochist, SADIST. abiogenesist ABSOLUTIST, abstractexpressionist, accomodationist, absurdist.
nazism, fascism, sexism, capitalism, abstractexpressionism, male chauvanism, feminism
ALL THAT
AND
Many Other BIG WORDS.

Thank you,
JG

I?m only inhaling
and getting high
on my own
supply.

What? Whaaaaaaaaat? I know fourteen year olds who write more coherently and make more sense.

Oscar Wilde once wrote:
``The old believe everything: the middle-aged suspect everything: the young know everything``

Sophistry is no match for substance. The problem with the obviously juvenile author is that he takes himself too seriously. Given the frequency of unsolicited advice he doles out to prospective writers at Chowk, one would expect better from the self-proclaimed ``ustaad``.

But, then again, as they say in Urdu:
Khaalee burtun meiN puthur pheNko to aawaaz zyaadaa aatee hai

...can`t you people find someone your own size to whittle down. zeeshan is a genius, it is you ordinary folks who can`t visualise what he writes and encapsulates. it is an ocean within a fist ( koozay mein darya - for urdu medium) and having failed to understand his philosophic nonsense, all of you attack him like a pack of dingos. this was such a great piece that i was forced to reappear on chowk to record my accolade on this fine piece of bullshit. my advise to you sheeps (zeesh`s description of chowk interactors), lay off the Hole ( I lovingly call zeeshan Hole, because the Ass refused to be associated with him, and i respect the Ass a lot more than the Hole). I have a confession to make though: I used the dictionary for words like Visualise, encapsulate etc to sound erudite and learned. ;))

Zeeshan teri shan aalishan hai
koi Amma hai na Abba jan hai

piece of garbage pal.

not understood - may be I can only understand simple direct easy English

Is this the guy who trashes every one’s writings? This piece of garbage is supposed to be an example of good prose. Mr. Z you need to take some a course 101 in elementary writing.

The whole piece is an example of an elementary student trying to use big words, without understanding their meaning. The sentence structure is haphazard and at times non-existent.

Here is a sample.

‘... It does not resurface with an awesome superiority at the anticlimactic epilogue of our lives. Right now, only the rosy memories of youth chug away like old trains, garish and ugly in their present, only lovely in their antiquity.

We stare at old furniture and outside our homes; in the perfect of light it seems just…

Ideal.’

Take the first sentence. ’Awesome superiority’, ’Anticlimactic epilogue’, high sounding words, but what do they mean?

Nostalgia is supposed to resurface with not only superiority, but awesome superiority. Superiority from what?

Do we stare at old furniture out side our home, or do we stare at old furniture and also the outsides of our home.

Also why is old furniture out side the home? Does Mr. Z live in a trash dump?

There is too much stuff in there, to criticize and no one has time for it.

No, I don`t want to dissect line by line. But I did make a list of all the cliches. There are six. If you can spot them, let me know and you will win a prize from me.

``Record Players, Old Radios, putrid cardboard of boxes boxing possessions from another time.``

How much more contrived can this get! God and this stuff is tedious. ATleast other do it in 10 lines ....

zeeshan,

............. i am sorry, but i have to say it: this is garbage!..........i don`t know if you are serious or are you just trying to be cute by posting this meaningless jumble of one liners .......... what is it?........ how is one supposed to read it?... backwards? ......... there has to be a trick............ tell me, if you turned it in as a sophomore term paper, what would you get?..... an F and a spanking, if i had anything to say about it ............

.............after all the fuss you made about jawahara`s writing we were expecting a masterpiece that would razzle and dazzle us and turn us into mush............. but this?

......... here is the point - for all i know this might be the greatest piece of writing ever, and temporal might soon be handing you an award, but as far as i and some others are concerned it is ``trite, meaningless, overambitious, too many comma`s`` and, i might add, pretentious nonsense .............. even our resident juvenile rsaxena saw through this - ``trying too hard``, he says, and by god for once he is right ..................

............ but keep on trying - maybe one of these days you will write something half as good as jumpha lahri or zadie smith or jawahara .................

Whats good about this piece:

``the smell of petrol as charmed young boys. ``

Everything else is too overwrought, confused/confusing, and metaphorically mixed. Also, water ``screaming`` seems a bit melodramatic.

You could do worse than one very good line.

..trying too hard...yuck

We live in a world of what ifs, we live in the past where everything went right and mommy could kiss away our tears and say everything will be fine bacha.

Zeeshan: u made it :)

cheers

???????????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i had to really struggle to read this. trite, meaningless, overambitious, too many comma`s.

which transitions between conversations? little is redundant in little pieces. Why is there a period after And then? Line breaks are jarring and break the rhythm rather than accentuate its flow.

Every utopia to its watery grave. Every dream...drowned. Zeeshan and then Zeeshan made easy? Needlessly repetitive rather than impressively esoteric.

But this nostalgia of youth is fleeting and dies quickly (dies quickly already suggested by fleeting). It does not resurface with an awesome superiority at the anticlimactic epilogue of our lives (awesome again a conceit rather than needed).

Perfect of light? Perfect light? Perfect in the light? Perfect despite the light?

Record Players, Old Radios, putrid cardboard of boxes boxing possessions from another time (why is it Old Radios and not Putrid Cardboard of Boxes)

And it just gets worse...i don`t really have the time to dissect this line by line. Perhaps bina or samina can help :)