Amnesia

k:

thanks for your business-like response...without knowing you saved the day for me...

...sad?

Brilliant...straight from the heart...not much of a critic really, but enjoyed reading the article..

razzz: thank you. im glad u could relate to something in the piece. i might know u if u were at lums. what year?
im aware that scarred histories have always existed...that doesnt make them ok.
i like to think that demarcation of skies is not that simple...the sky is not limited like the land, at least...unless i am displaying sheer ignorance...

rozaiba: thank you. i wish u`d share ur thoughts on the conclusion...otherwise how is chowk different from a newspaper?

Bina Shah: thank you. i like the ambiguity and the loose threads tied together in a frazzled knot of a short piece...i feel that in itself makes a statement, however obscure. my way of showing how fragmented things can be and usually are...

temporal: hi. i didnt anticipate the response that the v-m`s would generate. dont expect the same for this piece. this is older and much more personal...im sad that the only laurel u bestow is the one word vocab expansion.

godot: thank you. i appreciate it. hope u keep reading my pieces...

Khadija; some exquisite sentences there.

``The anonymity of kite-fights and the remoteness of battlefields create a distance so complete that truth becomes elusive. A distance that can only be compared to the inscrutable space between past and present. A space that is only negotiable through memory.``

Wow.

This reads like a very good indie film! Excellent visuals and silence- one of your strengths is in your spare dialogue and immersed narrator`s voice. Will comment more later.

Khadija -

I really liked the way you linked the end back to the beginning. Brilliantly done. When you began, quite violently I must admit, we don`t know where you are heading towards till we reach the end...and we then say to ourselves: oh, yes. You have powerful imagination and can take the reader for a ride, if the reader is willing to put up with your dizzyingly constant, and seemingly unrelated, twists and turns, that is. It all came together in the end. Thanks for an excellent read.

PS: As a kid growing up in Nazimabad, I flew a lot of kites from the rooftop...was really good at kite-fighting, too...could relate to your discussion of patang real well...brought back a lot of memories for me...

Khadija:

(fasten your seat belt)

be-warned: this encore performance will not garner the same interact levels as the v-m…even though there are allusions and subtle hints to past…this does not have the required trigger words/phrases for chowkies to start brawls and frays…

(ah! if only life were simpler i could have said binooo said it all…and go back to knitting the sweater…after i learn how to knit…or whatever am supposed to do now…or whatever fate has ordained…but…life is never simple;))

…so…since i do not have that how-to-knit-in-2- hours-or-less book handy…mind if i try the darts/laurel approach?…so will begin with laurels…

laurels

--taught me a new word: originary originary
O*rig``i*na*ry , a. [L. originarius: cf. F. originaire.]
1. Causing existence; productive. [R.]
2. Primitive; primary; original. [R.]
--a reflective original piece
--multi layered and multi-dimensional
--(will add more later as they occur...trust me!...nah, on second thoughts, forget it!;)

darts

--break the flow some way other than sub-headings…found them distracting and jarring
--not once but five times you used dore…i understand you are not referring to the french artist best known for his imaginative drawings and lithographs in editions of Balzac`s Droll Stories (1856) and Cervantes`s Don Quixote (1863)….and since string, thread, vein, cord, rope, cable, strand, twine will not do to describe the crushed glass mixed/glued concoction that goes in the preparation of patang dOr…dore would be acceptable either in italics or with a footnote…(yes i go on and on sometimes but no am not rubbing it in…see some potential in you deah:))
--you may look into italicizing all desi words
--here We are lead to believe that we can fly by the very voices who have clipped our wings and here We are lead to believe that we can fly by the very voices who have clipped our wings. should have been fixed before you would have said khatum-shud:)

…do you know how to reach me?…just want to make sure no innocents by-standers die in the line of fire…

lve,

t

Some beautiful writing in this piece. However I will confess that I found it hard to follow the train of thought, especially at the end when you have to pull all the threads of your narrative together. There were a lot of changes of tone and subject which are slightly complicated for a small piece. You could consider expanding this... and there are definitely themes for a novel, or at least some sort of larger work, in this.

Khadija,

Brilliantly written! Clearly you put in alot of effort here - trying to bring in so much. Really enjoyed it.

However, I do not agree with your conclusion.

I have never been able to master the art of flying kites. So the day when a cut kite string just happened to be passing by my shoulder as I had just lost mine own in a battle, grabbing the foreign string brought tremendous joy!

Cheers!

An excellent piece. Amazingly put together. The deadline bit reminded me of the time when i used to be in Lums so that felt pretty close to heart.
By the way scarred and re invented histories date back from way back in time and will continue to do so as long as the marginalized and the opressed communities continue to exist. It has always been the victor or his cronies describing how he vanquished the unjust and the Evil. As for the skies, they have already been demarcated thanks to the development of SAM`s. i.e. surface to air missiles. Anyway one of the best articles i ve come across on Chowk. goodshow

cheers
raza