The Beast and I

re: godot

can i sing along??

---

you probably think this song is about you
dont you dont you

there are clouds in my coffee
clouds in my coffee
...and you`re so vain...

Carly Simon

Your use of the word ``beast`` to describe what overtook the woman, was brilliant. Your description is as real as it gets, right down to the angry arrogant doctor/ irritated paramedic/ perplexed husband. I am glad I did not miss this fascinating read.
Between your old piece that ended with the sound of chicken bone breaking, and this, you have skillfully described the trials and tribulations of a childhood trauma survivor.

RE ZM # 24
Getting certificates from 12-Head! Getting really desperate now aren`t you? Of course you are the only serious ``writer`` on this site.

And I hope you were joking when you gave a link to the dark culture site. What next links to episodes of Buffy?

.... to be honest i couldn`t get past the first section and skimmed through the rest of it looking for the plot ......... is there one, or is it just about another silly housewife trying to kill herself because some demon is telling her to? ....... it would be a lot more interesting if we knew what was ailing her - the price of onions, a mother-in-law from hell, a sister-in-law whose tongue won`t stop wagging, her husband`s hairy ears or his hairier back, the fact that he grunts and rolls over asleep and leaves her counting sheep, rush limbaugh`s monlogues about feminazis? ......what?............. or like the vietnam syndrome is it simply a bored housewife who is hearing voices? ............. who wants to read about that ?...................... the subject matter seems so contrived that no amout of good writing can make it interesting ..........it is the kind of stuff that you can read in any women`s magazine with fabio on the cover .............. no offence, but that is how i feel about it..........

................. i just couldn`t get past ````How many have you taken? Which ones? Tell me. Please tell me.`` Ishan`s voice trails off, half pleading, all-sad, all frightened, tears seeping between the words like sheets of rain.................... ``tears seeping between the words like sheets of rain`` - can you imagine a man writing a line like this and then being able to walk down the street !

Hamidm: for once sir I agree with your analysis. When I read it, my overriding thought was, ``Stupid man, why ddi he keep pills in the house with a wife who`s known to be suicidal!``

This piece reminded me specially the hospital part of Alice Sebold`s memoir ``Lucky`` about being raped as a college student. I was thumbing through it in the store and was mesmerized. Now that`s gritty writing, hardly any sentimentality (for those of you that object to the sentimental) and very, very brave.

Jawahara...

http://chowk.com/show_article.cgi?aid=00002449&channel=gulberg#interact

See post 25 which is a miniscroll away.

#22

I never said she was overzealously projecting her stuff at all..

If you can`t rid of the habit of writing selfinterested portions of yourself into your stories, you should at least be creative about it.

Nothing about that is disturbing.

But this is...

http://www.opi8.com/word/word.php?id=84

......well written, but the subject bores me to tears .......... who cares about suicidal lunatics loosing arguments with their inner demons.......... same old stuff - every time you turn around, pathetic vietnam vets, dejected gays, and depressed housewives are boring us with their silly attempts at killing themselves ........... i wish people would stop writing about it; maybe then these fools will either stop or actually go ahead and kill themselves ..........spare us the gory details: ``i took some pills and then i died``..... that`s all we need to know..........

I think this is one of the best by J and definitely it is a break from the usual mediocre stuff that is published at Chowk. No work is perfect. I agree with some of the critique by Zeeshan in his #4, though I wish that he had chosen a different tone. I do not agree with his assessment that J is ``overzealously`` trying to project her personal self thru this work. She might be; because an authors thought process is nothing but her projection of her vision but it is neither overzealous nor cheap.

Jawahara:
Besides being a disturbing read, as it takes one into a world beyond the world, I liked the way you as writer stood poised between the ``world of hurt`` and ``killing him many times``. There were some loose edges, but I suppose they were meant to give the reader the leeway to explore herself. Just wondering, though, whether ``illuminating the darkness`` happens only when the battle is fought together... enough for now. Deja vu is not good for my health!

Regards,
Farzana

Jawahara:

…shall I join the chorus too?…welcome back and yes, stay around…

one word comment on this story…‘vintage’ …

“Chemicals to correct the imbalance” brought this digression:

balance is such an important concept…and a maligned and under utilized word…balance in life…in chemical composition of body fluids…in thinking…in outlook…

…and those who achieve or strive for it are way ahead of the game…yet like nirvana it is ever so elusive…just when one is nearer achieving the impossible the apples rolls and the carefully arranged balance kisses the dust…

…so we are destined to pick up and the apples and start arranging them yet again…perhaps rigor mortis orders this process to halt…

next I want to digress on ‘inner voice’…the ghost, perpetual shadow, alter ego…but am afraid of taking too much of everyone’s time…:)

lve,

t

ps: harpo…haven’t forgotten my promise…each day I take that print out home…soon as I read it I will post my comments on that board…(this may just be to assuage my guilt feelings, you know that!)

Zeeshan, I can totally understand that my writing is not your cup of tea and even perhaps that some of your criticisms are valid. What I cannot understand is the vitriol you direct towards anyone who might actually like my writing and express their opinion. Critiquing a writer is one thing...I put myself out there and am prepared for that. Criticising others for liking the work is something I don`t get. In fact at some points you do what you criticize me for...``see how clever I am.``

I am certainly not chomping at the bit for you to post something so I can tear it down. If it is good I will say so and if it is not, I will keep from lobbing cheap shots at you and try and come up with something constructive while not attacking those who like your work.

To everyone else, thanks for reading and critiquing.

And Zeeshan,

I actually looked for your ilog. I think you are capable of some excellent work, if you keep at it.

Now can we get back to this board`s writer?

Zeeshan,

There are as many ways to tell the truth as there are versions of it. Dude, I take my knocks as a writer. I had to learn to check my ego at the door. I struggle with it all the time.

But it takes time, patience and tolerance as well as the risk taking you are quite good at.

I`m sorry my writing doesn`t do something for you and regret your accidental involvement in my work.

Remember...

You can`t be nice to people and tell them they`re thin little wiener is popping out of their
pants at the same time.

The real truth does not come with extra extra melted sugar.

I don`t like to compare my own writing with someone else`s at all. Feel free to compare me with your Nai if it stimulates you, healthy competition is fine but racing never did any prose stylists any good.

Cloneshah...

I never raised my work as a comparison anywhere. Zeeshan the writer and Zeeshan the reader are two seperate people. You only make your connections to categorise me as to not ignore what I have to say because it offends your sentimentality.

Be quiet please...you distort words and breed confusion.

Zeeshan,

The whole point of being a professional writer is not to tear down others` writing while building yourself up by comparison. This is a surefire way to win yourself ridicule and insult for your opinions, as opposed to admiration and prestige for your work. It makes you look envious and immature instead of learned and accomplished.

It`s a case of critics who can`t write so they just criticize others` efforts. Why not just keep your comments on others` writing to a minimum and let your work speak for itself? I assure you when you are busy improving and editing and critiquing your own work you won`t have much time to pass judgement on anyone else`s.