Widows of Banares

Metaphorical and conceptual. Good job.

Peace!

A very touchy poem indeed....moreover its a hard reality in Varanasi

I read this poem on a hot noon day in a typical Corporate matchbox here in Bombay - this was not the time and place to shed that tear.
Simply, I was moved by Nambiar`s poem. Touching. Beautiful. Incredibly sad.

I found your poem quite touching.
An encouraging development is that, at least in urban areas, many hindu widows do not shave their head, wear white sarees, avoid wearing the bindu or jewelry, perhaps like your mom. In other words, they do not stand out any more. Younger widows also do get remarried. Hopefully this trend will spread to villages too.
The sentence ``My widow is my mom`` sounds awkward. I know what you`re saying but such usage is so uncommon. Oh, I forgot, this is poetry and anything goes :)

ps:

and if harish`s poem remind you of simplicity than romair`s posts must be masterpieces of brevity...

soundmeister:

...oh how i wish you take your advice to hamidm as it concerns my `ponderous` meanderings ...just forget the fact that it`s written in verse form,(and ignore the urdu version...t) treat it as another idea expressed and perhaps you will appreciate it better...

:)

t

H,

Liked this. And welcome back to the land of the living.

Somehow I never linked you to treating art so personally. Liked this side of you. (A lot like me!!! :))))

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hehe)

hamidm, I think misses the point. Word of advice from a fellow poetry-dyslexic

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just forget the fact that it`s written in verse form, treat it as another idea expressed and perhaps you will appreciate it better

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Urstruly reveals more and more of himself to like in every post.

t-saab, afraid I liked H`s simple phrasing a lot better than your ponderous and utterly incomprehensible bilingual ramblings. I guess there is beauty in simplicity. Though there are enough of us here who in their hearts believe that poetry is a higher calling, not for the plebs (I suspect Harish too? huh!)

And I don`t think this poem has anything to do with foreigners exploiting our cultural quirks, or deplorable Hindu traditions or anything of that sort

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to me it`s a simple story of a boy and how he feels about how he feels for his mother

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N

I guess followers of religions other then Hinduism should not comment on Hinduism, specially if it is a negative one. If hindus think it is a problem in their culture then they should be able to correct it. They are intelligent enough.

Muslims, specially, should not pass bad comments on other religions as it is mentioned in Quran.

Asfand Siddiqui
Sacramento CA

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temporal:
[HN: sorry for digression]
I finally saw Jogger`s Park. And I agree more with your assessment than Farzana`s (hope demographics dont have anything to do with it:-)). I found the treatment largely intelligent and sensitive, except for the judge`s family, especially the wife. And the film could have been ended a lot sooner than it did.

Harish:
Another reason for me to get into a dialogue with you...

[...and those who have been in trenches a long time...prefer to avoid surgery.

But that is one thing i meant, that thresholds, are more givens than ``made out.`` The real raising of threshold is experience, and real experience too can be circumscribed by circumstances. And, then, there is a wilful raising of threshold, which is a defensive act.

I make my peace, or am trying to make my peace, with paradox, lately.]

When you have been in trenches for long, then you do not even know what has to be `exorcised` or excised from you. It isn`t that one prefers to avoid surgery; one gives up all options of real `chimeral` survival and opts for the more real illusionary one!

Why do you say that the wilful raising of threshold is a defensive act? Perhaps, what we assume to be wilful is driven by the subconscious, which in itself is the seat of circumstantial baggage mingled with imagined experiences as much as real ones. A defensive position could happen only to negate something, and thresholds are meant to buffer us, isn`t it?

Making peace with paradoxes? Surely you mean an acceptance of several tracks. But you do know that you can only be on one train and reach just one destination at a time...

[hell my only naiveradicalmisguidedloonyromanticgettingfreshstoopidlywise answer...so far...maybe raise the threshold!]

I told you...it cannot be defensive and wilful! Maybe, we need a nice elastic band to stretch ourselves beyond the realm of conjured reality.

PS: If this seems like too much blah, you know where to find me...
PPS: I can log on to Chowk quite easily...isn`t that a pity:)

temporal,

thanks, what else! I did find your reading perceptive...and reminded me how muchyou invest in

reading...and NOT only text.

Farzana,

Thanks you. The words you use is high praise. But I was particularly impressed by that last line

in your response...``The height of your threshold might also depend on how far you might not want

to see. Reality is often a chimera.``

No arguments on that...Reality is a chimera...like lots of its rewards...love,regret, loss,

piety, achievement, prizes, jobs, promotions...the whole silly shebang.

And then, look at the other side...the same things we avoid the whole day...is the one that is

hugging you in bed...keeping you indoors...once the night dawns. I, of course, do not mean spouses.

Yes, what one sees, and what one chooses to NOT see ...are all the series of traumas that build

like cataract spots...and many things can be the reason. There are those blinded to certain

things/issues because it does not suit their ``way of understanding.`` There are other issues NOT

seen, because espying them would mean registering them, and registering them...might mean painful

surgery again...and those who have been in trenches a long time...prefer to avoid surgery.

But that is one thing i meant, that thresholds, are more givens than ``made out.`` The real raising

of threshold is experience, and real experience too can be circumscribed by circumstances. And,

then, there is a wilful raising of threshold, which is a defensive act.

I make my peace, or am trying to make my peace, with paradox, lately.

Feroz,

Glad you liked it. Will wait on in the dark, on the cyberhighway...and chat after i clear your

password...:0


Dost-Mitter,

What you say is absolutely correct. IN Banares, it is only more overpowering. And yet, this

social reform panacea seems to be so hydra headed in its effectiveness...even with remarriage a

regular norm in Punjab...the sex ratio is depleting fast in those states. The girl child is

getting rarer. Thats one widow less to remarry...or better market dynamics on the demand side

keeping widows NOT widows for long...because there are fewer women in the first place.



Harpreet,

Thank you. Are you also on some writer-in-residence program...:) have not seen your pieces for

sometime too.

semipreciousme,

Thank you. Am very happy you liked it. Farzana already gave you the details about the Deepa Mehta

fiasco.


And now the issue at hand.

Is there anything to be said afresh. Not really. But, lately, i have had this feeling that we in

Indian urban spaces especially, are getting to be reactive beings rather than any other kinds.

And we have neatly been put on the lab wall...under clear

labels...secular...patriotic...realists...idealists...doves...hawks...polemists...activists...ric

h...poor...offensive...defensive...all these bottles...seem to only react with contents of the

other bottles...fresh thinking has been killed. And if ever anybody started to think

fresh...there are several empty bottles waiting to contain

them...naive...radical..misguided...loony...romantic...hell my only

naiveradicalmisguidedloonyromanticgettingfreshstoopidlywise answer...so far...maybe raise the

threshold!


PS: Ahh...i finally got to log in. I am unable to log into chowk often, and therefore this delay

in response. I believe Feroz too has the same problem, are there others. It is frustrating not

being able to respond when you are bursting with one. And chowk`s current rationing leaves a lot

of responses untyped. Can chowk staff please see if these kind of complaints have sufficient

critical mass to get the technical staff cranking up the system.

semipreciousme:
Yes, the film was called `Water` to be directed by Deepa Mehta; it was to be part of the triology after `Fire` (a look at a lesbian relationship) and `Earth` (centred aroudn the Partition, based on Bapsi Sidhwa`s novel, `Icecandy Man`).

There were protests by the VHP, no doubt, but I would like to add that many hardliner Muslim groups objected to Shabana, a Muslim, shaving her head because it was anti-Islamic.

#15:
[I think real % of widows sent to benares (and why not all hindu sent there b/c all want to go to Heaven?) IS VERY VERY VERY MINISCULE or negligible!!!!! ]

This happens to be the truth...but widows in any society, and I am not referring to the pampered urbanites, are sent off to other sorts of `banwaas` within their own families.

...beautiful writing, harish…worth the wait:)...correct me if i’m wrong, but wasn’t there a movie that was being made on the widows of banares (w/shabana azmi?) that never took off because of protests by the vhp or such?...

hamidm2:

…you do have a passion for word usage…in the past you have appreciated and quoted passages including those from george carlin…who is also very passionate about words…you have all the necessary tools to appreciate poetry…that is why it is somewhat baffling why you cannot appreciate poetry…

...what can i say?…go see and shrink to ublock the switch?…nah…ask one your daughters…there is a text book…think it is called sound and sensibility…it takes the reader through the steps…there are other books and on line sites…

...but ultimately…poetry appreciation is a individual discovery…(heck I feel like a motivational chicken circuit speaker;))…only you can make that effort to appreciate poetry…

..now, comprehension…oh, well!…that is another subject…and am eminently unqualified for it…as the Lord is witness (can we sub-poena Him?)…i often lose meaning of what i had scribbled some days back:)…and am sure on many an occasion (deciphering my notes) wanting to write about lamb have ended up with mary…;)….(it is 11 am!…and I mean writing about mary…you got that, right?)

...t