Taslima’s Lies, Ismat’s Truth

#117
Farzana,
Could it be that Ragini made it a pre-condition that the man ought to also marry her disabled sister as a way of ensuring that her sister is not without support?
On my recent visit to madras, i found that the care of orphans/disabled/elderly has become mainly the job of NGOs most whom exist without government support. Ours is an uncaring society.
I`m curious as to why you say this was illegal.

lewis,

so glad that you understand some of the points being made here....

*

although im not a huge fan of taslima and i have always adored,loved, savored every word penned by ismat chughtai....i have never even thot of comparing the two.
to me they are two very different women.
lesbianism, political views...are just some of the points raised by women today which categroizes them as either feminists, whores or ``commercial wannabes``.
there is a lot more out there. there is a lot more shock, waiting to discovered. let writers write. readers read and deliberate but one should always keep in mind that one`s meaningless prose may be another reader`s new philosophy in life.

I thank tahmed Saheb for understanding the issue-
the issue is PRAXIS-
not the marxist PRAXIST (Saminasha can add on this as well), but how we ACTUALLY apply OUR OPINIONS about views about woman`s rights in our day to day interaction with the women folk.
It is easy to mouth opinions which have been borrowed for the sake of discussion but ANOTHER thing when you APPLY these principles in your PERSONAL life. Only these events in your personal life demonstrate whether you actually hold your opinions or you are just POSTURING- sounds existentialist??

Since this board is now an open forum, let me share a disgusting bit of news from my country. Yesterday, November 27, a man in Lucknow married two sisters, one of them being physically disabled. The photograph showed them in bridal finery, with the one with the disadvantage lying down. When this news item had first appeared at the end of last month, I expected some protests; instead there was a letter applauding the man and expecting everyone to help him for his magnanimous gesture. I wrote back to the paper, `The Asian Age`, and the following letter was published on November 3.

Sir:

As though the report (‘A groom and 2 brides’, The Asian Age, October 30) was not disgusting enough, you publish a response so typical of the macho man trying to project his New Age sensitivity. K. P. Rajan (Letters, November 1) has glorified the nobility of Amar Verma who plans to marry two sisters, Ragini and Priti, the latter being physically challenged. He goes on to say that the Uttar Pradesh government, NGOs and corporate houses should come forward to help because the noble soul that the would-be groom is, he would not be in a position to support his family. We certainly live in cuckoo land where heroes are made of law-breakers and those whose intentions are vague if not outright devious. Amar has talked about the girl’s family helping him, which could mean anything from two dowries to constant financial demands. His mother has spoken about how her son’s luck might improve with this unusual arrangement. How would his education or his qualifications change or his salary increase only because he is marrying two women and one due to sympathy? There are several people who lead lives in the margins of society. The job of the government and NGOs is to ensure that they are made to feel a part of the mainstream and be useful citizens and help them to lead lives of dignity. It is not their job to bear wedding expenses and make some man’s life simpler. Would anyone have bothered had Priti inserted an advertisement in the matrimonial columns of a newspaper or gone looking for a job? By putting the likes of Amar Verma on a pedestal, we are merely confirming the stereotype of the male being the patriarch and sole earning member of the family.

Sincerely,
Farzana Versey
Mumbai

Tehmed32 # 113

Culturally, the women have had a lower status in our society - the man was the master who took decisions. But regardless of the rituals that we have been talking about, strong women did break out of this disparity & ruled the roost.

And after the children (especially sons) became adult, the centre of gravity invariably shifted to woman - and mothers, nanis & dadis exercised the veto vote.

However, now a new element of religion has entered or is entering into our culture in a way it was never before. Here, the women are certainly losing out - and would continue to lose out more unless something is done. It is an unfair law, it is brutal and it has the supposed sanction of the devine. We have seen the model of Talibaan`s Afghanistan. In fact, NWFP & Baluchistan are already semi-talibanized.

As you said, in US or other developed countries, there is no such issue of women status. Their law, society & education ensures equal rights.

Fosa #114 if you wish to address something to me, please write understandable english. not gibberish.

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ballukhan #108 i like your question: after all, we all have enlightened opinions on issues like emancipation of women and the real point is how we have treated women in our own lives.

of course one has lots of women in one`s life: mom, sis, friend, girlfriend, fellow student, co-worker. perhaps we can restrict your question to one kind of woman only - the wife.

i dont think any man is a perfect husband (whatever that means). and in my case i am no exception there. more important than how a man is towards his wife, i think is the nature of the relationship itself: and the most important thing in the relationship i think is that the wife should be financially independent. i.e. she should be staying in the marriage because she wants to, not because she has no other choice.

That is why i think the US is a million miles ahead of pakistan and the rest of the third world in matters of marriage:

a. women can get a reasonable income from a job if she wishes;
b. there is no significant stigma attached to a being divorced woman;
c. most important perhaps in the context of pakistan, regardless of a. and b. the courts and the legal system strongly protect the woman`s rights. in know a couple of pakistani friends who got divorced, and the wives took their husbands to the cleaners in US courts - the property was split, even their future pension were split. same for an indian friend who actually tried to trick his wife by taking her to india, filed for divorce in india. needless to add, the wife made it back to the US and took the shirt off his back. similarly, a pakistani fellow i know is trying his best to give his wife a divorce in a pakistani court while his wife has engaged a lawyer to get it done in the US.

Thus, while what you and i think on issues like emancipation of women may not be important, it IS very important (and even more important than how good or bad a man is as a husband) that society recognize the position of relative financial weakness that most women are even in rich countries like the US (let alone poverty stricken ones like india and pakistan), and take steps to level the playing field in case the two no longer play in bed.

nazar #107 i guess only a nai would think of cutting off the azarbund with a knife. a hell of a way to start a marriage, i would think. not much different from rape. but i guess that is a reflection of the male dominated society that traditional village life basically used to be. i dont think even in pakistan an urban wife would ever forgive her husband for starting off the life`s journey with a rape.

NHK#102:
That was a good nostalgic piece. The village you describe is very similar to the one they show in panjabi video songs.
On the topic of the all-important nai, in addition to his other functions, he also served as the village surgeon (jirah) as and when needed. I guess it is because people trusted him with the knife!
`` no one knew his date of birth. ``
You will find that the registered ``date of birth`` of many senior citizens of that period is either 1st or 15th. It is because when people took their child to school for admission, they knew the month (that too according to desi calendar, chetar, visakh, jeth, haarh, etc.) but not the date. So, they or the headmaster approximated the date to the beginning (1st) or the middle (15th) of the month.

ballukhan:
Maybe you should start an article on the emancipation of women and we can all share our comments. It`s not fair to ask sensitive personal questions, but in my case the record is quite mixed.

Deir aaye…as a feminist, I was told to listen to my body’s cravings…so I just had to give in… I was down in one helpless, satisfied heap… three bowls of sheer korma! So Eid Mubarak to everyone who listens to their jismanee and ruhanee awazein -- and one hopes those of others too – as the Bhagwad Gita states, “True charity lies in not giving you what you need most, but in giving you what I need most.” (Dirty minds, please excuse…)

Dost-mittarji, Zahra:

The common thread is not ‘men’, since I have not alluded to any such thing about Ismat Chugtai. It is more about their uninhibited lifestyle…

[Ismat Chugtai wrote during the times when there was less religiosity in the society, even if it was divided along communal lines. She meant to shock and did shock, but her shock was to the middle class sensibilities, not particularly directed against any religion.]

But she was always known as a Muslim, and she wrote in Urdu. However, she did not use her Muslimness, and as my interview with her shows, she was initially not even aware that she was creating shock waves.

Some points raised by both of you have been answered in my previous interacts, and I will repeat them…

“There is nothing wrong about women choosing who they mate with (I would think this is a non sequiter), but how does it liberate them, let alone reveal any sort of liberalism? As I wrote: ‘Does one wonder at her naiveté or call her brave or pat her on the back for exposing the men?’ If the men are total cads, then it reveals something of the so-called choices she has made. If they were social pariahs, then one would hope she would attempt something beyond the obvious. If she just wants to get it all out (catharsis is an important literary tool, but associated with Greek tragedies, not bare-it-all breathlessness), then giving her the benefit of doubt one can safely say that this is an easy way to become a pawn. The initiator does not always end up on top.” (#34)

“What has really changed? And has a Taslima Nasreen made that great leap forward? Besides defiance, Chugtai was exposing layers of thought, as opposed to merely extraneous factors. I think someone`s comment that in later years she had mellowed into a Bombay socialite is such a wrong view. I met her at that stage, and she in no manner came across as that. As I pointed out, the communal harmony and meshing of religions that she sought was intrinsic to her; she did not have to make an issue of it. It was a part of her house, her existence. This is the reason she is relevant even today.” (#35)

“As long as Taslima writes as a Muslim woman, even if it is to question/debunk that identity -- in fact because she questions/debunks that identity – she will be judged by that yardstick, among others.” (#54)

nasahsaab (#87):
[Now you are one courageous woman yourself, Farzana Versey -- never afraid to step in the lion`s den with opposing views -- now where are you going -- let`s hear from you about the last decade of Ismet Chughtai and Amreeta Pritam.....and about that peot writer peon.]

Thanks for the Eidee:) I am not going anywhere… just trying to make sure that temporal gets down to doing some real work, instead of making ‘ablaa naaris’ write poetry at Chowk!

RSaxena:
The holy month is over. You may now change the colour of your smileys from green :D

The Lady and the Tramp?

Ras

Tehmed32 # 105, Jang # 104

On my marriage, the Machee (who makes bread in Tandoor), put a Knife under my pillow, on the first night.

I was quite shocked. He wanted ``Laag`` - money for performing this ritual.

Wonder what was the philosophy behind - could it be cutting of the ``Azaarbund`` (nala, tape)?

It is also said that the bride`s friends ensure that Nala (tape) in shalwaar is very tight, another custom!

NHK Sahib, YLH, DMji,tahmed saheb

Can we have your views on the issue of EMANCIPATION OF WOMEN in the sub-continent- not just the facts , but your esteemed opinions as well- including how you have treated the women in your personal lives.