To Be Or Not To Be Home?

saman:

What say you?

me says no harm in a wash;)

lve,

t

Sameena,

``And my husband can discuss any topic under the sun with me and not bury his nose behind a newspaper or indulge in a man-to-man talk away from the home.``

One lucky man...is your hubby!

:)

Very good reading.

Take the (right medicine for it!`` ) before (osteoporosis, spondylosis or some such sis gets the worst out of me).

There is not too much time ; and before one realizes, it ia all over.

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A very ``ínformative`` article; Danny Moder is hubby of Julia Roberts! Why is Julia Roberts preferring home over ``outside success``? Our once shy and now feminist ``Äsmat Chugtais`` will come out of this puzzle if they stop treating Mr. Moders as mere studs with the shot of ``right medicine` and let them play their real role. Until then sleepless, hollering, screaming and fast disintegrating women of 21st century. They need to learn from Julia Robert`s experience before wasting another century to go back 14 centuries. Until then let ``cockroaches`` decide when and where to multiply?

Hello Sameena Khan Sahiba

I am surprised to see that most of the interactors have confined themselves to one paragraph of the article. The article goes beyond the issue of husband-wife intimacy, but males tend to have a tunnel vision, what can I say.
So you are right, its hard to juggle between work, home, kids, family, etc. I am not married but most of the women in our family are not just house wives rather they are career oriented. I personally think it is much more productive to step out of the house and utilize your full potentials instead of just confining yourself to raising kids. Working women tend to engage less in the fav past time of desi females, gossip. Raising kids can be balanced with working if your hubby is cooperative. If he is not cooperative, then conflict is inevitable. So you can succesfully fulfill both duties but only when your spouse is willing to put in as much effort as you are in home-making. And I think it takes a real Man to admit that he is just as much responsible for running errands around the house as a woman is. Too bad, we are suffering from a shortage of real Men. Take care and good luck with everything you engage in.

hey saman,
here is one for your dilemma...

Yeh keh ke uss ne wasl se inkaar ker diya
sardi bahut hai mujh se nahaaya na jaay ga
;)

saman
this looks like some much needed steam being let off.. :) i enjoyed reading this... putting husband on hold sounds ticklingly funnny
youve written about a very. very. vaguely discussed issue in pakistan (and maybe india too) though its been done to death in the west... working women handling families, societal occasions, bachay kae schools, khana peena, pakana etc... most women here are encouraged to `teach` because its a `respectable` profession and the woman usually gets home in time to welcome children home, put them to bed then welcome hubby home and wash her hair... most anything other than teaching is discouraged in most places.. corporate jobs and careers are though not looked down upon anymore, still not looked at without reproach.. whats it like in india?

sameena:

Very true what you`ve tried to put down in this article. I remember my mother having quite a hard time with a not so cooperating work schedule and un-cooperative kids.
All the best of will-power, patience and those very rare but necessary pschotic-outbursts.

Interesting reading this, I think I`ll save a copy for ammi.

:)

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Cipram Ji

Are you advocating that woman hood is confining oneself to the boundaries of home. I think this is a very parochial view especially for the era that we live in. As for having ``two bosses,`` if your husband acts like a boss to you than perhaps the meaning of marriage got lost somewhere along the way. This is not a relationship where one spouse enjoys more benefits and rights over the other. I think the problem with women in our society is that they are inculcated with this marriage stigma, along with raising kids and acting submissive to hubbies from a young age. So to them, this is the only purpose of life. Well, there is a much greater purpose of life and that can only be fulfilled if women learn to utilize their full potentials. Husbands should recognize that they are as much accountable for doing household chores as their working wives are. I think the two are manageable for a women as long as her spouse shares in the responsibility. And wives who are professionals are recognized as ``intellectual`` enough to make the household decisions and not just blindly follow that which their husbands ordain.

Sameena,

Lively and humorous piece!

The NYTimes Mag had an stupid article about a month ago about a small and wealthy class of educated women/mothers who had decided to leave the workforce. Unfortunately the writer had the nerve to ask if this was a backlash against women in the workforce, or an expansion of feminism that asks all workers, women and men, to reevaluate the kinds of employment systems that require 24/7 attendance.

What was really interesting were the letters that poured in responding to the article-letters by working women and mothers who negotiate these battles on a daily basis and choose to continue to.

correction: ``a`` stupid article....

Well after a couple of hundred million in the bank (give or take a few hundred million), I think Julia Roberts is entitled to stay at home and cook dinner and make babies. Yeah sure and she is really going to clean the house and look after the little one(s), when she can afford the efficient chefs and nannies. But for the rest of us mortals looking after kids is probably easier in India/Pakistan (and I am talking about the socio-economic group I know, so spare me the poverty-stricken line) than it is here. Both the parents have to pull their weight unless you are a heartless male willing to swamp your wife with all the housework (look under ``D`` for ``Divorce Lawyers`` in the Yellowpages). And especially for those with young kids, its so much fun. The law of the playroom dictates that the playroom will look like the one of those midwest towns in the US after Typhoon Whatshername has been through it. Crayons look much better on freshly painted/cleaned walls (though third degree treatment can often provide an efficient cure). Sissors are good for improving motor skills and improved physical activity as kids are chased around the house. They also ensure that the vaccum cleaners do not die of neglect. And for mothers who have gone back to college a reminder of an assignment`s mortality. But inspite of all the work there are other moments too, a greater contact with kids than would have been otherwise possible. Story telling sessions at night - papa`s make stories being more popular than the story books in the house (yes I am bragging here but would appreciate new plots). And this papa is never going to let mama forget what the 5 year old once said ``if you learn to drive and make tandoori chicken like papa then you`ll know everything``. I may add she has learnt to drive, completed her masters degree but that tandoori chicken is a hard act to follow.

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A very good article full of good humor, on a topic that would be timely for all times to come. But the important thing is timing, if you are referring to your current situation of having to juggle between raising young children, a husband in the prime of his career an active family life with lots of interaction and interference from in-laws etc. I think there would be a lot of takers for your choice of staying home. Now lets just go back a few years when you were enjoying adult bliss sans kids. It would be quite boring to interact only with house hold help or haggle for groceries in the market. Fast forward to a time when your youngest off spring is 12 years of age.

To stay home in either of these two scenarios would leave you completely unfulfilled. You might end up opting for the crutch a lot of women take – that of having a final child, to give themselves some purpose in life. But the damage is already done. That dear husband of yours who has been busy improving himself during the time that you were doing diaper duty, has left you far behind and you wouldn’t be able to claim

“And my husband can discuss any topic under the sun with me and not bury his nose behind a newspaper or indulge in a man-to-man talk away from the home”

So honey its time to don that business suit and get into the job market once more. There is time for everything, time to stay home and time to get out.