Basement

godot:

is not the original in panjabi? in gurmukhi script.
it must have been translated into urdu. whose translation was it?

she has written better stories. she was a siren as well--a vulgar one to boot.

Samina, 8

Tell me what “fresh language” and “grace” are you looking for? What you quoted as graceless narrative is very specific to the culture from which it originated. Most of the time, one culture’s symbolism, allegory and subtlety cannot not only be put into a complete context of another culture, it’s fatal trying to do so and would certainly render a translation completely ineffective.

Only two types of readers can appreciate a translation such as this: those who can relate to both cultures real well and can place their minds in both places at the same time (of course, reading the original helps tremendously and one can see the transformation from one culture to another first hand), and those native English speakers who are well-versed in literature and have the ability to transcend themselves into another culture and can understand the subtleties that may not be a part of their own culture. A reader who is neither type would see this as “graceless,” and would find it “clunky” and “confusing”. And as to whether “Could the original text have these kinds of problems in it?” read the original and find it out for yourself.

While Chowk Staff may be blamed for the line breaks, who is responsible for the awkwardness of lines like these:

``The tree leaves thumped hard``

``The tree had husk in it for the first time…that’s what the tree thought…
I was fixated at that husked-tree for days…
One very hot afternoon…
You stood by the outer door as if you are asking the door if it knew the way to a water-well…
Taken aback, the door first looked at you, then at me. There were water-containers inside the house… ``


There is no grace to this. No fresh language. This is in fact, quite confusing and clunky. Could the original text have these kinds of problems in it?

Note When I submitted this translation, there were no blank lines in between: from the very first line to the very last, the narrative was in a continuum. That is how the original story is also written. It’s the Chowk Editors who decided to insert blank lines and that, to me also, broke the symmetry. I think it’s the insertion of those blank lines that make this translation appear “sloppy.” I hope the Chowk Editors restore the submission to the way it was submitted.

Samina and Shandana,

Needless to say, I know where you two are coming from. No point in arguing with you. See above note if that makes you happy :)

Uff, Shandana, your very first comment on any of my writings! Makes me wonder to what I owe this honor!

Ali,

Thanks, guy! Yes, I know, she loves me...in fact they both do!!!

sloppy is an apt word for this...

Godot, this is a beautiful piece. Your capacity to transfer the essence from one language to another is remarkable.....

Someone here sure loves you ;)

T-Bhai, Zahra,

Actually, I caught the source of the original when I first read this....my comments pertain to the the translation itself... sloppy.

samm:

right at the top it says

Translated from Urdu, Amrita Preetam’s short story ’Thehkhana’

Samina,

Is their any restriction on posting diary entries on Chowk since I intended to do that soon ?

I will appreciate a timely response.

Regards,

Zahra

Is Chowk posting diary entries now?