Whispers of A Long Silence

Thank you everyone for taking your time to comment on my piece of work. The experience is being rewarding as it has been my first time publishing fiction in the internet. I learnt English as an adult, and that may be the reason why much editing is needed here. I am still working on it; these were my first steps :)

Peace,
Antonia

Antonio:

welcome to chowk!...in the present form i felt that the conflict was not sufficiently developed between him and his wife...ma and pa were fine...but the real basis at discord/drift/love was not sufficiently hinted nor developed...as such felt this story did not rise...was rather flat...and predictable...

rgds,

t

Antonia Navarro:

you`ve chosen an interesting topic to write on. your presentation is a bit confusing though.

Cheese,

re: oho

?

oho :o|

Welcome to Chowk!

There are parts that are suitably cryptic and others that are (un?)suitably melodramatic. And the tone is all over the place...I wasnt sure what effect this piece was striving for-which with a great deal of editing, may answer my questions.

The first para bursts with metaphor and the tone in this paragraph is what will grab your reader. It is the voice of an intelligent narrator-albeit with work.

And the whole piece is rich with possibility...