A-Okay

Sonia, this was an interesting topic and was well written in parts. However, I really failed to understand what this was about. There are some possibilities:

1. Unmarried mothers should be accepted by society (ok)
2. Married women (or even unmarried ones) should not have abortions (hmmm)
3. It is better to be an unmarried mother than for anyone to have an abortion (hmmmm?)

It was interesting to see the juxtaposition of the experiences of the two sisters, but it left me wanting more. Was this supposed to be social commentary? A pro-life position? A description of abortion from two angles?

If it is an opinion piece I would like to know where the writer stands? Having said that, I am glad to see this on chowk and I think it will (and should) garner some interesting discussions.

Abortion is not wrong in all cases. Sometimes it might be necessary. However I do think it is wrong to use it as a type of birth control.

Well, according to my professor ``all marriage is an institutionalized prostitution.`` Men get to have sex, feel accepted in the society, now that they are married. Women on the other hand get to have financial security, the house, the status of a woman (many people don’t think a girl is a woman unless she is married and becomes a mother), and then some. So go figure. Unmarried couples should use condoms to avoid unwanted pregnancies, and if the married couples don`t want more kids, they should also avail themselves of what else...condoms. Whatever you do in your bedroom is none of my business. If that doctor is taking the money in order to perform the abortion. He is not doing it out of pity. He is being paid for it and better do it right, otherwise his ass is mine.

uff. I almost felt the pain Maliha went through....

Are abortions legal in Pakistan ? or they have to justify a genetic disease or malformation ? or you give them whatever money they want and no questions asked ?

I was recently talking to an Indian friend who told me the ratio of girl to a boy has gone down significantly in India in the last few years.
why ? because they are given hints during the ultrasound ( asking or telling about sex of the baby is illegal in India ,on ultrasound ), about the sex of the child. If its turning out to be a girl, people go and have abortions done.

arent we back to the ages where girls were buried alive after birth ?

Yes, Rakaposh, the female to male ratio in India is really messed up. When I was doing NGO work in the late 80`s it was already around 982 to 1000. Of course, in most countries, the ratio is in the other direction. It is really tragic. However, since most people cannot afford pre-birth sex determination there are other factors at work. Female infanticide (infants being buried alive, fed poison, left outside in winter to die) dowry deaths, health care a lower priority for females, etc. etc.

Are any of these better options than abortion? Is it better to give birth (if unwanted, one can only guess how bad prenatal care would be) and then kill the baby?

This is turning out to be an interesting discussion. :-)

The article is sort of inconclusive. There is something missing as the writer does not seem to have a clear point of view, other than just drawing comparisions.

I believe that elective abortion is illegal in Pakistan. Abortion is permitted only in case of danger to the mother or to the child.

Jawahara

The ratio must be worse now. The treatment of the girl child, before birth and after, is a terrible indictment of our society :(

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#2 by Naqshbandi on January 9, 2004 1:10pm PT

[Abortion is not wrong in all cases. Sometimes it might be necessary. However I do think it is wrong to use it as a type of birth control. ]

Dear Naqshbandi,

Yes, it`s not advisable to use abortion as the only birth control method.

However, no birth control method is fool proof. Even abstainance isn`t (remember Mary). Some are 80 %, some 99 %. What would one do if they get pregnant despite the precautions. Let`s not go into why some husbands would not wear condoms, what if a girl is raped, wants to finish college, doesn`t like her husband (considering divorce) etc.

When it comes to abortion, no uterus no vote on the subject. And for women, not your uterus, no vote either.

The question the author of the article raised is with the stigma of abortion. Disdaining it will always stigmatise women who undergo it for whatever reason.

Let`s leave birth control whichever way one wants it (smart or not) to the individual and her doctor.

#8

Yes, Ordinary Hindu, the last I heard it was just above 950 for females for every 1000 males.

It is terribly sad.

I am not sure why some of us are getting entangled in the legitimacy of abortion because this is not the issue being addressed by the author. It seems as if the intentional curtness of the column is taken as accidental murkiness. Anyways, the main issue is the justification and acceptance of abortion in wedlock as that opposed to pre-marital (could be extra-marital, rape, etc). This is a glimpse into the hypocrisy of society at large. The imagery used especially in the first half of the column is spine-chilling; one can almost feel the anguish and fear of Meliha as opposed to the much safer and humane treatment of her married sister committing the same act. If anyone is interested in a movie-production exploring similar issue then watch If the Walls Could Talk (starring Demi Moore). One last comment even though this is not about legitimacy of abortion; if anything, males should be the last ones to pass any judgement on the legality of abortion whether its due to necessity or other factors. Let a woman decide for herself what is best for her.

``Unmarried mothers are maligned but a married mother using abortion as birth control society deems A-okay.``

The reason is that most societies consider the traditional family (man, his wife, their children) to be the basic unit/foundation of society and marriage to be a primary social institution.

In this situation, it is not just unmarried mothers who may be maligned, simply unmarried women too, may not be wholeheartedly accepted.

Where social interdependence/acceptance is a big factor in peoples` lives, it is difficult for individuals to make choices contrary to societal norms. Within ambit of the institution of marriage, however, the man and woman get a lot more acceptance of their choices than unmarried individuals get. Hence what you say happens.

I remember reading this article when it was first published in Sunday. Great work Soniah. There have been many discussions on the legality of abortion in religion and our society, but i guess it is more of a personal choice than anything else.

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Some really good writing here by a newcomer to CHOWK.

Welcome Soniah Kamal.

The topic is depressing but about a sad reality.

We need more writing like this from the Pakistani perspective.

Ras

A very painfully graphic approach.
Maybe what we all forget when writing about such things is that we live in a country with a lot of other problems, besides the social stigma for unmarried mothers (which probably has roots in our religion and culture).
Fortunately for our heart & soul, this wild-heart of ours yearns for reasoning and justice in even such trying times. Or maybe the need for order should be the highest at such times.
This negative attitude, the stigma and the whole problem of the order-an-abortion-TO-GO can change with education and progress. Not to mention, some rational thinking from the government on regularizing abortions, even of the kind that are deemed illegal right now.