The Thirteenth Hour

hii,,,,really well written,,,,i didnt have this idea till and went down all the way and read you comments........u have done it really well,,,,its a sad one but welll described.

I was in a hurry yesterday so didn’t get a chance to comment on the intended perspective of the story. Let me do that first here and then I will respond to the individual comments. I apologize in advance for making your eyes strain.

This is not an autobiographical account (hope that was obvious enough) but nonetheless, the issue lies very close to my heart. That which springs from the heart consumes even the most callous. The universal theme I was trying to convey was our inherent desire to end the suffering of those whom we love, and in such cases, quite often the end justifies the means. Child/spouse abuse served as the means to convey this much broader theme that I felt most people could relate to. I know most of us (me included) have come across such a predicament in life where we have grown so blind in our love/devotion to a special person that we are willing to commit to extreme measures to bring about the demise of her/his misery. For ex, would you rather watch a loved one atrophy in their death bed in an eternal coma, hooked up with zillion tubes, or do you pull the plug because you can’t watch their anguish? (I hope none of us ever encounter this)
Secondly, I wanted this to be ambiguous enough to be left open for interpretation. Writers write…readers decipher the message based on their own understanding that is mainly influenced by their own personality. I even left the gender of narrator open to interpretation, could be a male or female. No mention of society/culture of narrator was made because such behavior is not restricted to a particular society. I know the denouement was predictable from the beginning but I wanted to conjure up enough gut-wrenching imagery (along with symbolism) that the reader would continue despite being aware of the end. The narrator’s actions are left open to scrutiny; would you consider this murder, was it morally right, what rationale do we use to judge criminal actions that are committed out of love, or can we even categorize them as being criminal?

Hello Temporal Sahib
I thought you had forgotten me; visit to off the wall for Sir Harish was an exception that I had to make. I hope my explanation above suffices for your query about child/female abuse. Although an in-depth look at this issue would be worth it.
Hello nooralain sahiba
Now you know how I feel when I usually finish reading your (also farzana sahiba’s) ilogs…speechless;). I hope you can provide some critical analysis once it has [sunk in]. Would love to hear your thoughts on how I can improve in my writing ventures. Btw, Happy Birthday in advance..May the future bring good health and happiness to you.
Hello Rozaiba
I knew you had mistaken me for a newbie;) Catfight? I know I am not capable of fights; I back out as soon as an argument starts; sometimes there is more dignity in defeat than lowering down to the level of your opponents for a `victory`.
Hello samankhan sahiba
Thank you for the kind words. If you are in a “daze,” then I know I have written something worth reading;). I hope the kiddos aren’t keeping you too busy with their school projects;)the joys of motherhood:) Take care.
Farzana Sahiba
I just thought you were being too kind (not objective enough?) in your analysis of the story; I know someone of your faculties can very well read between lines and see the flaws and faults of a piece of writing. Sorry for the earlier comment; I need to learn to be careful with words in the future;) And your interpretation is close to what I had intended.
Hello Jawahara Sahiba
Thanks for the kind words. Coming from someone like you who paints beautifully with words, it means a lot.
Dreamz
Shhhhh…its my favorite too;)
I have catching up to do, turns out there is more to Farida Khanum than just “woh ishq jo humse…” ;)

Ouch, that hurts. Down to three stars already, who is the culprit behind this :(. I will give myself five stars in an effort to get the ratings back up; people if you are going to give me thumbs down atleast leave a comment.
Has Saminasha sahiba left chowk? I was counting on her to tear this apart;)

This was beautifully written and multi-layered with meanings. The nurturing aspect of the central character/narrator despite the act she commits is captured very well. Excellent work, Faiza.

Now everyone knows my fav8 site is ``Google``... :)

Farzana,
Yup! it sure does!
:)

saman:
Thanks for the correction...I love Farida Khanum so much that I guess along the way I just forget `listening` to her...but you know I like my version, it adds quite another twist! kidding...

Faiza:
I would never hurl stones at a fragile piece of glass...the shards flying would hurt me more than you might ever believe.

temp:
It might make sense to discuss female abuse, but the predominant imagery in this story for me was the `bonding` that another force has created. I find the narrator more interested in protecting something rather than destroying anything...I may be wrong, but interpretations are never wrong!

Love etc,
F

Faiza,
That you could express your ideas well I knew and have already commended it in one of our earlier interacts.
This effort has left me in a daze.
Too shaken up by the denouement, I guess, even though I was expecting it.
Keep writing.

Farzana,
If I may, its:

Zeest se tang ho aye Daag tau jeetey kyon ho
Jaan pyari bhi nahi jaan se jaate bhi nahi

Its an all time favourite sung by Fareeda Khanum in her inimitable style.
Regards.

Faiza aka faizahussain,

it`s `the` faizahussain! of the legendary cat-fight fame- a fight that will forever remain in the annals of chowk unplugged!

howz the work at PAR going? progress on reformist initiatives?

faiza,
nice to see this piece of writing from you. am finding it rather difficult myself to express in words what my thoughts are. . . .perhaps i need to let it sink in some more.
hope you will continue writing and contribute more to chowk.
regards,
n~

t.,
does anyone really want to engage in `healthy` discussion about `child and female abuse and subsequent trauma and emotional disrepair caused into the affected individuals and their ripple effects. . .` when we`re so busy bashing each other here on chowk?
lve. a. xo

Faiza:

..the `welcome` to chowk was as a fiction writer...otherwise you never really left chowk...last i checked you said those kind words to harish...khair...

...am surprised that this has not generated any discussion on child and female abuse and subsequent trauma and emotional disrepair caused into the affected individuals and their ripple effects...

...t

Hello Invisible/anonymous leafyglade-inn editor
Thanks for publishing this despite my refusal to revise as you had asked.

Hello Rozaiba
I hope my wickedness doesn’t become the cause of your nightmares;) Glad to know you enjoyed it.

Hello Epiphany
I first came across this in the movie Patch Adams and took me a while to discover the poet. Yes I am the casualty of science who regrets not polishing up on the literature arena. The metaphors are enough to stir up a tornado of emotions. Say hi to venus;)

Hi Temporal
I will be waiting and perhaps you meant welcome “back” to chowk; I have been here before.

Hello Farzana Sahiba
“you cannot dissect a fragile piece of glass”
Well you cant dissect it but were more than welcome to hurl a stone or two to shatter the “glass.” I am sure you have a third eye along with a sixth sense but neither were necessary to predict the end. The narration was devised to predict the conclusion early on; I was more so focusing on the premises that led the narrator to commit the actions and the treachery of fate. Thanks for reading/responding; always a pleasure to interact with you.

Hello Jahil
Thanks; I am flattered.

Hello Dreamz
Long time no see. Glad to see you drop by. Missed you too; how is your cut/paste from google business going on unplugged;). Thanks for the kind words.

Hello Inquirer
ABSURD AND SICK
I am glad to see I stirred up some emotions in you:)

THIS STORY IS NOT ONLY ABSURD BUT SICK.

Faiza:

Ure one person whom I`ve really really missed on chowk.. it was nice to read all ure ilogs & threads (unplugged).. though i dint say much on each one of `em.. Inshort, great to see u come back.. be that the main page :)

The story is touching indeed.. Keep writing!

Nice perception, immaculate flow, better then many distinguished writings…

Faiza:

I do not feel like dissecting this story -- you cannot dissect a fragile piece of glass. And this is what it looks to me. Yes, there are little spots on it from where I am, I can see them, but I am aware that it lies there, telling its tale with those flaws. I am touched by it. The denouement is interesting, but I wish it had a little more `life`. I sort of expected it...now you could either say it is the narration that made me predict it or just that I have a third eye!

These lines come to mind...
``Zeest se tung ho ae Daag tau jeetey kyon ho
Jaan jaatee hai magar jaan se jaatey bhi nahin.``

Keep writing and I think you will find an even more individualistic voice.

Farzana