How’s It Gonna Be

...i think the original version is much much much better.

errrmmm.... MUSHY ...maybe TOO MUSHY for my likes...I kinna felt like skipping to the end while reading through. Im sure im not the only one.

sobia, very well written...
i know this might be an article to some people, but seriously, to me it actually happened, well not altogether but yes the complete strangeness with a person i knew so well and who was very special to me is there...and it is sooo sick and painful...one can hardly imagine!
fiz

Howcome the place that both frequented alone many a times, ironically found both with family members around. The plot it appears was made to look so that strangerness could be emphasised. Maybe you could have made it more sensational by filling in some blanks.

In the end you find yourself moon gazing and brooding on the balcony. Thats where the editor got in. It would be worthwhile to ask the chowk editor to explain why he did this. I have a theory for that.

Well written. Please keep writing because you have the talents. Once having written, do not post immediately. Wait for a few days, re read, amend and then post. This way many biases and misplaced emotions are removed.
Cherios

fara: thank you for encouraging me to send in this piece..with everything intact ;)

sameer: if dinner`s on you in cucoo`s, i`ll forego the condition of wearing black :P

PM: thank you for reading and commenting! As for the peela joRa: tum logon ko to mein dekh loon gi..you and `abay` will do ANYTHING for free biryani :)

saman: nothing to worry about, i`m not that scary..i`m sure we`ll be fine when we meet :)

feroz: thanks for listening to me go on and on that day on msn when the article was printed with the ending changed..i think meinay aap ka kaafi dimaagh khaya tha and you were very patient!

savvy:
releived says she, for she`s got closure
releived says HE, atleast SHE`s got closure

hmm...food for thought.

Sobs!
(no pun intented :) )
I`m too much of an unempathetic pig (this week anyway), and not nearly as worthy of literary criticism as abay-sahib would have you believe, so i won`t say comment on the story exept to say it taught me a few things about how well one can expand a few minutes with good writing skills and keen observation/insight.
And oh, as far as the ending goes, I didn`t really notice the change of person from third to first. It seemed to flow quite naturally, the change actaully enhancing the emotive aspect of the read. And maybe that has something to do with how much it clearly mattered to you and what that might have meant, in turn. (Of course, you had every right to be mad even if it didn`t mean what I am suggesting it might have.)

But yes, thanks for inviting me to read a piece I normally wouldn`t have, but feel the richer for having done so. Hope to see more from you.

P-Potty Mouth-M ;)

P.S. How`s is going ... with the peela johRa?

shalwar kameez black and a big black shawl
not flying or running, now slowed to a crawl

dressed all black on a dark dark night
u think he was trying to get outta sight ?

to fade in the background, to keep a low profile
to drift away, not to last more than ``a while``

releived says she, for she`s got closure
releived says HE, atleast SHE`s got closure

Sobia:

I am not disagreeing with the fashions surrounding shalwar-kameez, be it shawl or length of Kameez. My point was its unnecessary officially sponsored promotion in the earlier stages making formal dresses withdrawing in the wake of shalwar-kameez onslaught let loose by the government and religion alliance with conditions for Islam in geopolitics actually much better than now. Once this or any other genie is let loose with religion approval, it becomes impossible to limit its sense-less infiltration into the society.

I recall the time when mullahs made great deal about women looking like men with hair cut and wearing trousers. They used to quote hadiths saying that man and woman should look different when looked from near or far, front or behind. Thes hadiths were more in support of men growing beards than woman looks becasue 1400 years ago in Arabia, women cutting short hair and not covering head etc was not a concern. But here lies the most idiotic paradox of religion and same mullahs supporting shalwar-kameez. The adoption of shalwar-kameez by men is adoption of mostly women culture in effect doing the same anti-hadith thing by man and woman looking same using similar dresses. These people did not like women liberation and wearing trousers by them for similarity to men dresses but happily supported men wearing women dresses for similarity.

I recently wrote an Ilog regarding the rowdy, unruly and casual behavior at functions like ghazal concert or seminars which demand certain civil behavior. Although I laid the blame on larger familiy sizes and experiencing little life without surrounding by children and family-like atmosphere but this culture of shalwar-kameez must also be considered as supportive of rowdy behavior.

I am not at all suggesting you to dislike or disapprove men wearing shalwar-kameez. I have no right to suggest personal choices to you or to anyone. Actually I am not disagreeing with you on this issue. All I know is that I dont have black shalwar-kameez-shawl and my trip to Lahore would be wasted without first getting a suitcase load of black or dark grey colored shalwars, kameezes and shawls :P

Sobia

The article`s ending is much better, because it lacks that sense of closure and the rest, you already know, so I will not repeat it here.

Still congrats! You cannot keep a honest soul caged for too long!

Ciao

sameer, shalwar kameez amongst the young, urban, yuppiesh menis very `in` in Pakistan and I rather think it looks quite yummy ;) Aside from my own feelings though, I have noticed that shalwar kameez in offices does look casual and I believe it should not be allowed..it`s too laidback and doesn`t give a serious workplace kind of feeling. However, as a casual dress, it has made a comeback. A lot of young guys in particular wear it as a fashion statement, rather than a ``jehadi`` uniform..similarly, shawls are plain fashionable..i don`t think it has much to do with Islam or mullahism, to be honest...it`s just fashion! I`m talking about casual dresses, not offices, mind you...I agree that offices should have a uniform dress code...my personal opinion on shawl-wearing, shalwar kameez-wearing (black in particular!) men, however, remains unchanged :P

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This is not a reply to the article but some general observations. The article is a good read and reveals author`s imagination for details of a simple casual encounter. She deserves credit for the ability to expand a one-liner story into a readable typed page or page and a half. Obviously, that is no good for writing poetry which is just the opposite. I hope she stays away from writing poetry and concentrates more versaltile, more popular and more useful writings, the prose.

This post is about shalwar-kameez culture that is really the product of conditions prevailing in Pakistan and surroundings for the past 25-30 years. Author has most likely not witnessed the conditions before this era.

I have strong feelings that it is part of the social changes that took place along with the discovery of Islam since mullah brigade succeeded in declaing Ahmedis non-Muslims, followed by Zia era, Russian involvment in Afghanistan and so on. The shalwar-kameez culture, hijab culture, jihadis, madrassahs, Islamists, fundamentalist roaming and influencing, all went up during this period which has nothing to do with some sudden climate change to warm and humid requiring loose garments more often. Although it does not mean that all shalwar-kameez wearing crowd is rightists, anti-west or fundamentalists but all changes for that political climate have synergical relationship. Rise of one, like capillary action, lifts all boats associated with this phenomenon and vice versa. The addition of shawl is rather new and it suggests that the conditions are still conducive to the political climate that helped these changes in the first place. It hasn`t peaked yet despite all the government level change in Taliban policy, pro-Americanism, western media and culture infiltration, internet and other advanced means of communications etc.

My feeling is that conditions are likely to prevail much longer than the cosmetic changes in Pakistan. It is linked with the poor economy and poor have found it a uselful tool to vent their frustrations while serving Islam and god (in their own mind). The conservative, urban middle and lower middle class male population is really key to this phenominal change in the Pakistani dress during the last 25-30 years. I see no advantage in this culture of dressing up change. The shalwar-kameez pair is not cheap, it takes as much to wash as shirt and pair of pants and takes more time to iron it, hanging them on the hangers is more troublesome and economy of closet space is also in favor of foldable garments. There is another and much bigger drawback in wearing shalwar-Kameez more often.

It lowers the difference between casual and formal. While it does not look any serious matter but psyche attached to it is quite harmful. It decreases the mental preparedness for going to work and having certain manners in workplace and social gatherings. More often people sit with legs open with shalwar-kameez which not only takes more space per person but looks too casual during the hours when responsibility to behave and perform is most demanding. It is just counter to discipline to use shalwar-kameez at workplace and during social gatherings.

Before the onslaught of newly discovered Islam, things in Pakistan were different. Although sherwani clad folks with pyjamas were seen occasionally, most people used shirts and pants with dress shoes. Now it is mostly shalwar-kameez with open shoes. I wonder how terribly underwear industry has suffered this cultural change?

So what is next? From shirt, pair of trousers, shoes to shalwar-kameez, chupples and shawls and perhaps on to caps and beards without moustache. Why have we chosen a path very different than rest of the world? Did they find some early Islamic manuscripts in the form of scrolls in Rawal Dam or Lai nala, which inspired sea changes in the way pakistanis had been dressing up and doing just fine as Pakistanis, as Muslims, as workers and as human beings?

#33
Welcome, Sobi!

I think it would be a great idea to re-write this story, and put it up for discussion here. In doing so, we will also develop a healthy atmosphere for literary critique.

I also think that the editor of the story should come forth and discuss their concerns in a conciliatory atmosphere. They may have a fault in this case, but let`s all please remember that these are the very people who also enable us to be published... allow us to interact with wonderful people... let us mature. A few faults on both sides should not close down the communication for good. Life must turn out for the better and it is us who have the power to do the same. Sobia you are a brave person, you can take the lead with your case and for once (start to) resolve the increasing tension between the community and its managers.

I am certain you and the rest of us who will support you will manage to bring about the much asked-for POSITIVE changes in Chowk.

My request to Chowk staff would be to interact with the people more... and openly. Curiosity is killing the cat!

---

Back to literature for literature`s sake:
I will tell two personal `hikayaat` in which there may be useful lessons. And as is the case for a hikayat, there are different meanings in them for different readers. With this in mind...

*** 1. I once wrote a story that was based on the imagery or rain and nature`s powerful forces... the imagery was used to reflect (as is usually the case) the narrator`s own feelings of elevation, of resonance with nature`s wonders, of an electric sensuality. It was beautifully constructed and very detailed in pasteurization. However, at the end of that rather long story (about 3500 words - a lot for a 16yr old writer), the mood suddenly changed. The narrator is pulled out of the imagery but the not-anticipated entrance of a domestic character... and the narrator simply leaves the scene in a shock and exits.

My English teacher who had been writing ``Good! Good!`` throughout the checking of the story circled the end and remarked: Abrupt ending! See me!
~~~ now ideally my hikayat should end here, but it is more relevant if I tell you that not only the scene suddenly turned from the ecstatic to angry, and the characters left in a hurry (as if the writer didn`t know what else to do with them - which was the case, I admit), but also the tenses and the writing style shifted. Years of `taming` by teachers in spite of my endless protests and jealous possession of `my thoughts` have improved my writing considerably.

I re-wrote that story several times.... but could never end it properly. It is still dear to me, but unfit for publication.

*** 2. In 9th grade, I achieved a minor reputation as the writer whose poems/prose made it to the school creative notice board. Thanks to this credibility in the community of few innocent followers, I was brought a poem for correction by a class-fellow. I saw the sense of it, but the English was terrible even by my flawed standards. So I re-wrote most of it.

He was awe-struck and took the poem to the very able literature teacher. I proudly accompanied the poem and the poor poet. I was looking forward to the applause of the literature teacher for my more lyrical and lucid style, and impeccable diction.

She quietly read the original and red-marked a few grammatical errors. When i tried to speak up about my own version, she, not looking at me at all, waved a dismissive hand and said, ``No, this is okay. That change is not required. Tum kyoon change kar-rahi ho? Let him write and keep his poem.``

Years have passed since, but that scene never leaves me, and I have kept repeating it my mind to learn the value of letting someone express their creativity.

---

Thanks and regards to all.

Oops! Read my latst post with these corrections:

``*** 1. I once wrote a story that was based on the imagery of rain and nature`s powerful forces... the imagery was used to reflect (as is usually the case) the narrator`s own feelings of elevation, of resonance with nature`s wonders, of an electric sensuality. It was beautifully constructed and very detailed in picturization.``

New lesson: be discerning when writing in a word editor. :-|

Sobia,
Now you`ve got me thinking: How`s it gonna be when we cross our paths in the future!
I am worried!
And yes, your version is closer home. The edited version was quite abrupt, the ending I mean.
Regards.

flyhighkites, thanks...that was very helpful! I`ll keep this in mind when I write something next time..appreciate you taking out the time to critically analyse my piece :)

saminasha

Nothing is perfect. Even Les Miserable can be re-written better than it is but then it wont be Hugo. I think writers are very possessive - they burn like the inferno of a jealous wife and yet their hearts are as gentle as sparrows - timid and weak. We must respect their weakness cuz that is their greatest strength also.

sobia: absolutely love what youve written. the best thing i liked about it is the fact that its very true. when i read it, felt like de ja vu. aplicable to most of us. i think we can all relate to the article in one form or the other.

your description of events is wonderful.

chowkstaff: i honestly didnot like the edited version at all. the originally written, last paragraph is much better.

If I may:

The story is familiar - as Rakaposh said on the related iLog - to `dil walas`. A familiar, light theme such as this is refreshing... I also like the lyrical sound of the story. At that count I`ll say that Sobia`s original ending fares much better than the editied version.

And now to comment on the story itself:
Yet, there is a great need of structual improvement in the story. I wish the imagery and the setting were more developed. Also, the characters need to come out stronger. What is this man`s family all about? Don`t they know the female protagonist? Is he married now? Why is he wearing a shawl which seems more to be a symbol of his insecure depression?... At least as a reader, I would depend on all the classical signs.

What does the man feel for her? He looked at her cursorily towards the end of the prose, but this is only in the passing. ``She`` is also not paying much attention to him, rather the food and the restaurant perhaps prevails more. she is also not able to clarify her own feelings - for the reader. Is her heart ``aching?`` Is parting a sweet pain for her? Has it all dissipated (most likely). From the tone of the story, the feelings seems dissipated and gone already. How come the `official confirmation` is coming now?

I know in a story we do not always need to give the chronology of past events or outline the future. But in that case, the imageries, the body language of the characters - the details... give the entire context themselves.

By the `development` of the characters, I also do not mean more drama or anything. The man in the story could have a shallow personality, easily forgetful of a past liaison... but his characterization must be strong.

---

BTW, a story is not always judged on its theme alone. There are considerations of style, structure, flow... that are important. This is how stories are judged. And writing style is what makes Romeo & Juliet, or Heer different from the million other stories that each of us could tell. Better stories, perhaps... but not better written.

---

The writer must keep writing because she seems passionate about her work. With a little training of the essentials, her energy can be channelized to producing better work.

Thanks.

Oh, BTW, read ``Hills Like White Elephants`` by Hemingway.

Urstruly,

I have a different understanding of editing..and the kind of editing experience the writer of this piece (in addition to other Chowk writers) is in keeping with the practices of editing and producing...while I understand Sobia`s position here (and Chowk eds should discuss editing matters with their contributors).

In another vein, I`ve been studying Shakepeare`s plays and sonnets and the debate over their creation, productions and reproductions. I would posit the idea that historically, writers had little control over how their text was reproduced, etc. Perhaps we can look at this episode as Sobia`s encounter with this dynamic?

Saminasha

Only a writer knows the labor pains of creative writing. That is the reason, even Idi Amin`s mother called her son `mera chaand`.

Mentoring should be a riching experience and not a depriving one. I thing it was a bad judgement on chowk staff`s part.

Sobia,

A quiet descriptive piece. I see the merits of both versions. I guess that the male character`s gaze at the female character is an important idea...but I also think that the edited version moves more quickly than the original. If you were inclined to revise this piece, you could add that passage and experiment with editing?

rozi: yes, she had tava chicken and it was delicious as usual :)

sameer: thank you..always..for making me realize that we all learn from mistakes

Urstruly: yeah,that was my point exactly. I would`ve preferred it if I had been consulted. Afterall, it wasn`t a grammatical error that was being fixed; it was the entire ending.

PM: Parh ke batana...want to know what you think of it!

khammy: thanks for forcing yourself to read my story..hehe..i appreciate the effort..if i hadn`t created such a hue and cry on Unplugged, perhaps you wouldn`t have bothered. When you say the central idea remains the same despite the editing, i would have to disagree..because the central idea is the realization that this non-acknolwdgment is indeed a closure..a painful closure, but a closure all the same...`pained` and `relieved` just don`t describe it, i guess.

faiza, thank you for appreciating the story...the sha`yr is lovely..

sadna: thanks for your comments...i wish every story in life had a happy ending, but i guess if that happened we wouldn`t be able to appreciate the real happiness that we sometimes find later in life, which becomes all the more precious because we have experienced something so painful before.

Minhaj: thank you :)

Rakaposhu: kabhi kabhi yeh keh kar hee apna dil behla leina chahiyey ke yeh sab to fictional hai, mein to involved nahi, they`re just words...even if it`s not true. Thank you for reading.

malik99: i hope i didn`t depress you too much..and i hope you`re happy with the choices you made because ultimately we all have to move on..the best results are when you look back and you don`t regret anything...you can`t help feeling pain, but if you don`t think you were wrong, then eventually you`ll be okay again. Thank you for liking it.

noor: when i was writing the story, to be honest i was not even thinking of the finer details of what would look better..i was just writing..the words were flowing and i was quickly typing away. The switch from third to first person was realized after i finished writing the story and i felt that it would not create much of a problem because in a way, people who have experienced something like this will automatically find themselves relating to it and those who haven`t experienced it might just go with the flow and sympathize/empathize with the protagonist. Perhaps to some the switch is ``awkward`` but i don`t wish to change it..i like it the way it is and if some people don`t, then i guess i`ll just have to accept it :)

re: changes made by chowk, i really think chowk staff, when making major changes, should consult the author. They usually even let grammatical mistakes slip through but they make it a point to change the entire ending of a story because THEY don`t agree with it. Anyway, it`s good of them to re-print the article, I appreciate it.

sobia.
nice. and yes, the original does read better. i don`t see how the first person switch is problematic quite honestly, but this begs a question. .

would it have changed the sense of what you were trying to convey if you had put the first person part in a new paragraph? the way i`m reading this, the first person is someone who is watching this whole scene unfold and reflecting on her own failed romance, kinda like a person looking from the outside in. . .do you think it would have been more powerful? am curious.

having said that. . .

being an infrequent contributor to chowk myself, it does concern me that the editorial staff reserved its right to change (not just edit) a story without letting the writer know. i understand that chowk does not have adequate resources, and that it is a `labor of love` on the part of the `real` staff and volunteers. . .which may or may not be evident to quite a few readers here. but if it is indeed a labor of love, then just saying chowk staff reserves the right to make changes to submitted articles should only be done in terms of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes (which isn`t always done). if there are more serious changes. . .such as one that changes the essence of what a writer was trying to convey then perhaps the particular editor could get in touch with the writer and let him or her know.
i understand it takes a lot for chowk staffwallahs to maintain this rowdy community, and we wouldn`t want you to think it is not appreciated.

thank you to the chowk staff for restoring the original. . .
and thank you sobia : )
ana

sobia,
it may be fictional for you but somehow I am sure the situtaion is very familiar for most of us.. ( dil walay )...
and yes I agree your ending was better..

chowk`s ending..` she felt pained. And relieved` didnt fit in at all...
infact they should remove their version altogether.

Sobia - Your article meant more to me than you can ever imagine. Indeed the ORIGINAL last paragraph was very profound. How much I can relate to it! Flood of memories came back to haunt me.

Thanks to your article, it will be a subdued evening today; the regrets and pain of more than 7 years ago will be relived again.

If it weren`t for Robert Frost, I would not know how to justify my decisions of long ago:

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

Urstruly:19
I know what you are referring to but then by this time we should reconcile to this.
In Farsi , or to be exact in Pehalvi, you know how they say Baad-Shah. Now we used to giggle as kids at this. Unknown was to us that our farsi speaker laughed at us also for exactly the same reason. Baad is air in farsi/pehelvi.

Now this drama doesn`t end here. Later I learned that the name for natural-gas in Iran is RiaH. So Mr. Ryaahi, the great oil-tycoon, when first introduced himself to me, I could barely retain my poise.

The `RRay sound , I think, is not strictly hindi but has its root in DRRavari and/or maharrashtri and brohi. The aboriginal sounds of India.

Just conjecture here.

I loved your story Sobia. Social awkwardness, tasty food, romance and a sad song. The Stars are out, the Naan is smoking, the night is chilly and hearts are breaking. Its all here.

Echoboom:

What the hell does `moonh phiraakar palaT paDenge` means in the following shair.

IMO, chowk should not have edited without permission and needs to now remove the edited version. The original reads better.

There was a Sahir Ludhianvi song sung by Suman Kalyanpur.

`Kabhi milenge jo raasthe me
Tho moonh phiraakar palaT paDenge
Kabhi sunengey joh naam teraa
Tho chup rahenge nazar jhukaake`

Also reminded me of `Persuasion` , which btw had a happy ending :).

Hello Sobia Sahiba
Hope you are doing well. Oh the original ending is far much powerful then the edited version. I realize chowk staff has the right to edit before publication but they should really minimize this use. Anyways, plain language added to the emotional upheavel. Nice piece. It reminds me of this sheyr, not sure who the poet is

Guzar giya jo zamana usay bhula bhi do
jo naqsh ban nahin sakta usay mita bhi do

thank you.

Chowk Staff

There is an urdu proverb for that: Doodh meiN maingniaN dalna.

I wish you do all the editing in consultation with authors off the record. Anyway aap jungle ke baadshah haiN chahe ande daiN ya bachchay daiN.

Chowk reserves the right to make changes to submitted articles. Here, the article in its original form has been added above on author``s explicit request.

Chowk staff, pls remove this article or reprint it in its original form.

sobia...
i do not read front page coz i am not educated enough to understand the nuances....forced myself to read your original and the edited version and recollected a verse by some poet who said the same thing in two lines that took you over seven hundred...

Meray paas se voh guzre mera haal tukk na poocha
MaiN ye kaise maan jaaooN ke voh door ja ke roay

...and how do you know his eyes were not wet when he left with his family...appearances are mostly deceptive...and the poet spoke about such a person..voh jaa raha hai koi shab-e-ghum guzaar kay...

...vaise bhi the central point remained unchanged inspite of the changes....no big deal...next time send your stories to Harper`s Bazar...that would teach chowk wallas not to mess with you again...;)

temp:
kya baat hai yaar? changing of POV/vocie/persona is a literay device as old as literature itself. Some big names employ it quite a bit, though I can`t come up with any particular instances/names off the top my my little head. No doubt Samina will do the needful :)

Sobs... paRha nahiN hai abhi tak.. paRh ke meiN apna dO aanae dedouNga!

The theme is excellent, however, I liked the chowk edited version better. Still, however, I would appreciate if Chowk staff first asked the writer for her consent to the proposed ammendments. The feedback that writers receive for their own unadulterated effort is priceless.

I liked to original ending better too....It is like deleting the line, ``chalo ik baar phir say ajnabi bun jaeN hun dono`` from Sahir Ludhianvi`s famous poem, which was sung by Mahender Kapoor. Good story about age-old desire of being liked by a selected person from opposite gender. removing the backdrop of eating out in Lahore would have cut the story from the bound of time and place, making the feeling less painful and impersonal by readers. That is what really makes us. We are nothing without the background of time and space....

That`s where i beg to differ, t. It`s not about first person/third person. I think you can flow easily from one to the other when u get involved in the story...and besides, what`s wrong with involving yourself in the story? Why not step in? Why remain removed and pretend you`re watching and not actually a part of the whole process?

Chowk staff usually edit for grammar mistakes, and sometimes big mistakes slip through despite that. Anyhow, if they wanted to make such huge changes, I would rather this article had not been printed. Even now, I would, as a protest, prefer it if it`s taken off.

Sobes:

…let me focus on the last part…this is from your post and i understand you would like the story to remain unchanged and appear like this:

She spent a few minutes on the roof, trying not to stare at him, trying to pretend to be happy and in a cheerful mood, oohing and aahing over the view which was mysteriously swimming before her eyes. She took one last look at him. He looked her way again. They both looked away. So, how is it going to be when you don’t know me anymore? It’s going to be heart clenching and painful. It’s going to be difficult to look at you, see recognition in your eyes but no effort to acknowledge the past. It’s going to be sad not to hear a greeting pass your lips, when I had become so used to the sound of your voice. But most of all, it’s going to be a relief, because once and for all, I have got closure, for now we are officially complete strangers.

…i would tend to agree with the changes made by the faceless editors…the story until this last paragraph is written in the third person…the editors changed the first person narration back to third person…

…we can debate the ‘pained and relieved’ vs. ‘strangers and official closure’ perhaps later?

lve,

t

hellbound, it was not intentional..the chowk staff short-changed me..i did not write this...

on a lighter note, I know that very well and I would never suggest otherwise :)

chowk staff,

This is not what the original article i wrote. By editing, you have diminished the entire impact of the story. Please take this off the site because these are NOT my words. I don`t want to see this article on chowk. And kindly, in the future, do not change a story so much that it loses it`s impact.

Sobia

THIS is what i wrote..not what you printed. And you`d better not edit this!

---

She saw his reflection in the mirror as he entered the restaurant. She had her back to him so he did not see her. It was very cold that night. Cold and foggy. He was wearing a big, black shawl over his black kameez shalwar. She didn’t recognize him for half a second.

Female appreciation for a good looking man was the first signal that was sent to her brain. Then recognition hit her like a bucket of ice cold water; his reflection in the mirror made her freeze for a second. She hoped he wouldn’t look her way and tried to avert her eyes away from his tall frame entering the restaurant. But she could not stop looking at him. He stopped near her .table for a minute, while the rest of his family gathered around.

For her, it seemed as if time had stopped. She knew it was a cliché! Stop being dramatic!
Time doesn’t stop background voices don’t fade away. But they did. They did fade away and those 15 seconds stretched forever. He moved away, went to the upper level of the cafe, not once looking her way. The spell was broken by her mother calling her name, telling her to order the food. The waiter had been standing for a few minutes now, writing pad in hand. She felt her cheeks flush and forced herself to concentrate.

Dinner was ordered. Her brothers and a guest who was staying at their place for a few days insisted that they wanted to go upstairs and look at the view from the roof, for which the restaurant was famous. She hesitated, knowing he would be upstairs. But how long can you avoid someone? A lyric came in mind and almost made her smile:
“How’s it gonna be when you don’t know me anymore?”

Well, now’s the time to find out, she said silently to herself. She got up with everyone else and made her way up the steep staircase.

The rooftop view of the restaurant is breath catching. It overlooks Lahore’s Badshahi Mosque, which is all lit up with glowing lights. She had come to the same café two years ago for the first time, ironically with him. She was still trying to cope with the memories of that night when she saw him again, same place, even the same date; the difference was that two years had elapsed. Laughable. The coincidence was ironic and even funny at some level.

But right then, nothing seemed amusing. From the corner of her eye she saw him, sitting on a table with his family. His back was towards her so she knew he still hadn’t spotted her. She joined her own family at the front of the rooftop, which was full of people dining out. The air was freezing cold but the hot coals that were provided for every table were doing a good job of keeping everyone warm and happy. The atmosphere was charged. The night was young, the stars were out, and the chill in the air was intoxicating. Piping hot naans were being eaten, accompanied by cold Coca Cola.

She knew the exact moment he saw her, even though she did not meet his eyes. She had been laughing at something her brother had said, when, from the corner of her eye, she saw him turn, saw him look her way. He kept looking. She turned her head, their eyes might have met for half a second, but it was too dark to tell for sure. He saw her, recognized her – and turned away. She held back sudden tears that had unexpectedly welled in her eyes. “How’s it gonna be when you don’t know me anymore?”

She spent a few minutes on the roof, trying not to stare at him, trying to pretend to be happy and in a cheerful mood, oohing and aahing over the view which was mysteriously swimming before her eyes. She took one last look at him. He looked her way again. They both looked away. So, how is it going to be when you don’t know me anymore? It’s going to be heart clenching and painful. It’s going to be difficult to look at you, see recognition in your eyes but no effort to acknowledge the past. It’s going to be sad not to hear a greeting pass your lips, when I had become so used to the sound of your voice. But most of all, it’s going to be a relief, because once and for all, I have got closure, for now we are officially complete strangers.

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Nice build up but the ending was rather abrupt, was it intentional? Or is there a point to it?

On a lighter note, not all accomplished men are tall, there are a few, more that few good men who were not exactly six feet tall :)-

Nice work, but comapred to earlier writings this one needs a little more thought.

cheers

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Good story Sobi.

My question is, did she have `tava chicken` for dinner?