Prudent Rosy Knew My Vital Signs

very nice article, read it 2-3 times and still enjoyed the way it is being elaborated.

Urstruly, earlier i read your other story : ``That whore``. What i really enjoyed about both was how all characters in your work, whether its the `angreezi chummi girl` , the skinny boy, sami or rosy, they all seem very aware and cognizant. Probably they reflect your own analytical mind (an assumption). I havent read anything where the writer knows his characters inside out right down to the crumbs, like you. (but then again , i dont read much).

One thing that i would like to point out is: you set the stage for ``him`` and ``her`` slowly , like an apt painter taking his time. Adding a few bushes here and there and slowly revealing the plot. Then, BAM ... ``Us`` comes out of nowhere. I could feel warm for ``him and her`` but the transition to ``Us`` was just way too ... quick, and the change to ``me`` was another ungraceful step. It felt rushed and i felt unsatisfied and unempathetic. The plot that had such realism , such life to it went so... ``filmi``. I was standing with sami and rosey in the garden listening and watching, and the next moment i was looking at them indifferently through a tv screen.

The parts where you compare love with an onion and where you assert that men, when it comes to women, are only capable of associations, were thought provoking and very insightful. keep typing your mind out.

I just joined chowk because of articles such as urs.

urs truly,
Gamma.

Urstruly:
Wasn`t there a british film with these two names in the title.[ sami and Rosie get ****]
Lahol-villa-quwwata-min-ush-FREUD-al-rajeem.?

feedback, wanderer, abshar, pr911

Thank you so much for your interest and kind feedback.

echo

I didn`t get it. Saying Lahol wila.... is known to help in such situations. Our moulvi sahib used to recite this shair often:

zehn maiN khayal ka aana burra
ya zehn maiN khayal ka lana burra.

A beautiful love story!! very illustrative!
I really like it!!

Yaraa dildaara:
Now why did you choose these two paricular names : sami and rosy
A movie with these names and a vulgar title always distracted me ( must confess that I do have what-havenots-call-dirty mind)

any comments? Would you consider changing them once this is out-o-sight?

excellent stuff !!!!. Its been a long time since i have read such a beautiful love story which is so realistic.I have stayed in Amritsar where we used to watch PTV .. I have listen to Junaid Jamshaid and I can very well relate this to my self..ineed a splended effort.ur rosy has really formed a real nice impression on my mind.

Urstruly,

Excellent stuff....I didn`t get a chance to read all of it now, but I`ll print it off and read it on the train tonight.

ps. the various references to Vital Signs lyrics brought back many a happy memory for me.

Wajahat

For me, profiling has no significance, and it is totally irrelevant ( I mean no disrespect to Nazar or anyone). The important thing however, is that I want to be able to say what I want - and creating and promoting a certain profile of oneslef is tantamount to putting a duct tape on your own mouth yourself.

---

#38 is addressed to TEMPORAL

I thanked God, as I read your post – finally someone has considered my work worth criticizing. First I must appreciate and thank you for the pains you took to print the story out and read it thoroughly at your leisure time – and at the same time I must apologize for not making your leisure time as enjoyable as you had hoped.

As far as presentation of the subject is concerned I wouldn`t say that it was the best I could do because there is always avenue open to make something even better. As I explained in my #23, this story revolves around an axis between the two poles i.e. vital signs and ME – I tried my best to keep the two poles separate so that if someone is not familiar with VS he can just read it as a love story and if someone likes VS but hates the narcissist moi even then that would still keep his attention focused. Unfortunately, I didn`t consider the third possibility – what if someone dislikes VS and moi at the same time, then what? – I am just kidding;)

As far as the choice of words that `grated on eardrums`, is concerned – I did think about that. One consideration was that the language in the dialogues should be `spoken English` but not so colloquial that the reader starts thinking that the characters are out of their natural environment. I did not want to sound too `foreign` because then it would have clashed with the culture and mood that I was presenting. The choice of word ``spake`` was deliberate, even though my word processor told me that such form of the verb became obsolete in 19th century. But choice of that word was for a particular audience/ readers who are familiar with Nietzsche`s `Thus Spoke Zarthustra` – I wanted to invoke in their mind a sense that how much Sami valued the words of advise from his Uncle Spock.

I was also confused with the word `auntie`. I wondered whether I should use `aunt` instead because both in English and American culture the word now has negative connotations. But in our culture it is still used widely in its proper context. So I had to make a compromise, in order to keep my audience with in the cultural paradigm.

The other words/phrases are just bad English; I am still learning the language. I have no other excuse. Though I made sure by inserting Punjabi dialogues at couple of places to give audience an impression as to in what language the dialogue is taking place. That was a deliberate attempt but not to hide my incompetence in English.

It took me a day to think over whether or not to write ``Farewell Rosy, my love, I wish you best in life`` because it sounded too Dickensian but then I gave into my long desire to say ``Farewell`` to a girl instead of just ``goodbye``.

As far as the ``narcissism of protagonist`` is concerned I must say that it was inevitable because of the nature of subject matter. This story started with ME and I dragged the audience along with ME to the ``pungency`` and ``confining bitterness of ``ME``. So it starts from ME and ends at ``ME``. I did not try to sugarcoat a bitter pill. I just presented it to the audience as it is – it is their prerogative whether to feel nauseated about it or find themselves in the same shoes as that of protagonist`s. I have no control over that.

In the end I would like to express my agreement with you that I could have done better. And I really appreciate you for telling me that.

Naalaique@netscape.net

Urstruly:

…i felt short changed…you could have done better…behind the veneers I could not help thinking this is somewhat of a prequel to Just Another Love Story…apologize if I am being imprudent…hope you will understand….;)
rgds,

t

Urstruly

Profiling does not work, and you have proved it once again. People who have known off you, will be confused as to your viewpoint, where at someplace it is as vitriolic, that one might picture you typing away from a laptop and a satellite phone in tora bora, yet at other times you are as liberal as, Nazar Hayat Khan (The most liberal of the Liberals) And that is a complement Mr Nazar.

Your Story proves it, the intensity and complexity of our emotions cannot be profiled. I can honestly say, that you have done a good job here. Its the average man`s Romeo & Juliet, with the Signs playback singing all the way through.

And the funniest thing is you reply to MS Isphahani. That is Funny.

Being an Indian, this was the only Pakistani pop album I got to listen to completely, apart from Junoon`s Azadi. You have truely done great justice to all these beautiful lyrics. A far cry from Nadeem F. Paracha`s rather cold critique of this group when he reviewed their discography recently.

#23:

That was a thoughtful post giving the devil its due.

whew!
its such a long read i forgot all comments by the time i reached its end. and that too i glossed over. too much cyber text strains me eyes.
But have to say this, loved the way you put in VS songs...they were so spot on. So Khwateen Digestesque. sigh. those were the rosy times.

mbz Isphahani

Sir it is little difficult for me to follow your train of thought but thank you for your interest

Nazarhayatkhan

Thank you very much for liking the story and especially for my profile that you have sketched. As a matter of fact many others have profiled me before and these profiles range from Don Juan to Hannibal Lechter with a mad mullah somewhere in between. I usually thank all of them for their interest too.

Khamkhwa

Thanks for your critique. I agree that there is some redundancy at the end but that was deliberate. The dialogue that slightly repeats itself was written with the purpose to show that the qualities of Sami that had charmed Rosy were not only at his personal inner level but also on outward public level as well. I know it can be written a little better and I also know it violates the short story format but my pains were too much to bare any longer. I apologize for my laziness that it has disappointed you.

I-am-the-cheese

Please follow echoboom’s advice.

Trashman
Aggressivesoul
Maulabux
Romair

Thanks for your words of encouragement. You have no idea how much these one liners mean to me. I appreciate for your time that you took to go through the narration.

Cosmetics

I think women are not insecure but instead they have come in this world with a divine mandate to change their man. But situation in this story is little different - Sami and Rosy are breaking up for ever. Rosy`s request was actually like that group photo that we take after graduation from the high school. After that everybody goes their seprate ways in life but we reminisce them through that group photo. That group photo is usaually reminiscent of such good times with our friends that inside our heart we always wish that our childhood or teenage frieds never change. But time changes everbody. So when sometime we meet our old friends we are disappointed that how time has changed them. Similarly, unconciously Rosy is also expressing her wish that Sami never changes from what had charmed her about Sami - his passionate self. She wants to immortalize sami in his last image.

Ex-bookworm

I had a 90 minute cassette then; on one side it had all of the songs from their first volume (which are in this story) and on the other side I had the song `chehra` repeatedly taped over for 45 miutes - that was something I used to do with every song then and CD had not been invented yet. Parveen Shakir was a genre of her own and each and every bit of her poetry is worth written in gold but in this song she has expressed the ultimate of human emotions. Vital Signs used to chose their poetry very well. Chehra by Parveen, dil dil Paksitan by Nasr Nisar, and others by one of Paksitan`s most talented artist Shoaib Mansur have immortalized VS and VS have immortalized them.

In those days I used to play these songs usually in my car pressing the play button right after the ignition. A bossom buddy used to live at such a distance that whenever I reached his house the song `saanwali saloni si mehbooba` was always playing. Almost always my friends baaji used to open the gate for me. A very nice lady, happily married with three kids, but with a very dark complexion. One day she asked me jokingly why I always listened to VS and specially this sanwali saloni song? She said ``bhaai aap mujhe sharif aadmi lagte haiN, but this song is giving me ideas. Kia iraaday haiN?`` I almost died there.

Zahraj # 15



“Why did Rosy or Tiffany marry someone else ? I couldn`t comprehend that part very well.”

As a matter of fact you have answered your question in the very next lines of your post. It is the societal structure and pressures that give parents powers over their offspring, especially over girls. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes I think it is better because two or more heads are better than one when one head is already clouded with hormones. But then it is this desire to fly free. It is priceless. Isn’t it.

Kaun smajhta hay bujhi laRkiyoN ke dukh
Bas maa’aiN jaanti haiN apni baiteeoN ke dukh
Chaand kia jaane ga bheegay aanchloN ke bhaid
Chaand kia samjhay ga khulli khiRkiyoN ke dukh

Shandana

Thank you so much for your critique (oops I almost wrote `critic`). I think you might be referring to two words ``pendulously`` and ``caliginousness`` because my word processor also told me that such words do not exist. But I had a feeling that I had read them somewhere and I wanted to use them so bad ( or badly?). Then I thought ` oh heck I am a writer I can even invent new words if I feel like it`. Then I consulted a couple of on-line theasauri (oops I almost wrote theasaruses) and I found out that these words are correct.

In case you were referring to some other typos then I apologize for my boorish self-righeousness. I am not a writer for heavens sakes.

Rozaiba:

Yes it was an attempt to honor vital signs. Ever since chowk has started a music review section I was thinking about doing that. But an essay that I thought of at first wouldn’t have done any justice to them; they deserved the sentiments from the very depth of my heart. It was only through them I was able to express myself – me who is the most dispossessed as far as the wealth of ‘words’ is concerned. They were my voice. I ‘ll never forget them.

HP

Until sometimes ago I also used to think that expressing self is so unmanly and khaatoon like until someone complained that what was inside my pumpkin was inaccessible. For that I had to ‘re-discover’ the khaatoon in me – the khatoon that was always there and all of us have her inside us but we put a duct tape on her mouth at a very young age. I am still in the very early stages of my rediscovery but I am on my way.

Echoboom

meri deewangi peh iss qadar heeraan hotay ho
mera nuqsaan to daikho mohabbat gumshudda meri

Dear Friends

Only a poet, a writer, a painter, or a musician can tell what the labor pains of creation are. There are sleepless and painful nights behind every 3 or 5 minute clip of a song. These quanta of energy that these creators send to us are apparently taken for granted by us. This story is an attempt to show that it is not the case. The creations of these people do affect us in a very profound way. There is a reverse osmosis of energy as well, which usually goes undetected and unappreciated. It is common man’s tragedy that no one tells his epic. No one creates masterpieces telling their tales. They do not get (at least not everyone) their Waris Shah, Bullhe Shah, and Shakespeare who would immortalize their tail. There are untold love stories that happen everyday among us at our homes, at marriage ceremonies, on the buses, on the streets……. For those of us who are so insignificant the Shakespeare, the Bullhe Shah, and the Waris Shah are those singers and poets who sing for us and write poetry for all of us. This is an attempt to honor them and recognize them by taking them through a personal journey.

Originally, I intended to present this story sometime in early February to coincide with the Basant, but I was in labor pains then.

Romair:

Thank you for sharing your secret.

ZahraJ #20: ``Your current phrase or remark had its own ghissa pitta component in it. What have you been learning so far ?``

A piece of advice.............

``Aap zulf-e-jaanaan kay kham sanwariyeh Sahib.......
........Zindigi ki zulfoon ko, aap kiya sanwarain gaye........``

Romair,

Your current phrase or remark had its own ghissa pitta component in it. What have you been learning so far ?

``never change Sami…. promise me you`ll never change``. dunno why this senetnce sounds so familar..... why do girls feel so insecure ?

Very nice....

`Tis better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all.........

Love it , Love it , Love it....
After going through this lovely story ...though with a bad end... i plunged in to a big heap of old cassettes in my room .... but ah just find the cover of that vital signs volume one..... but that was enough for my memories related to that album.... all the maths problems i solved while swinging 2 the songs ..... in late 80`s and early 90`s i was just a school student but yeah i enjoyed it in my way..... i love old days.... i love memories.... so love it , love it ,love it

urstruly

If it is true, you were a sweat little laceherous kid. Naughty & clever. Then a very sensitve emtional adult. Romantic type but also sensuous, full of desires. And you have undergone or presently undergoing this emotional tumult in you. Only a real experience can bring out such a forceful outburst.

I read it all and it was shockingly realistic.

But the suspended animation during the period of desires is far more sweater than the actual possession. With possession, the passion evaporates rather fast.

Ask the married couples around - the morning after - without mascara, make up, dishevelled hair, unpressed clothes - it is back to actual life.

An enjoyable & a moving read.

Urstruly,

This was an engaging and romantic read.

Kindly excuse my lack of understanding the nature of the romantic flow here.

Why did Rosy or Tiffany marry someone else ? I couldn`t comprehend that part very well.

On the one end, this is a romantic piece; but on the other end, it brings out a sad component. That component deals with the pressure women go through to take major steps of their life without their own willingness. How can you think of marrying someone because of someone else`s expectations of you ? This is a very touchy subject and many times elders exploit their children. Why not let the children grow up, evolve, mature and be prudent to pick their own life companion ?

On a different note, every romantic endeavor does not require an end. It`s an experience of life and being humans we run into nice, sweet and very nice people while we are out there to lead the journey of life. That`s just natural, I guess.

If every aspect of life had an end clearly cut out then I guess the humans will not appreciate the flow of life and what it has to offer.

Thank you for making me stop by at Chowk and review an article in detail.

mr. truly,

this was warm, amusing and interesting to read. i enjoyed it. thank you. will not comment on the typos because its your own work, not a translation and you have no obligation to another writer.

...fluid begining and interesting middle, the end sort of spoiled the narration by getting into forced details....well composed nevertheless.

Beautiful..
..Like the songs of Vital Signs...luv them !! :)

are u chachoo or mamaji to rozys kids? cheers :)
#6 by i-am-the-cheese

Kuraidtay ho jo ubb raakh, justjoo kyaa hai?

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Captivating. And the paragraph about that man-woman moment, that was brilliant.

#5 by trashman

Pooch!! Pooch!!! Puppy!

“PS: HP, don`t you f**king get into a war of words with me. Your wife will regret even allowing your insecure macho shit here.”

Sounds so cute from another wrong one!!!

“she`s pretty fond of that leather, bull whip and hand-cuff thingie”

How did you know she is dominatrix? That sadomasochistic btch just loves pretty little boys!!!!

I would just love a threesome myself. Your place or our place?????

Urstruly:
Dil ko kayee kahaaniaaN, yaad cee aa ke reh gaee-N

Your story is a true tafseer of Faiz`s: dO ishque and some casablanca.

JavaaN lahoo kee pur-usraar shah rah-On pur
chalay jo yaar tO daaman pey kitnay haath puRRay

***************************************************************************
Thanks a lot for some gusts of cold winds which blew through me while I was reading this.
Very cathhartic!

Guzur chukee hai yeh fasl-e bahaar hum pur bhhee.


P.S:while do-gooders like us worked for a better time & place, the pragmatic-ones were having a good time at a better place..or so they thought, we thought!

In retrospect, nothing matters. All a game , a bazeechaa-itfaal.
Except! that perhaps you and I are richer & have more fortune than others;)


Avval O aakhir fanaa,
Baatin-O zahir fanaa
Kaar-e jahaaN bay sabaat
Kaar-e jahaaN bay sabaat

urstruly.. not half as good as your earlier pieces but still a fun read.. are u chachoo or mamaji to rozys kids? cheers :)

#3 HP
What were you doing reading the Khuwateen Digest? And the way you`ve described your new wife, sounds like she`s pretty fond of that leather, bull whip and hand-cuff thingie. By the way, your post reminds me of the Nazi era Berlin Mens Masturbation Club connection.

Urstruly,
Fantastic piece. In fact one can say it`s a unique way reviewing a Vital Signs album. Nice going.

PS: HP, don`t you f**king get into a war of words with me. Your wife will regret even allowing your insecure macho shit here.

Very, very interesting way of using those Vital Signs lines. Well constructed Urstruly.

Right out of cheap third-rate URDU romantic novels and in the mold of Khawteen Digest Afsanas(short stories).

The influence of cheap romantic Indian/Pakistani movies is too obvious.

My former wife would have loved it. Thanks God! I am out of her romantic reach now!!!!

My current wife would say “A man writing love stories! Must be gay!!”

The style is so feminine that I am beginning to wonder…A San Francisco connection perhaps….

Urstruly:

Finally another good story by you! Wonderful tale. Absolutely enjoyed the intertwining lyrics of the Vital Signs. They honored Sami, and you honored them well : )

ps) shouldn`t the last line of the song `dau pal ka` be: haaro gay `tabhi` tum ko mazza aay ga jeet ka...?