What Is the Point of Marriage?

............ this marriage thing is highly overrated - i have been married for almost eighteen years and, quite frankly, haven`t once taken out the nikah nama and looked at it ..........

............... the whole wedding thing took about three minutes with the mullah mumbling some nonsense in arabic and lots of people signing lots of papers .........i signed, they signed, everyone prayed as i sat there looking at a lizard creeping up on a poor fly .......... in another room, with the air conditioner going full blast to keep the make-up from melting, poor mrs hamidm kept silent and everyone thought she was okay with the program ...........to this day i don`t know if she would have said yes had she been allowed to speak ..............

............... but it has been okay - the sex has been good and the nikah-nama made it all possible ............. maybe i should find the contract - just in case she asks for it next time ............

`` i did make a mistake when i mentioned ``ibrahim son of hagar``.....`` #32 by hamidm2 on March 19, 2004 12:25pm PT

That is no big mistake. You probably meant to write :

ibrahim`s son by hagar

and probably forgot to type the apostrophe. Completely forgivable :) though thanks for pointing it out. It explains a lot of insecurities that are exhibited by the race of Arabia. BTW what was Ibrahim`s obsession with mutiliating his peni_s ? Was it because he lusted after Hagar and thought ``I am a sinner I must chop my sinful parts off``.

Despite the attempt to desensitize his pen_is he goes ahead and has an illegitimate child with Hagar and then attempts to kill them by 1st attempting to kill the child himself (bakra eid) then abandoing them in the desert to die of thirst. That is what a beduoin tried to do to my cousin (who is quite good looking). My cousin was doing Hajj when this guy kidnapped my cousin, molested him and then left him in the desert to die. Talk about a holy land.

Your point about illegitimate children turning out alright was well understood by me. Not only was it understood by me I even had a few epiphanies while reading your post (the one about the arabs).

``Tsk Tsk Tsk.....it is always pathetic to see grown up men weeping like petty weaklings. You can`t even defend one simple conviction of yours - slander and cursing is not the weapon of weak, it is the weakness. `` #31 by Urstruly on March 19, 2004 10:22am PT

What in goodness` name are you talking about Adolf ? Today is friday but this ain`t the mosque`s pulpit. This is the ``chowk``. EVERYONE can come here even women and children (they don`t have to stand at the end of the line like the ``dirty`` women) and here at the square even non muslims can come to talk about their ideas :)

solitude,

............. all right, all right .... but let`s not get carried away !........ i did make a mistake when i mentioned ``ibrahim son of hagar``..... i actually meant ishmael .............. but i was right about the other ibrahim, althought there is some controversy about that ...........

........... in any case, the point i was trying to make is that kids born out of love or lust ( i hate the word wedlock) can turn out okay and marriage does not necessarily ensure that your offspring won`t be idiots - there are plenty of examples around !!!

did they really used to beat their chicks senseless before they played with em? thats plan barbaric. oh duh! stone age.
waste of good website space. later

Solitude:

On keeping company: You have to give the devil its due. Period!

Tsk Tsk Tsk.....it is always pathetic to see grown up men weeping like petty weaklings. You can`t even defend one simple conviction of yours - slander and cursing is not the weapon of weak, it is the weakness.

``............ come to think of it, there are some pretty good people of dubious lineage: ibrahim (the five year old son of a prophet) ``
#29 by hamidm2 on March 19, 2004 4:24am PT


You must have meant that Ishmael the son born of a concubine was an illegitimate child, the same Ismail who spawned the Arabs. In other words Mr. Hamidm you are callling the Arabs a race of ba$tards? Don`t you know that calling Arabs `Hara_ami ``would be offensive to some Hindu-cum-Muslims who think they are descended directly from the Arabs ?

Could that be the reason that echo and urstruly love that word and are obsessed with it? Maybe deep down inside there is a little voice in their heart that says ``You are a hara_mi``! or worse ``you are a hara_mi ki aulad! you arabi ki aulad! I mean hara_mi ki aulad!``. I can therefore understand the pain and anguish and the bitterness and the anger these two feel (and they even call each other brother).

I mean they bow to Arabia and they try to speak in arabic with god five times a day (though they don`t know what they are saying, they could be asking for another kick in the arse, the kind of treatment their Arab fathers are getting all over the world) but still there is that voice inside them that makes them feel bad. I wish they would help themselves. I wish they would stop scarring strangers because they can`t heal their own scars. I wish they would face what is victimizing them instead of blaming people, insulting people etc.

Mr. HamidM I always get a laugh when I read what you have to say. Always an insight always a laugh, always something to share and contribute and to give. Thank you. That is so nice of you. It is an honor to be read and commented upon by a generous and giving soul. May you have the strength and love of generations :)

``sometimes women marry to get away from their parents`` #28 by shandana on March 18, 2004 11:44pm PT

Is this Ms. Minhas ? Running away from things is never a solution. Face your fears and confront your problems and solve them. Wouldn`t that be a good idea ?

``sometimes they marry because they want children and need that cover of supposed respectability``

Adopt?
If adoption is wrong then become powerful and strong enough to be financially independent then have as many children as you want. If you are afraid that will never happen or you will be too old try IVF. Good alternative?

``sometimes they marry because they think they`re in love``

and spoil a perfectly good thing? :)

`` we marry because we dont want to die alone ``

Another fear bordering on insecurity.

``people shouldn`t marry. they should just all kill themselves. ``

My goodness is that the only alternative to not marrying? Killing people ? Maybe in Pakistan where men and women can`t get laid if they don`t have permission from parents, cleric, society, government and half the neighborhood. When they don`t get permission from either we see what happens to the women and the men. We have to do something to change this. Take charge, take control of your life, change things!

``How rude, redundant and ridiculous! ``#26 by ZahraJ on March 18, 2004 9:42pm PT

Isn`t this the same guy who admires and profusely quotes Iqbal? Time to look at who you keep company with Zahra.

When two people praise the Mein Kampf together they may not be very apart in their ideology. I know you are very bright and you are always seeking out the truth. You are confident and you do things to make yourself independent. That is why I mention it, time to look again at the company you keep.

``I believe that it`s sinful to get into a relationship just to procreate``
#27 by ZahraJ on March 18, 2004 10:00pm PT

Bravo! I wish more people from the third world would read this and understand WHY you think its a sin. There is an idea for your next article. Elaborate on why getting together on LOVE is more important than getting together to make babies for the Imam or the Pope`s congregation.

``It`s in bad taste and last but not least creates no binding agent between two people.``

But haven`t you heard people don`t want to divorce ``because of the children``? So apparently there is a binding agent for such people. They would rather inflict a love less marriage on the children then show their children that ``mistakes can be made and its better to live a life where you are true to yourself first; whereas staying together would mean living a life begrudging selfless acts and feeling like a martyr; now it is a life of liberty and productivity without layers of guilt attached``

echo #24,

............ come to think of it, there are some pretty good people of dubious lineage : alexander the great, babe ruth (the man who invented candy bars), ibrahim son of the concubine hagar, president herbert hoover (no laughs, please), james smithson of smithsonian fame, james dean, willie nelson, oprah winfrey, the prophet brigham young, ibrahim (the five year old son of a prophet), and of course jesus of nazareth - sired by god and adopted by a poor carpenter ..........

sometimes women marry to get away from their parents. sometimes they marry because they want children and need that cover of supposed respectability. sometimes they marry because they think they`re in love. whatever the case may be, marriage has no point. we marry because we dont want to die alone and we think another person will make it easier to live. thats not true. people shouldn`t marry. they should just all kill themselves.

Shiraz:

``What is the point of marriage?``

Excellent Question!

Somehow I am not sure if it`s a question or playing the devil`s advocate ?

What is the most appropriate answer?

It varies from person to person. The need, the desire, the start, the end, and the in-between varies from person to person. In the end, it`s more like companionship - but one has to work towards that or die in the effort of creating the companionship.

On a very personal note: I am fairly practical in almost all aspects of life, but I am to some extent idealistic in this particular area. I always always weigh if the companionship is worth working on or even looking into - mostly from emotional investment perspective. I guess I am a very cautious investor!

You have touched upon baby making in a very light hearted manner. Probably, in your light-heartedness you did not take into account the responsibility that kicks in with taking the step. Personally, I believe that it`s sinful to get into a relationship just to procreate. It`s in bad taste and last but not least creates no binding agent between two people. If there is no binding agent between two people, they may procreate 10 babies and say good bye to each other. Only lunatics will take that route, but God`s world has all kinds in all garbs.

#24:

How rude, redundant and ridiculous!

If you had a hard time grasping the drift then you should have refrained from sharing the half paisa remark.

echo #24,

......... i will be sure to check with my poor dead mother if i ever see her again ........ and even if my father is not my ``real`` father he has always treated me like a son .......... so if it turns out that i am a harami, it has still been a good life!........let`s celebrate ......... cheers!

23:hamidm

Maybe you are. Announce!. Celebrate!

...... in more civilized societies, like scandinavia, marriage is a thing of the past ......... more than fifty percent of the children are haramis and yet they have clean streets, universal health care, free education and everything else that the non-haramis want .............maybe we should give it a try

``Is Chowk celebrating []`s Week ? ``#19 by ZahraJ on March 17, 2004 7:53pm PT

I am waiting to read your work Zahra. Anway what did you think of the article?

``it`s evident that your female side is alert and present at the time you convey your point. As a female reader, I find it both interesting and amusing. `` #20 by ZahraJ on March 17, 2004 9:33pm PT

Zahra what do you really want from me ? That is a huge compliment, thank you! :) BTW that van baker fellow doesn`t write half as well as I do :)

Shiraz,

I do not have my magazine handy, but I may have to actually type a story which is extremely poignant. I will come back to it later. I must mention a few things aside from my fascination for the said issue of Parabola:-

a) This is a neat article. It`s sweet, hilarious, conveys the point and also shows the sensitivity that is often times not very well understood and realized.

b) The best part of your recent articles is that you write as if you are taking into account both men and women. Your views may not be in line with how the current day and age men and women think or act (100%) but the way they come across, it`s evident that your female side is alert and present at the time you convey your point. As a female reader, I find it both interesting and amusing.

Rest Later,

Bye Bye