Moth’s Flame Doused by Wind

IMO, if she really loved the guy she would have written to him much earlier that she was mute. She had ample opportunity to do so.

Faiza,
As Farzana Versey wrote: Write more.

I cannot get over this one single line:
My muteness had left him speechless.

You leave me speechless too..............with your writing.

Here`s something on `the mist of smoke rising from the wick`:
Bujhi hui shama ka dhuan hoon
Aur apne markad ko jaaraha hoon
Shama ki hasti tau mit chuki hai
Ab apni hasti mita raha hoon......
Bujhi hui shama ka dhuan hoon.............

Regards.

Can I just make an observation?

Isn’t the whole moth-to-a-flame imagery/analogy/metaphor the most overused cliché in the history of sub-continental writing? Especially in Urdu poetry and Urdu poetry influenced stories?

I mean, its like, wtf?? Can’t you use another image? Is there no other conceit or symbol or trope that somebody can think of? Somebody?? Anybody?? Talk about flogging a dead horse. Talk about leaden and hackneyed.

If I read another sentence by a South Asian poet/writer that puts a moth and a flame on the same page I will hunt them down and strangle them…hell I will put them in a room infested with moths and set fire to them.

I mean what’s so special about it, the moth goes to the flame and fooking dies and that’s it, why is it so damn recursive? That’s supposed to be profound and mind-blowing? It’s as stale as eight week old roti…

Anybody that uses this image from now on should be banned from writing.

And while I am at it, why does every novel set in India or Pakistan have to mention a Banyan tree at least once? Have you ever read a single Desi novel that doesn’t have at least one goddamn banyan tree in it?? What the hell is so special about them??

I am perplexed and dazed and confused and enraged by these banalities. Please, somebody, explain, please, what the hell is so special about some half-wit moth flying into a candle flame?

Get a new image people!!

Fooking moths deserve to die.

Chop down all banyan trees too.

dear faiza
truly heart wrenching this article of urs, and i see what you mean, in a world that puts terms and conditions on everything love is the one thing that`s supposed to be all embracing. i can totally relate to what somebody in that position might go through and how heart breaking that would be. the flow of the article is amazing it reads like a poem.... so fluid so rythymic
keep up the good work

Sobia Sahiba
No matter how fictional a piece is, it is always `contaminated` by traces of the writer`s autobiographical account. That`s what makes it worth writing for the writer, or why else would one write if he/she couldn`t relate to it? So don`t even bother removing yourself from your writing. And I love the way you write, brief but replete with emotions. I am actually trying to cut down on my verbosity, but for some reason, I feel like each word has a certain value and just dont have the courage to chop it off. Your tribute to friendship...I did enjoy that as well, thanks to my own inadequacy, it took me a while to realize its gist. keep on smearing the pages:)

Hello hfarooqui Sahib
Thank you for the kind words. Although I didnt have the stamina to read it once I finished writing it, too morbid for even my own taste:(

Hello Nooralain Sahiba
First of all, welcome back. It took Farzana Sahiba to bring you back :) (Oh I can just imagine her getting upset, sorry Farzana ji, we cant prevent ourselves from liking you:) )
Well the Sahiba is really just out of respect, I refer to my 6 yr old baby cousin as Zain Sahib:), even little ppl deserve to be shown respect:). Bibi is perfectly fine.
Hey dont fear the moths or the wind. Just try not to be a flame, be a forest fire, the one that engulfs everything in its path. Its a cruel world out there, we must make ourselves stronger than our destroyers, only then can we enjoy life:) And keepthat almost empty bottle of sedatives away from you:), I am not touching my Diazepam either, not worth gulping down for some half wit;) Good advice to Sobia sahiba, hope she takes it. And how come you dont contribute to chowk; your writings would make a wonderful addition to front page.
Getting off the tangent, but glad to hear you could make it to the protest, bravos for standing up against the bestiality of the so called ``liberators.`` Have a safe and lovely trip to your mom`s.

---

Note to someone else: this indeed is not autobiographical. Although there are glimpses of my personal life in this, but I am still optimistic about the denouement. Thank you.

A very melodic piece and a very fluent writing style. A beautiful story weaved from a single strand. A statue sculpted from one piece of marble.

Rumi is quoted in the beginning ``Sight is not the only way that love enters the heart; it often happens that love is born of the spoken word.” SPOKEN word. How wrenching then to see a mute`s heartbreak, despite winning the love through her un-spoken words.

sobia,
the inability to remove yourself from `the story` does not in any way make you a bad writer and anyone who tells you that is confined to the belief that stories should only be told a certain way. there is more than one way to tell a story.

having written things that are very personal to me. .i don`t subscribe to that point of view and hopefully you won`t let that get in the way of maturing as a writer.

ab kaam ka naam hai jaam. . .
n~

faiza bibi (you get bibi for addressing me as sahiba. .a fair exchange, no?)
as engrossing a read as this was. . .this is a little too close for me to comment on much. i am attempting to stay away from moths as well as the wind. and my large almost empty bottle of sedative, is just a few feet away from me. i think a jaam is in order right now.
don`t let the chowk editors discourage you : )
n~

Amazing story...

Powerful images...

Made me read it again and again and again and again......

faiza, i always see a glimpse and sometimes more of myself, in whatever i write, no matter how hard i try to move away from the topic at hand...so now i`ve stopped trying...That probably means I`m perhaps not a very good writer if I can`t remove myself from the story, but that`s just too bad, because in the end I prefer to write about things that are personal to me..that way, I at least know what the protagonist of my story is going through at some level...personal emotions in stories are not always misplaced. :)

Had this piece been published earlier, I would have valued its publication more. Nonetheless, thank you chowk editors for publishing it. To those who read my ramblings and interacted, thank you. To those who read it or read it partially, thank you for you increased the number of hits:)

Hello Sobia Sahiba,
Thank you for the praise. ``Absorbing,`` I think I see my glimpse in this fictional piece, do you see your`s as well?

Hello Farzana Sahiba
Welcome back though you never really left:). You are correct, the flame, moth, and the wind do get blurred. The flame is prone to self-destruction, the pretentious moth that in reality is the wind just brings the demise of the flame sooner than later. I know I don`t need to elaborate on the metaphors used to someone of your intellect:)
``Often we are mute witnesses to our own destruction,`` you confined my random thoughts in this phrase. Its a bewildering sight to watch one`s self-destruction...I think I am witnessing it right now. Thank you for the comments, its always an honor to see you on my board:)

Hello Rozaiba Sahib
Hope you are doing well. I have realized that it`s not the moth/wind that destroyed the flame; the flame itself is the culprit. Why do we form attachments to fleeting entities thinking they will accompany us till the end, when in reality their sole purpose is to abandon us in a tempest and watch from the shore? I think it was a mere coincidence that both my fictional pieces ended up following the same style...I actually have another lined up totally `off-the-wall` :)
There is another fan of Rumi and Sa`di in da house:)

Hello Talha Sahib
A pleasure to see you interacting here:) So how can one distinguish the moth from the wind? You wrote ``Oh well this is fiction not reality,`` how can you be so sure this is fiction, I don`t think I mentioned anywhere in the story that its fictional:) Assumptions?? Let`s assume this is fiction, even then isnt it true that even fictional pieces are replete with autobiographical accounts. We (most writers) just like to shroud them with a cover of fictional characters and settings to preserve our privacy. Thank you for the comments though, you are quite an idealist;)

The moth and the wind are one. Oh reminds me of Kabir, ``Because someone made up the word wave, do I have to distinguish it from water.``
Sometimes people change. And when they do they act different. That happened to the moth, from a devote of the candle it turned into its enemy. However, once people know each other in essence, like inside out, they never change. They find that they really are not two seperate people but one in essence.
Oh well this is fiction not reality. In reality the moth can only dive into the ocean of fire and and become a part of it.

Faiza,

I liked the use of the moth and flame with the analogies of life. And like Farzana says, who destroys what?

In this and in your previous story, you’ve employed very well some of the techniques writers use (I learn as I observe) such as the proper insertion of words that do just enough to pique a reader’s interest but nothing more as the reader will have to wait till the end for the conclusion.

Naturally I absolutely loved the use of Hazrat Sheikh Saadi and Rumi’s words.

Dear Faiza:

I found the images truly entrancing...also too close for comfort. Sometimes the lines among the flame, the moth and the wind get blurred. Who destroys what? I felt this was a `thoughtful` piece of work. I also think that `mute` is not just the inability to speak, but our helplessness to voice thoughts, express ourselves adequately. Often we are mute witnesses to our own destruction. Isn`t it strange that the sedatives are right next to my keyboard?

Write more...
Farzana

faiza, so glad to see your story make it to the main page...very well-written and absorbing!