You and I

#18 Posted by hamidm2 on April 9, 2004 4:23:31 pm

......... i just can`t get over it !!!

Do you remember,
When I ran out in the rain one day
When my tears were no different from the ones the sky was shedding that day
When I swore to You that I would never believe in You again
For you stood there while I cried, winced and whimpered in pain
You watched and waited till I could cry no more,
To lift my spirit up enough to see the shore,

.......... i am convinced that this standing in the rain stuff is inspired by fat bridget jones`s diary .........unless it is about noah .................... and pray, what the heck was the sky crying about? .......... and just because you accidently ended one line with ``more`` does not mean you have to use the word ``shore``...... how contrived! how transparent !........ and lazy too ......... there was no mention of an ocean or a sea unless, of course, the sky and our lovely poetess cried up a river !............ how stupid of me! ......... the writer seems to suggest: ``dear reader, you are so stupid that i conjured up this little ditty of little meaning knowing full well that you will read all kind of meaning into it and proclaim me to be a great poetess``.............

#19 Posted by FarzanaVersey on April 10, 2004 12:00:55 am

hamidm2:

You, sir, need to run out in the rain one day. People do that, you know...normal, ornery folks -- of course some of us are over-ambitious and imagine that in doing so we will win wet T-shirt contests or break into song...but there are some who feel differently, and become one with nature. If you understand the worth of manure, you must accept this as well.

I have yet to see someone NOT interested in poetry try and deconstruct it in such minute detail. I do have issues with this poem, and the poet will have reasons for having written certain lines in a certain way...therefore I am not defending anything, and defence is not even needed...

Metaphors are poetry`s lifeline. So what was the sky crying about? The poet has made her tears and the sky`s one...another poet may have said that the sky could not control its bladder...

[and just because you accidently ended one line with ``more`` does not mean you have to use the word ``shore``...... how contrived! how transparent !........ and lazy too ......... there was no mention of an ocean or a sea...]

Poetry does use rhyme; there was a time when only rhyming verse was considered poetry. And transparency is a GOOD thing. What`s with you? Why must there literally be a sea for there to be a shore? A shore here is a destination, something to return to. You have a problem with ``soiled sand`` and asked elsewhere, ``what is next?..... ``wet water?``..........``

While water is `naturally` wet, not all sand is `naturally` soiled.

Strange that the issues I have with this poem, despite some wonderful lines, is that it is too simple! Also, I do not connect with the subject...that is my problem, not the poet`s. You have said this poem is ``pretentious, schmaaltzy``...this is a contradiction in terms, even if not obviously so. You cannot fake goose-bumps. And a pretentious person will not even try to be schmaaltzy...s/he will make every attempt to be clever or so terribly `simple` that you can see through the effort. This poem is not pretentious. It could be termed schmaaltzy, though.

If you want poetry to be ``almost like prose``, then should you not, using your own logic, expect it to be `transparent` and stand up as prose instead of getting `contrived` into a poetic form? I am sooo angry, so here...

Where is that verse I wrote last night
About my missed flight
And how I would crash into the clouds
Making them cry out aloud
Over my poetic plight
Oh, save me, my wayward knight!

#20 Posted by Sinful_Virtue on April 16, 2004 4:42:06 pm

nice thoughts Dee, especially these days when people tend to ignore HIM all the time!!

I recall a movie dialogue, the man said, ``I don`t believe in GOD but i`m afraid of him``
but considering the population of the world and the number of problems in our lives, i can understand the natural delay in response to our prayers !

Best of luck
Sinful

#21 Posted by Sinful_Virtue on April 16, 2004 4:42:06 pm