You and I

A lovely poem,indeed.Enjoyed reading it alot.

Its simply awsome.

temporal ????

................ i think this was crap ...... honestly, i am trying to learn what differentiates poetry from crap and seem to be having a hard time ............. now, you are the expert - so you tell me .......... is this a masterpiece or just another small heap of excrement ?.....

Hello Dee Sahiba

Simply beautiful. I am speechless. Your Is fit me perfectly and the Yous remind me of him.
Take care.

Faiza Hussain

This reminded me of Anwar Iqbal`s poem: `They Changed my God`.

http://www.chowk.com/show_article.cgi?aid=00001011&channel=leafyglade%20inn&start=0&end=9&page=1&chapter=1

Dee,

This is wonderful.. very touching and you have penned it beautifully.

Thanks and keep writing

Sucheta

Niceeeeeeeee this brings memories from past. :)

........... i am sorry, but i just can`t let it go .......... i want somebody, anybody, to explain to me why this piece of ..... piece of whatever should be considered poetry .......... is this some kind of an inside joke that i have failed to undestand ?......... are you guys serious when you use gushy superlatives like ``awsome`` and ``lovely`` to describe what appears to me to be a mish mash of nonsensical lines put together by a juvenile ?............ what am i missing ? ............ is this some kind of sufi poetry with the shair addressing his eternal mahboob or is this bob dylan talking to his cat ?..........

............. you know what is realy sad?........ the poetess (i use the term loosely) actually made a forced attempt to rhyme - more shore, hand sand, mind find ......... how pathetic!........ even the visuals are bad .......... just look at it!......... one line is a meter long, the other is an inch .............what is wrong with you people - are you out of your mind !.......... stuff like this makes a good case for poeticide ..........

my fellow curmudgeon hamdim

a cat can be skinned in many ways…a good poem can be interpreted in more than one way…

you decide!....after you read this poem again…and as you read…think single malt or that other favorite of yours merlot…and then tell me your feelings

rgds,

t


ps: and will add a caveat after reading your second post: read after a couple of...

........ i give up ........

The woman that I love she got a hook in her nose
her eyebrows meet, she wears second hand clothes
She speaks with a stutter and she walks with a hop
I don`t know why I love her but I just can`t stop

You know I love her
Yeah I love her
I`m in love with the Ugliest Girl in the World

......... and this is coming from the greatest poet of all times - bob dylan........ go figure

#3) hamdim..

I would agree with temporal..everybody has a different set of thoughts and perceive everything differently....you`ll find people who`ll call your greatest ideas `crap`
u know if you are seeing a dark blue color other beings might be taking it as violet, or sky blue or whatever..just a matter of light..
same goes here...
......have the guts to appreciate if you read something nice yaar.

nice one. bravo.

a analysis ........


.... ........ i tooke temporal`s advice and read the poem again to see if i had missed anything the first time around .............i think i get it now and since it is good friday and i am done with killing the bunny in my back yard who had been eating the burning bushes, i will try to analyze this ``poem`` as a public service .........

let`s start with this you and i thing ........for starters, i don`t trust people who capitalize unnecessarily........ but anyway

We go a long way
You and I

You, the immortal, eternal and wise one
I, the foolish, mortal, ordinary one

......... i assume, and i am seldom wrong, that she is talking about him, the big kahuna - imortal, eternal and bent on making everyone else look puny and stupid ..... right?.... but then she, mortal and foolish, could be talking about an overbearing boyfriend with the potential of becoming a world-class wife beater ............i could never understand why women have to deprecate and denigrate themselves - god or boyfriend, doesn`t really matter ...........

We go a long way
You and I

........ how long?.........i guess that would be back to the time when we were all part of the primordial soup and dinosaurs had yet to walk on his earth ........sufi poets and jilted women have something in common - they have no concept of time (or self-respect) and continue to wait for him even when it is quite obvious he ain`t showin up .........

I sit alone today with You by my side
No different from the numerous times
Silence and Us were three
I spoke endlessly, You heard patiently
You were left burdened with pain, both Yours and mine
Whereas I closed the door, didn’t look back and walked away free

......i think this refers to the silly muslim practice of sitting in iteqaf during ramadhan - alone with the pink elephant by their side ........ a lot of people with tortured limbs and gassy stomachs undertake this unique form of penance to pay for petty crimes commited during the year ............ so it is you and i and the holy ghost (or pink elephant) - that makes three of us .......... now, this is the first time i have heard the holy ghost being referred to as silence - is he really silent?........ i thought moses was the one who stuttered when he saw the burning bush ........and why did the bunny eat the burning bush ........ sorry for the digression ..............

............. anyway.... so i, that is her, was speaking endlessly, which is quite common for women with hormonal imbalance, and he was hearing patiently .............. this is where i, that is me, get a little confused - is she talking about her shrink ?............ and how do we know that it is a he and not a she, because in this day and age of lesbian relationships, he could be a she and she could be a he ........ but then, a shrink would not be burdened with anyone`s pain, yours or mine or his, unless they don`t pay their bill ......... so it must be god she is talking about - right?.......... wrong, because then she gets up and walks away free ............ now that is not possible, because nobody slams the door in god`s face specially after he gets up on the cross for you, bearing your pain and sorrow .............now i get it!...... being easter and all, this poem is yet another guilt trip for bad christians who have turned their back on him ........... simple, really! ....temporal would be so proud ........

......... all right, let me go and cut n`paste some more of this crap ........ here it is:

Do you remember,
The many times I entertained You and myself with a caustic monologue
You were my only audience and the victim of my diatribe
You never spoke once, but I heard You all the while
You affectionately clouded my soul telling me how You have always been on my side
I never saw it that way, till I looked in my heart that’s ;

............ here it gets a little confusing ........ it seems that either she is a schizophrenic who talks to herself or a nagging woman with a boyfriend who is about to kill himself ........or is she talking about god again............ you know moses used to talk to a burning bush?......but then he could also part the sea and do other miraculous things .......... not relevant?...........allright ........ so here is this woman who is constantly jabbering, while the poor man just sits there, flipping through the channels, hoping she would just keel over and die.......but he is a clever man and once in a while he looks at her, smiles, and grunts ........ her soul is affectionaltely clouded and she is happy that her man is on her side......... or is it god?............looked in my heart that`s ?????.......... oh please, someone explain that to me !......... or do i have to look in my heart, that`s......... what`s???

................ i hope this clears it up ............

hamidm bro:

with ferzi
i concur
you know (k)not
spinning noughts
a latent
lover of
poetry
;)

...t

ps:

an o lover of carlin
with aprop. subs
try and try again:)

Do hush hamidm. Go and fight on some other board please.

Thanks,
Dagny

THis is the kind of stuff CHOWK should be encouraging. nary an alien or foreignish taint. 100% homespun.
Thank you Dee.

---

Dee:
Do not be discouraged by the Don Quixotes and the sidekicks. These are the usual suspects of CHOWK. Only the mention of hedonistic and kufr suddenly perks them up and it is only such kind of writing which will result in ``critiques``(what a laugh--this word).

Bi-polar disorders, deviancies, epileptic seizures and their own psycho-babble and self-analysis rates high in their creed. Drinking, smoking charas ( they always call it weed or reefer to hint that they have evolved), and suicidal tendencies would elevate anyone on their totem-poles of ``literature``.

``Let sleeping dogs lie``. (as in not telling the truth)
[churchill said that]

Dee
.. awww ... wow ..

hamidm2..
hehehe

......... i just can`t get over it !!!

Do you remember,
When I ran out in the rain one day
When my tears were no different from the ones the sky was shedding that day
When I swore to You that I would never believe in You again
For you stood there while I cried, winced and whimpered in pain
You watched and waited till I could cry no more,
To lift my spirit up enough to see the shore,

.......... i am convinced that this standing in the rain stuff is inspired by fat bridget jones`s diary .........unless it is about noah .................... and pray, what the heck was the sky crying about? .......... and just because you accidently ended one line with ``more`` does not mean you have to use the word ``shore``...... how contrived! how transparent !........ and lazy too ......... there was no mention of an ocean or a sea unless, of course, the sky and our lovely poetess cried up a river !............ how stupid of me! ......... the writer seems to suggest: ``dear reader, you are so stupid that i conjured up this little ditty of little meaning knowing full well that you will read all kind of meaning into it and proclaim me to be a great poetess``.............

hamidm2:

You, sir, need to run out in the rain one day. People do that, you know...normal, ornery folks -- of course some of us are over-ambitious and imagine that in doing so we will win wet T-shirt contests or break into song...but there are some who feel differently, and become one with nature. If you understand the worth of manure, you must accept this as well.

I have yet to see someone NOT interested in poetry try and deconstruct it in such minute detail. I do have issues with this poem, and the poet will have reasons for having written certain lines in a certain way...therefore I am not defending anything, and defence is not even needed...

Metaphors are poetry`s lifeline. So what was the sky crying about? The poet has made her tears and the sky`s one...another poet may have said that the sky could not control its bladder...

[and just because you accidently ended one line with ``more`` does not mean you have to use the word ``shore``...... how contrived! how transparent !........ and lazy too ......... there was no mention of an ocean or a sea...]

Poetry does use rhyme; there was a time when only rhyming verse was considered poetry. And transparency is a GOOD thing. What`s with you? Why must there literally be a sea for there to be a shore? A shore here is a destination, something to return to. You have a problem with ``soiled sand`` and asked elsewhere, ``what is next?..... ``wet water?``..........``

While water is `naturally` wet, not all sand is `naturally` soiled.

Strange that the issues I have with this poem, despite some wonderful lines, is that it is too simple! Also, I do not connect with the subject...that is my problem, not the poet`s. You have said this poem is ``pretentious, schmaaltzy``...this is a contradiction in terms, even if not obviously so. You cannot fake goose-bumps. And a pretentious person will not even try to be schmaaltzy...s/he will make every attempt to be clever or so terribly `simple` that you can see through the effort. This poem is not pretentious. It could be termed schmaaltzy, though.

If you want poetry to be ``almost like prose``, then should you not, using your own logic, expect it to be `transparent` and stand up as prose instead of getting `contrived` into a poetic form? I am sooo angry, so here...

Where is that verse I wrote last night
About my missed flight
And how I would crash into the clouds
Making them cry out aloud
Over my poetic plight
Oh, save me, my wayward knight!

nice thoughts Dee, especially these days when people tend to ignore HIM all the time!!

I recall a movie dialogue, the man said, ``I don`t believe in GOD but i`m afraid of him``
but considering the population of the world and the number of problems in our lives, i can understand the natural delay in response to our prayers !

Best of luck
Sinful

nice thoughts Dee, especially these days when people tend to ignore HIM all the time!!

I recall a movie dialogue, the man said, ``I don`t believe in GOD but i`m afraid of him``
but considering the population of the world and the number of problems in our lives, i can understand the natural delay in response to our prayers !

Best of luck
Sinful