That Whore

Urstruly:
Read this is a haze and a daze at one go...need to let it sink in more. Right now just one phrase: Drop everything else...

This is you...

Urstruly

Good reading. Just criticising it for the hell of it.

Those 5-legged donkeys under the shade seem to have let your train of thought go wild - especially under medication. Even when you had only a few paisas in the drawer.

But still getting prompted for ``french kissing`` an unknown village girl, with no face, seems to be far-fetched. The inhibition for french kissing, not the most hygenic exercise in the world, gets removed only with a much greater intimacy & an intence desire.

Even kissing itself is a concept overly glamourized in the Western culture as compared to its utlity in the East. In the East, it is more of the basic fulfilment of desire.

This reminded me of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Old men think alike, it seems.

Salve Nec Minimo Puella Naso (Hello Not Very Small Nosed Girl)


(Catallus compares an unnamed girl to his own love)


Your nose is wrong.
Your feet are wrong.
Your eyes are wrong your mouth is wrong.
Your pimp is wrong even his name is wrong.
Who cares what they say, youre not--
Why cant I
Live in the nineteenth century.


-Anne Carson

Aren`t you this religious person who is now writing about how his protagonist paid a simple village girl in order to kiss her?

Making a prostitute out of a simple village girl is what you can imagine writing about? Good for you to have expressed yourself.

You must feel really bad about yourself. Just listen to your heart, stand up and tell the world that there is nothing wrong with kissing and that you will not pay for it nor marry for it ... and if they still don`t kiss you then find someone who will kiss you without asking for money or a marriage contract. If you can`t find someone in a village to kiss get out of there.

Banging your head against a table and hurting yourself will make an animal out of you like the animal most fundamentalist muslims are.

Urstruly:
This passage, among some others too, I enjoyed the most. Thanks.

That tear in her lackluster eye looked pretty. I thought of that worthless speck of mica on a sandy beach, which is unnoticeable until sun shines at it at a particular direction. The reflected light dazzles you and invokes a desire in you to possess it. Glitter is the worth of things here. Girls like her also become very pretty when a sun starts shining in their lives. The realization of the fact that they are wanted rubifies their faces

The title could`ve been different.

Some places need revision and polishing.

The 5 legged donkeys also seem to shift into 4 legged mode at some point.....

Stream of existentialism?

This was an excellent read Urstruly bhai! Nicely written and it shows a different side to you. :-)

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creative writing from potential suicide terrorists?

aalaa hai buhut aalaa hai ......why did i read it all in urdu?

Very well written...
Thank God for the coins in the drawer.....i really didnt want an anti-climax..:-D

Was it an allegory for the slyness of Zionist-American imperialist enticement of the innocent ummah, with the French Kiss representing Hindu depravity and evil?

interesting account, though a somewhat sudden ending.
I particularly liked the imagery - scorching, quiet, hot & sweaty.

I hope malaria cannot be transferred via an angraizi chummi.

Solitude,

You are both overlooking a major trope that Urstruly forgot to include in his blissful fantasy world...and that is the Catfight Factor. Why isnt Milkteeth competing with her elder sister for the attentions of the narrator? Arent females inherently competitive? Doesnt the apple fall near the tree? Say you, say me?

Desire for the unfullfilled brings out the best..keep it that way else it will become real and boring.

``I think it was the first time that she looked at me from head to toe. She heaved a sigh of relief as she evaluated her suitor slash tormentor. The frailty of the bony little runt sunk in a rocking chair emboldened her. As she smiled, a shade of mischief veneered her face and a tiny star started twinkling in her eye. I had defeated God. I had made her beautiful.``

This passage is the one i liked most.
very nice read
Keep it up

SM,
Wow, What a story!

Urstruly,

Good piece. It reminds me a bit of an old joke (advance apologies for any sentiments affected):

Johnie walks home after school and asks his dad what the difference between potential and reality is. His dad thinks a bit, and then asks him to run upstairs and ask his mother whether she would ever cheat on her husband. Johnnie runs upstairs and come back down again shaking his head. ``She said no, pa,`` he tells his father. Johnnie`s dad asks him to go upstairs and ask his mother whether she would cheat on her husband for a million dollars. Johnnie runs up and returns a minute later. ``She said yes, pa.`` Johnnie`s father then asks him to run upstairs and and ask his sister whether she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Johnnie runs upstairs and comes back down again. ``She said yes, pa.``
``Well, Johnnie,`` says Johnnie`s father in his most somber tone, ``the difference between potential and reality is this: potentially, we could be millionaires, but in reality we are living with two whores.``

End joke. Once again I apologize for any affected sentiments.

Rafay Alam

Very nice indeed. A question however. Was the narrator really ill when he decided the title for this story? I don`t see a connection between a whore and that girl. She was definitely curious (and for good reason!) and definitely sly......but....

Indecent Proposal sounds like a good title for this ( A movie I`ve never seen).

oooh I loved it...
it was like I was almost right in that room watching the whole thing...

Nice story

I like the words you have used, but I am not so sure that a village girl will actually agree to an angrezy chummi....not a very realistic prospect...but I guess its fiction....or is it?

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Going by the title I was expecting some rants and raves against the womankind. But I was pleasantly surprised. Urstruly is a schizophrenic :)

Another of urstruly`s sickening attempt in self-indulgence. It could have been a master-piece though - if writer`s voice used as the narrative device who is in turn doing a first person narrative ala adaptation - charlie kaufman (2002).

peace.

What is the problem with some of the interactors here?
It seems they are just as paranoid as our Muslim extremist brothers...why else would they start ranting about Muslims and extremism and terrorism etc etc in reply to an article which isnt remotely associated to that stuff...
And this MBZ Ispahani ....what is he?...he needs a psychiatrist...urgently....or how about an executioner..to put him out of his misery...I tried real hard to make sense of his blabbering so that i could say a word or two in reply...but....well you get the idea...
I read the article again...and i like it even better this time....*applause*

Urstruly

You’re a lout with little control over your third leg. But you’re a man of conscience...and deep inside an excellent human being.

#3 by Saminasha on March 29, 2004 4:39am PT
This reminded me of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Old men think alike, it seems

FYI -

All men think like that....not just an old man, some do not act upon their desires becasue they have too much to loose and some just dont care and follow what their heart desires (with mutual consent I hope).

I think this is brilliant

very sensual and high in imagery.

---

One of her front milk teeth was broken and she was constantly feeling the gap with her tongue.

---

keep it coming

Publish that book of short stories quickly.

Urstruly:

Really liked the placement of the thinking thoughts of the malaria victim dispersed between the dialogue of inquisitive youth. May have to read it once again though...

urstruly,

............. it really would be a shame if you decided to become a suicide bomber ..........

Hello Urstruly

Interesting read, there were a few passages that I truly loved, the following being one of them...
``Some people are bestowed with an internal glow that radiates from every pore of their bodies and forms an aura around them. And then there are people who are like moon, which does not have light of its own but it reflects the sunlight from its surface. Such people, without their own respective suns, are nothing but a meaningless heap of rubble.``
Ouch, so shallow that it hurts:)
Well can you elaborate on the significance of transition between the five-legged to the four-legged asses... i meant donkeys;).

Urstruly - it was a nice read. you did a great job in putting the scene together. however, i think you ended it rather abruptly. and i don`t understand why you titled it ``that whore``.

I get it!
This story is a masterpiece of symbolism.
The author talks about the girl being faceless--never revealing his/her true identity the author himself/herself is faceless.
It is the protagonist on both sides of the window.
Urstruly is ``That Whore.``
Right, Urstruly?
C.

This is good stuff. Even without Cemendtaur`s imagined symbolism(#35) it works for me!

Inspirational- if Urstruly can write like this, surely I can too ;))

Some good stuff from unexpected quarters on chowk recently, huh?

it is nice to reading.
point is what we can do to save these ppl selling their dignity for money and others pleasure

Cambodian cuts off penis to feed spirits
Mon Mar 29, 3:01 AM ET

PHNOM PENH (Reuters) - A Cambodian man cut off his penis when he said he was visited by four hungry spirits in a dream and he had no chicken or duck to offer them.

According to police, 33-year-old Soun Ney told the spirits to go away when they first appeared to ask for food, and waved his penis at them in defiance.

``Devils, I don`t have any chicken or duck for you,`` he was quoted as saying by local police chief Phoeung Vat. ``If you want to eat anything, you can eat my penis.``

Soun Ney said the spirits agreed to eat his penis. He was rushed to a hospital near the capital Phnom Penh after he castrated himself with a butcher`s knife.

``He is lucky to be alive,`` Phoeung Vat told Reuters.

Villagers in the deeply impoverished southeast Asian traditionally offer chicken, duck or cake to the spirits of the dead to ward off bad luck.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=857&ncid=757&e=1 0&u=/nm/20040329/od_uk_nm/oukoe_cambodia_penis

this was too good. the narration, characters...et all was very interesting.

good writting and good stuff...I enjoyed the reading..anxiously looking for the end since the begining of text. Nice end

Urstruly - Overall a nice read. Some sentences were a stroke of brilliance. The ending could have been a bit gradual, with the expressions and outward feelings of the older girl described.

People of Orphalese, beauty is life when life unveils her holy face.
But you are life and you are the veil.
Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.
But you are eternity and your are the mirror.

- Kahlil Gibran, in Prophet

Harsh title. Nevertheless, interesting read, considering it got me reading to tha end. Like the idea of face and faceless showing how their inner self reflects on them. And where does one find a five-legged animal?

Urstruly: I`m afraid I didn`t enjoy this one. You have a gift with words but the story and its character, the various moralities intrinsic to this tale, fail by me.

Enjoyed the read. The only turnoff for me were the Americanisms like ``ugh, that is gross`` and ``ugh, i hate milk`` which marr the rural imagery and bring to mind a spoiled teenager of the western world instead. Even in English, I think it is possible to desify the context so as to make the imagery more authentic.

A neat idea! I wish the author would write this in Urdu again. Urdu literature is devoid of beautiful ideas now and shtty digests dominate it. New Urdu writers are more influenced by TV dramas and movies in creation so that every thing is a screenplay now.

There really was no need to explain the moon or sun stuff, as it was irrelevant. Other than that it is a neat work.

Frailty

This story is about frailty – the frailty of us, the human beings, our morals, our bodies, our minds, our ethos and the frailty and dichotomy of our pathos. The original title of the story was also ``Frailty``, but then it had to be dropped because it itself was frail and not blunt enough. There are three characters in this story and one of them is ``That Whore``. I would like to leave it on my reader`s judgment as to who they think is the whore. Could it be that all three characters qualify.

What really intrigues me is to explore how innocent minds get ``corrupted`` in this world. It really is intriguing because by nature we are so innocent, so transparent, and so pure. I know very well what pure is but I am too frail to understand what un-pure is. This story was not an attempt to be ``preachy`` either way – it was merely a reflection. This is the reason why most of my stories mention God, angels, woman and children at one place. Perhaps they symbolize the purity and innocence that I yearn for.

To those faminazies who think that this story has hurt their feelings, I must assure them that I truly believe that He has really shortchanged her. And I am not a part of problem but I am the problem. I am making things worst for her with a zeal as if it is my divine mission. If it is of any consolation to you, allow me to tell you that the ``donkey`` in story is really a metaphor for man. I am sorry. I apologize….. now can I have my consolation kiss.

#46 Urstruely
``It really is intriguing because by nature we are so innocent, so transparent, and so pure. I know very well what pure is but I am too frail to understand what un-pure is. ``

Urstruely is converting to Hindooo!

jung:

i chuckled...as others more knowledgable have explained elsewhere anybody believing in anything can be a Hindu...so why not....?

now that is a thought a Hindu Muslim:)...

rgds,

t

Urstruly Sahib,

``...This is the reason why most of my stories mention God, angels, woman and children at one place. Perhaps they symbolize the purity and innocence that I yearn for...``

My world view doesnt expect God, angels, women and children to be pure. Even the idea of an ``innocent`` childhood is a construct of sorts. Are impoverished children innocent of the evilness of humanity? In their experience of impoverishment that is unaddressed by the larger society around them, do they not know they are victims of various social, economic and political wrongdoing? Of course they do.

But we cannot stomach OUR own responsibilities in these manmade condtions. Therefore, in order to assuage our own feelings of well deserved guilt, we affix ``noble`` to the indigenous community whose land we`ve stolen, ``pure`` to those we cannot bear the thought of having innate human knowledge. Dont know how to break it to you Urs, but children are aware of sex before anyone tells them word one. This is called human nature. The affixations of these qualifiers seem to be willful at best.

``To those faminazies``
cute-you mean ``saminazies``

who think that this story has hurt their feelings, I must assure them that I truly believe that He has really shortchanged her. And I am not a part of problem but I am the problem.

Yes. Yes Urstuly, for once, I am forced to agree with you.

P.S. Don`t be mad at Anne. She`s a smart woman.

This five-legged animal -- even more his female counterpart who has the stamina to accommodate his fifth leg – has always marvelled me. Oh my good God, it is not impressive, it is frightening. No other vertebrate comes close to the enormity of the extra leg Allah Almighty has blessed him with. And of course corresponding hausla of his opposite sex.

I think once witnessed general salami of donkeys, no male would ever dare to brag in this regard, irrespective of his own anatomic dimensions.

#50 by subedar

``This five-legged animal......``
Have you seen an elephant on five legs?

saminasha

I beg to differ with your hypothesis. I truly beleive that all human beings and especially children are innocent by nature. They are all born as the nature always intended; i.e. with innocence. I agree that the poverty and oppression are the number one corruptors but those children who are born to even the most oppressed and most poor are innocent by nature. The external factors corrupt every human being - later on.

[Can I retract from my initial statement o the fact that I am a part of the problem and not the whole problem. Two hand s are required to clap, as our proverb goes, the other hand unfortunately is some of the women - and you know who.

Stuka

In my last attempt - Prudent Rosy - I tried to desi-fy the dialogues and even included punjabi dialogues to give an impression to the reader as to the mode of conversation, but temporal objected to it. So this time I tried to conduct dialogues in a dialect we are most familiar with. So here we have an objection again. Next time I will go by my gut feeling.

ZeroTolerance & NazarHayatKhan

As you have read in the story that the girl was not totally oblivious of the concept of what I called an Angraizi chummi; as alien the concept may be to her, yet she knew about it-though the phrase French Kiss was not known to her.

Neotherf & Echoboom

I think there is a very strong connection between the title name ``That Whore`` and the subject matter. However, I would request you to look at the bigger picture and figure out who actually is the whore. Please read my 46.

Godot

Your `chargesheet` has slid the ground from under my feet. Please be kind.

FaizaHussain

I am not a very bright man, I have to go through a lot of effort to hide my handicap. You got me.

huma-mir and malik99

I am all for abrupt endings. I learnd it from the master O`Henry and then from Bano Qudsia. I also like to leave my readers with a dilemma instead of giving them a whole package.

Cemendtaur

Well, thank you sir. I am just a humble symbol - I mean - a humble man who likes to keep himself faceless.

Rozaiba & FarzanaVersey

Read it - goddamn it

Ansari

You didn`t like it - well that is good (keeping the reason that you gave in mind). It means I have not failed. Please read my 46 to understand my intentions.

Naqshbandi; Faizan; Rsaxena; MBZI; Mr. Kites; zulu; tev-toof, rafay; HP; Jang; mrboss; oxygen; fara; humaishah; hamidm; subroto; raw-dust; pardaisi; johnnybravo; wrapster; maheshg2; kaurasch; rakaposh; friend; solitude

Thank you guys and dolls for your positive comments and even more for negetive ones. Thanks also for hating it as well; at least it charged you to comment on it. In near future I have no intentions of blowing myself up or severing off my third leg (its already severed, when I was ten days old - thank you very much) so I will be back soon. Life is beautiful - keep it innocent.

Urstruly,

This is a pretty dramatic short story. I am not sure if the real drama began at the end or it started from somewhere else. Anyway, it continues and that`s an engaging element of this story.

Everything else aside, this is also a very cleverly weaved drama. Each reader can interpret it completely differently and still gather something out of it about the human psyche at different stages of life.

To be honest, the back and forth dialogues were light in weight. The end was very smooth and meaningful.

But here is a question, in fact a few questions:

- Is the title suggesting that the writer could not accomplish his goal and is kind of cursing the young woman in the story?

Or

- Is the title referring to the fact that since the young woman agreed to be kissed and expected a monetary reward in return therefore she fell in the category of a whore?

Or

- Is the title alluding to something else about the male psyche that is not very clearly spelled out ?

And

- Per your last post, if the donkey symbolized a man then who was the character trying to seduce the young woman? I am a little lost on the excessive use of metaphors. Please clarify.

There is a point in this story. In fact, there is a very valid point in the story. But the validity of the point will vary from one reader to the other.

Bye.

Urstruly:
Wise men have taught that one who has imagination, talent and skill should never ever consort with the mujaavirs. Once the creative mind has said his/her piece he/she let the culture-vultures thrive and survive at the trough. Allah has mysterious ways to feed all species.

When the world was civilised the only way to appreciate (enjoy) or condemn (dislike) something was like this:

Ghalib:
Hum sukhan feh haiN Ghalib kay tarafdaar naheeN
DaikhaiN keh dey koi iss sehray sey buRRh kr sehra.

to which ZauQue--the rival replied [as authoritatively & beautifully]:

Jin ko daa`va ho sukhan kaa, koi unn sey keh dey
daikho! iss tarah sey kehtay haiN sukhanvar sehra.

[after writing the sehra post-wedding of javaaN Bakht. Zauque was not well, so he couldn`t attend the event and had to write to comply to the Emperor`s wish to give Ghalib a swift & befitting come-back]

P.S: Please thank or elaborate and move on. No ``intellectualitis`` please--leave that to wage earners.

dang it, why am I not thanked? I was so nice to ya too!

BTW, ``Frailty`` is a nice title for any story, but in this case ``That Whore`` hits the spot.

Ansari not liking the story is a bit worrying though :(( Hey doc, some more poetry please. Long time.

Urstruly,

Define ``innocence``.

And Zahra has some good questions for you. Please do answer them.

I came on this topic fearing for the worst - urstruly having another tirade against President Musharraf. I braced myself against the unexpected and had few posts in my mind as pre-emptive strike. Instead, I found the best short story I have ever read in my life.

The best part I liked was, astaghfarAllah though, ``I think it was the first time that she looked at me from head to toe. She heaved a sigh of relief as she evaluated her suitor slash tormentor. The frailty of the bony little runt sunk in a rocking chair emboldened her. As she smiled, a shade of mischief veneered her face and a tiny star started twinkling in her eye. I had defeated God. I had made her beautiful. ``

Thanks urstruly for a beautiful piece.

One of the best writings I`ve come across here.
Bravo (to be confirmed if/when you deliver another piece like this, which is the difficult part).

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Urstruly,


``I truly beleive that all human beings and especially children are innocent by nature.``


It takes a certain courage to look at the world, especially for writers.





Ballad of the Ten Casino Dancers


Ten dancers glide
across a mirror floor.
They have thin gilt plaques on Egyptian bodies,
fingertips reddened, blue lids painted,
lift white veils naiively scented,
bend yellow knees.

The ten dancers go
voiceless among customers,
hands above knives, teeth above roses,
little lamps befuddled by cigars.
Between the music and the movement flows
depravity, a flight of silken stairs.

The dancers now advance
like ten lost grasshoppers,
advance, recoil, avoiding glances
in the close room and plucking at the din.
They are naked, you imagine
them clothed in the stuff of tears.

The ten dancers screen
their pupils under great green lashes.
Death passes tranquil as a belt around
their phosphorescent waists.
And whs should bear a dead child to the ground
each bears her flesh that moves and scintillates.

Fat men watch in massive tedium
those cold, cold dancers,
pitiful serpents without appetite
who are children by daylight.
Ten anemic angels made of hollows,
melancholy embalms them.

Ten mummies in a band,
back and forth go the tired dancers.
Branch whose fragrant blossoms bend
blue, green, gold white.
Ten mothers would weep at the sight
of those dancers hand in hand.

--Cecilia Meireles
Brazil (1901-1964)

Apropos fifth leg of elephants I would like to clarify:

Though length, diameter and sheer size is formidable even for elephants, it is still not comparable to breathtaking enormity of donkeys’ -- by taking body size in account. In particular the length and overall splendor of khota-ballistic missile is simply majestic in all regards.

ZahraJ

Tum ek bohat chaalaak larki ho. Your questions are like ``phir kia hoa?`` which we say to tease our friend who has just finished telling a joke.

See what you write `` Each reader can interpret it completely differently and still gather something out of it about the human psyche at different stages of life``. Don`t you see that was the intent behind writing this piece? And you want to know where I stand on this wide spectrum of interpretations – right? Well, I ain`t tellin`. I will exercise my writer`s privilege here ok.

As far as the metaphor of donkey is concerned, I think enough has been written on it already, and any further elaboration on this point would violate the Chowk interact guideline;)

Saminashah

Aur tum itni chaalaak larki nahi ho; laikin doosroN ke kaandhay par rakh kar bandooq chalana khoob aata hay.

Echoboom

Yaar; mujhe thoRi si deeNgaiN maar laine dau; It is my 15 minutes after all.

Soundmeister

I deliberately missed your name because I don’t like you. I don`t like your attitude fella; I tell ya ;)

Saminashah

Apart from the definition in dictionary, it is really hard for me to define ``Innocence``. I think innocence is the attitude we are born with. It is our instinct. This innocence gets corrupted as we learn the survival skills. Now here is the dilemma. Why survival skills come after corrupting our innocence. There is a very thin line - sharp as a razor edge - that keeps us from treading into the realm of beasts. And that thin line is the morality. Morality, whether divine or man made, is designed to keep us innocent and hence human.

Urstruly,

``Aur tum itni chaalaak larki nahi ho``

Vaisey main tho kuchay kaan bhi nahin hoon.

``The donkeys had again turned into philosophers; standing motionless under the tree, contemplating. `` - That was so God damn funny. lol. Overall a good interesting read. Keep it up Urstruly.

#53:

Regardless of what I said or what Temporal said, you should go with gut feeling. BTW, I was not objecting. Merely giving my preference as a reader.

Urstruly,

Few Points:

By referring to me as ``buhat chalak`` I think you implied that I read the writer`s mind inside out and upside down. I appreciate your unclearly spelled out compliment.

I am not interested in phir kya hooa here since it`s between the seducer and his prey(and not the victim).

Lastly, I do not understand the relevance of the donkey saga. If there is some dirty implication there, please let`s leave it there. Still your argument on the donkey and man being equal does not fit very well. It`s fine if you concocted some stuff to come up with a valid, spicy and eye-opening point. That`s human as well.

Well developed story, but one that ended on a light note.

You sure have a writer`s touch Urtruly, but why hide behind

another name?


Ras

I see. Thanks for the clarification. Traditional usage of a word I suppose leads one to make assumptions that are not implied in its use. You just broke the tradition. Good to see that. I hope you have your well-deserved consolation kiss.

PS: Donkey:Philosophers, Vultures: Morality; I must say, excellent analogies.

#64 Urstruly

Yeah well I dun like you either but keep up writing like this and I`m warning ya- I just might start to....

ZahraJ

I didn`t mean to offend you, I meant it in a good way.

Ras

What`s in a name, that we call a rose;)

Learner:

Much obliged

Urstruly:

No offense taken.

I was just thanking you for the compliment.

Take Care.

ahmedzai

Appreciate it

I wudn`t even ask for 2 rupees. Lets have a deal here, u let me rest in your haweli, in your room for a while, and have it ur way!....hoz that for a burning afternoon`s deal?

sick staements like ``i felt like a god``... ``i defeted god``... ``god is a child playing with his toys``... ``god comes crying to us``.... are what made ur story un bearable... dont get carried away with ur creativity ...... freedom to speak doesnt mean freedom to make others feel bad or angry.... grow up... good writers dont write controvercial stuff.... clean ur soul brother... u need some light inside your dark mind....

this is what i would expect of the elitist pakistani male mentality. a story written with a complete and intimate understanding of mysogynistic haughtiness. shows the baseness of men, the sad belief that man is above woman, and that female objectification is passively and actively supported by the pakistani male youth. the objectification of women on the basis of intelligence, appearance, and morality reeks of male authorhood. only a man with the twisted mindset which absorbs and supports society`s weakness of chauvinism can appreciate a story like this. it is repulsive and i was disappointed to have accidentally made its acquaintance. i`m sure the author pats himself on the back for causing such a stir. i wonder if ``that whore`` is supposed to be the name given the main male or female character in the story. in line with the mysogynist`s view, i might say it was fit for the female. however, i see that whore is none but the man.

all i can say is that it reflects the true crappy mentality of men

good enuf......

you`re a gifted writer with incredibly deep sight. just a brief observation...you did find her her sun, but took it away too. what started off as divine generosity could hurt like hell too. still, keeping moral judgements aside, to those not acquainted with the methods of love, the pull of the sun spells destruction itself. but its never not worth the journey :)

you write well, but no matter how many big words you use and how smooth the flow of you language is the fact remains that you saw a 17 yr old girl walking down the street, and you tried to have her.
the moment she asked for those two rupees you pounced on that weakness and tried to make the most of it.

Urstruly.
I`m amazed that some of the biased-heads who have had arguments with you on others` articles dont bother reading your ``islamist oriented`` articles to comment on. Nothing further...

Wouldn`t want to say their names

LOL
RB

ursturly,
it's my second read .I enjoyed it Good imagination!
wish of every teenager?

Why did u call the story 'That Whore'. Does the title mirrors the perception of all male mentality(including me)?

Urstruly,

loved your story. could not find any thing to critize. Please write some more.

kahani bahut achchhi hei. maza a gaya. likhte raho.

[#83 Posted by rogues on November 9, 2006 9:43:37 am
***
the moment she asked for those two rupees you pounced on that weakness and tried to make the most of it.]

Who is poncing? 17 year old girl and 17 year malaria stricken boy. I see whoring alright because girl asks for two rupees and does not run away first time kiss is mentioned. But I cannot see any pouncing.

I think this is an excellent read, such flow and such imagination. Just great!