The Prophecies of Nosydamanus

ahahahahahahahahahahahahah tyte as sh*t!

urs is the first article i read after becoming a member here nadeem n i must say.....i really like it...........mazey ka thaa bohat........;) really koooooolllllll

Alla, ala prachay, ala. Gringo piece.

This is quite mad. Loved it, sir, loved it. From where do you come with this sort of pagalpan?
What`s next then?

#13:
Pathetic to see the pakistanis poking fun at the great greek futurologist while ignoring their own great futurologist, Zulfi Bhutto.
He said that pakistanis will eat grass to have the bomb, and today his promis has come true, 35 percent of pakistanis now realise the greatness of bhutto.

Dear Jay, there is no greek here. If you`re talking about Nostradamus, you have to know, for your culture, that he was a french man, and that his name is a latin word, and certainly not greek.
It means `Our mother` a.k.a. the mother of Jesus (Mata ki Jay!). The parisian Cathedral has this name, for example.
That he was great his another thing too, but he`s very popular indeed. Maybe, like a doctor he did a lot...
The best world for someone whose making prophecies is a prophet, not a futurologue, but fantasy and bad humor is not my speciality.
Well, have fun kids...

I would totally agree with Archana`s message, because even i found the article quite witty and funny. I think its a splendid job made by Nadeem, great comparisons he made there.Some really did make sense, hehheheh! Good work ,Nadeem!

i couldnot help myself from rolling on the floor.Good job,Nadeem!

trashman :

all teasing aside, i find your admiration of nadeem, ummm, admirable. all i was really trying to say was there are other writers here who elicit such extreme emotions. .loyalties, and `enmities`.

and yes there are extremes here, and then there is nothing as well, like the indifference that some people have altogether. then we have the `traditionalists`, the purists, the ones who find what he has to say is indecent, and thus by extension, so is he, the ones who can`t really understand what he`s saying and so they throw his addiction, and his breakdowns in his face, he is influenced by other writers in what he writes (and which one of us writers is oh so original?) and he`s put down for that. to put it succinctly, nadeem farooq paracha just doesn`t have `it` whatever that is, and that`s that.

and then there`s the other extreme. where something close to idol worship is afoot, where `fans` in blind loyalty will tell him he`s the best, but not talk much about what he`s written. and even here readers will bring up the the drug thang as if that could be the only thing that could influence his writing. we love his social critique, it was entertaining, but does it make us think? does it make us do?

one of the ongoing mantras here at chowk is that some of us take things too seriously here, but some writers here are serious about what they write. i suspect nadeem is no exception. i appreciate that you are here because he is here, and i can relate to that. and i`m glad you didn`t tell him he should quit (would he have listened anyway?). and he isn`t losing `it` whatever that means. but why do you say alas?!

i am new to nadeem`s work, i didn`t know of him before chowk actually, and all his years of being a music and a sociopolitical critic. and what strikes me about his writings is that they are very different from the `liberal` viewpoint offered here, and is a voice that isn`t often heard. and i appreciate a plurality of voices, but i tend to agree with much of what he says. i would love the extremes he attracts if the extremes he attracts made sense most of the time. but he`s definitely not the worst thing around!

just my rupaiya`s worth. .for all that is. : )

I came here because he did and actually to tell him he should quit because he was losing it. But alas, he isn`t and to me he remains to be the best thing that happened to chowk. But then to others, he`s the worst thing around. I love the extremes he attracts.

post #8 is not mine. In my post. I objected to the use of indecent langauge by the author. I feel, the editors ought to do something about it.

trashman:

then are nadeem`s articles the ONLY articles you read on chowk?! ; ) or have you missed the rest of the boat where idiot posters are thrashing idiot posters, and the like?

Lol. Naaa, Umer, people like our friend jay over here are actually pretty harmless. Just giving him a slap on the wrist (the muscular one) for jaywalking should the trick.

I have proudly been one of Paracha`s biggest readers on chowk and good heavens, this is what I`ve noticed. Out of all the writers, his articles not only end up getting some of the most extreme responses, both good and bad, but they are the only place where idiots posters actually end up really getting thrashed! Great.

umer luv,
why don`t you do it?! mujh mein himmat nahin hai!!! : D

Can someone please give Jay a charity shag. The guy`s pissed off because his right forearm is so much more muscular than his left one.

Umer M

love with the back of the hand. . .and rage. . .with more pleasant wit. . .the world`s a topsy-turvy place is it not?

just a not so casual observation. . .directed at no one especially : )
n~

Mr. Paracha
Sorry to dissapoint you but I still think this is one of your best articles. And I say this again, I believe you are far more effective when you are being less sarcastic and sardonic and more witty. But I really don`t mind the absurdity angle your writings usually take. You seem to enjoy it a lot and so do most of your readers. Thank you for the reply.

nice..
i am waiting for more perdictions :)

nadeem:

aap ne tau apne aap ko `baaghiraja` ka title diya hai, par zamaney main aur bhi baaghi hain aap ke siwa. aur agitation tau humara zindagani paisha hai, agar aap ne ghaur nahin farmaya tau. . . :D

as for the lack of rise being the real culprit, goodness, so it is true. sex is the answer to all the problems in the world!!!

n~

#1
~particularly liked, nos. 5, 8 &10. the `rise` of osama at the sight of hijabless women. LOL~

Or maybe the lack of it (`rise`) was the real culprit?

#2
~Good stuff. I wanted more.~

Actually, so did I.

#3
NFP my man,
~You should be certified. Enjoyed these very much. ~

Thank you, Ras. I have been ``certified`` a lot of times before. But never so nicely. ``Insanity`` does have its rewards. ;)

#4
~NFP - good job ! Here is one from me:
The unhappy abandoned one will die of grief,
His conqueress will celebrate the hecatomb:
Pristine law, free edict drawn up,
The wall and the Prince falls on the seventh day.
Translation: Field Marshal Musharraf will be impaled on a pakistani long range missile named Cowboy II in South Waziristan in the year 2007. ~

Yes, I guess this is (and/or will?) be the only way he finally loses his uniform?

#5
~And are you sure Nosydamanus is just having a bad LSD trip in 8?~

Actually, I believe he is having a trip in 2,3,4,5,6,7,9 & 10 as well. Lucky b*stard.

#6
~ Dhamka Paracha! That`s what you should be called, dude. ~

That should have been DhamAka, I presume? And sorry for asking this so loudly.

#7
~Nice, nice, nice. Was wondering where you had escaped. ~

Yeh na thi hamari kismat. And anyways, my escape routes are usually rather damaging to the mind and the soul...as you might have already noticed.

#12
~This looks influenced by the Maddox style heavily only with a local tinge to it.
Maddox is way better though. ~

Maddox, who? Chalo, at least my ``local tinge`` is better than his.

#13
~Pathetic to see the pakistanis poking fun at the great greek futurologist while ignoring their own great futurologist, Zulfi Bhutto.~

Nosydamnanus was Pakistani, not Greek. However, ZAB was (Greek). So kindly improve your Latin before uttering unfactual gibbrish.
PS: I on the other hand am Vulcan ( in case you`re interested in a lesson or two in logic.)

#14
~people think of you as a havenot who has nothing better to do than to write this anarchistic preludes. ~

They are right. After all, what have havenots not to have it to loose?
However, if I really am a havenot, the following is what I`d love to have: A lot more anarchic havenots writing ``anarchistic preludes.`` :)

#15
~In Graffiti Christ Nadeem promoted himself with dirty language(Badnaam huuay toW kiiya naam na huua syndrome e.g get noticed via specific style.) ~

Hum badnaam tho aisey bhi hain, waisay bhi sahi. But thank you for noticing me.

#19
~Do we forsee another vintage NFP prediction?~

Are we talking about predictions or wine?

#20
~I`ve so far enjoyed most of your writings on chowk, however, this one I enjoyed the best because it did not have all that biting, bitter sarcasm and sardonism that usually plagues your writings. ~

It didn`t? Shit.


#21
~i for one (oh my gawd, did i just admit to being a nfp fan? may the heavens strike me down now!!!!) would not hate you for saying that. ~

nooralain, FANning agaitation again, aye? Nice.


regds,
NfP

feedback:

i for one (oh my gawd, did i just admit to being a nfp fan? may the heavens strike me down now!!!!) would not hate you for saying that. there are others, including the powers-that-be at chowk who might agree with you.

biting `bitter` sarcasm (either i missed it all together, or i missed it because i feel the same way) may appear as counter-productive in satire, or anywhere for that matter, but when there is plenty going on around you that makes you angry because of how it affects the world around you, it is really difficult to couch what you write with amusing witticisms.
again jonathan swift`s `a modest proposal` is no less sarcastic, and that is still considered to be one of the best and most well-known pieces of satire in the english language.

not that i`m trying to change your preference or anything like that. just to offer an opinion that there is room for what you feel plagues his writings. : )

MY GRANDPA`s DAD READ A PROPHECY ON THE WALLS OF SENCFERU PYRAMINDS IN EGYPT IN 1812. I THINK THIS PROPHECY IS NOW IN MAKING IN PAKISTAN.

``FOR THE LONG WINDS THAT BLOW THROUGH THE TUNNELS OF DARKNESS AND FLASH THAT WOULD DARKEN THE SOUL OF KNIGHT. 11 VIRGINS WOULD BE SACRIFICED TO BRING PUBERTY TO THE FLOWER``

TRANSLATION:
The dictator/warrior of the country would have gas problem in his stomach and he would not be able to eat anything due to his fragile rectum. He would make news all around the globe after the flash. The subjects would enjoy 11 years of Democratic Virginity (no democracy) and then finally the country will get democracy.

CONCLUSION
Zia Ul Haq has gas problems in his stomach plus he died in air accident. So air is in both things. Plus he ruled 11 years in Pakistan and then later he died and democracy was restored.

phew .................!!!!

A ripper, NFP. But this could have gone on a bit more. I think it`s too short. Do we forsee another vintage NFP prediction?

Finally, an atricle by you that is less sarcastic and more witty. Paracha Saheb, even though I`ve so far enjoyed most of your writings on chowk, however, this one I enjoyed the best because it did not have all that biting, bitter sarcasm and sardonism that usually plagues your writings. I`m sure most of your fans would hate me for saying this.

#13 by jay on April 30, 2004 9:58pm PT

Now what kind of trip is this guy having?

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jay #13

are we actually poking fun at nostradamus, or ourselves?

unfortunately, try as some of us might, we `pathetic` pakistanis cannot ignore zulfi kulfi. you on the other hand, with little effort. . .i think we can manage. but in the meantime, please expand your name-calling vocabulary. calling all pakistanis pathetic is getting just a wee bit stale on your part. the whole world would be grateful to ye.

Pathetic to see the pakistanis poking fun at the great greek futurologist while ignoring their own great futurologist, Zulfi Bhutto.
He said that pakistanis will eat grass to have the bomb, and today his promis has come true, 35 percent of pakistanis now realise the greatness of bhutto.

Well Well Well Mr NFP you again prove that you have a way with the words. I have been a great admirar of your litarary swashbuckling style but I think you are loosing your touch or I think it is the deafness of the society that is falling hard on you. You are nausiatingly sharp and your scalpel ( I mean your Pen) has been shadow boxng for a long time but its blade is not cutting down the blinds of Capitalistic and mercantile debauchery which has fallen on the eyes of our youth, people think of you as a havenot who has nothing better to do than to write this anarchistic preludes. Just a note I met you once in Pakistan with my friend, late SAHIBZADA BABAR KHAN (lead singer of THE TRIP)

Do you guys read `The Best Page In The Universe`?(www.maddox.xmission.com)
This looks influenced by the Maddox style heavily only with a local tinge to it.
Maddox is way better though.

hmmm. . .first of all acid trips are overrated.

secondly, #8 is attributed here to gul sahib, but on the quraishi board where it actually belongs, is attributed to someone else. what kind of trip is that?

thirdly, i think i get it. NFP admirers never fail to project their own trips, LSD or otherwise on to NFP! so to put oneself in the mind of one who wanders into the R of K for endless days and nights perhaps without much sustenance ( a whole different trip) can only occur on an acid trip. hmmmm.

Ref #8: ??????????. Ijaz Saheb, wrong place, sir. Or are you trying to be cryptic too? Nosy should know. That would be NFP on LSD, of course.

chowk flubs again: ijaz gul`s post belongs to the omar quraishi board. ye manual errors hotay hain ya automaton ke?!?

and what`s in a name? nosydamunus = no see damn us.

???!!!

veeresh#25: ``Which is sad, and which is what makes me toughy.``

A slip or simply a freudian slip here veeresh. ``toughy`` and ``touchy`` are pretty iterchangeable here but convey different meanings, yet they also convey your feelings (in this instance) without any loss! Wonderful. Simply wonderful.

Agree :Think Omar Sir, seems to have missed the point with his article and the subsequent responses indicate this. I guess this gush peice has a place in a style magazine (think it appeared there first) where most of the work is done by PRs for you (you just addd your by-line with a few edits). You could have done better for. I guess its the sign of the times!

Dhamka Paracha! That`s what you should be called, dude. This was that typically hilarious and bizzare NFP piece. Loved it all.

Nice, nice, nice. Was wondering where you had escaped. You never cease to amaze, Nadeem. This was a real LOL. Agree with Zulu, though. More wanted.

Nadeem Paracha:

This was cryptically amusing. Just wondering: Is Makhdoom Amin Fahim, the one who will shave Zardari`s head, related to John Bobbitt?

And are you sure Nosydamanus is just having a bad LSD trip in 8?
“Aright, fly duh Beelzebub hub net waft achtung!”

Isn`t it possible that Nosy foresees a new religious cult where men look down, and upon finding nothing -- ``The fly, duh??`` -- declare to the gathered crowds, ``Stride forth and cyber...tis the only truth``?

Best,
Farzana

NFP - good job ! Here is one from me:

The unhappy abandoned one will die of grief,
His conqueress will celebrate the hecatomb:
Pristine law, free edict drawn up,
The wall and the Prince falls on the seventh day.

Translation: Field Marshal Musharraf will be impaled on a pakistani long range missile named Cowboy II in South Waziristan in the year 2007.

Zain Malik

NFP my man,

You should be certified.....

Enjoyed these very much.


Ras

Good stuff.

I wanted more.

;-)

nadeem,

wouldn`t this have been even madder had you not gifted us with the translations?!
this was hilarious. and good for this site where we aren`t to take each other so seriously!!!

and how much different than the words of the prophets being written on the subway walls, and tenement halls : )

particularly liked, nos. 5, 8 &10. the `rise` of osama at the sight of hijabless women. LOL

looks like it made it afterall : ) (did it?)
n~