Pink Flowers

Revu,
Wow! Wonderful story ! would love to read more from you.

Lakshmi :))

Hi Revati,

Quite a good writing. But it has abruptly ended. Why I say is that, it appears to me as a part of true life of someone, unfinished.

Have I to decide, what should be next?

Kasi

Very lucid and descriptive details ....very appealing and effective....looks like as if I am watching the sisters from behind the curtain.....I LIKE THE STYLE....GOOD SHOT

Very lucid and descriptive details ....very appealing and effective....looks like as if I am watching the sisters from behind the curtain.....I LIKE THE STYLE....GOOD SHOT

Revathy,

I`ve read this a couple of times but needed the interacts below to help analyze it. Very nicely written.

Rahul,

Your reminder of ``show, dont tell`` was timely and relevant to all of us.

As to your other questions, I guess writers need to keep experimenting.

Saminsha #14 You talk wonderfully about the wonderful possibilities of this wonderful story.:-)
I did too, though at a more superficial level. Some questions come to mind.Jhumpa Lahiri has been criticised for writing very well planned stories; stories so perfect that they lose their beauty spontaneity. Something like the difference between a planned city like Chandigarh and old unplanned cities like say Lucknow.
And then there is Manto.He wrote mostly ``stream of consciouness`` type of stories with a frantic pace which grab you by the scruff of your neck and dont let go till the end .Manto is criticised for not caring for building any atmosphere or settings of place or environment in his stories.And he is one of the greatest of them all.
So, what does a young writer do? Should she follow her instinct or follow the rules(consciously,till they get imbibed into the style and come out unconsciously)?

Revathy, Rahul,

Its the tone, maybe. The narrator is very bright...and the tone in this piece is breathless-maybe a bit too rushed. Some things I long for in reading the piece:

1. more time/space to digest the different kinds of subplots taking place. Perhaps the subplots can be divided into pieces so that the reader understands that the narrative will move to another topic.

2. The narrator is clearly in between class and education-and there is a lot of profound material there. The critique of class that the narrator makes based on the physical proportions of her mother, brother, Didi, the Fat One is interesting, as is the references to her labor in keeping the Fat One`s lingerie clean and saris altered in secret. The jeans/westernization is a great opportunity to explore how the narrator felt in her mobility. What did jeans symbolize to her, if anything? How did she feel wearing them? (before she wore them in public)

What I really liked about the last passage was the narrator`s realization of what she had to do to ensure her family`s survival-Revathy, are you familliar with Regina in Ibsen`s Ghosts?

#12 malyck
good one :-)
(just kidding)

I dont know what makes you people crazy about this story .... I think its pathetic and illogical.

Why it is that when we want to portray someone bum or hated one .... we try to label them with fatty stuff. Why is it physical appearances count so much towards image creation? I think the grudge of Anandi (i suppose) towards guest auntie (whose named isnt even mentioned and just pasted fatoo fatso blah blah) is purely based on the fact that she is jealoused of her riches and money.

To me this is a hate story towards fat people especially if they are rich. She has proved to be a marxist and need some social revolution to spin the rich auntie and grab her riches. Greedy girl!


(just kidding ... its really nice & sweet .... I just wanted to waste your time whilst u read my post)

Interesting story but leaves one unsatisfied at the end. One would like to have had a greater peek into the `fat one`s` life. You give an inkling of her very unhappy life and the reader kind of expect to know a little more about it.

Is there more? Is `lihaf` next?

Rahul,

I read Lihaf quite a few years back but it flashed before my eyes somewhere in middle of story.

Revathy, Really Nice piece of writing but end seems somewhat abrupt. I think story was still building itself.

Tarun

I disagree, I think there is enough local colour :)
Maybe Didi said a pair of jeans?

Revathi,
Liked the story.A few quick points.You did manage to get into the psyche of the girl to a certain extent.But the language seems more of a mature person. Perhaps those are the pifalls of writing in a first person.
It would be good to have had more of these-
``They have cars and friends and they dress in smart-smart clothes and their hair is cut short and shines in the sunlight``
And less of this-
``Didi bought me a pair of jeans and a bright T-shirt from the bazaar, but when I wore it to school one day, everyone laughed at me and I could not help crying.``
Not even a high middle class convent educated kid would say ``a pair of jeans``.
One more thing.The local colour , which would have lended some authenticity to the narrative,is almost absent.There are the occasional aais and didis but tht is not enough. I know, that is one of the pitfalls of writing in english; subcontinental writing in English would have to evolve a language of its own. You could have thrown in some marathi gaalis, for instance.
It is ironical that some writers are criticised for using too much local colour in their writing.
If you are interested, read this fantastic discourse by Vikram Chandra.
http://www.bostonreview.net/BR25.1/chandra.html
Finally, its just me or was anybody else reminded of ``Lihaaf``?

I thought that was really good. I can`t help but wonder what happens next-myriad of possibilities. I can see you worked on this, it wasn`t just dashed off in a hurry. More power to you.

WOW - you really made this character real Revathy ... I love how Didi and Anandi seem to be the real family not Didi`s fat sister & Anandi`s family. Talk about girl-power-shakti !! I hope Anandi goes to the fancy college in some smart-smart clothes and does better than all the kids with the short shiny hair !! Great work, keep them coming!