I Have Heard That People Look At Her In Amazement

Lot of people are hard on Naqshbandi. But I believe Faraz poem is merely a repetitious exageration! It does not look deeply into feminine virtue, it rather verbosely cretes rhymes.

Asalamoalaiqum!

I don`t mean to be rude but this translation some how does not convey the depth of the initial Urdu ghazal. ofcourse, translating a gem of a piece by Ahmed Faraz is not easy. So, i don`t really blame you. :) Nevertheless a good attempt!

Anyhow, when reading it , i immediately recalled the tune of the ghazal..hmmmm... and that is not bad at all. :)

Kind Regards.

[#4 by echoboom on July 21, 2004 11:10am PT
* * *
tiger
* * *
errors. ]

Number of stanzas dont match. I think so either second stanza in English translation did not exist in Urdu original (and so it is Naqshbandi`s contribution) or he forgot to write down the stanza in Urdu. May be we can ask: if you were so hungry why did you eat my sher?

where is professor of literary genre when you need her?

As much as I admire this attempt, I would request Mr. Naqshbandi to review his understanding of the urdu-version first.

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[example:

sunaa hai chashm-e-tasavvur se dasht-e-imkaan me.n
palang zaave us kii kamar ke dekhate hai.n

I have heard in the Realm of Possibilities with Concept`s eye
The rope-bed looks at the angles made by her back, see! ]

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``Palang`` here is not hindi but farsi--which means tiger. `` the tigers weigh even the remote possibilities if they could ever have a waist like hers`` ( my hasty paraphrase)

The whole poem has such errors.


I was hesitant to do this, but in the wider interest of the readers I felt it was important. Mr. Naqshbandi`s magnaninmous disposition would understand.

Translating a beautiful poem is difficult, its just like data lost ...
but I found these verses are flavouring same as in Urdu:

-I have heard her body is so beautifully sculpted
That flowers cut up their cloaks and see!

-She is tall like a cypress but not without hope`s roses!
For on that tree buds of fruit we do see!

Naqshbandi sahib

This translation is too literal, therefore it is too dry and does not convey the spirit. For example, ``I have heard....`` could simply be replaced with ``Heard....`` and the translation ``her delicate eye is a customer of pain`` for ``dard kii gaahak hai chashm-e-naazuk us kii`` is too literal. Instead of ``Customer`` the proper translation would have been ``Patron of pain`` or better yet ``Prospector of pain`` would have been in sync with the meaning of the one couplet before that.

Enjoyable translation. Thanks Naqsh Sahib.