In Condom Country

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Farzana:

Now, this is what I consider a constructive critique. Some of your itemized observations highlight the gender related issues. This goes back to your point on the pattern of growth and learning in both men & women.

Coincidentally, I am working on a project that revolves around Genital Herpes (GH) – one of the most common STDs in this part of the world. It`s a scary world out there if you take it on its face value. I completely agree that awareness ought to exist. Often times, women are more on the ignorant side.

In my opinion, the following needs to take place:

a) Men (irresponsible ones) need to acquire the sense of responsibility. In order to do that, they need to look into either the Reader`s Digest Guide to Female Anatomy or consult an educational site on women - ivillage.com (provided they are computer savvy). Relying on pornography or one night stands ain`t the right way of either getting educated or acquiring decent understanding.

b) Women need to be cognizant of their bodies and take equal responsibility for any unplanned and for that matter planned pregnancy. They need to protect their physical well being. They also need to be vocal and assertive when it comes to defining the rules of the game. Well, it does not hurt to be aggressive if that`s what the situation demands.

The South Asian Culture in general likes to create gender gaps by highlighting one-sided roles and responsibilities. Another example will be around the subject of love-marriage. Often times the traditional guy`s mother considers the gal, a churail who trapped her son (Specially if she did not approve of the gal). It never occurs to the mother that her son ain`t a victim in that union; he shares an equal responsibility in falling for the churail. Similarly, when it comes to any STD related disease or pregnancy related issue, both men and women ought to be held equally accountable. Well, the term ``equal`` has a very different significance in different cultures. It may be considered non-existant in one environment whereas in others it may serve as the very basis of a relationship.

farzana - be honest. did you get the idea to write about condoms after reading my ilog?

here is a true story. a young indian couple i know went to india and brought back close to 1000 condoms. I asked the guy the reason for this bulk quantity. He said that the condoms in india are cheaper. A year later and they were still using it. And then one day he told me that he threw the rest out. Upon my persistent inquiries he told me that apparently the shelf life of condoms is not too long. Increasingly he was finding that condoms were getting punctured during use.

the same american quarter/Indian 50 paisa trick will not work for nikki when kaura is after him.

The use of contraception is not only a vital public health issue, but one that should be discussed without any hesitation, at least in educated circles that is. Therefore, I applaud the efforts of the author to highlight the issues and perceptions associated with this topic and the use of condom`s in particular.

In Iran, an effective, religiously mandated contraception initiative with free services subsidized by the government has led to a control in that country`s mushrooming birth rate. The western media selectively decides to hide the achievements of its enemies and highlights their fallicies.

However, I would argue that safe sex should not be the answer to all of man`s woes. We must advocate lawful sexual activity and to some degree disdain the apathy taken by some if not all towards unlawful sexual activity. Sexual feelings are only natural, just look at the example of Hazrat Yousuf. His story shows how one`s will power can over come such desires.

Getting laid is not difficult, most of my friends have been there done that, but I say to myself where`s the challenge, the struggle, the courage. Saying no 2 a cute girl or handsome guy for that matter (if you`re a girl) is the real challenge. No its not easy, but if you`re strong enough to control yourself, I believe you can utilize this self-restraint in many other areas as well.

I support the theory of early marriages along with family support in that it frees a person from entertaining matters of love during a period of time in one`s life where education is predominant and intense. The notion that we should first get an MD degree, and be well established with 2 beemers parked on our driveway before a girl`s family can even consider marriage is totally blashphemous and hinges on insanity. In essence, these people are not marrying the person, but rather what the person possess.

Shabber

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``Or has the world changed?``

Little Johnny to Little Paul: Hey Paul, I found a condom in the verandah!
Little Paul: What is a verandah?

It is interesting to learn about condom usage in India. Put it on or not!

This article would have been even more interesting if the writer had expanded on her concept of “safe sex”.

“No wonder that 75 per cent of the sexually-active Indians who should be using condoms for safe sex are instead putting it to other use.”

I find it amazing that 75% of Indian should be using condoms.
For centuries the same 75% never used condoms and all of a sudden they need to wear condoms. I think this argument comes from the author’s narrow elucidation of the safe sex. In India, most or rather overwhelming numbers of the 75% are having sex within their marriages. Most of the Indians, by customs or by socio-religious environments, never have sex outside of their marriage.
A very small percentage, in some sections of the society, may have sex outside of the marriage but a majority of the 75% never does. If a couple is having sex within their marriage and most likely never had sex before the marriage, likelihood of infection via sex goes down considerably. Hence, the concept of mass distribution of protection ends up in polishing zari gota like the author aptly described.

If the concept of Safe sex is to ensure that husbands and wives don’t just keep on reproducing for 2 minutes of fun then the distribution of condoms makes sense.

Is condom the only form of birth control? Clearly not, pills, snip, and knowing when to have sex also helps out. That knowledge along with condom should be distributed.

I have known a Catholic community in suburban Wash, DC; Gaithersburg to be more precise, that opposed any kind of artificial way of birth control. Yet they educated members on when to have sex to ensure that no reproduction takes place. This community abhorred any sex outside of marriage. On a personal note, I attended their church often as I was seeing somebody then who had relations in the community. I never had interaction with such a large group of adult white virgins and that was a pleasant surprise.

It is not uncommon for guys, who do lots of bar hopping or frequent pickup joints to carry protection in their wallet. For one night stand, it is better to be safe than sorry. What about when you are in a steady date situation? There are still lots of unprotected sex going on between couples that are dating.
99% of the sexually active girls have some kind of protection from unwanted pregnancy. Normally couples that are involved in unprotected sex, have known each other for sometime and have discussed the infection aspect of the sex.

It was fashionable in the 80s for young girls to have babies. Though the infection was not a major factor then but smart guys knew they could be tricked into kid support and often would avoid getting into those situation.
While discussing safe sex, we may also have to keep in mind that a good majority of infections don’t come from sex. There are several other reasons. In Indian context, the author may be on the right track.

It is not a bad idea to sex up condoms for sex!

unfortunately people learn to use condoms the hard way, but at that point it is usually too late...the indian govt needs to stop worrying about offending people and start advertising about the 1001 STDs to scare the fcuk out of people...

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Jeez Farzana,

I`m sure you`re a lovely person but I`d hate to make you a meal. You`d end up dissecting the evolutionary processes working behind the round shape of a frozen pea. Way too much dissection, girl.

`Due to the delicate nature of a woman’s psychology and hormonal mood swings, the onus of safe sex does lie with the men`

I can smell something…Cake? Coffee? Tuna...No, BULLSHIT! Come, on, you can’t have your cake and eat it. Being an equal means you take on equal responsibilities. Magar Vaisey, you have to be a very sick person to have an STD such as AIDS and have unprotected sex with someone. We had a few cases here in London.

But thanks for the chuckle.

Umer M.

Farzana,

We don`t think that deep, a condom is just that, a condom. Atleast I don`t think of it as an enemy that prohibits me from sowing my seed in unexplored fields, I just think of it as something that helps me get laid.

Regards,
Irfan.

Women need to insist ``no condom no sex``

good effort.

you are gifted of making a cloth out of a lint. enjoyed reading it but frankly, could get the message of the whole effort.

and who has stopped women from seeking animals in themselves. the society taboo thing is at times overbeaten, i feel.

Thanks Farzana.

I think one more use for the condom was/is to give yung men about to embark on the journey of life to acquire decent speaking and debating skills, with chemist shops as podiums to practice on.

I think most men, (and quite a few women too?) will have fairly interesting tales on the art of purchasing condoms.

Or has the world changed?