Ecstasy

Asif Sahab:

Tranlation of a poem in Urdu into a poem REQUIES:
1/ Mastery of both languages.
2/ Translation of the imagery not words.

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The feeling starts taking over me & slowly takes control. My body quivers in its wake. It`s spreading throughout my body...it`s making my body ache with the sensation. Every part of me is alive to the touch. Every part of me is sensitive. My eyes close in rapture and a small moan of guilty pleasure escapes my lips.

My body starts moving...slowly...moving.....to the beat of its own rhythm. I too move with the rhythm. I cannot stop.....moving..... no matter how much i try....so I give up trying. My ears...they have gotten sensitive....So sensitive....I can hear everything. I can even hear the drums beating in the wild African jungles and the drums...they`re calling out to me....the beat...It`s loud....It`s fast. It`s pulsating...it`s pulsating through me....

The drums beat faster and my head thrusts back. My body cannot take the beat. It threatens me. It threatens to wash all over me. It wants to hear my screams, to thrash....against the rhythm, to try and ....make it stop...challenging me and it laughs at my inability to make it stop. I cannot make the beat stop....I gasp ... i want to scream but nothing comes out....and the pounding..... It`s pounding on my body.....on & on........my mind is screaming stoppppp!!!..........let it stop......make it stop......yet the beat goes....faster......faster......my mind is whirling....the beat...there is only the beat....the beat...and then....the rhythm crashes....... i am lifted.......i fly..........i can`t breathe...i can`t breathe...i`m screaming...............

apologies to those who cannot stomach the mention of God (Allah) in the translation but what am I to do it is there in the original. Perhaps hamidm, you can write to Ms. Shakir and ask her to change it eh? (Yes I know she died a while back)

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As for the sensible comments, thanks for the feedback; it is very dangerous to attempt to translate poetry especially when the languages are as different as urdu and english; nadia I agree that `scarf` is not an adequate translation for `aanchal` but the literal mearning--`the corner of a dupatta` is too wordy! Veil sounded wrong in the context of the poem...any suggestions? I agree with your other criticisms too...

nasah:

Hum tujhay wali samajhtay jo na baadakhaar hota! (To which Bahadur Shah ZAfar allegedly replied, `tab bhii na samajhtay`)

Actually the Urdu poem was very erotic and I tried to convey that in English too but I don`t think I succeeded...

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nice!
[Random Thoughts]
But I am thinking translation of some words are not possible. Because there doesn`t such thing exists in the other culture.
Take the example of Scarf in the first misra seems not going as appears in urdu--Anchal.

The glimmer of the red scarf corner in the soft green light.

-sabz maddham roshanii me.n surKh aa.Nchal kii dhanak

Anchal gives a very liberal meaning of a decorer, stylish and relaxing piece of garment.
Unlike Scarf that portrays a meaning of Hijab, Cover, Comfort and very religious. :]

So the customs attached to that object in one culture are also alien in other culture. Carrying out the same translation:

Creases on the dress, the scarf`s corner also tilted

This doesnot show the meanings as exposed:

-silvaTe.n malabuus par aa.Nchal bhii kuchh Dhalakaa huaa

nicely done!

yeh masaelay tussawoof yeh tera beyaan Asif.....:-)

maulana Sufi sahib -- Ecstasy ka turjuma Xstasy meiN bhool gaye keya?

alhumdolillaah....... Khoda se roohani muhabbut ka izhaar kiss khoobsoorati aur khoobseerati se adaa kiya aap ne..... mashallah...subhanallah.....

It was a good try, however, I do not think we can translate poetry from Urdu to English.

i agree with hamidm`s take..
the last couplet made the whole poem sound like an exercise in surrealism.. or some yet-to-be-discovered God-fetish (or was it called Ishq-e-Haqeeqi.. err.?)...

poor ms shakir !

........don`t you hate it when god interrupts foreplay?

what is next ?........ divine coitus interruptus???