Premala ka Pyar

Re: # 4
Hi..
well firstly i would like to say you have expressed the feelings & reactions of almost like 40% or more of the women in our world .. the onces who know that they are being cheated but still stay with the man whom she got married to. I guess its very natural to stay quiet & pretend nothing wrong is happening. But since i myself have faced something like this in my past i would say being quiet about all this is only good when you think about keeping the relationship but it kills you from inside. Loving a person at times infact most of the times means letting go of any mistake that person has done. But tell me till when ..?? Beacuse there will be a time in your life when you will lose control over your tears & anger then what..??

Irfan:

With due respect, I did not come across the scenarios described by you. I guess I started getting a headache reading about the yards of Sari and the emotional tussle the character was going through. Thank you for connecting the dots.

Lastly, I am sorry to disappoint you with my insanity. I never claimed to be the saner being :)
(hint)

ZahraJ,

It`s written in the story that the husband borrowed money to buy his wife saris after each incidence of infidelity, they have a floor made of concrete, and a small window with iron bars on it. What more do you need? A bank statement and the past 3 pay slips of the husband to categorize their financial bracket? On a side note, I always regarded you as one of the saner heads on chowk, this nitpicking attitude of yours doesn`t make Madeha or the piece look bad (hint).

[I imagine the financial status of this couple to be lower middleclass and the woman to be uneducated and helpless.]

I think I read someone else making this assumption as well. I am not sure how anyone can come to that conclusion. There are many financially secure couples who live in unhappy marriages. I am not sure how any reader could come to that conclusion. Was there a secret code in this fictional piece that gave a clue to some and left the rest out ?

[As if the dynamics of husband and wife weren`t enough, the in-laws tend to add their own flavor to the mix.]

Madeeha: That`s why the whole concept of joint family system is a complete rubbish and a big no no.

Madeha Chaudry,

Thanks for the story. It reflects the inner psychological conflict of love-(no)love the woman goes through as she is conscious of her husband`s treachery. I imagine the financial status of this couple to be lower middleclass and the woman to be uneducated and helpless. Considering that little would society aid such a woman even if she asks for a divorce, she has no choice as a human sanely surviving the allies of a long/hard life but no compromise and face the cruelty on her husband`s part without her emotions or just reason.

It also reminded me of a scene I witnessed once: A donkey cart owner in Faisalabad, Pakistan transporting some cargo somewhere. He was stuck by the side of a drain as he attempted to turn and share the road that was crowded with cars. No car would give him way to cross and make way for him to be on his way. It was also a jam with even car drivers having trouble finding a way as the other road parrallel to this one was blocked due to construction work. He had been there for atleast 45 minutes. When the car I was in crossed him, I saw his face. I did not see any emotion on his face, only indifference. I saw the emaciating face of a man devoid of the capacity to hope or dream of making the impossible possible. I saw helplnessness as he silently seemed to have repeated gasped, ``What can I do?``

Peace!

Waraich: I`m glad you enjoyed the story. I agree that humans do things for many different reasons, many of which we ourselves don`t understand-let alone a third party. It is quite possible that the husband in this story may be perfectly content with Premala, but still seeks something more. Or, because of societal restraints, he loves someone else and would like to leave Premala but really can`t. Instead of delving into why he decides to seek fulfillment outside his marriage, the story focuses more on Premala`s internal turmoil with this infidelity and the development of her relationship and how she ultimately comes to ``terms`` with it and her unfettered love for him.

ZahraJ: I`m sorry to hear about your friend`s sister. I hope things balance out in the end. There are just so many horror stories out there, especially in our culture concerning post-marital complexities. As if the dynamics of husband and wife weren`t enough, the in-laws tend to add their own flavor to the mix. Sometimes even people who love each other, tend to behave differently in light of other factors in the mix. Also, it is possible to love more than one person even. Also, is it possible to love someone who in turn loves someone else? Maybe.

A well written concise story. We dont always have to go into the details of why her husband was cheating on her. As Madeeha said it is a complex relationship. Life is complex too. Maybe he`s a cad, maybe they drifted apart. She still loves him. Maybe he does too.

[It builds the story in the sense that we get a feel of her character (compare that earlier in her relationship, she cared for her looks much more, but now, she just walks around with a tight bun, knotty fingers, simple shalvar kameez). Also, by letting her hair out, its symbolic for a sort of defeat and contentment also with their relationship. His sleeping with his fingers entwined in her hair is supposed to tell us that they do love each other, even though there is that divide.]

Madeeha: This was real intense. Based on what you are telling me, your plot is quite well thought out metaphorically. But I am not sure if this story tells the reason behind the guy`s cheating. If they truly loved each other then this cheating stuff should not have kicked in - unless he is in a harmless relationship outside of marriage and due to the cultural close mindedness Prem`ala is misreading her husband`s leanings.

[All in all, its a portrayal of a complex relationship where the woman stands in the eye of the storm, really unable to see clearly, and make acute judgments, that we, standing outside of such a marriage are more clearly able to make.]

I heard the latter part of the above argument at least twice this week. In other words, people in a marital relationship lose all rationality and are taken over by emotions. One of my close friend`s sister is having some issues in her marriage due to a mad mother in-law who is uncouth, brazen and insecure. Ironically, the guy lacks a solid backbone and hasa difficult time to stand up for his wife. The young bride in this case is kind of scared of this horrible woman and does not know what to do. On hearing a little bit of her katha kahani, both my friend(her sister) and I reacted quite vehemently. We were told the same argument that you have laid out earlier. I agree with your astute observation that women are quite a miracle of God. Thanks to Allah Taala for that!

You would think that in today`s day and age, Adam and Eve, will be able to live happily ever after. But with every Adam there is a palanda of museebataen; not to say that the Eves are museebat-free. In 20/20 tonight, Laura Bush made a good point on paying more attention to young men and young boys to improve the society. Her comment was focused on the American Youth. Still, that comment is quite applicable to other parts of the world as well.

Madeha: Thank you for your clear cut response. Now, I can see what`s happening. Still, you did not let me know if it was ``Prem`ala`` or ``Pre-mala`` ? Please clarify.

Hi readers,
Thanks for reading this story.

Dl: I like the title too, however, after I submitted it that it would`ve been better as Premala ka Prem.

Amrita: Your criticism was very on point; I didn`t realize that I was letting some of my own reactions and thoughts seep into Premala`s mind. She is definitely a lower middle class woman, but she is still conscious of a lot of different aspecs of her life that don`t quite make sense to her. Primarily, why she is still with a man who is consistently cheating on her. Why they won`t talk about it. Why she still loves him. So, I think while she is a simple woman with simple values, a larger part of her is still more complex.

ZahraJ: My sister`s name is Zara too :) Mm...I had a hard time coming up with the woman`s name in the story. But, since she seems to embody a unique sort of love, the kind that withstands even infidelity in exchange for the smallest glimmer of affection for herself, I decided to name her Premala. I thought it was a sweet name. Yes, her husband is cheating on her, if you didn`t pick that up from the story. I thought I made it effectually clear without coming out and stating it in so many words. The story is supposed to just unravel her different emotions and her ultimate love for this man who betrays her and she loves him nonetheless. I used a lot of metaphoric language in this story, so the language about her letting her hair out is for starters, a visual effect. It builds the story in the sense that we get a feel of her character (compare that earlier in her relationship, she cared for her looks much more, but now, she just walks around with a tight bun, knotty fingers, simple shalvar kameez). Also, by letting her hair out, its symbolic for a sort of defeat and contentment also with their relationship. His sleeping with his fingers entwined in her hair is supposed to tell us that they do love each other, even though there is that divide. All in all, its a portrayal of a complex relationship where the woman stands in the eye of the storm, really unable to see clearly, and make acute judgments, that we, standing outside of such a marriage are more clearly able to make.

Please offer more thoughts, I love hearing about them! :)

I liked the title ... it reminded me of old world writing ... classic urdu literature ... primarily because of the name I think. Gracefully written .. a story for the sake of a story ... a day in the life of a million melancholy women ... in my limited experience education or lack thereof does not seem to be the principal determinant in the choices women make ... I enjoyed the story more than some of the other, er, more self-conscious writing on Chowk ...

Hey Madeha,

I liked what you were trying to do with this peice. It`s very in the moment. The only criticism I can offer is that there were moments when you seemed to lose sight of the psyche of the protagonist. Premala seems like a lower - lower middle class woman of middle years and limited means and yet there are moments when she seems to have an educated, almost urban consciousness. Not overtly so, just tiny bits of language that take away from her immediate sense of love and entrapment when she uses expressions and idioms that dont suit who she is in the story. For example when she thinks of taking a scalding hot shower or when she says she loves his quirkiness. Nitpicky things I know but ...

Anyhow, nice reading.

Madeha:

Premala? I got stuck at this name for some reason. How do you pronounce it? Pre-mala? or Prem-ala? Could not you find a sweeter name for this complexed piece? :)

This is the only piece of work I have read on Chowk this week. I know you have tried to weave both romance and suspense here. I am sorry but I completely missed the point. What`s happening here? Why was Prem`ala guilty? Why was she sad? Why did she release her tangled hair from the bun? Could not the story progress with her leaving them in a bun? Was she trying to seduce her own husband? If he was her husband and not an imaginary character then why did she need to seduce him? I thought it is already given.

[She watched his sleepy eyes during her own sleepless nights, ran her fingers over his, knowing that they had only recently caressed another woman’s body.

She would move close to him, so that her lips barely grazed his while he slept, careful not to wake him, knowing that they had only recently kissed another woman’s lips.]

So, was her husband cheating on her? Is this Premala Ka Pyar or her concerns and suspiscion?

Madeha: Please think of some pleasant and sweet topics next time. This was a little weird and had something missing. And, it seems that you really like Saris and the color - Saffron.