The “D” Word

baal,

Are you serious?

Begum Zahida KhhaliquzzamaN:

(when she was a minister of something-60`s)

reporter asked some questions

Begum.Zahida.K:(reply) Bahee meiN aaj kal bohut masroof rehtee hooN. Kyaa karrooN kabhee yahaaN meeting kabhee wahaaN meeting. hUr vaqt havaee jahaaZ meiN. Eik paaoN karachi peiN hai, tO eik Lahore meiN.

reporter: tO phir Bahavalpur valoaN kay tO aish aish aish hongay.

---

moral of the story:

Jinn kay paooN eik vaqt meiN dO jagaah hotay heiN vo BahavalpurioN ko aish karaatay jaiN.

Re : #115 Urstruly
It seems you still havent grasped Romair`s points. I think all he wants to do is for you to understand his point of view, and does not wish to impose it on you. You are free to believe whatever you want whether it be religious consensus or otherwise, as it is the burden of your soul. Our logic tells us one thing and yours another. But it doesnt mean that our divergent paths still dont lead to the same end. God is there for those to seek who desire Her.
May God be with you.

A quick one while at a stop light while driving:

If I look carefully (highest sensitivity & greatest equanimity), I design my life through my reactions. I remember the child whom I brought 16 years back from Manmouth county hospital. The bliss and smile on the face over the years started to lose. because of my own expectation for perfection which is the symptom of disease of wrong understanding that I am not ``Poorna``. This took away natural state of happiness and bliss (right thought at right time) from me and slowly from my family. I thought I was (probably still I am to an extent) working hard but its like I lost the standing on the 13 th floor and it did not matter how much hard and frantically moved my limbs in the air during this chase to the hard ground. That is why they say it`s all about your attitude, attidude and attitude. They ment where from your thoughts and action come. If they come from incompleteness and inadequacy. One will be in a plane of very small ``i`` (dnt know why they make it capita?l), strong feeling of otherness, distingushing of oneself by convent vs madarassa education and even professional career. All thiese things can be naturally achieved without weird sense of I or otherness.

Solution: Go back to the root. Be simple. Smile at the world and do not react to the sensation (perception) of the present unnecessarily. Humor and easy learnig disposition may help in building relationships where you react with bliss. One can do it any time and it`s never late. If we have to divorce, we have to divorce the wrong understanding of ``I am incomplete , my spouse is incomplete my kids are incomplete`` Kepp it in mind we ourselves are the cause of our perceptions of our spouse and relationships.

I hope it helps. Author is well imbibed with capabilities to succeed and achieve her conjugal bliss.

Re #117
Funny Romair, especially the mian jee thingie.
Mian can mean husband but in Punjabi it means Master or Lord, a title used by Kashmiris, Rajputs, Sikhs, and Arain`s. In NWFP, Mian is usually a title accorded to members of the Syed families or religious figures.

Zahra is right-there are too many horror stories to count. And they most often have these components: an educated, normal prof. woman stuck trying to assuage the ego and childishness of her very insecure (and oftentimes emotionally and physically abusive) husband. In the US, these tensions become even starker. It is really unbelievable what is happening in these marriages.

hamidm #114: ``romair mian,

..... so you are saying that when talking to members of the kkk you have to quote from mein kampf to convince them of their folly ? .......... and do you think communists were converted by showing them what marx really meant ?``

Yes!! Finally you are starting to see the light. Thank God! I have been working on you, longer than I have been working on Urstruly; albeit with much less success in your case. I though you were a gonner and we had lost you to the Evangelists. It`s good to see that there is still hope. Praise the Lord!!, as they say in your political party........

In any case, to convince someone of something, either you have to have the power to force the person to do something, or you have the ability to communicate in their language. For example, if one were to try to convince you that it is wrong for the USA to attack and kill other people, it would be pointless to try to show you pictures of the people being killed. Or surveys of how much they don`t like being attacked. Since you are convinced that the USA`s farts don`t smell and Bush`s sh//t doesn`t stink.

What would, (or may), work, would be to show you how the USA`s attacks would raise your taxes due to the large spending spree they require. Or would harm your Social Security in 15(?) years. Or that it would be the religious right into power in the USA (sorry, wrong example. that one didn`t work). Or how the auto industry may go down the drain if the price of oil kept rising due to these attacks, with you losing your consulting job. Or beer may have to be taxed more (now that one has to work).

The later arguments might convince you and you may change your opinion. Even though the former would definitely not. However, the end result would be the same. You would (might) change your views.

Everyone has certain priorities and beliefs and personality quirks (including you and me). That is what differentiates us. Otherwise the world would consist of 6 billion hamidms or Urstrulys. Just screaming really loud in a shrill manner never convinces anyone. If that were the case, Urstruly, Naqshbandi etc. would be your murids by now. You scream at them about five times a day. Or you would be their murid, by now. Since they do the same. All it has resulted in is both of you hardening your stances, furthur..........

P.S. Why do you keep calling me, ``mian?`` I don`t mind it. It has a nice seductive appeal to it. But I thought that is a word reserved for husbands.

Im not Soysauce & I dont know Zahraj. 95 aint mine but 96 is.

Romair # 103

You make convincing arguments. Iam now inclined to think on your lines. But before I do that I would like to understand your method of interpretation of Qura`n, which you so vociferously promote. So here is the whole Chapter ``The Elephant`` in its entirety, posted below, could you please show me how you interpret it:

The Elephant, Chapter 105


105:1 Have you not considered how your Lord dealt with the possessors of the elephant?

105:2 Did He not cause their war to end in confusion,

105:3 And send down (to prey) upon them birds in flocks,

105:4 Casting against them stones of baked clay,

105:5 So He rendered them like straw eaten up?

Re:hamidm2#98

Hamid chacha, you are awesome!! Only you can characterize the absurd exchanges between Romair and Urstruly in such hilarious terms!! By the way, I am all for mother-in-law beheadings. I hope both the Quran and the Hadith sanctions that. Heck, I may even convert in that case :-)

ZahraJ

I do not want to communicate with nincompoop like you. Stay out of my way!!!!

romair mian,

..... so you are saying that when talking to members of the kkk you have to quote from mein kampf to convince them of their folly ? .......... and do you think communists were converted by showing them what marx really meant ?

The other issue deals with the lack of awareness on women`s basic rights. You may be brought up in a very loving and nurturing home but you do not know what lies ahead therefore you must educate yourself about your basic rights. No matter how financially independent a woman is and how successful she is in her professional endeavors, she cannot and should not take anything on its face value. Proper research is required to delve into a long-term relationship. Some people can be very shrewd and astute in making certain decisions of life whereas they are completely laid back and clueless in other areas. To give an example, one of my very competent cousins, a surgeon residing in the US, had all her focus towards her career and getting all the appropriate specializations but she did not perform her homework well enough to choose the right husband. She left it on her mother, which was way too bizarre.

Since this family was quite well to do therefore they paid a lot of attention to that aspect on the other side that also happened to be from the same professional lineage. The 1st few years or months were the most horrific months of her life and later on they were ready to move to their separate ways due to the feudal mindset of the guy (despite his education and residence in the US), but after a few serious chup`qal`ash(es) decided to get back together. There was 1 baby in the picture at first. After they got back, another one joined them. They are happily surviving as we hear from the grapevine. She is back at pursuing her specialty with full fervor and he, at nurturing the 2 babies and caring for his wife. In this scenario, despite the guy’s horrible behavior, she did not want to leave her husband. It was mainly due to the scheming in-laws whose long stays added fuel to the fire. In her case, she did not believe in leaving him and considering someone else who had better understanding of and sensitivity towards human beings - women in particular.

#105: Wow! How creative!

Blame the parents -- particularly the mothers

What else could you expect...? When you are taught to follow like sheep, and you internalize that value system, then it follows naturally that you`ll be led to the slaughter, like the sheep that you become.

Mothers ought to have better sense than to impart those sheep-like characteristics on to their daughters. Those same characteristics that made them miserable back in their own time. They discriminate between their girls and boys. The little prince Brat will not be disturbed from his TV screen while the girl will be expected to come and help the mother in setting up the dinner table.

All that this generation can do -- and OUGHT TO do -- is to bring up their own boys and girls differently and equitably.

Having said this, however, let me hasten to add that divorce is not what it is alleged to be. As one who has been up and down the aisle several time... I can assure you it can be a liberating experience. It can also become habbit-forming as I can personally testify.

...SR

why do pakistanis have to make an issue out of everything, whenever i hear my friends complain about their marriages i ask them to make a list of the positives vs. the negatives and make an informed decision after weighing these lists....... all it takes is some thought and a lot of courage