Am I Insane?

#79 by ZahraJ on March 5, 2005 10:31pm PT


No way Zahra! We were actually civil about the whole thing. After years of marriage, we realized that we were headed in different directions. We did some soul searching and felt that we did not love each other enough to stay in marriage. Still, it was a tough decision for both of us. Needless to say; we never had our families involved in the whole thing.
We are still friends and very good friends too.
let`s not talk about it any further. Thanks.

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#79 by ZahraJ on March 5, 2005 10:31pm PT
Zahra,

Okay my last post was a quick response. In this case, there seems to be lots egos involved. You got to read her story again and you will see that she was not ready to respect him and his family from the very beginning and that set off the whole thing. Now I think she wants to change that because she still thinks she loves him. I think she needs to try and save her marriage until she knows that it is over.

Casino etc. are lame stories. People go to these places for fun and if she was in good relations from the very begining, she could have gone with him too.

You people are all a bunch of nuts. Your brother says of his wife ``she will pack up and leave``, indicating his lack of commitment to marriage. As for your ``Syed`` family that wont marry outside their ``caste`` - with all due respect, you almost certainly had a liar among your ancestors (like virtually every ``Syed`` or ``Qureshi`` in Pakistan). And even if someone can demonstrate direct lieage to the prophet muhammed (which even fellows living in mecca cant prove anyway), so bloody what?

Surely your husband cant be worse than this dysfunctional family you were raised in. So you might as well enjoy it - the more nuts the merrier.

A useful link :

DearAbby

This appears a case of love at first sight and to hell with everything else. But more than anything, its a case of human relations with inate feelings of love, socialising, hate and group dominance.

Jawad was no stranger to you as his sister had been your bhabi long enough to mother two kids. Hence you all had the opportunity to know that family: it was not out of the blue marriage betweem a lib women and a socially backward family. This is a contradiction.

You mentioned your Syed lineage and the reservations of your parents, yet they brought a non Syed for their son, whose brother later married you, and as per you, accepted readily by the percieved reluctant parents. This is another paradox.

You married Jawad of your own like, but allowed the parents to make the final decision. What are you trying to do now? Ratify your feelings through this forum and not blame yourself.

Dear Lady, life is no bed of roses. It is a learning curve with no straight lines. If at all this is what is happening in reality than please pause and think and do not allow your rational thoughts to be biased by the views of us all, who do not even know you.

So take charge of your life. Do not complicate the drama by dragging on your bhabi, or depriving two kids of their mother/father.

Forever an optimist, a good hug and a tender kiss with a displayed caring attitude can work wonders. If we as a couple had to heed to the advise of gender campaigners, we would have been divorced a hundred times.As always, the hate transformed to love miraculously.

Wish you God`s Speed

Cheerios

Where, where, where the discussion is converging is a point of no return. And all senior chowkies with all due respect are enthusiastically engaged in the topic. Well if a person’s personal turmoil in life is published then there is no reason to scratch the details from every nick of word and define racism, bloodline etc. There may be thousands of couples in all other casts of IndoPak Subcontinent living similar unhappy lives with broken relations etc. And so many of them are prejudiced as well while making new relations to extent of ignorance. Examples are Qutab Shahi Malik Awans, Some Rajpoots, Yousuf Zais and many more…Though with passage of time and thinking process attitude dilution among the known family names and their lines are happening as well.
Being in a Syed family I have seen that parents are hesitant to marry their daughters to non-syeds, not because their blood line will be altered or things like that but if you observe then Shias are very staunch and their faith is very much different from sunnis right starting from Wazoo, Taharat, Namaz, Roza Timings, Khums and rituals associated to Haj. Okay many of people don’t go through these daily/ once in life time rituals. But what about 2.15 months of Moharram, Safar and 15 days of Rabi-ul-awal which they pass with distinct rituals. A person coming from that thing in mind from childhood can’t be compatible with other families “jaha.n iss ka tasawar bhi nahi hai…”
Okay now Gham to Dil mai.n hota hai. So even if you donot show or describe it out then the history of Islam which is told to shia kids are literally different from what sunnis are told. Chalo iss ko bhi chorr do…Islam ka bilkul hi nam mat lo…Then both sides if leave religion than ...”Kam Chal Sakta Hai”
And Syeds do marry Non Syeds and this is a bonafied fatwa of their religious leader “Imam Khomeni” that Syed/Non Syed can marry. And merely Syed are not proud of their Nisbat to Muhammad (P.B.U.H) but they are proud to know the truth of religion carried in centuries so as to a non Syed is on equal basis.
Anyways this is a baseless thing to say what is on right let time decide it… But God has pointed …”Inna ka Shainaka Howal Abtar” chahey woh Abou Jahal ho Ya Abou Lehab.
Aur Nishan chahey Ummat ho, Friendly Sahaba ho Ya Olad ho Maqsad Deen ko sath lay kar chalna hai agar Chaho tou…

Re: # 87

.... i think ms nadia makes a very valid point

Re:hamidm

I think Mrs. Hamidm is right about her intuition that this letter is a fake. Ms. Emma (if that is her real name) might have penned it with the right mix of sex, religion and relationships to push all the buttons of us chowkies. While we twist in the wind, she may be having a laugh at our expense. It is time for the author to show up and tell us her reactions to our reactions!!

sunday morning with toronto times

dear emma:

don`t blame you if your more confused than ever...so here is the low down:)

11 comments were for leaving your husband

2 for outright divorce

17 puts the onus on you to decide the next step

46 were comments on comments on comments (normal for chowk)

1 for getting even

8 too vague and confusing to place for me ( and the writers too)

1 suggested you get tested for HIV aids ( his amsterdam visits?)

1 asked you to lower your expectation (whatever it meant)

2 agreed with mrs. hamidm

and...drum roll please

one more person agreed with me: seek counselling


there you have it all thus fard...you`re welcome!

have a good sunday!

lve

t

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Umer,

*

#91 by UmerMurtaza on March 6, 2005 10:27am PT
Okay boys and goils,

``I admit it. It was me. I was just playing a trick on the adults and trying to work out how you guys would behave. It`s been an interesting experiment.``

Here goes my ambition to replace Ann Landers!
You are just jealous of my talent!

Okay everyone, Ill admit it, Im the real author of this sh1t.

I thought it would be fun to play with everyone after a long absense.

Lets go back to talking about kashmere now.

Come on Drumz,

You can do better than that. I know who you are. Get back to where you were a few minutes ago.

The fact is this: we all have this desire to be psychologists but the vast majority of us cannot go beyond our own experiences. Therefore, the advice we dispence with is one which we have experienced ourselves. So by posing this question and seeking `help` one get`s to know more about the historical/social makeup of the advice dispenser.

I thank you.
Umer M

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