Such Anais Journey!

being well-educated, well-travelled (and some of us have only been able to afford to travel more in our imaginations than beyond carved boundaries) and having a multi-cultural experience (one can do that without even leaving india or pakistan) is no guarantee of changing the boundaries of our hearts and minds. it is some of these very people who have wittingly or unwittingly sided with conservatives, fascists and dictators in the not-so-distant past, those who have achieved those three, that is.

anais nin was far from being a perfect woman. but again, she was more than a ``sexual deviant`` or a ``sick person``. about the biography that deirdre barr wrote of her (farzana, have you read that?), anais`s brother joaquin said to barr: ````Well, you`ve proven every terrible thing I`ve long suspected that my sister had done. But you wrote it in such a way that you still allow me to love her.`` (letter to deirdre barr as told in salon interview).

and there are those who still love her. as there are who don`t.

I have not reviewed the situation in detail but believe that except areas of low education women are not at any worse position than the deprived men are. As for the relationship between the genders it is the responsibility of both genders to be decent and accomodative to each other.
Excessive aggressiveness among the the women of the West is turning men off against the females of their country. Might as well because the World can afford a reduction in population.

Farzana

You must have also experienced. Contrary to my expectations, I find many of the Chowkies to be quite conservative with pre-fixated boundaries on their thoughts be they cultural, religious or social. This is a surprise because almost all are well educated, well travelled and have had a multi-cultural experience. And have the interest to come to a web site which throws up thought provoking ideas on different topics. While one could understand this mindset on the Pakistani side which has has had a more conservative historical and social experience, there are deeply conservative voices from the Indian side as well.

Anais wrote beautiful Erotica - mild and highly enjoyable and entertaining. It is not to be confused with vulgarity. It is a distinct genre of writing. It is difficult. It requires sensitivity and skill. It is NOT easy writing and is certainly not trash.

Your articles have similar shades of sensitivity, openess and freedom. But some of the audience is holed up in their own boundaries of thought. And find it difficult to fly out of those invisible barriers.

nhk

Only the weak and impressionable have role models. People have heroes but heroes change with the time until one becomes mature enough to look beyond the halo effects. All heroes are just regular human being with their own faults and weaknesses. But the tender hearts make them mystical, make them supermen or women and create legends out of people who really are/were not legend material at all.

“This is my small tribute to a woman who, along with my Nanima and mother, makes me love being a woman.”

Ms. Anais Nin was probably a good writer, might be an excellent writer, she was also a groupie or a hanger on for people like Henry Miller, Otto Rank, Gore Vidal, and Edmund Wilson in her younger days. She was not recognized as a literary figure until the 60s. Then all of a sudden, she was it. In 1940s, she was writing erotic stories for dollar a page. There is nothing wrong in writing erotic stories and there is no harm in being paid for them too. She was doing it on the side whenever she got time off her extra marital affairs with literary figures. Fact of the matter is that there is nothing wrong in having extramarital affairs. Why marriage should place restrictions on psychological and natural needs of a person? On the face of it, there was nothing wrong in her lifestyle. The truth is she lived a shallow life; the whole thing was a veneer to hide the psychological scars itched into her body like invincible tattoo. All her life she tried to show those tattoos and people thought she was expressing her womanhood and she was considered liberated.

Incest is an unpleasant fact. period. People who have suffered incest don’t wear it like a badge of honor nor do they go back and find their criminal relatives to repeat the act to make some hero out of the offender. Anais made a horrible choice of turing criminal behavior into a romantic escapade. This was not bravery, this was not revolutionary; this was not some exertion of a liberated woman. It was not even symbolic. The person doing it was looking for recognition. Only a sick person and a pervert would revisit the fire that burned her/him in the first place.
Anais Nin was a pervert, a sexual deviant and a narcissist. She may have suffered inexorably when she was a victim in her childhood. That may have made her use her sexuality for favors and recognition. She was never treated for her deviant behavior and she passed herself off in the society as a reasonably sane person. She was a sick person. A sick person can be an excellent writer but that person should never be a hero or a role model for any normal person who has some understanding of human behavior. Being in bigamous relationship is not something to be proud of; it is not some thing that makes you distinguishable; it shows that the person is in desperate need of recognition. No matter how many books she published, no matter how many dollars a page stories she wrote, her insatiable demand for recognition, recognition that was hers when her father was taking advantage of her, never diminished. She never grew up; she never came out of the cocoon because the society, she herself, and her other relatives never recognized that she was actually a sick person.
You can empathize with such a person. You admire their writings. You can appreciate their talent but identifying with such a person…

Selling is every thing. If you don’t make sales, you cannot feed millions of bodies. The sales and the marketing people carry enormous burden. They have to feed weirdo artists, crazy writers, and stupid painters. They have to design several ways to market products and often people become products too. Anything that helps the sales is good. Pervert behavior piques interest, it makes the sale. Look around even Michael Jackson has groupies and followers.


//…Somebody running after me with a Chabuk!

There are many otherways to celeberate womanhood. Here is one way
http://indiatogether.org/2003/feb/eco-lijpapad.htm
http://www.lijjat.com/Content.asp?id_Section=6

I cannot make head or tail of what this bibi says. May be it`s because I am not convent educated. But thank god for that! It did not matter since not able to read fast I could save myself from lot of junk, keep my originality..which was valued by my employer (a premier R&D lab) so much that they kept a tutor and writer for me for almost five years. I could keep spark in the eye and enthusism alive. Had I become yet another word-smith or POW (prisoner of word) I would have lost my job.

Please dont scratch at the opening, tell us more about this Vinashi None`s womb. How many kids did she have? How many others kids did she help? Who were her kids and how did she make them great. How dod she raised her kids. We do not need to learn from Parveen Babi how to keep marriage happy or from Shahajahan/Aurangzeb family values and respect for women. Those Tajmahals are feats of sweat and blood of very different people. Bottomline - dont read too much esp one which you cannot experience or have capability to put in practice. I like less read Gandhi who walked the talk.

These pill-orized Shurpankhas have free hands to scratch (khujali) at the opening because some other poor woman`s hands are cleaning their mess in their kitchen. Get back into kitchen and clean the mess. Sometimes wonder if all thir writing and speaking is actually the pill talking. They need to be hung on the nearest post by their breasts since there is no motherly milk in them.

Why doesnt chowkwala ban this mawaali girl. Anyway, a sane person should not visit this place ...it`s useless ..Sorry for angry burst and the English and voice2text

Dear Farzana:

I normally do not respond to responses to my interacts because (1) I feel lazy, and (2) if the responder has a stature like that of Farzana Versey, I am going to lose anyway, so why prolong the inevitable. However, in this case, I believe there is a genuine need for making an exception and putting up at least the appearance of a “fight”. Therefore, I submit the following for your consideration:

[There is no doubt that the abuse by her father “damaged” her, but sleeping with him later in life was not to prove a “weird” point.]
“Weird” is the word that came to my mind, I could not figure out what else to call it. Maybe I could call it “unusual”. Well, it is still the SAME act and it still STINKS!

[People who carry heavy baggage do not set out to prove anything; they travel where their bags take them.]
My opinion is that bags are supposed to accompany the traveler, not the other way around. I do have strong opinions regarding child abuse. Ideally, as we start the journey of life as children, fate would only load on us an amount we are designed to carry. Unfortunately, some children (through no fault of their own and usually due to exposure to an “evil” adult (my choice of word and I stand by it!)) get saddled by a lot more than that. As they grow older and realization sets in, the bags even feel heavier, especially for sensitive individuals. Yes, of course it is a tough situation - the question is what to DO about it? The way I look at it, a traveler could do one of two things (1) if the baggage is only deadweight, the traveler should dump it somewhere and go on without it, (2) if the contents of the baggage are so mixed-up with other valuables of life that without it the journey itself would be meaningless or impossible, then probably a good idea is to get some help in carrying it (keeping in mind that at some opportune time, it is still worthwhile to sort through the contents to keep only what is essential). Excess baggage can only hurt and hinder, for any journey, especially that of life.

[I am also of the belief that so-called ‘structured’ families are not necessarily not dysfunctional. Sexual politics is not relegated to ‘disturbed’ environments; people can lead unspeakably shallow lives beneath the tree called family values or put up with rubbish to retain ‘dignity’. ]
Yes, ANY family can be dysfunctional because successful functioning takes place on an individual level, for each member of the “structure”. Yes, what you describe in the second sentence also CAN happen. But if there is no structure to follow, then chances of dysfunction would be higher (this appears intuitive to me).

[[“All words are hot air, it is only the deeds which define what a person really is”.]
You say this of writers whose words you have access to. Often deeds is what a person writes about. If you appreciate what a person has said or written, do you try and find out whether they have ‘done’ something of what you deem some worth? I would be interested in knowing.]
I have a particular insight into the meaning and intent of the quotation you refer to, since it IS physically possible for me get into the head of that person (myself) who said it.
So, here is what it was intended to mean (in plain language): “Anais Nin - the abused child (an underdog) had no choice but to go along with what her “protectors” subjected her to. However, that child must never be confused with the woman of thirty who made a conscious, thought out, “adult” decision to hop into bed with her old man – no matter what her rationale. That woman of thirty had every right to talk about her ordeal as much as she wanted (so my choice of the word “hot air” may have been a poor choice, are you happy now?) but she must never be excused for committing the “deed” based on her own, conscious decision.” (It is important to read no more or no less in that “quotation” than what I wrote in “plain language”. Therefore, I believe the rest of your question does not belong here.)

[I do accept that men do have their moments of internal turmoil too, but regarding the instances I have mentioned, they get called mavericks, anarchists, rebels; you called Anais’ father a “fruitcake” and “cowardly predator”. You did not talk about his “warped” mind!]
Go ahead, choose your words! But shouldn’t we be talking about the fact that he committed an abominable crime rather than fight over the choice of words to describe his state of mind?

[[This article seems to have accomplished a minor miracle because it looks like it has the Chowkees stumped (which, at least until now, one would have thought of as a contradiction in terms).]
???]
When I first looked at your article, it appeared a whole day old, but had zero interacts – hence the term “stumped” as in “looks like the Chowkees have lost their voices”. (I now realize that the difference in time zone may have had something to do with it, and many otherwise perceptive Chowkees were in a different state of mind - ASLEEP.)

Repeating my earlier disclaimer, I did not (and still do not) know much about the lady - Anais Nin. In hindsight, I should have been more sensitive to the fact that you hold her in high esteem and chosen my words more carefully. I am really sorry about that and apologize profusely. I truly understand how it must have hurt, since there is nothing more painful as when somebody makes a conscious effort to drag down whom one holds in high esteem, no matter who the person that is doing the dragging! Still, life must go on.

I am sure there will be more for me to say at some later point.

Sincerely,
BeeJay.

Farzana,

nice article . I have never read anything on Anais but I surely will now as you have sparked my interest.
Also just want to say, I love being a woman!
Being a woman is not easy, enjoying your woman hood means enjoying and understanding your self .

A few quotes on being a WOMAN!!!

Leslie McIntyre quotes-

``Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, good mother, good looking, good tempered, well groomed and unaggressive``.

Clare Boothe Luce quotes (American playwright, legislator, and diplomat 1903-1987)

``Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, ``She doesn`t have what it takes``; They will say, ``Women don`t have what it takes``.


Enriqueta Longauex-Vasquez quotes,

``A woman who has no way of expressing herself and of realizing herself as a full human being has nothing else to turn to but the owning of material things``


Evita Peron quotes (Argentinian president. 1919-1952)

``I am my own woman.``

To all women, Love yourself and enjoy being a woman..........
sajal

FarzanaVersey
``DrDr:

[Not a particularly great writer but she got mileage from shocking the readers.]

That says a lot about the readers then, not about her. ``

Fair enuff. Id say it says something abt both the society & her. If shocking the readers was the main effect as opposed to a side effect, then writing only has a prurient value IMO.

FV

``In our subcontinent, large parts of it, women are illiterate, so forget a “Westoxicated education system”. Who is trying to implement the sort of social system you are talking about? What are the yardsticks of its failure or success?``

True. But those who are spearheading this ``victimhhod`` and those who have assumed themselves to be the leaders on the path to ``martyrdomm`` are Westoxicated, aren`t they. Let me give you an example. Tehmina Durrani, the writer of ``My Feudal Lord`` who is among the champions of womens ``movement for independence`` willingly became the twelveth wife of the feudal lord whom she despises so much. She wasn`t an ``illiterate woman of villageside``. No one could have forced her. It is only when she couldn`t manage to keep her household intact became the champion of women`s right. And the funny thing is while doing that she willingly chose to become the third wife of a politician.

We must ask this question from ourselves that ``if these women, these so called champions of liberation movement, these martyrs cannot keep their own house intact then how could they give a sane advice to other women?`` Every woman that I come across as the champion is almost certainly a failure at relationship with men. If they cannot convince one man, that is closer to them, of their ideology, then what good is that.

The yardstick of failure of a society in this respect is the way it treats its women. In a society where woman has a market value then it must have a shelf life as well. If it is a means of industrial production then it depreciates too. If a societal norm where man enjoys every bit of a woman but wouldnot stand by her to raise his seed is deplorable, then shouldn`t we must block all the avenues that lead to this eventuality. In West, in the name of freedom and equality what has woman earned - her lonliness and illegitimate children. Do we want to copy these societies. Should our women also pay that price?

Re: # 18
that`s a silly argument - men dont reserve abandonment for their illegitimate children. lots of married men walk off into the night to buy a ciggie and thats the last heard of them. treatment of women by a society is not dependent upon the freedom of the women, but upon the education of men and women.

and by education, i dont mean the kind you can get in a school but at home from your parents. as for victimhood - Tehmina Durrani is an easy target, sure. but there are about a thousand other women who did not have the choices she did and find their stories told through this ``Westoxicated`` woman who might have had all the choices in the world but lived their life. but they are not tehmina Durrani and so cant tell their story because no one is very interested in X Woman - of their broken homes among other things - and if we went by your yardstick then their stories would never come out.

as for the doomed relationships of these liberated women - maybe it is because they had to try and convince these men. the women i know who believe these liberated ideas and dont have to spend their time convincing men on the way they`d like to be treated, are very happily married and not a disaster at relationships.

Re: # 22

In general I agree with most of your post. But my real contention is the confrontational nature of this ``lib`` thing. Please explain to me why should I extend any favor to any one who is confrontaional with me. I think all lib-promoters are morbidly depressed and given up any hope in MANkind. This extremism is alarming and sickening.

Re: # 24
when you say confrontational libbers you are talking about those who are commonly called First Wave Feminists. They are confrontational because that is the only way they can get any attention paid to their problems. All that I know of Pakistan I know at second hand but I dont imagine they would be greeted with open arms if they showed up and said very politely, ``excuse me but I`d like to be an equal citizen too please`` any more than they would in India. Most probably they`d be patted on the head and told to run along and play or be yelled at and asked to go back and mind the chulha. So they get confrontational and garner a face and voice that cannot be easily ignored or forgotten.

(and women`s rights is not about the right not to cook or clean the house or taking a lover - its about far more than that.)

This is not limited to any one country but around the world. If you would like them to stop being confrontational then all you have to do is stop giving them an excuse to be confrontational. Nobody gets up in the morning and thinks, today i`d love to go fight with someone. or else there is something wrong with them. Most people (like confrontational feminists) are forced to fight because that is the only option open to them. If they`d been able to manage with a please and a thank you, they would have rather done it that way.

Re: # 25

``Confrontration`` is one thing and ``down-right`` hatered is another thing. I don`t see anything wrong with protesting and striving to get equitable status in society. Many if not most men stand up with those who strive. But what feminists portray about ALL men is a picture that of a monster and nothing less. Now all of us on this website belong to thrid world countries; now please tell me how many of us have seen their mothers and sisters being chained and receiving daily beatings. Has any one of us have a sister who has been burnt alive becuase of not bringing enough dowry. How many of us have relatives who prevent their women of receiving education or do not let them wear good clothing and share with them the affairs of the household. How many of the women on this website pee in their pants as they see their fathers and brothers enter the house. Do these men don`t count? These feminists who have microphone in their hand and those who can write have portrayed us as some kind of freaks and monsters who torture them and hold them captive. They portray ALL women as cattle who have absolutely no say in any matter. This is dividing people. Even though India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka and Pakistan have women as Prime Minister, sometimes more than one time - elected by MEN - if I might add; Even though women have rights of suffarage since 1935; Even though even today men die to save the honor of a woman; even though a country plunges into a civil war while restoring the honor of a woman the general view in West of us is that of mosnters with harems of women as sex slaves. Thanks to the hatered preached by the so called feminists. The women must ask themselves this question; Are these women who HATE every man doing a service to them or are they misguiding them to broken houses and society where woman has to become whore in the name of freedom; are they leading them to a society where it is preached that woman is more than a body thru vagina monologues; are they going to build a society where femninists demand in one breath that its the itelligence and not the woman`s body that should be evaluated and admired and yet they demand prostition to be decalred a pensionable skill and trade along with health care and other benefits? Are we going to follow them? Should we even listen to them?

Re: # 30, urstruly:
Hey, I can not believe it. I never thought that I could agree with you!!!! But is your question about the pensionability documentable?

Jawahara:

Thanks for the additional input regarding her commissioned erotic writing.

When I think of such writing, I look at it beyond its titillating aspect. You are right when you say, “Nin did not see erotica as a bad word and played with the genre most effectively.” For Anais, the body does not seem to be merely a sensual experience; it had to do with self-esteem and acceptance. Sure, others might get titillated (as they were with Arundhati Roy’s GOST), but I feel she was extending the parameters of her desires to reach out.
- - -
Samina:

Most certainly the different kinds of labour a woman performs would qualify as celebration of women, but such celebration is something she ‘does’. It empowers her, and in many ways it is value and price-based. Loving oneself does not necessarily follow and, worse, it is not seen as important enough. That is the reason I chose Anais.

Why did I say I love being a woman on March 8?
1. I have already said that among the other discussions, this ‘minor’ detail is left out.
2. I was just feeling good on that particular day. (I suppose that is the reason lovers reaffirm love on Valentine’s Day, and wedding anniversaries and birthdays are celebrated…love does not happen on one day, a marriage is an ongoing process and one is not ‘just born’….)

This is an open forum, so it is indeed your prerogative to register your response the way you deem fit.
- - -
Urstruly:

While you are entitled to your views on Anais, let us get a few things straight:

There are many women who when they speak about rights do not talk in terms of equality, but of justice and fairplay. Women’s Lib is not about being clones of men.

[The victimhood of women is thus self inflicted. It is a necessary baggage that comes as side effect of what echoboom calls as Westoxicated education system. We are trying to implement a social system upon us that has proven failed. Lets admit that what frustrates woman is her own sacrifice of her previliges in the name of equality.]

In our subcontinent, large parts of it, women are illiterate, so forget a “Westoxicated education system”. Who is trying to implement the sort of social system you are talking about? What are the yardsticks of its failure or success? Are you not confusing the genuine ‘victimhood’ with martyrdom? A victim is not her own creation. And I do not know of many women who wallow in their victimhood and feel martyred. (Joan of Arc is a male construct.)

What privileges are you talking about that women have to sacrifice to become liberated and therefore, according to you, frustrated? Do you believe that giving up on dependency is the sacrifice of a privilege?
- - -

DrDr:

[Not a particularly great writer but she got mileage from shocking the readers.]

That says a lot about the readers then, not about her.

I like the title too!

Nice title!
Anais Nin was like a female Larry Flynt. Not a particularly great writer but she got mileage from shocking the readers.