Somebody’s Done For

It reads like a personal ad for a girl looking to get married. Obviously a loaded girl, with servants and all, somewhat bookish yet still girlie enough to worry about her mommy’s lovely dress.

I`m glad that the book donation incident has reached out to many becuase we need to be sensitve to the needs of people spiralling down the suicide stairs. One of their last give-away signs is utter resignation to things they love.


shehlah:

perceptions!

i did a double take

yes sylvia plath figures prominently here...we know she left snacks/sandwiches with glass of milk for the kid/s? before that plunge...mother!...but...hints of suicidal tendencies never occured in my mind...

giving up on prized posessions does not automatically mean giving up on life...it could be a change in direction and priorities... albeit not that drastic...as i said in the beginning...perceptions

lve

t

I`m glad that the book donation incident has reached out to many becuase we need to be sensitve to the needs of people spiralling down the suicide stairs. One of their last give-away signs is utter resignation to things they love. Contrary to what we expect, insteading of ``willing`` their favourite items they simply just give them away before ending their lives. Anyways, its just too big a tell-tale sign for any of us ever to ignore.

Thanks again Rahul, Obeid and t.

Dried, withered leaves
Of Autumn do
Look crisp, life-full
Their aura
Intact
Ready to Wake up
Any moment

‘The woman is perfected.
Her dead
Body wears the smile of accomplishment.’

Really enjoyed the style of writing (which i now know is referred to as minimalism)
Initially it looks as if they are just random thoughts, and are quite normal for a child but in the end u realise they r leading to smth very dark.
Had to read the whole piece a couple of times to really appreciate the finer details and pick the small hints leading towards the ending.

``Today I donated all my favourite books to the school library. They did not even ask me why I was giving them away. ``

My fav. line. An open ended ending may have been better, but i think even i would have been tempted to put in a conclusion, to wrap up such a well built plot

Great work!!

shehlah, you are welcome and the pleasure is mine. I get you when you say how you could not ``not`` have given the ending. I somehow felt that your piece did not deserve a traditional ending, but then thats just a matter of personal preference. By the way,have you read The Ayn Rand play ``Night of January 16``, which climaxed in a murder trial and had two endings written for it? Members from the audience were selected as jury and the final scene was played out according to their decision.
Minimalism as not having any useless lines may be a quality to aspire for in literature in general and is one aspect.There is another; which is simplification of the theme to a basic premise and expression, clipping off of every incidental detail. Borges is one of the supreme examples. In my opinion, I hold Manto to be a minimalist. Other examples that come to my mind are Panchtantra ; or for that matter any fables.
Temporal, Thanks and I will look forward to your pieces.

shehlah:

Also, the inspiration for the style of writing was a minimilistic piece I had read once titled ``Fat``. No sentence in that story was unnecessary or repititive. Know anything about such styles of writing?

know exactly what you are saying:)...

a piece of prose with not one superfluous word is a tribute to poetry of the hightest order...have experimented once (bombing on chowk) and am experimenting with two short short works in prose again...at the moment am bouncing them off with two writer friends...you may see them here later...

rahul:

you read and express well:)

Re Rahul: Many thanks for the detailed explanation. Now I understand what you are saying. For my part, I included the ``dead end`` for that this is one thing the character had control over... her crowning glory time... the one thing she will actually manage to accomplish midst all her emotional troubles. In addition, I love ``stories`` that have have the proper plot-character-climax structure. The traditionalist in me could never have `not` given the ending! But I see what you are saying is equally exciting.

Also, the inspiration for the style of writing was a minimilistic piece I had read once titled ``Fat``. No sentence in that story was unnecessary or repititive. Know anything about such styles of writing?

shehlah, one generally likes a piece if one can identify with it. It is not necessary to have actually gone through what is being written, but it helps if one can imagine oneself in the place of the writer. Diary entries are mostly about the moment;hence their disjointedness is inherent. You were showing not telling,which made it easier for the reader to experience what you were feeling.
For example take this entry-
Today I donated all my favourite books to the school library. They did not even ask me why I was giving them away.
This is definitely more powerful than-
I am feeling lonely and miserable. I want to disown all my wordly possessions.
Also, the reader can project his or her feelings on the given situation;since you are not forcing anything.
Now coming to the last line-
I will look the same.
This is a ``dead end``(pun not intended).The reader gets a jolt.One cannot go anywhere from here. With such a definite end, one would glance through the whole piece again and try to reconcile each entry with the ending.Example is #4.But if the last line had not been present, every reader could have projected their own emotions to fill the gaps between the lines and it would have lingered more; almost like poetry. Just My two cents.

short and amazingly shocking.
though i sense a better writer in you (though im no one to judge, cause i aint much of a writer myself) im sure u can write more detailed accounts but do so at ur own will and when u see fit. a very good read. thanks!

Re Rahul: thanks. I will appreciate it if you can elaborate a little please. Thanks!

Shehlah, your style is powerful. I think it would have been far better if it would have been open ended and disjoint.

``Somebody`s Done For``
-o- There are times when someone right next to us falls through the cracks. And we don`t notice it. The signs are there. We read them with hindsight.

“Today I donated all my favourite books to the school library. They did not even ask me why I was giving them away.”

-o- We tend to tune out a person voicing a different thought. We ignore a perception that is at odds with our own.

What are these words, these words?
They are plopping like mud.
O god, how shall I ever clean the phone table?
They are pressing out of the many-holed earpiece, they are looking for a
listener.
Is he here?
(SP-Words heard, by accident, over the phone)


shehlah:

write more
here

lve

t

uncontrolable thoughts.

Dark. Chilling.