Lahore Street Scene

tahmed:

powerful subject matter...please pay a little more attention to words...they are a poet`s precious tools...and highest respect if not awe should be displayed when using them...even a little bit of carelessness magnifies a thousand fold...e.g. summers should be summer`s...re: punctation- either use them or don`t...avoid being selective ...also...if you do not mind...paste this tried dictum on your monitor...show! do not tell...the editorialising in the third stanza could have been done away entirely...as also the explanation in the end...trust your readers to find their own meanings in what you write:)

rgds

t

ps: would you mind if i use your words (and thoughts) to make this compact and perhaps more powerful as an exercise?

Lahore Street Scene

On a hot summer`s day
A barefoot child, carrying a load
Crosses the melting street

A blow of horn startles her
Terrified the child jumps
As the amused driver smiles

She walks on as before
With an expressionless face
Or did I see a pearly tear
Mocking life

tahmed, very nicely captured in straightforward poem. i am invariably upset at the parents who bring children into this world knowing very well how cruel it is and how much protection they need. it sounds un-pc but thats how i feel.